Karma's a Bitch
by Starsinger
Sequel to "Let Me Get This Straight", the Enterprise is on its way back to Earth from Starbase 12 when it receives an invitation to Risa. Jim gets talked into it by Carol, who's dreaming of some time alone with Jim, away from watching eyes. Unfortunately, Karma catches up with him. Same universe as "Admirals", so Pike is still alive. Don't own them.
Jim could resist anyone, well, on the Enterprise anyway. No one could resist Joanna McCoy. At least he thought he could. When he received an invitation to spend two days on Risa with an all-expenses paid hotel room, he resisted. Then they started coming in, begging for him to stop. Scotty had heard about the bars. McCoy wanted some real, planet made air. Uhura wanted some place romantic to spend with Spock. Chekov and Sulu wanted to go sight-seeing. Archer, Barnett and Pike all wanted out of their cabins longer than it took to walk Porthos. It was Carol, who wanted to spend some alone time with him, who finally convinced him. So, he accepted their invitation.
Jim promised Carol that he'd join her at the end of his shift, and she went down to prepare for his arrival. Jim left the bridge in M'Benga's capable hands and beamed down to the hotel. He was shown to the Cabana that had been set aside for him and entered. The lights were off as the room was filled with candlelight. The table was set with a dinner for two. The bed was strewn with roses. Jim swallowed, they hadn't quite gotten that far in their relationship, and it was obvious what Carol wanted. Especially as she stepped out of the darkness in a little black teddy. "Dinner's getting cold," she murmured as his eyes popped out of his head.
"You look…scrumptious," Jim said with a grin. She grinned back as they sat down to eat. They had started in on the chocolate dipped strawberries when Jim's communicator went off. He chose to ignore it. He should have known better. Carol came around the table to sit on his lap and fed him some of the strawberries. He closed his eyes as he chewed the morsel. She bent down to kiss him as his communicator went off again. Jim groaned, "Can't they leave me alone for one night?" he muttered before answering it. "What?!" he growled.
"Uh, Captain," it sounded suspiciously like Cupcake, Heindorff, "We have a situation at a local bar, the 'Fat Ferengi'."
"SO?" Jim asked sarcastically as Carol did interesting things involving her tongue and his ear.
"It appears to involve the bridge crew and at least two of the Admirals. Archer beamed back to the Enterprise an hour ago," Heindorff said quietly.
"Send security and give me the coordinates, I'm on my way," he snapped the communicator shut and kissed Carol deeply. "I'll be back," he promised.
"You'd better be," she pouted. "I don't intend to spend the rest of shore leave here by myself." He kissed her again before getting up to leave.
Jim eventually found the bar and entered just ahead of Cupcake, and found chaos in only the way Starfleet can serve up, uniquely. McCoy was sitting in a corner quietly nursing a glass of bourbon while Sulu and Chekov snored beside him. Scotty was arguing with the bartender about the proper temperature to serve Scotch. Barnett and Pike were standing on a table singing something appropriately raunchy. Barnett was wearing what Jim hoped was a kilt. Uhura staggered by and stopped by Kirk. He was taken by surprise when she wound her arms around his neck and started to kiss him. He jerked back trying to disentangle himself, "Uhura, no, we…"
"What's wrong, Jimmy-boy? Not enough of a man for me are you?" she asked, at least that was what he thought she said. He looked up to find Spock singing and dancing around the bar.
"Nyota, who gave Spock chocolate?" he asked.
"No one, he found it behind the…" her voice trailed off as a loud crash was heard, Spock had tripped over a table and Pike and Barnett had started performing the Can-Can on top of another table. Unfortunately, this gave Jim full view of the fact that the good admiral was wearing his kilt in the traditional Scottish Highland manner. It was way too much information.
Things might have been alright, but Scotty had gotten into an argument with the bartender and hit him. The brawl that ensued involved everyone but Jim and the security team, who were trying to break it up. As all participants, except the bartender, were drunk, it took the local police helping to finally finish the job. "Heindorff, I want them all back on the Enterprise, NOW! McCoy, Sulu and Chekov, since they didn't participate in the scuffle can sleep it off in their quarters. The rest go in the brig, and I want music playing just loud enough for them to feel it when they wake up!" Jim yelled. "I'll settle this with the owner," Jim promised the police. They nodded and Jim quickly found himself shelling out some credits to the bartender, and apologizing for his crew's behavior.
Jim got back to the cabana and quickly found Carol had moved the strawberries to the bed and he quickly shed his clothes and joined her. He also turned off his communicator. No one bothered them for the next two days. Which was just as well, they never left their room. They left the hotel with a grin for the manager, thanking him for his wonderful hospitality. Jim's left arm was securely wound around Carol's waist as they beamed up to the Enterprise. He kissed her before they parted, "I have some prisoners to deal with," he reminded her.
Carol chuckled as they went their separate ways. Jim ran into Archer on his way down to the brig, "How's Porthos?" Jim asked.
"Oh, he's fine. We went to the sea, yesterday, and he had fun playing in the sand. Jim, don't be surprised it one day your promoted to Commander, Starfleet," John said.
"Why?" Jim asked absently.
"Because you're not afraid to face down Admirals as a Captain," the old man replied walking off toward his quarters.
Jim opened his mouth, the shut it. He really didn't have an answer to that. Jim entered the brig where he found everyone where he expected them to be, and looking miserable. They were over their hangovers, but they knew they were in trouble, "Alright, guys, I don't need to tell you that I know why you're here. I had to pay the bartender for all the damages you inflicted the other night."
He heard several, "I'm sorry, Jims," head his way. "You better be sorry!" he pointed straight at the admirals, "You two are high ranking officers, and are supposed to set an example for the rest of Starfleet. Yet, Robert, you managed to flash me and the entire bar the other night. You were NOT the person I wanted to see naked that night!" Barnett flushed. "Spock, where did you find the chocolate! You were roaring drunk!" Spock couldn't even look at Jim. Jim couldn't look at Uhura. "Alright, you're ALL confined here until we get back to Earth. I guess Archer's going to take another few turns in the Captain's Chair, as well as McCoy. Good night, everyone." Silence was deafening as he left the room and they were all left in their own miserable fate.