Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing or the cute adorableness that is Warrant officer Scrodinger. *crys*

Authoress note: sorry if its OOC.I hope you enjoy it anyway^^

fun with major

Shrodinger paced up and down the hallway, bored out of his mind. The war had not started yet and there

was absolutely nothing to do in the headquarters of the millennium. Then suddenly, a intriguing idea popped into his furry little head. He decided that he would go quiz his major.

He climbed up the many flights of stairs that led to Majors office. Who as usual, being the freak that he is, was watching holocaust videos. Shrodinger was getting second thoughts about the whole idea of disturbing his Major. The guy still scared him no matter how long he'd been working for him.

Finally, after a minute of thinking he slowly approached Majors desk. Major somehow sensed his presence and turned to look at him." Ja, Vhat can I do for you, Chief?" Schrodinger couldn't turn back now, he already came this far. "Um…..Major….I vas vondering….vhat happened to my Oreos?" asked Schrodinger.

Major panicked. He grabbed a suspicious blue package off of his desk and shoved it in a drawer. "I-I know nozing of your Oreos, Chief." Stuttered Major. A smirk formed on Schrodingers face. This was going to be more fun that he thought it would be.

"Now, now, Major. No von can fool ze messenger boy. Vhat are you hiding in zat drawer?" Asked Shrodinger.

"Nozing but paperwork, Chief." Answered Major, who was effortlessly trying to act calm.

"Major, your not lying to me…are you?" Asked Schrodinger.

"Not at all, Chief." replied Major.

" Major….you know I can smell your nervousness." Schrodinger saw the color drain out of Majors face. Major quickly thought up a small plan and sniffed the air." I smell nozing but cake, Chief." Schrodingers eyes grew wide and major realized he had made a huge mistake.

" I-I mean-" sputtered Major. Schrodinger looked at Major with a surprised expression on his face.

"Major…ze only cake we have is ze von left over from my birthday. Unless…Major,…did you eat the last of my birthday cake? Asked Shrodinger as tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

"I-I-did I say cake? I meant to say muffins." Panicked Major. He couldn't handle it when people cried. He had never been able to calm down a sad person. He only made the person cry harder…and he was good at it.

"MAJOR! YOU ATE ZE MUFFENS ZAT CAPTAIN MADE FOR MEEEEEE?!" Cried Scrodinger. Majors mind went completely blank when out of nowhere, a fool proof idea (or so he thought) flew into his head.

"Chief, you should go play with your teddy bear. Zat always makes you feel better."

"I can't, Major. I tried to last week! Sniffled Schrodinger as he wiped away the tears from his eyes. Last time I checked, YOU had it! Why is THAT, Major!!!!? Growled Scrodinger.

Major mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like "Oh nien. I gave it to Sophie." Schrodinger caught the Sophie part. "Major….who is zis Sophie you speak of." Asked Shrodinger. "Um…no von, Chief." answered Major. "Major…..your hiding somzing from me." "Nien, Chief. Why are you asking me all zese ridiculous questions in ze first place?" you are annoying me. Leave me alone or I vill have no choice ozer zan killing you." Said Major. The threat didn't seem to have any effect on Schrodinger.

"Now, now, Major. You vouldn't want to do somzing like zat two days before ze war. Where vould you find another messenger boy in zat time?"

Major realized that Shrodinger was right. " Vell, anyvay. Ze Sophie business is none of your concern!" growled major.

Scrodingers smirk returned as he said " I think it should be considering ze fact zat Sophie is my mother."

Major could not believe what he was hearing. "S-So?! Vhats your point, Chief?!"

Schrodingers smirk formed into a wide, evil looking grin. You know, Major. I don't like it when scum like you date my mother."

"Okay zhen…Vhat do you vhant, Chief?" asked Major, knowing he might regret asking that question.

Shrodingers evil grin grew even wider. "I vant you to give up your crazy love of war and go on a diet."

"W-WHAT?!" shouted Major. Schrodinger giggled as he happily tore the videos out of the firm grip of his Major. I'll just take these holocaust videos, these Oreos, and that shotgun for you. Said Shrodinger as he merrily skipped out of the room with Majors treasured belongings.

For the first time in his life…Major cried.

Well, this is my first fanfic. I hoped you liked it. Please feel fee to comment and review.^_^