The Cookie Theory
Disclaimer: I would like to own Shane, but he's Mitchie's. And everything belongs to Disney except the plot which belongs to me!
"Shane?"
"Watcha doing?"
"Cookies."
"---"
"For my mom's catering thing?"
"---"
"Want to get dinner tonight?"
"---"
"Oh my gosh Shane, you could get Salmonella poisoning! Do not eat the raw batter!"
"C'mon Mitch, eating batter isn't going to get me Salmon poisoning."
"Salmonella."
"What?"
"Salmonella poisoning."
"Whatever. All the kids in story books do it."
"That's because you don't see the part where they are rushed to hospital dying."
"Way to be morbid, Mitch."
"It's the cold hard truth and people should really be more aware of-"
"---"
"No! That's the pile that I forgot to add the-"
"Holy crap!"
"…Baking powder."
"Wow. You're such a great cook, Mitch."
"Thanks Shane, now that stack is all right."
"What this one?"
"Yep."
"You sure?"
"Uh huh."
"Seriously, Mitch, are you sure you didn't lace it with arsenic or something by accident?"
"Funny, Shane."
"All right…"
"Well?"
"---"
"If you say anything offensive, I'll let you know that these cookies remind me of you."
"What?"
"You see, they're rock hard on the outside…stop laughing you perv."
"Sorry. Do continue, beautiful Michelle."
"On the outside they're egoistical, annoying, arrogant, disgusting…"
"I get it."
"A jerk, boring, self-centered…"
"Get to the point already!"
"But!"
"But what?"
"But on the inside… soft."
"Are you implying I'm a softie?"
"Soft. Comfy, sweet and kind."
"---"
"What?"
"So basically I'm a cookie?"
"Yeah, basically."
"So… if I'm this cookie then…"
"Then what, Shane?"
"I'm pretty damn tasty, aren't I?"
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If you think Shane is tasty, review!
I was stalling and trying to think of something for EAF (and a future secret project that only one person in the whole world knows about!) when I came up with this dialogue-only fic. I think it's cute, do you?