Chapter 1

Where We Gonna Go From Here

Author's Note: I began writing this story before Grey's 4.11, but as you'll see, the end result is the same.

Pairings: Mer/Finn, Mer/Derek, Derek/Rose, possibly George/Lexie

Main Characters: Meredith, Finn, Christina, Lexie, Mark, George, Rose and, of course, Derek

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Mark Sloan was in a bad mood. Generally, Mark existed with very little troubling his conscience. It was the positive side effect to absolutely zero personal attachment. Occasionally he could be persuaded to grab a drink with the other attendings, and of course, there was his healing friendship with Derek, possibly the one personal relationship he was determined to repair. If the man would just give his head a shake. Mark knew his affair with Addison had left his best friend seriously damaged, and he regretted that part of his life to the extreme.

Yet he had hoped Derek would be able to move on and be happy with the new love of his life, Mark's favourite slutty intern, now a resident, Meredith Grey. Mark thought Meredith would have been the cure to Derek's newfound baggage, but last night his hopes had been dashed. Derek had shown up at the hotel Mark was still living at, clutching a bottle of scotch and a story about commitment issues and scrub nurses.

The thought of the hotel distracted Mark back to his bad mood. Normally Derek wouldn't have found Mark alone at his hotel, but the new McSteamy strike had put a dampener on Mark's usually vast sexual appetite. It was definitely time to repair that particular aspect of his bad mood. Maybe it was time to look outside the hospital.

He glanced outside of the big bay windows as he made his way through Seattle Grace. The rain was coming down in large sleets. He hated Seattle. Maybe what it was really time for was to return to New York, and get his bike back out of the brownstone. That would involve contacting Addy though. His mood darkened and it was with a growl that he wrenched open the door to the supply cupboard.

Two bodies jumped back from their embrace and Mark got a glance of Derek's wavy black hair and deer-in-the-headlights' blue eyes. The other woman was hidden in the shadows, but it didn't stop Mark from smirking. "Good to see you two made up, Meredith," he smiled, grabbing the surgical pads he needed.

"Meredith?" asked the woman, and Mark's jaw dropped a little as a lithe brunette stepped into the light. A brunette that was definitely not Meredith stepped forward.

Mark shot a look at Derek, feeling a tinge of disappointment. If Derek was turning into an adulterous whore and nurses were protesting Mark's charms, he was facing a serious personal redemption. And that would be so boring.

"Derek?" said a rather strangled voice behind Mark. Meredith had arrived at the storage cupboard and was peering over Mark's shoulder with disbelieving eyes.

"Well, this is pleasantly awkward, isn't it?" Mark grinned, enjoying that for once he wasn't the one in trouble for his wandering eyes.

Derek straightened, adjusting his clothes, and faced Meredith coldly. "I…I warned you, Mer," he faltered. "I couldn't wait forever."

"Since when did a few weeks become forever?" Meredith hissed, stepping in past Mark. Mark could see the overwhelming betrayal in her eyes. His heart went out to his poor favourite dirty mistresses. Sex games stopped being fun when someone got hurt. Mark had learned that the hard way.

"Would you really ever have been ready?" Derek sighed heavily, looking sadly at the woman who had pulled him away from his wife.

"Excuse me," Rose spoke up. "But what the hell is going on?"

"Don't worry," Meredith snarled at her. Mark admired her composure, but noticed her whole body was trembling. "Just enjoy your McBastard!" With a last furious look, she turned and stormed from the cupboard.

Derek went to go after her, but Mark blocked his way, making steady eye contact. "Shep, haven't you done enough?" he asked, not bothering to keep the edge from his voice.

Derek sighed heavily, and then stormed in the other direction, leaving behind a very confused Rose. "Wait…are they together?" she asked, looking helplessly at Mark.

"Not anymore," he shrugged. "Welcome to the dirty mistresses club, Rose." Without another word, he hurried off in the direction Meredith had gone.

----

Meredith slammed the door to the on call room, and collapsed in a heap on the bed. Breathe, Mer. Breathe. Her whole body was shaking, and she doubted she could even page Christina if she wanted to. She resisted the urge. God knows her friends were tired of hearing about how messed up her life was. She was tired of hearing how messed up her life was. But seriously, the blows just never seemed to stop coming. Whoever was writing her life had a sick sense of humour.

To distract her thoughts from the sight of Derek kissing the scrub nurse, her thoughts drifted back to poor Finn. "He'll hurt you again. And I won't be here." How right he'd been. She should have listened. She should have listened to all of them. Hell! Even McSteamy had warned her off of Derek.

She lay for a few moments, trying to think of absolutely nothing. It wasn't easy for a brain used to positively flying during surgeries. A knock on the door pulled her out of her shock. No doubt it was Derek, coming to make apologies and excuses. Well, she wasn't having it. "Go away, Derek!" she hollered.

"It's not Derek," came the deep voice of McSteamy. "It's Mark. Now unlock the door."

Meredith pulled herself up and unwillingly locked the door, slightly peeved Derek hadn't come banging down the door. She leaned on the door to face Mark. Even in her current state, she felt a little bit of a twitter at his ridiculousness attractiveness. Wearing a look of genuine concern, it was even more devastating.

"He wanted to come, but I stopped him," Mark explained. "He's not who you need right now."

"And you are?" Meredith asked sceptically.

"I could be," Mark shrugged, pushing his way into the room and closing the door. "Or I could just be the messenger and go get one of your little friends to come bitch about men to you."

"I don't want to bitch," Meredith lied, sitting down on the bed.

"That's a lie," Mark said, sitting down next to her. He had to lean forward to avoid hitting his head on the top bunk.

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But then again…it's really not. I just want to be okay and happy again. And ever since Derek came into my life…that's just been unobtainable."

"He's damaged goods," Mark repeated his words of long ago. "I told you that."

"But he knows how to say all the right things," Meredith complained. "He just seems incapable of carrying through with any of them."

Mark was silent for a minute, taking in the slender blonde. He didn't know her well, but they had developed a friendship out of their similar sense of humour and enjoyment in random, unattached sex. He reached out to grab her hand, dipping into foreign territory. "I really think, in your case, he wanted to," he said softly.

Meredith stared at Mark's large hand, running his words through her mind. "Its not enough," she shook her head. "It's never going to be enough."

"No," agreed Mark, thinking of the many promises he had given women over the years, never with any intention of keeping them. If he'd known this was the result of those promises, perhaps he would have been a little more careful with his words.

----

Lexie and George were sitting in the living room of Meredith's now overcrowded house. Alex and Izzie were working late, but Christina had caught a hold of Lexie before she headed home. Lexie tipped her head back on to the couch, remembering the few rushed sentences.

"Look…are you going home soon?" Christina asked, allowing some nurses to wheel a gurney into the OR.

"Yeah, as soon as I get changed," Lexie answered.

"Good, stay there," Christina ordered. "Meredith dumped McDreamy. Or he made out with a scrub nurse. It's just…you should be there."

"Oh, God," Lexie sighed, feeling genuinely sorry for her older half-sister. "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Just…" Christina's eyes travelled to the OR and back. "It'll be bad. Make sure you have plenty of tequila."

So now George and Lexie were on Meredith watch. There was pizza on the coffee table and two full bottles of tequila. All they needed was Meredith.

"Maybe she and Derek are making up?" Lexie suggested.

"I hope not," George said grimly. "I hope this thing is finally over."

Lexie sighed. "Poor Mer."

"He told her he wanted to marry her, you know," George told Lexie. "He said he wanted forever, and then he made out with a scrub nurse."

"A nurse," Lexie sneered, the word bitter on her tongue.

"I know," George chuckled.

The opening of the front door halted their conversation. Meredith came walking into the room, looking surprisingly collected. She took in the small gathering and raised her eyebrow. "You heard?" she inquired.

"Yeah," George confirmed. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Meredith insisted. "It was time. It was definitely time."

"Do you wanna get completely intoxicated?" Lexie asked lightly, swinging one of the bottles of tequila in Meredith's direction.

Meredith laughed, her eyes glistening. "I definitely do. I just need to make one quick call."

"Not to Derek?" George raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, God, no," Meredith shook her head. "Promise." She dropped her bag in the living room and then hurried up the stairs, opening her cell phone as she went.

"That wasn't too bad," Lexie shrugged.

"No, I guess not," George agreed, highly suspicious.

----

Meredith turned on her bedroom light and closed the door tightly. She'd been aching to make this phone conversation ever since his words had come rushing back to her in the on call room. She'd been so stupid, so unbelievably stupid. But it couldn't be too late. She prayed it wasn't too late.

Her fingers clumsily dialled the numbers and for a few moments all she could hear was her thumping heart before the ringing started. Too late to turn back now.

After three rings, the phone picked up. "Hello?" came the deep steady voice of a man she'd carelessly thrown away a few months ago.

"Finn!" she felt a smile creep on her face. "Hi. It's me. Meredith."

There was a long silence on the line. Meredith felt doubts creep up on her. Calling Finn had been almost an immediate reaction. He'd had plans, and maybe they could just call the last few months a temporary stall. Or maybe, she started mentally kicking herself, maybe she was making one of those huge rebound errors. "Hey, Meredith," he finally spoke, sounding only a little less friendly. "What can I do for you?"

"How have you been?" she asked, avoiding his question.

"I'm all right," he replied. "Keeping busy, yourself?"

"Oh, you know…the same," she replied. "Just busy." Images of her mother, the ferry disaster, her surrogate mother, her drunken father, the fiasco that was her intern exam and now Derek and the scrub nurse flashed through her head. Definitely nothing she wanted to bring up right this minute.

"Right," Finn drawled. "Well…what do you need? Not another sick dog, I hope."

"Um…no, actually," Meredith stumbled over her words. "I was actually…well, I have some errands to run. Not birthing a horse type of errands, just…just grocery shopping. Which is, admittedly not exciting, but I still thought that maybe you would like to run errands with me. Then maybe go get coffee? Talk?"

There was another long silence from Finn. Meredith almost thought he'd hung up, before he spoke again. "What did he do?" Finn demanded, harshly.

Damn. Caught in the act. Dropping all pretence, Meredith sighed. "He kissed a scrub nurse."

"Typical," Finn snorted. "I told you he…" He left his sentence unfinished; his anger almost palatable.

"Yeah, well…you were right," Meredith tried a giggle. "Which is why I'm hoping you'll come with me on my errands. Please?"

"Seriously, Meredith?" he said shortly. "You sent me on my way. I had plans and hopes and you crushed them for this married man, and now he's sent you on your way and you expect me to just fix everything for you? I told you I wouldn't be there when he hurt you again."

Meredith blushed furiously. This was not going the way she'd planned. "I…I know what you said," she pleaded. "But I really thought we had something and…"

"And you shut me down, Meredith," he retorted. "Did you think I was just sitting around here waiting for you to come back and pick up the pieces again?"

"Well, no, not exactly…"

"Then why are you calling?" he demanded.

"I…I don't know," she admitted miserably. "I just, I didn't know what else to do."

"It kind of sucks when someone breaks your heart," he said, softly.

"No kidding," Meredith sighed, fighting back unwanted tears. "I'm…I'm sorry for calling."

"I'm sorry you called too," Finn said, bitterly.

Meredith hung up on him, fighting back anger at him. None of this was Finn's fault. All he had ever been was wonderful, and she'd hurt him badly. Probably because she was a bad person. She dumped the perfect guy, went to McDreamy, drove McDreamy away and then lost him to a scrub nurse. She was starting to think she was maybe a little unlovable.

The ringing of the phone distracted her. There was a wild leap of hope that Finn had called back, but call display revealed it was Christina. She flipped up the phone. "Hello?"

"Joes?" came the voice of her best friend. "Tequila?"

"Definitely," Meredith agreed, feeling weary and in need of a good stiff drink.

----

Christina was silently cursing herself. Why, oh why had she suggested Joe's? Everyone came to Joe's. Including neurosurgeons and their scrub nurses. Alex and Izzie had joined the other residents, Lexie and George around midnight. Alex had taken one look at Meredith, already three sheets to the wind and had immediately turned to Christina. "Look, we gotta get her out of here," he hissed.

"Why?" Christina asked, not entirely sober herself. "Look at her. She's happy."

"Well, she won't be for long…" Alex had not even finished his sentence before the door swung open to enter Rose and Derek.

Meredith lifted her head blearily and laughed, sounding a little unhinged. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me! More tequila, Joe!" Joe took one look at Derek with his arm around a scrub nurse and poured Meredith a double shot.

"This one's on the house," he said, sympathetically.

Now, twenty minutes later and four more shots, the scenario was just getting awkward. Awkward enough that Izzie couldn't stop laughing.

"You guys really have to get another bar," Lexie observed, pulling her sister's hair back out of the sticky bar. Her hair was in danger of getting covered in alcohol, because she was basically passed out on the bar.

"You'd think he'd have the decency to go somewhere else," George half-growled, glaring openly at Derek.

"That would require being a decent human being," Izzie snorted, before bursting into giggles.

"Is she drunk?" demanded Christina.

"I wish," Alex laughed, laying a hand on the hysteric Izzie's back. "Least she's drawing more attention than Mer."

The door to the bar swung open, but none of the old friends bothered to turn around. Probably more bad luck for one of them. Things didn't really go their way anymore. Christina suppressed her own drunken giggle. All she needed now was Burke or Marlow coming back for some sort of show off.

"Unbelievable," said a voice she vaguely recognized behind her. "This is what you thought would be good for her."

Christina swirled around on her bar seat and stared blearily at the newcomer. "McVet!" she cried cheerfully. "Welcome! Have a drink."

Finn's kind brown eyes looked with pity down at the almost unconscious Meredith. "This is so completely not what she needed," he chastised Christina. "Move."

Feeling affronted, but a little interested to see how and why McVet was here, on tonight of all nights, she slid off her bar stool, leaning on the bar for support.

He carefully placed an arm around Meredith and helped her sit up straighter. She blinked at him a few times, as if not believing her eyes. "Hey you," he said softly.

"Wh…what are you doing here?" she asked.

"No clue," he shrugged. "After you called, I just paced around angrily for a while and then realized if you made me that angry…well, I had to come look after you so I could make sure you were still around to yell at."

Meredith swayed dangerously. "That…that really doesn't make much sense, Finn."

"I know," he chuckled.

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Derek had been looking forward to his evening with Rose. He'd anticipated a good time with excellent, mature conversation, until the moment he'd walked into Joe's. His wreck of an ex-girlfriend and her ever faithful brigade of friends were perched at their usual spot at the bar, shooting daggers at him whenever the moment seemed appropriate. Altogether not the best atmosphere for a first date.

As it neared one in the morning, Derek realized Meredith wasn't going anywhere. Mostly because she was almost passed out. He shook his head, resisting the old reflex of attempting to help her. He knew how that ended. Yelling and pushing and distance. She was well beyond his aid, possibly unreachable to any male. Rose was far too classy to let herself get into such a state in a public place.

"Look…why don't we go back to my place?" he offered. "I realize this hasn't been exactly comfortable."

"What are you talking about?" Rose joked. "Nothing I love more than knowing the most promising residents at Seattle Grace hate my guts."

"Don't worry about them," Derek shrugged. "They got over Addison, they'll get over you. And besides…the head of neurosurgeon certainly does not hate you."

"Excellent," Rose grinned, leaning in and giving Derek a quick peck on the cheek. He felt a sudden warmth rush through him, assurance that he was making the right call. No matter what Mark had said.

Lost in his thoughts, Derek didn't notice the newcomer as quickly as Rose did. "Hey…wasn't he at the chief's niece's prom?" she inquired, her eyes over at Meredith's crowd.

Derek's eyes almost popped out of his skull as he saw Finn Dandridge slip an arm around Meredith. Finn and Meredith didn't talk. She'd broken things off with him and she certainly did not slide up to him comfortably at bars. Unless…

"Will you just excuse me for a moment, Rose?" he asked. "This is kind of important."

Rose sighed and rolled her eyes, but nodded her consent.

Derek made his way over to the bar, feeling his stomach churn at the thought of confrontation. "Finn," he said shortly.

Finn stood up to face Derek, purposefully blocking Meredith from view. "Shepard," Finn nodded.

"What are you doing here?" Derek demanded.

"Making sure Meredith gets home," Finn shrugged, not breaking eye contact.

"Oh, that's sweet," Derek drawled sarcastically. "You're looking after her."

"Well frankly, someone's got to," Finn challenged. "Cause you did a piss poor job of it."

Derek felt taken back. He had never even considered that he'd done a poor job at the mess that was he and Meredith. All he had ever been was there for her. "You have no idea what you're dealing with," Derek warned. "She will break you."

"Oh will you just go away?" Christina hissed, moving to face Derek. "You've screwed this up way too many times to keep blaming this on her. Who had the secret wife? Who walked away when you were finally free to be together? Oh, and who made out with the scrub nurse?"

"I was nothing but there for her!" Derek retorted, eyes blazing.

"You're delusional," Christina rolled her eyes.

"And furthermore, you're not good for her," George spoke up. "You asked me to look after her once, and I should have. I should never have let her go back to you."

"Look," Finn interrupted. "None of this matters anymore. It's in the past. We should all just move forward." Without another thought for Derek, he turned back to Meredith. "You ready to go home?"

She nodded, with a sloppy smile. "Home time." She stood to go, and almost immediately fell on her face.

Finn laughed and scooped her up in his arms. "Time to go."

"No…no, I can walk…"Meredith insisted, words slurred.

"Sure you can," Finn laughed, resting his head briefly on Meredith's. "But it's more fun this way."

"Okay," Meredith agreed, resting her head on his shoulder.

Derek watched the scene with a burning jealousy in his stomach. Where had that blind easy trust been in the time that he had known Meredith?

Meredith's friends were gathering their things and following Finn and Meredith out of the bar. "And you're all drunk, so you're getting rides home from me," he hollered back. Laughing and stumbling, Izzie and Christina hurried after Finn. George and Alex spared Derek one more hateful look each before following the girls.

Lexie was still struggling into her coat. Derek went to help her, figuring it was the gentleman thing to do, but she wrenched back from him, and grabbed her purse. "You're an ass," she snarled, before marching sharply after her friends.

Rose came up behind Derek, holding their things. "Well, that was kind of humiliating," she observed bluntly.

"No kidding," Derek agreed, taking his coat from her. His mind was filled with images of Meredith's head resting on Finn peacefully.

Be the better guy the chief had said. Maybe he was just beginning to realize what that meant.

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