Behind the wall

By Awlric Hayell

This WIPpy fic is the result of a rabid plot bunny that latched onto my creative processes and wouldn't let go. And so, a crackfic is born. Enjoy…

Disclaimer: I own nothing, now get off my case!

The scene was the Third World Wizarding War, in the heat of the final battle for Hogwarts. As the curses flew and enemy and ally alike were ripped through like tissue paper, two warriors met behind the cover of a low wall where they hunkered for protection.

Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, looked over at his comrade in arms and grinned. "Hey there, Neville! Good to see you're still alive."

"Gah!" Bringing up his wand, Neville Longbottom nearly cursed Harry into a smoking heap of ashes. "Harry? That you? For Merlin's sake, don't do that! I nearly killed you!"

Harry grinned even wider. "Good to see some vigilance out here. So, what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?"

Neville smirked. "Oh, you know, the usual. Pondering the meaning of life, watching clouds, killing Death Eaters. Same old, same old. How about you?"

Harry peeked out from behind the wall and quickly ducked back as an Avada Kedavra missed him by a hair. "You know me. I've got a 'saving people' thing. It's what I do."

Neville snorted as he struggled to keep down a laugh. "Are we insane, joking like this in the middle of what is likely to be the most important battle in Wizarding history?" Catching a glimpse of black robes and white mask, he fired a quick Reducto that caught the Death Eater's leg.

A familiar female voice screamed in pain as the robed figure fell.

Harry blinked. "Is it just me, or does that Death Eater sound remarkably like Bellatrix Lestrange?"

Neville growled, eyes narrowed in rage. "It's not just you." Pouring all of his hate and rage into one spell, Neville uttered two words that would avenge his parents.

"Avada Kedavra."

The green light of death sped on silent wings toward Bellatrix Lestrange, Torturer of Neville's parents and Killer of Sirius Black, finally ending her damned life in this realm.

Harry blinked again, then grinned. "Good on ya, Nev. That's one less crazy to worry about."

Neville sighed and leaned his back against the wall. "At least my soul can rest in peace."

Harry peeked back over the wall to check on the battle and his eyes widened when his mind finally registered what he saw. Ducking back down, he turned towards Neville with an aura of morbid finality around him. "I don't think we're in the clear just yet, Nev. Voldemort's brought out the demons…where did you get that cigarette?"

Neville finished one last drag on his Lucky Seven and blew a cloud of smoke into the air. "Oh, this? I grabbed it out of a passing plothole."

"…Enough of that. It's just silly." Harry deadpanned.

"Whatever." Neville flicked the cigarette over the wall, where it was blasted by a stray Reducto. "Now what do we do about the demons?"

Harry's expression was a study in blankness. "You know what…" Neville leaned towards Harry in anticipation of a plan. "…I have no idea, but I'll think of something." Neville's face connected with the ground as his rear slipped out from under him. Harry winced. "That looked like it hurt."

"Go bugger yourself." Neville mumbled from his position on the ground.

"Well." Harry steeled himself. "I'm going out there to face him whether he likes it or not. But, knowing him, he'll give a long winded speech about how I'll never beat him and all that, so I think I'll just kill him there. You with me?"

Neville stared at Harry. "And you think that's going to work."

Harry shrugged. "You got a better plan?"

Neville grinned. "We could dress like schoolgirls and hope he dies from laughter."

This time it was Harry's turn to greet the ground with his face. "You know what…that does hurt."

Neville cracked up.

Harry returned to a sitting position. "And to answer your earlier question, yes, I think we're both nutters. Who wouldn't be after all we've been through?"

Neville grinned. "Too true, too true. Shall we?"

Harry let an expression of elation take over his features. "Onwards?"

Neville grinned in response. "For great justice."

As one, they leapt from behind their cover, wands out and cursing every black robed figure that crossed their path. "Chaaaaarrrrrge!!!!!!"

The End

A/N: Well? Was it funny? Strange? Random? Absolutely Barmy? Did you like it? Please do let me know. Review!