Gone

Marshall sat at his desk staring at the calendar, knowing that he had two weeks to make up for what happened five years ago. He'd never be able to forget the phone call that came in the middle of the afternoon on their day off.

"Mare, do we have a situation?" Marshall asked, answering his cell phone.

"Marshall, she's… oh God, Marshall. She's… she's… missing. We can't…no where…gone," Mary choked out between sobs.

"Mary, who's missing and where are you?"

"Nor… Norah. Amusement park. He lost her. He lost my bug."

"I'm on my way. Is the park locked down and have the police been called?"

"Park is… police here. Marshall, I need you."

"I'm on my way, Mare." Marshall said rushing to his SUV while hitting the sirens on and screeching out of the grocery store parking lot while dialing Delia's number.

"Hi Chief."

"Delia, where are you?"

"At the office doing some paperwork. What's wrong?" Delia could hear the tension in Marshall's voice.

"I need you to get the picture of Norah on my desk and make sure it gets to the police to broadcast it on local TV stations. When that is done, I need you to call Stan and have him on standby to pull any strings necessary to get us help to find her. When you're done with that I need you to meet me at the amusement park and help look for her. Get volunteers to help from the office. I've already called for the SAR dogs for tracking her."

"On it," Delia said, quickly hanging up and getting things into motion.

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Marshall arrived in time to see a hysterical Mary hit Mark while the police attempted to pull her away from him. Mary was fighting them with everything she had and that sent a chill through Marshall because if she was lashing out and not searching it meant they hadn't been able to find Norah in the park.

Marshall moved quickly over towards Mary and flashed his badge at the officers restraining her.

"I've got it," Marshall said authoritatively.

Once the officer released her, Marshall took her aside and away from Mark.

"Mare, I need you to listen to me. We're going to pull out all the stops on this, but I need you to try to clam down. You're scared, angry and lashing out at the people who are tying to help you. While understandable, it's not helping."

Mary knew that what Marshall was saying was true, but she couldn't even think like a marshal, not when her daughter was missing.

"Take a few deep breaths and then tell me what happened," Marshall said, while a police officer came over and whispered into his ear.

"What's happening? Marshall, what did he say? Where's bug?"

The desperation in her voice and the fear for the little girl who captured his heart made him want to cry. Right now Mary needed him to be strong and he would. There would be no resting until they found Norah.

"I don't know where she is, but I won't stop looking until I find her. The police have the search dogs here. Do you have her teddy bear or something that Norah's worn recently?"

"Norah has the teddy bear with her. She hasn't parted with it since you gave it to her. I have the jacket she wore yesterday in the minivan."

"I'm going to need you to go get it, but before that I need to know what happened."

"Mark wanted to spend the day with Norah, it's why we didn't go to the ballgame," Mary started swiping the tears that continued to fall. She knew the time frame for finding a child and what could happen to them. "I trusted him to keep an eye on her. God, how could he be so irresponsible?"

"Mare, I need you to focus. What happened?"

"Apparently she saw something and he let her wander ahead of him. According to Mark, he bumped into a client and they talked for a few minutes. When he went over to where Norah was headed she wasn't there. Marshall, he didn't even call the cops right away. He went running around looking for her until a security guard saw him and called it in. What idiot doesn't get help first?"

Marshall pulled her into an embrace briefly. As much as he wanted to comfort her, time didn't allow it.

"He's not trained like us, Mare. Mark doesn't know. I get that you're hurting and angry, but the last thing the two of you need to be doing now is fighting. Let's focus on getting Norah and then I'll let you scream at him all you want, I promise."

Mary nodded before realizing she needed to tell Marshall.

"Marshall, Abigail is the detective in charge for the P.D. She was the first at the scene."

"Mare, none of that matters. We'll work together to find Norah along with the FBI. We're going to need you to fill out the missing person's report."

"Mark's already started that. I'll get the jacket. The police are already talking to the people in the park. Abigail still blames me for you calling off the engagement."

"I had Delia call Stan to see if I can take charge of the case along with calling the F.B.I. Abigail may not like us, but she's a professional and will do her job."

Delia moved over towards Mary and Marshall.

"The media has been given the photo from your desk and the one from Mary's. They're calling her missing and asking for anyone that might have seen something. Stan pulled strings and managed to get you in charge of the investigation, under one stipulation…" Delia hesitated.

"I can't work the case, because I'm personally involved," Mary replied, before looking Marshall in the eyes. "Find her. If anyone can, it will be you."

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The clock in the hallway rang bringing him back to the present. Picking up the card on his desk, he couldn't stop his fingers tracing over the picture. Before flipping it over and seeing the words that still shattered his heart.

In Loving Memory of Norah Maya Shannon

God needed one more angel child
Amidst his shining band
And so he bent with loving smile
And clasped our darling's hand.

Marshall heard the sound of footsteps coming down the hall and knew they were too big to be either of their children's. Taking the card he moved it under some other papers on his desk, while turning off his computer. He'd come back later to make up his mind.

"You don't have to stop looking because of me, Marshall. I know it's two weeks until National Missing Children's Day," Mary said softly.

Norah's death still haunted her, but sometimes she worried it haunted Marshall more. A part of her regretted that she called him. When the anniversary of Norah's disappearance or funeral came up they both had nightmares, but Marshall's were the worst.

Every year since then he took May 25th, National Missing Children's Day off to help try to find a missing child. She remembered when Marshall told her about the holiday, it sickened her that it was called that until Marshall put it in terms that made her understand. In some ways he said it was like Memorial Day only they were remembering the missing children and their families. Some might be out there and longing to come home. They knew others would end up like Norah and that shattered their hearts. No one should ever have to go through this kind of pain. Since then Marshall honored the day by trying to help find a child. He'd spend weeks before the day to try to get the most information he could, while investigating what information was there and interviewing former witnesses. Marshall was relentless in his pursuit of finding a child.

Mary knew Marshall did it in hopes of giving closure to a family whose world had been turned upside down. While the pain never completely faded, she at least knew what happened to Norah and was able to bury her. It had taken Marshall a year to find her, but he did. She just wasn't sure how much it truly cost him to keep his promise to her. Marshall refused to talk about it. No matter how much she yelled, cried or tried to reason with him, it was off-limits. She knew Norah had been murdered, but there was something Marshall kept from her. Something that caused the nightmares that plagued him.

The report he had written on the incident told what it had to, but Mary still felt that Marshall held something back. Maybe it was the horror of finding Norah, who had stolen his heart from the minute she was born that kept him from telling her. It originally made her mad and led to several fights and almost a divorce. His refusal to budge on the matter had pissed her off, she walked out on him once with the intention of never returning, but something brought her back. It was probably the realization that Marshall always had her back and if he felt that it was something she was better off not knowing then she'd have to trust him. It had taken her week to get to that point, but she knew that Marshall had her best interest at heart. While a part of her still wanted to know, for Marshall's sake she stopped asking. Her husband suffered enough nightmares about Norah's kidnapping and death that she realized her pushing was making things worse.

Life had changed drastically after Norah went missing. Mary had taken a leave of absence from work to continue to look for her daughter despite knowing Marshall hadn't stopped. Six months of finding nothing she had become a shell of who she once was and stayed in her room holding Norah's blanket and her stuffed horse close to her. They were the two items Norah cherished the most after Sleepy bear. She couldn't function without knowing where her daughter was. Marshall had finally made her see Shelley. He was the only one who dared to come near her. She snapped at everyone and hated the world. Marshall refused to let her shut him out. He forced himself into her daily life and reminded her constantly that no matter what they found Norah wouldn't want her Mommy to quit living.

Mary recalled trying to punch him the first time he said it. He caught her fist and held on to her as she fought with everything she had before breaking down. It was the first of many nights that she leaned on Marshall for support. It had taken her another four months before she had finally taken a really good look at Marshall and the toll it was taking on him.

It was then she realized he was burning the candle at both ends. Marshall kept up with his responsibilities as the Chief while continuing to spend almost all of his free time searching for Norah. The only time he wasn't looking for Norah was when he was forcing her to find a way to keep living. It was probably something neither of them would ever expect to deal with. She had stopped being the Mary every one knew the day Norah disappeared. Her abrasiveness and strength had disappeared and all that was left was a bitter, angry shell that all but one person avoided. The only one who dared to come near her on a regular basis was Marshall.

The sad fact was that if she hadn't gone to his house the one night, she'd have been none of the wiser. The anger she felt inside reached a whole new level after Mark stopped by to try to ask for forgiveness again. He wanted them to deal with this together. She was livid and needed someone to yell at. His carelessness cost them time with their daughter and more than likely her life. It was the only thing Mary knew at that moment in time. She knew what the odds were in a stranger abduction, but clung to the hope that her little girl would somehow beat those odds.

Her mind drifted back to the day she showed up on Marshall's doorstep, furious beyond words.

Mary rang the doorbell worried that if she just walked in that she'd get shot. It was the first time in months that she willing left her house. Marshall wouldn't expect her and that would mean his instincts would be on full alert. Barging in on him unannounced after not coming out for anyone would earn her a gun pointed at her or a gun shot wound.

Marshall opened the door just before she pushed the doorbell for a second time. The light of the door illuminated his face and the bags under his eyes registered in her mind for the very first time in ten months. Noticing his eyes caused her to take a more careful look at him then. His hair was a mess, his shoulders seemed to slouch, and he looked worn and haggard. In the time it took her to take in Marshall's appearance, her mind wrapped around the fact that Norah's disappearance was taking a toll on other's besides her and Mark.

"Marshall, when's the last time you slept?" Mary asked, forgetting her anger briefly.

"I sleep," Marshall said softly, while moving aside to let Mary in. "Are you okay? What are you doing out? Did something happen?"

"Mark stopped by. How often do you sleep?"

"Mare, what did Mark want?"

"To explain and tell me he was hurting too."

"How did you respond?"

"You won't have to explain anything to the police. I made sure that he knew that his presence wasn't allowed at my house."

"Mare…" Marshall started.

"Marshall, don't say it. There is a part of me that knows he didn't do it on purpose, but the rest of me can't help blaming him. Would you have let her wander off on her own? No you wouldn't. In fact I know full well how close an eye you kept on her when she was with you. She's three years old. That isn't old enough to let her wander off in a place full of people you don't know. Not that any age really is, but hell Jinx and Brandi know better than that," Mary replied, feeling the anger coming back as she paced Marshall's living room.

It was as she was pacing that she noticed the light in Marshall's den on. For some reason she wandered towards it.

"Burning the midnight oil? What witness is causing havoc now?" Mary asked, ignoring Marshall's attempt to stop her. She froze as soon as her eyes took in the pictures, maps and notes posted onto a board in his den. She knew he looked for Norah, but never realized the extent of his investigation. Why it surprised her she didn't know. Marshall was thorough at everything he did.

"Mare?"

"How long have you been working on this?"

"Since Norah went missing. I promised you that I'd bring her home. I keep my promises, Mare."

"Tell me," Mary demanded taking in everything.

"I don't have anything to tell you yet, Mare. I'm working on anything and everything. It's not exactly a simple task. I'm doing my best."

"Marshall, I know that. I'd never even doubt that you weren't putting everything into this. Who are all these kids and how does it relate?"

"They're the missing. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children an average of 2,185 children are reported missing each day. 800,000 children under eighteen are missing each year."

Mary's heart ached for all the others who were going through the same thing she was. Another part ached for Marshall. She knew everything he was discovering was getting stored into his brain. It would haunt him for a very long time.

"I don't have a connection to them. I've tried to sort Norah and the others from this area by looks, places kidnapped, suspected vehicles used and checked that with any known suspects that may have been in Albuquerque. So far there's nothing. I've rechecked all the information that we collected from the amusement park and the employees backgrounds. Checked for any known pedophiles in the area and their whereabouts. The map represents areas that children have been abducted. So far I haven't found any patterns that would coordinate with Norah's disappearance. There has to be something that I'm missing."

Mary knew full well what he was missing. All you had to do was take a good look at Marshall to know what was missing. .

"What you're missing is sleep. If you don't get some, you'll never be able to think clearly."

"There's no time for that. Norah is out there somewhere and I need to find her. I keep my promises."

Mary walked over to him and gently cupped his cheek.

"Marshall, we're both aware of what the likely outcome will be. I've tried to run and hide from it. I'm not giving up on Norah. It's something I can't do until we find her. There is a chance we may never know, but I doubt that will happen with you working on this. That doesn't mean I want you making yourself sick trying to find her. My intentions weren't for you to work yourself to death. The reason that you needed to be involved is because you're the one person I trust to be honest with me. You'll search to the ends of the earth and when you find the answer you will tell me no matter how good or bad it is. I can't lose you too. Let's both go lay down. Neither of us has slept enough and we both need the rest. I can't leave you here like this. Tomorrow you don't have to be in the office. You can start again then. Just lay down with me for a while."

She grabbed his hand and led him to his own room. From the looks of it, he'd hardly been in it. Mary knew this meant that she'd need to keep an eye on Marshall. She could help him look through the information while making sure he was taking care of himself. It would help both of them. If she went back to hiding herself from the world he'd work himself into an early grave.

Mary felt Marshall slide into the bed next to her and knew full well that he'd try to stay awake until she fell asleep. He'd get up and start looking again. She still regretted letting Mark take Norah to the amusement park that day. Marshall had asked if he could take his girls to an Isotopes game. Mary couldn't help but think they wouldn't be in this place if she'd said yes to Marshall like she had wanted to, but Mark has asked first and she'd already said yes.

"Is Norah paying for all my mistakes over the years?" Mary whispered softly.

"Mare, look at me," Marshall demanded.

It was his demand that caused her to look. It was a voice he used so rarely with her.

"You're not being punished for anything in your past or your families. I don't know why it was Norah that was grabbed out of all the children in that park. The only thing I do know is that we'll find her and the person responsible for taking her."

"I'm scared, Marshall. What happens when you find her? I'm not the same person that she knew before this, it's like the strength and fierceness disappeared those six months that I spent looking for her and getting no where. Mark will be a sore spot for the rest of my life. How can I trust him with her ever again? What happens if she's dead? When Daddy left me, there was a hole in my heart. Norah's disappearance makes that wound seem so small. I don't think I can survive losing her."

"Mare, if I knew how to take away the pain then I'd do it in a heartbeat. The only thing to give you is a promise to never quit looking. A part of me feels like I failed both you and Norah."

"No, that's the one thing that you've never done. You had the Amber alert issued the second there was confirmation of her being abducted. There are rules that have to be followed and you did that. Everyone was looking for the van that the witness saw. Don't punish yourself for this Marshall. One of us blaming ourselves is enough."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Mare."

"I'm trying to believe that Marshall. It's just so hard. The house is too quiet and I miss her so much. The sight of Mark turns me irrational and the only time I feel semi human is when I'm with you. Jinx and Brandi just keep staring at me with those pitiful looks until I snap at them and they leave before dealing with my wrath."

"They're worried about you. We all are. Stan's flying in next week. I think he plans on staying for a couple of weeks at least."

"I know he's coming. Stan called me to see how I was doing. He's worried about you also. I should've noticed how tired you were sooner."

"There are more important matters on your mind and I'll be fine."

Mary didn't answer just moved so her head was lying against his chest so she could hear his heartbeat. There was something soothing about it that comforted her and she knew it would keep him from getting up. When she heard the soft snore come from Marshall, she couldn't help the small smirk that formed on her lips. Almost instantly she felt guilty for finding something to smile about. Norah was out there somewhere scared and wondering where she was. Tightening her arm around Marshall she slipped into a restless sleep.

"Mare?" Marshall asked again noticing the far away look in his wife's eyes.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Mary nodded. He worried too much, but she couldn't blame him. The last five years had been an emotional rollercoaster ride for the two of them. Her need to be near him had increased since the day she went to his house. Marshall was the only thing keeping her afloat. He stood by her side through the wake and the funeral, kept her away from Mark to prevent any fights from interrupting the grieving process for all parties involved. Pulled her away from Mark and outside of the hall where they had dinner after the funeral when she began to hit Mark. Marshall held her through the nights as her shattered heart bled for the daughter she loved and lost. He refused to let her close her heart to him and somewhere along the way she'd realized that she'd fallen in love with him.

The first time she slept with him, she convinced herself it was her way of proving she could feel something. Before she knew it she was spending every night wrapped securely in his arms. It was a year after Norah's funeral when they got married in a simple service. While she still grieved for her daughter, Marshall had given her love that she couldn't deny. It was a rough first year of marriage as Marshall's nightmares about Norah tormented him. She didn't know why it had taken her that long to realize he was holding something back and the fights they had were plain cruel on her part. It was a miracle he stayed with her.

Marshall's next question stopped her mind from wandering again.

"Are the kids asleep?"

"Out cold. They asked about seeing their angel before our vacation."

"They know we're both sad. Kids can pick up on their parent's emotions. We aren't the best at hiding the pain this time of year."

"Did you pick a case?" Mary asked, changing topics. There would be plenty tears shed in the following days to come. She didn't want to dwell on it at the moment.

"I think so."

"Maybe you should stop. I'm not sure it's helping you."

"Those numbers play over and over in my head. If it helps one family it's worth it."

"It's not the numbers that are haunting you. While they're a part of it, there's still the secret you keep. I won't ask because you won't tell me. Part of me still wants to be angry about that, but I can't. Your nightmares alone tell me how bad the information is. Don't try to tell me something to cover it up. We both know that's what you'd be doing. I trust you and if you can't tell me, then I'll let it go for you. We have a good life together. I love you and our children and don't want this to destroy us."

"Mare, if I thought for one second that it would change things for the better, I'd tell you in a heartbeat. I love you and the kids; nothing is going to change that. I miss Norah. It hurts that she's gone. A part of me always wonders if I did enough. Was there a decision that I could've made differently that would've saved her? All of us have these questions. They don't disappear because we want them to. We've brought children into this world despite both of our fears. The only regret I have in this life is not finding Norah in time. I'm not sure that I can ever let that go."

Marshall closed his eyes and held onto Mary tightly as she hugged him. He knew what her words would be as soon as she was ready to talk. It gave him time to go back to that awful day.

Marshall had gotten up as Mary slept. Tomorrow it would be a year since Norah disappeared. It would be a year of endless searching with nothing to show for it except heartache and fear. When they interviewed some of the people at the park, several had mentioned seeing a silver van parked near the entrance to the amusement park, but there wasn't anyone in it at the time. It was also where the dogs had followed Norah's scent to.

The amusement park was close to I25 which could take them into Texas and then Mexico. They had set up stops along the way with the description of the van.

Several volunteer search groups had covered the area near the amusement park. Marshall looked at his map. They had searched everywhere in Albuquerque for Norah, the mountains, parks, city landfills, by the river and nothing. It was when he thought of the mountains that it came to him. The one thing they hadn't checked.

Grabbing his cell he dialed an old familiar number.

"Detective Chaffee."

"Abigail, it's Marshall. I think I know what we missed. Can you arrange the cadaver dogs for tomorrow?"

"Sure, I'll need a location."

"East of Piedra Lisa Trail, that section of the trail is closed every year from March 1st thru August 15th to protect the wildlife. We never searched that area. It's the only place left for Norah to be in Albuquerque."

"Marshall, if she's there…"

"I know what it would mean, but at least we'll know. The not knowing is going to break us."

"Alright, I'll meet you there in the morning with the SAR team and the Forest Rangers."

"It wasn't your fault. No one thought about that section of the mountains being closed off. You found Norah and brought her home."

Marshall nodded, but still couldn't let go of the guilt completely. He had learned to live with it for the last four years. It didn't matter how much time passed, he knew that guilt would stay with him for the rest of his life.

"Norah wasn't killed there either. That monster buried her there to hide the evidence. Thankfully he left you something to find him. I'm going to bed. Don't stay up all night. That's an order and not a request."

"I thought I was the boss."

"Only at work," Mary said, kissing Marshall before heading to their bedroom.