Title: Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors
Author: Lizzybeth
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I wish I owned it but sadly…I also don't own the song by The Editors that I used for the title. It's a great song though!
Prompt: Starbucks
A/N: Yes more angst but I can't help what the plot bunnies want! Summer Secret Santa present for Hollygolightly2010.
Lisbon reluctantly entered her office to get started on the mountain of paperwork that was steadily growing on her desk. Her head throbbed at the mere thought of it. Paperwork was probably her least favourite part of being a CBI Agent. Well, that and working with a certain consultant. Although she did have to admit that she loved the way he made her smile and even when he was teasing her she did kind of like it. I mean she was a woman and what woman wouldn't notice how handsome Jane was with his golden hair and deep blue eyes, and he chose to flirt with her!
But she saw through they eyes and smile to the broken man behind the eyes and she tried slowly to put the pieces back together, it was like he was a puzzle, all jumbled up but if somehow she could find the right pieces she could put him together again. Well, she hoped she could fix him because if she couldn't she would end up broken too because, you see, she was falling hopelessly and irrevocably in love with him.
Then, she saw it. Sat there invitingly on the desk was a cup of coffee from Starbucks.
She smiled to herself; she knew exactly who this little gift was from. Jane. She glanced around the bullpen but there was no sign of him. He must've gone home, she thought. A voice in the back of her head popped up: isn't it a little early for Jane to leave? She ignored it as she so often did these days.
He always used coffee when he wanted to say something to her because he knew how much she loved it. Damn, that man knew her too well. He had several regular coffees that she often found placed on her desk and she knew exactly what each one meant:
There was the 'I-know-you're-going-to-stay-here-way-too-long-tonight' coffee (a double espresso.)
Then there was the 'I'm-sorry-I-was-such-a-pain-in-the-ass-today' coffee (a latte with whipped cream.)
And then her personal favourite 'I'm-apologising-in-advance-because-any-minute-I'm-going-to-waltz-in-here-and-disturb-you-because-I'm-bored coffee (a cappuccino with cinnamon sprinkles.)
The last one was her favourite, one because she loved cinnamon, and two because, although she would deny it to and probably shoot anyone who suggested it, she really did enjoy being in Jane's company.
Even if he was annoying and pried into her personal life.
She grabbed the coffee and inhaled its warm smell, wondering which one it was today.
This one was different. Was that… could she smell strawberry? She drank quickly burning her tongue slightly. Yes, he'd bought her a latte with strawberry syrup. She smiled, he really did know her too well, she loved strawberries. Wait…
Why had Jane bought her this coffee? He had never gotten this one before. It must mean that he had done, or was about to do, something really stupid.
She jumped up from her chair and ran outside to Jane's couch. Lying there was a folded piece of paper on top of which sat a beautiful origami rose.
She picked up the paper and opened it to reveal a few lines of Jane's handwriting.
Dearest Teresa (she noted the use of her first name, this sounded ominous),
I hope you liked the coffee, I know how much you love strawberries. I'm guessing you worked out what it meant. If you didn't then it means that I found him and I'm going to kill him. I'm sorry it's not that I'm choosing him over you it's just that, I can't be with you until he's gone. I'm so sorry.
Love always, Patrick.
She stared at the letter in disbelief. How could he? She thought he'd got over it, that he'd moved on, that maybe he was ready for a future, with her. But she was wrong so wrong. She had tried so desperately to fix him and now her handiwork was left shattered to pieces. She clenched the rose in her fist mutilating it from the beautiful way it was into something that suited the way she was feeing much more.
No matter what he said she knew that he was choosing Red John. Tears clouded her eyes as she looked outside to see an empty space where his car had been this morning. She remembered how he'd stood and waited for her and walked her into the building. Had he know then what he was going to do? The thought sent a chill down her spine.
She had to go after him and stop him if she didn't she'd never forgive herself. She couldn't let him throw everything away to kill Red John. She loved Jane, she had to tell him before it was too late.
Lisbon ran to Jane's barely used desk and launched herself into his papers, searching for something, anything that might tell her where he'd gone…
Bingo. She found it. A small piece of paper that had and address on it and underneath, in the same handwriting as the note was the word 'here'. She knew just from that, that this was where Jane was heading, where Red John was hiding and where she had to go. The fact that it was so easy to find made her think that maybe this is what Jane wanted. He wanted her to find him and save him from himself.
She ran into her office to grab her gun before running down the stairs. As, she did so she grabbed her cell and dialled Cho's number.
'What's up boss?' he answered and she found it reassuring to hear his calm voice.
'Jane's found Red John.' She stated simply 'He's at an abandoned warehouse by the docks. I'll text you the details. I'm on my way there right now. Can you call Rigsby and Van Pelt and tell them to get down there? Also, call for back up.'
'Sure, boss' he replied
'Thanks' she said about to hang up.
'Oh and boss,' Cho added with more concern, 'Just, be carful.'
'I will,' she affirmed calmly trying to put a thousand emotions into those two words.
She hung up just as she reached her car, quickly she texted Cho the address before starting her car and heading for the place herself.
All she could think of was Jane, she was hoping, praying that she would get there in time and that both Jane and Red John would still be alive. She could barely concentrate on where she was going she just unconsciously followed the sat-nav that was leading her to him until she pulled up outside an abandoned warehouse. It looked inconspicuous, she would have thought she'd got the wrong place had it not been for the old, sky blue Citroën parked up outside. Her heart pounded in her chest and she became acutely aware of what it was telling her: she was in love with Patrick Jane and she would do anything to protect him.
Hastily, she opened the car door and climbed out, pulling out her gun as she did so. All of this because of a coffee she thought, if she wasn't so terrified she would have laughed at the thought.
She saw that a side door was open slightly so she silently slipped through, holding her gun out in front of her. Mentally, she prepared herself for what she could be about to see.
She knew she should have been sensible and waited for back up but love wasn't sensible and if she did wait she knew she'd be too late…
A cold laugh broke her from her thoughts, she whipped round to see Jane stood facing another man, who was about six feet away from him, wearing a hooded top.
Red John.
Jane was unarmed as ever but the man had a gun pointed towards Jane. She almost laughed coldly to herself. How did Jane expect to kill him when he wasn't even carrying a weapon? Even so, the fact that he was unarmed reassured her a little, he was still her Jane, and maybe he wanted to choose life.
'Awww, look your Lisbon's come to save you.' Red John taunted coldly.
'I don't need saving,' Jane replied sounding more angry than she had ever heard him before.
'I can see why you chose her she is beautiful.' He teased.
'Leave her alone!' Jane shouted. Red John strode towards him angrily.
'Why?' Lisbon asked, trying to distract him with the first thought that sprung to her mind. 'Why did you kill all those women?'
Red John walked towards her and she saw his face for the first time. I wasn't the face of a monster he just looked like an average middle-aged man. Apart from his eyes, they were almost black and seemed to burn with menace.
'Women always hurt me,' he sneered. 'My mother left me when I was 7. She just abandoned me like I was nothing, then when I was 16 I fell in love only the girl I loved didn't want me. She wanted the captain of the football team. I was even engaged once, but my fiancée decided to sleep with my best friend' his eyes looked like they were ablaze with anger. 'So, I wanted to torture every single one. Make them feel all the pain they had caused me.'
'Then why do you torture me?' Jane asked coldly.
'I told you. I do not like to be slandered Mr Jane, you just gave me an excuse to kill two more women. The I saw the way it affected you and I thought it would be fun to play games with you, it sometimes got a little boring just killing for myself.' Red John explained turning and pointing the gun at Jane.
'Drop the gun.' Lisbon called, trying to mask the fear in her voice.
'I could, but that would mean getting arrested and letting Patrick here walk free,' he retorted.
'I thought you didn't want to kill him.' She said bravely 'you like playing your little games with him, you're sick. You just want to see him broken emotionally.'
'True…true,' he said as if mulling over the thought. 'But I tire of our games. I want someone new to torture. You.' He said with a cold smile.
'Go to hell.' she spat.
'Oh, now wouldn't that kill him, knowing that even when he's dead he's still hurting you. And just think how much it'll hurt you to watch the man you love die when you could have saved him. The guilt will almost kill you…Yes; I think I should like playing with your emotions, making you feel like poor Patrick here.' Red John teased ignoring Lisbon's insult.
'No!' Jane cried as if the mere thought were like physical pain. Such a sound being emitted from Jane shocked Lisbon; normally he was so calm and collected. Of course this wasn't normally and Jane did always get emotional when it came to Red John, but never like this.
Taking advantage of Lisbon's momentary shock Red John ran towards her and grabbed her arm twisting it behind her, sending her gun cart wheeling across the floor
'Tell your wife and daughter I said hello.' He called to Jane, pushing Lisbon across the room. Red John turned to Jane and pointed his gun at him, his finger closed around the trigger…
Lisbon knew. She knew right then what she had to do. In fact, she had known from the minute she walked in and saw those two, that it would come to this. But she had tried to push the thought form her mind, she couldn't any longer…
In a split second three things happened: Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt burst in; two gunshots were fired and Lisbon ran and threw herself in front of Patrick Jane.
She crumpled as the bullet hit her in the stomach. Jane caught her and lowered her to floor pushing down hard on the wound desperately trying to stop the blood that was pouring out. She curled in agony as big as herself; it consumed her petite frame and made her look vulnerable and weak. Jane had only ever seen her look vulnerable briefly; usually she covered it with a mask almost as good as his. Almost. It was never quite enough to fool him.
'Why did you do that?' he asked tears filling his eyes.
'I couldn't let him kill you Jane,' she whispered in a voice that was barely audible.
'Shh,' he soothed 'Cho got him. He's dead Lisbon, he's gone, you can't leave me now when I'm finally free to love you, look,' he said tugging from his finger the wedding band that had been there, a weight on his shoulders, for so long. 'It's you Teresa, only you.' He could barely choke out the last few words as tears cascaded from his blue eyes.
'Patrick,' she whispered 'I love you too.'
'No!' he called 'You can't talk like that! Like you're saying goodbye, you're going to be fine!'
He was trying to reassure himself more than anything else. But as he held her and her eyelids flutter closed, it was as if he had watched the star go out in her eyes. She felt dead. The only thing that was telling him she wasn't was her dangerously shallow and uneven breathing. He held her closely; his chest taking over the job his hands had been doing of trying to stem the blood.
'Just keep breathing.' He instructed through the tears. 'Just keep breathing and fighting. You can't let him win'
Paramedics rushed in at that moment swooping down and taking over the care of his beloved Lisbon. He held tightly to her hand and begged to go in the ambulance with her. All the way to the hospital he refused to let go of her hand until the paramedics forced him to by telling him that he was preventing them from taking care of her properly.
'Don't do this,' he begged her 'please, don't leave me.' He was barely taking notice of what was happening around him all he cared about was the diminutive figure of Teresa Lisbon laid in front of him as pale as death and covered in her own blood.
As soon as they got to the hospital they rushed Lisbon into surgery. Jane sat outside holding his head in his hands, praying to a god that he didn't believe in to make her be ok. He raised his head to stare at the blank wall in front of him. It was emotionless even though it had bore witness to many people's emotional turmoil it still remained unbroken, unwavering. He had always seen Lisbon this way, she had seen and felt so much heartbreak and yet she was there for him as strong ever. The cold plastic chair he was sat in offered him no comfort. He clutched at his hair when he realised that he had been so scared back there that he hadn't said it. I love you too. She had told him that she loved him and he hadn't answered. And now…now he might never be able to tell her. Tears rushed to his eyes once more. Why was he so stupid? All of this was his fault, it always was every time he had lost someone close it had always been his fault.
The team got there not long after. They brought with them some comfort, saving him from the painful wanderings of his imagination into a world without Lisbon. He felt their eyes burning with concern; they shouldn't be concerned for him this was his fault.
'Jane are you ok?' Van Pelt enquired sounding extremely worried.
'ME!' he yelled, standing up from his chair as his anger at himself suddenly found a release. 'WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I'M OK? THIS IS ALL MY FAULT! YOU SHOULDN'T BE CONCEREND FOR ME, I DON'T DESERVE IT! I AS GOOD AS KILLED HER!' He collapsed back to his chair as sobs wracked his body he clenched his fists in his hair.
He was so consumed by his emotions that he didn't see the team exchange looks of fear. They had never seen him like this and they were truly scared. They looked to each other deciding what to say. They just didn't know. How could they comfort someone who didn't want to be comforted? The only person who would know what to do was the man sat in front of them, broken into pieces by tears.
'I'm sorry.' Jane said to no-one in particular. 'I shouldn't have shouted at you it's just…
'Jane,' Grace interrupted, sitting beside him and putting her arm around him comfortingly, 'It's ok. This isn't your fault. Lisbon knew what would happen, but she did it anyway because she loves you, Jane and love doesn't have any caveats.'
'Yeah,' Rigsby agreed sitting beside Grace 'besides you're not going to loose her. She'll be fine; do you really think the boss will let a little bullet beat her?'
'Go outside and get some air,' Cho suggested.
'I can't leave her, what if…' Jane began but Van Pelt interrupted him 'She's going to be in surgery for hours, if anything happens one of us will come and get you, promise.'
'Okay,' Jane conceded heading towards the stairs.
'I'll come with you.' Cho said, Jane could tell that Cho wanted to come with him because he was worried about him, normally he would have teased him about it but not today, not now, not when Lisbon was in danger.
The two men walked down the stairs and outside in silence, both engrossed in thoughts of their boss, though for slightly different reasons. Cho did love Lisbon but as a friend, they first met when he started out as a rookie and she took him under her wing. He did admit that he had had a crush on her for a while when they had first started working together but that quickly faded into platonic feelings.
And Jane, well, Jane loved Lisbon ardently.
As they got outside they saw a group of people stood around. Several of them were smoking cigarettes. This infuriated Jane, Lisbon was inside fighting to hold on to every ounce of life she had, while here stood people willingly throwing their lives away. Jane strode up to them clearly indignant. Cho followed him watching warily.
'Excuse me but my friend, no my lover, is inside undergoing major surgery. She is fighting for her life and you're just stood here throwing away yours.' Jane raged.
'Hey, dude it's my choice if I want to smoke.' answered one of the people.
'Yes, yes it is and frankly I couldn't give a damn if you die. I just think that it's disrespectful for you to kill yourself while inside someone much more deserving of life is having to fight to keep it!' Jane retorted, tears welling up in his eyes.
'C'mon Jane,' said Cho calmly putting his hand on Jane's shoulder and steering him gently towards the door. As they reached the floor that Lisbon was on they saw Grace sat with her head on Rigsby's shoulder, tears were cascading from her eyes as Rigsby stroked her hair comfortingly. Jane and Cho sat down opposite them in silence, they passed hours just sat there in their own little worlds, the silence only broken by the occasional reassurance of Rigsby to Grace that everything would be alright.
It seemed like they had been sat there a lifetime when the doctor walked out and came to address the team. 'Hi, I'm Dr Evans, your friend, Teresa Lisbon, she's going to be in a coma for a while,' Jane stood up instantaneously and strode towards the doctor.
'Is she…' he started.
'She should be fine.' The doctor interrupted 'We'll know more when she wakes up.'
'Can I see her?' Jane asked pleadingly.
'Sure' she affirmed comfortingly.
Jane and the team followed the doctor through endless white corridors, Jane barely registered that he was moving, the only thing he cared about was seeing her. Eventually, they reached a small room similar in size and style to Lisbon's office in the CBI, but Jane wouldn't be nearly as happy to see this Teresa as he would have been the one in the office: the Teresa who bickered with him and enjoyed being annoyed by him almost as much as he enjoyed annoying her. Through the slats in the blinds they could see a small raven haired figure laid there attached to several machines. She looked so helpless, nothing like the fiery feisty woman they all knew she was.
'One at a time I'm afraid,' instructed the doctor.
Jane immediately stepped forward and opened the door. None of the others even thought of disputing that he should see her first. He closed his eyes and apprehension filled his body. He opened them to see his strong, brave Lisbon lying there, helpless and weak. Her ebony hair was fanned out on the pillow she looked beautifully peaceful as if she was asleep. He strode towards her and took her hand in his bringing it up to his mouth and brushing it with his lips.
'I love you, Teresa' he said stroking her hair. 'I have for so long but I couldn't let myself…I was scared, of what Red John would do if he saw that I was happy. I'd already lost two of the loves of my life I couldn't loose another… I can't loose another. I've waited so long to be able to tell you how I feel. Please Teresa… just wake up'
He pressed his lips to her forehead trying to make her hear him, feel him. He sank his head to their joined hands. He remained this way, in peaceful anguish, for what seemed like a lifetime until someone opened the door. He sat up and turned to see that it was Van Pelt she smiled slightly at him.
'Jane,' she said tentatively 'I think you need to go and get changed out of those clothes.'
He looked down at himself. All the time he'd been at the hospital he had been unaware that his shirt was covered in blood. Her blood. Staining his shirt just like the grief stained his heart. He was grieving before he had even lost her.
'I can't leave her.' He stated as if it was obvious.
'Give me the keys for your apartment, I'll go get you some,' she replied.
He handed them to her and looked at her before saying sincerely 'Thank you.' And retaking his position at Lisbon's bedside.
A week passed like this: Jane keeping a silent vigil by her bedside leaving only when he had to, the team trying to take care of him and Teresa Lisbon sleeping silently in the hospital bed. Everyday Jane prayed that she would wake up. That she would open those beautiful jade green eyes and he would see them sparkle like they had so many times before.
But a week after this routine had started something changed.
'Hey Jane, we're going to get drinks, do you want a tea?' Van Pelt asked as she always did at this time of day, poking her head around the door to Lisbon's room where Jane was sat.
'Sure,' he replied.
She went to close the door, when he jumped from his chair as if electrocuted by the sudden idea that struck him.
'Grace!' he called 'Get Lisbon a coffee, a cappuccino with cinnamon sprinkles.'
She just stared at him as if he had completely taken leave of his senses.
'Please.' He asked almost begging.
'Okay,' she answered with a sigh.
A few minutes later she came back carrying two paper cups from Starbucks.
'Here.' She said handing them to Jane trying to give him a comforting smile.
He took them and carried them to his chair beside Lisbon's bed.
'Look what I got you,' he said gently placing the coffee on the cabinet next to her head. 'Cappuccino with cinnamon sprinkles. I always knew it was your favourite, as I've told you you're translucent, my dear.' He smiled at the thought of her face when he had first told her that he could read her like a book. What he hadn't told her was that sometimes he couldn't read her at all. Sometimes she was a puzzle to him, which was probably why she intrigued him so much. She wasn't like anyone he had ever known, she was special. She was his.
Suddenly, he saw her eyelids flutter. Slowly she opened her eyes.
'Lisbon!' he exclaimed almost jumping from his chair. 'I was so scared I thought I was going to loose you.' Tears flooded to his eyes as she raised her hand slightly to silence him, only for the first time in days they weren't tears of sadness they were tears of joy.
'You can't get away from me that easily.' She joked, but her voice was hoarse.
'I never want to loose you Teresa. I should have told you sooner but I just couldn't. I want you to be with me forever.' He answered tears now falling down his cheeks. Gently, she laced her fingers between his.
'I will Patrick. I promise I'm never going to leave you. I love you.'
'I love you too.' He replied. And with that he brushed his lips to hers.
There was a flurry of movement outside as the team saw that Lisbon was awake and rushed inside.
Jane turned around and gave them the biggest smile they had ever seen. They looked from him to Lisbon, who was also smiling sweetly.
'Finally!' Van Pelt exclaimed understanding exactly what those smiles meant. Cho handed Rigsby $50 smiling a little as he did so, Rigsby looked at Lisbon apologetically but she just chuckled in response, she was so glad that she was back with them. Her little dysfunctional family.
'Now, I've got another relationship to try and hide form the boss,' she said laughing a little.
'Well, we won't tell if you don't.' Rigsby answered and with that they all began to laugh. They weren't just laughing at the joke they were laughing with relief, laughing away the pain that had occupied their bodies for a week
Tears began to shiver down Van Pelt's cheeks as she smiled, Rigsby put his arm comfortingly around her tears welling up in his own eyes and Cho had a grin to rival even Jane's.
Lisbon and Jane were finally alone together. The doctors had checked Lisbon over and told them that she was going to be fine she would just be feeling a little tired and weak for a while. The team had decided to give them some privacy after much hinting from the two of them that they wanted to be alone. The team were so overcome with relief that it had made them oblivious to any form of subtlety and Jane and Lisbon had had to drop several very heavy hints until Van Pelt got it and ushered the other two out of the room. Now that they were alone Jane had sat on the bed next to Lisbon and had her head held to his chest whilst he was stroking her hair
'It's not against the rules you know.' Jane said looking at Lisbon
She looked up at him questioningly with a cute little frown between her eyebrows.
'You and me,' he said in response 'I checked in the CBI rule book.'
She smiled at him and raised her eyebrow disbelievingly 'You read the CBI rule book?'
'Meh, I scan read it.'
'Yeah and obviously neglected to read the parts about not bending, breaking or in anyway ignoring the rules.' She quipped, laughing.
'Yeah well,' he said smiling. He cupped her cheek in his hand and pressed his lips to hers. 'I missed you, you know.'
Hope you liked it I know then end with the coffee is a little bit cheesy but I thought it fitted with the prompt.
Reviews please!