Good Sweet Mike, A Pro-Annie
Story!!!
Annie Thelen walked
home from school one windy Thursday afternoon, clutching in her arms a large
notebook in which she had all of her songs.
Suddenly, a particularly nasty gust of wind blew the papers from her
notebook, strewing them everywhere. She
moaned loudly in anguish and hustled around, trying to pick them up. She had succeeded in catching all but one and
when she raced into the street to grab it, a bus hit her.
No, no, wait…I said this would be a Pro-Annie story…let's
try this again.
Annie Thelen stepped
onto the stage and brushed back a strand of long golden hair from her delicate
jaw. She placed the mike to her lips and
began to sing. The audience was mesmerized
by her soft voice and sweet tone. Nobody
noticed the dark clouds overhead. It
began to rain heavily and Annie was electrocuted.
No, no…that's not good, either. Let me try again, I promise I'll get it
right!!
Annie Thelen walked
into a shoe store. The store clerk took
one look at her and promptly beat her to death with a strappy patent-leather
pump.
WAIT!! That's not
good either. One more
time.
As Annie Thelen awoke one morning from
uneasy dreams she found herself transformed in her bed into a gigantic insect.
No,
wait, that's Kafka. I promise I'll get
it right…
Annie Thelen was a beautiful thirteen
year old girl whom everyone loved and admired.
She got whatever she wanted and whomever she wanted, whenever she
wanted. Everyone loved her and as a
result, a great war was fought in her honor.
She lived, but all of her potential suitors were dead, so she became a
nun. However, she was sprayed with holy
water and it turned out she was a demon, so Buffy came in and killed her.
No,
no, that's not right either. Besides,
Buffy kills vampires…
Annie Thelen took an axe
And gave Molly Phillips forty whacks
When she saw what she had done
She gave Fi Phillips forty-one
Now
that's just sick.
Okay,
I give up!!! I obviously cannot write a
Pro-Annie story. You want Pro-Annie,
read someone else's stuff. Thank you and
Goodnight.
