Brittany and Santana were making their way through the crowded parking lot and into school for the day that they had been planning about with their glee club for the past week. It was sunny out and the birds were chirping their happy songs and the fact that Santana could hold her girlfriend's hand with out any second glances felt phenomenal. They were both eager to get into the choir room that morning, even though Santana made a point to be less vocal about her enthusiasm. Senior prank day was totally her thing, but the fact that she had to share her plot with the rest of the glee club was not something she took pride in.
After Brittany spilled the beans one afternoon to Rachel Berry, there was no concealing Santana's plan for the greatest senior prank ever. What was worse was that her idea got completely flushed down the toilet when the rest of the club decided their ideas were better upon a unanimous vote. Now, instead of switching all the offices and hiding rotten fish in the ventilation system their plans were reduced to hanging a sign that let the whole school and faculty know it was their day, along with releasing an insane amount of marbles loose in the hallways and breaking out into another flash mob during lunch.
Still Santana couldn't push away the smile that crept on her face just seeing how excited Brittany was for their plans. The marbles were Brittany's idea after all, and Santana was willing to support that. Santana glanced to her left at a now bouncing Brittany as they were about to enter the high school and beamed proudly at her before hearing a loud WOOP WOOP from behind them.
Along with the rest of the student body that was still formed outside, Brittany and Santana turned their heads to see what was going on. Pulled nearly up to the stairs of school was a cop car flashing its blue and red lights at them. A tall, slender uniformed cop stepped out of the driver side with a radio to his mouth.
"BRITTANY PIERCE, STOP WHERE YOU ARE." His voice boomed from the outside speaker on his police car.
Santana looked over at the girl who suddenly had her hand in a vice grip and scrunched up her face, then looked back at the officer who was now approaching them. One of his hands was resting lazily on the gun at his side while the other held a pair of handcuffs. He stopped right in front of them and looked sternly at Brittany, ignoring Santana's presence completely.
"Brittany Pierce?" He asked for confirmation. When the blonde refused to move, still frozen in fear, Santana protectively stepped in front of her.
"What is this about, officer?" She asked as she shielded her girlfriend.
"I am here for Miss Pierce, ma'am. Please step aside." He instructed as he motioned for Santana to move out of the way. Brittany gripped even tighter on Santana and now grabbed onto both of her arms, effectively keeping her in place. Brittany was warned since she was a little girl that the cops would get her and send her to jail forever if she forgot to clean out Lord Tubbington's litter box. She could have sworn she cleaned it out this morning, but she also thought she painted her nails red this morning and as she looked down she realized they were definitely orange.
"I'm her girlfriend and I demand to know what has you coming to our place of learning as if she's some sort of convict." Santana stepped further between the officer and Brittany, staring him down even as he was tightening his hold on the baton at his side.
"Miss Pierce has a warrant out for her arrest and I'm here to take her in. If you don't step away now I will be forced to take action." He warned just as a second officer began stepping out of the vehicle. This one was a nice looking woman no taller than Santana, who she eyed up and down, certain she could take her if she needed to.
"Santana…." Brittany whined into the back of Santana's head, still trying to hide from the frustrated officer. Santana moved both of her arms to wrap around Brittany's waist that was pressed up behind her. She was ready to attack anyone that came near her. This had to be a mistake.
"Ma'am you need to step aside." The female officer said as she approached them at a quick pace. "We are just going to take her in, and then she'll be released on a small bail after processing as soon as her parents come to get her. She's been stealing gas from the BP station for months now and has had a warrant out for a while."
Santana liked this cop much better; at least she got some answers, even if they didn't make sense. Santana knows Brittany better than she knows herself, and she knows she doesn't steal, like, ever. The woman cop reached out to Santana slowly and took the opportunity to pull her away gently from Brittany in her confused state. With Santana out of the way the first police officer pulled Brittany closer to him and turned her around as he began reading her Miranda rights. As he was placing the cuffs on her hands Santana shook out of her daze and pulled away from the grasp the policewoman had on her.
"Brittany! No." She yelled as she began moving towards the blonde again. Brittany just stood there looking pitiful and dumbfounded. There was no way she would steal anything.
"Ma'am! You can see her when she's bonded out. It's really not that big of a deal. Until then you need to go to your classes. I'm sure her mother will inform you once she has picked her up." Again the woman tried to reason with Santana who was just looking frantically between the cops and her girlfriend who was in hand cuffs.
A crowd of students had begun circling around all the commotion and this only ignited Santana's rage even more. Now everyone was going to be talking about this, just after she got over the whispers about her and Brittany being a couple.
"I'm coming with her then. Lock me up officers." Santana stated as she held out both her hands, waiting for the cuffs.
"It doesn't work that way, miss. Now please go inside." The male officer told her before raising his hand and pointing to the other kids. "All of you! Inside!"
This seemed to cause a large amount of them to retreat into the brick building while Santana stood still, refusing to let Brittany out of her sight.
"No. I'm going with her!" She shouted and began walking towards Brittany again, only to be pulled back by the surprisingly strong woman. The female officer pulled her away and scooted her lightly towards to doors of WMHS.
"Fine. I'll give you a reason to take me in!" Santana shouted defiantly as she pulled her backpack in front of her and pulled out a can of red spray paint. She speed walked over to the building and shook the contents of the can before spraying a giant red 'S' onto the worn brick. She threw the can and her book bag down onto the grass and walked back up to the cops, holding her hands out once more.
The police officers exchange glances before the woman gave a shrug and pulled out another pair of hand cuffs and locked them onto tan wrists.
"Alright for the destruction of property you have the right to remain silent…"
After reading her rights to Santana she placed her into the back of the cop car next to Brittany who shifted her body so that she was pressed as closely to Santana as she could be. Her legs were shaking and Santana placed her chin on her shoulder.
"Sh. It's okay. I'm not going to leave you. We'll work this out. It's just some stupid mistake." She cooed into Brittany's ear.
"This is absolutely preposterous! They can't arrest teenage girls!"Rachel exclaims as Mike walks in, Tina by his side and clutching his bicep.
"Well apparently they can, because I just saw them getting hauled away. The whole school is talking about how Santana and Brittany are like Bonnie and Clyde or some shit and Santana straight up grafittied the school. So bad ass...totally taught her everything she knows." Puck cuts in, leaning into Rachel.
"So what are we supposed to do now?" Finn stands up and turns towards the rest of the glee clubbers. "Brittany had all the marbles and Santana is the only one that can distract Coach Sylvester long enough for us to set everything up."
"Yes, but more importantly they are going to miss our song during lunch period. We can't perform it without them. It's too perfectly choreographed to change now. I have Jacob video taping us so it can be a hit sensation on Youtube!" Rachel's eagerness never waivers; she's been chomping at the bit to perform her own rendition of "School's Out" by Alice Cooper mashed up with Lulu and the Lamp Shade's "You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone" accompanied, of course, by her fellow glee club members.
"Yeah well good luck with that fantasy. They're not getting out of there any time soon. Guess prank day is cancelled." Kurt's voice rises and falls with his words and Blaine pats him on the back sympathetically. They were all looking forward to the day.
"Why don't you guys just do it another day? As much as I would love to steal your idea for my senior prank day I don't see why you can't just do it next week." Sugar is fingering through her purse counting her money as she offers up her suggestion.
"With final exams being next week and graduation next Friday there will be no time. It was today or no day. Do us proud next year."
"We're not giving up that easily, Mercedes! There has to be something we can do!"
"Yeah if we don't get them to sing and dance with us, or the marbles from Britt, we will be stuck doing something lame… like ordering five dozen pizzas to Figgins' office."
Finn smiles at his girlfriend's inept ability of never giving up and always looking for a way to make things work out. He helps remind everyone that they do NEED the two girls. Everyone sighs, knowing they weren't getting out of that room until they exhausted every possible idea of busting the girls out of jail and going through with their plans.
"Britt-Britt, if you needed money for gas why didn't you just tell me?" Santana asks, voice full of concern, as her and Brittany sit side by side in the back a cop car on the way to the county jail.
"I didn't need money for gas."
"Then why did you steal it?"
"Its not stealing if you own the gas station." Brittany deadpans.
Santana wrinkles her nose first and then scrunches up her eyebrows.
"What are you talking about?"
"I only get gas at the BP station. BP... Brittany Pierce. It's my gas station. I don't have to pay for gas there."
The tone in Brittany's voice tells Santana that this is just another one of her misunderstandings of the world inside her head versus the real world. Santana shakes her head apologetically and places cuffed hands on her girlfriend's knee.
"Oh no, Brittany. It doesn't work like that. BP does not stand for Brittany Pierce, it stands for British Petroleum." Before Brittany can open her mouth Santana adds, "And no, that doesn't mean "British" as in it's sorta yours, its "British" as in Britain."
Brittany takes in this new information and goes through a wave a discovery. First she thinks Santana is joking with her and she smiles. Then upon noticing how Santana doesn't crack into a smile like she normally does when she is messing with her she is confused. She tries to piece together how this gas station she just assumed was hers belonged to Britain. Then she feels sorry. Brittany isn't a bad person; she would never intentionally steal from people. And finally she's scared. The panic starts at her stomach, passes through her chest and throat and comes out of her mouth as a squeak. She is going to jail for stealing. Is gas government property? Was this a federal offense? Would she even be able to stay in the county after this? She just knows that she is never going to get a good job now. Brittany starts hyperventilating now and squeezes the hands that are holding her down. Keeping her grounded, without them she is sure she would be having a full on anxiety attack.
"It's okay Britt. Calm down. We are going to work this out. It's your first offense and you're only 17. This will all get settled, no worries. Okay?" Santana rubs her conjoined hands up and down Brittany's back stopping every so often at the back of her neck to massage away some of the tension.
Brittany looks up at her through watery eyes and long eyelashes. She sticks her bottom lip out and nods. "Okay."
They sit quietly together for a few minutes. Santana is giving the blonde her most reassuring scratching and petting, until she can't hold it in any more. The idea of Brittany thinking she owned a gas station and just taking gas like it was no big deal. She starts laughing despite her best efforts to keep it in and receives a glare from the cop in the rearview mirror.
"Why are you laughing, San? I don't see how any of this is funny." Brittany's voice is still small as she turns to a guilty looking Santana.
"I'm sorry, but it kinda is. I mean, really Britt, did no one ever try to stop you?"
"Well, now that I think about it…maybe. But I swear they were just waving at me. I thought they were running because they would get in trouble if they didn't say good-bye to me."
"And the thought never occurred to you that they might have been trying to flag you down…for let's say…not paying?" Santana speaks through her giggles.
"I'm so stupid" Brittany huffs out and throws herself further back against the seat.
Santana instantly stops laughing and puts on a serious face.
"You are not stupid. It was a misunderstanding. You just look at things differently. Sometimes it doesn't work out for you and sometimes it does. It's what made me fall in love with you…" Santana smiles and tilts her head. "Well that and your bangin' body."
Brittany blushes and smiles as Santana leans into her with puckered lips. She kisses her softly, lingers for only a second and pulls away, hands still cupping her face.
"I don't want to hear you call yourself that anymore, okay?" Santana nods her head up and down until Brittany is mimicking her motions. She leans into her again, kisses her cheek and pulls her into a warm hug.
"So you really think my body is bangable, huh?" Brittany looks over to Santana with a coy smile. And they both break out into a quiet fit of laughter.
"What if we dressed Mike up as the ambassador from Japan and pled diplomatic immunity?" Rachel suggests.
"First of all, I'm Chinese and you're racist. Second of all, that is the worst idea you have ever had."
"I don't hear you coming up with any brilliant ideas!" Rachel raises her nose in the air and turns her head away, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Well, actually. I think Tina might have a pretty good one." Mike offers, looking at a wide-eyed Tina.
All eyes are on her now and she slinks into herself.
"Come on girl, speak up. By now we could use any ideas we can get!" Mercedes encourages.
"Okay. Yeah. Well, you see….This is SO embarrassing!" She stops and looks around. Mike puts his hand on her back and nods forward; she sucks in breath for bravery and continues. "…a little while back Principle Figgins thought the way I dressed meant I was a vampire and I've been taking advantage of his stupidity."
Everyone looks at her warily.
"How exactly have you been taking advantage of his stupidity?" Kurt asks the question everyone, except Mike, was thinking.
"Well I've been dressing up as a vampire with fake teeth that I got on sale at Party City and sneaking to his bedroom window at night. I wait for his wife to fall asleep and threaten him into letting me skip P.E. and dissecting anything that bleeds." She looks around at mouths agape. "...so the blood doesn't send me into a feeding frenzy on the youth of McKinley." She shrugs as if that last explanation would ease their surprise.
"Hold up. You've been pretending to be some sort of she-dracula and that's why you never have to go to gym. Oh hell no! How have you not gotten me the hook-up?" Mercedes slaps Tina lightly on her arm and laughs. Tina just looks sheepishly at her, not at all used to being the center of attention.
"So what does any of this have to do with getting Bonnie and Clyda out of the slammer?" Puck asks, not at all impressed.
"Don't you see Puckerman? We could have Tina persuade Figgins to help us." Rachel puts her index finger to her chin and taps while she looks into the air hoping to see an idea floating around up there. She does and snags it. "Figgins could pay off the gas station with the Cheerios' safety net budget and he could explain to the officers that he implored Santana to design a new symbol on the school for a project." She suggests excitement dripping from every word.
"Yeah, I mean they don't ever use that money for anything useful and she did write an 'S', right Puck?" Finn asks
Puck nods.
"Well the word school start with an 'S'…I think we could make this work!"
"Alright you two, you'll be in here for holding, behave yourselves." The male officer says as he directs Brittany and Santana into a small cell with 2 bunked cots for beds. It was grey and bleak and Santana wasn't sure either of them could touch anything without getting some disease.
"Gross." Santana grimaces as she takes in her surroundings.
The officer shakes his head and starts to walk away before he being called back by the Latina.
"Hey! What about our phone calls!" She hollers at the man.
"After we've got you two put into the system you can have your phone call. We will be notifying your parents though, so I doubt you'll need them."
"How long?" Santana asks, ignoring the fear that claws away at her chest at the thought of her parents finding out she got thrown in jail.
"Two to three hours at least… so get comfortable."
When the man walks out of the area they are in, leaving them alone, Brittany throws her arms around Santana's waist and squeezes. She pulls back and smiles at her loving, over protective girlfriend.
"You didn't have to get yourself in trouble for me, you know."
"Like there was any chance in hell I'd let my girlfriend go to jail alone." Santana says with a smirk and an eye roll pulling the blonde closer and leaning her lips so that they were ghosting over her ear. "Besides, this just means I get more time with you, minus the school work and nosey teachers." She purrs and barely traces her lips over Brittany's reddening skin.
"Yeah?" Brittany says as she sneaks her arms up Santana's back to her shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss.
"Mhm" Santana mumbles into the only lips that make her weak in the knees.
Brittany slowly starts moving them towards the bottom cot. She sits down at the edge of the thin mattress as Santana makes her place in between toned thighs, lips never parting. Brittany's hands are weaving through dark locks as her face is trapped in between Santana's hands. She starts tugging at the pleated skirt Santana is wearing, begging her to join her on the bed. Santana breaks away when Brittany's intentions become clear.
"Britt-Britt. We could get caught…" She says, slightly out of breath, as she leans her forehead onto her girlfriend's.
"So we'll hide under the covers. They'll never even know." Brittany says with a sly smile as she moves her hands from Santana's skirt to her hips, rocking her from side to side playfully.
"Ew, Britt…I don't know if we should be climbing under these covers. Who knows what type of cracked out prostitute junkies occupied this thing before us. And it's itchy."
"They clean the blankets San, this isn't Iraq. Plus this is just like when we used to pretend we were homeless British girls when we were younger, 'cept this bed feels more like a poor person's than yours." Brittany coaxes.
Santana looks at the cot and then back at Brittany with a still wary look.
"I'll do the accent…" Brittany sing songs pulling a smile from Santana. She knew she'd won when Santana's resolve falters with a smirk and a head nod.
Brittany leans off of the blanket and pulls it over herself while inviting Santana to join her. "Come on love, let's shag." Brittany says with her best seductive British accent.
Santana wastes no more time before she's hopping on top of Brittany and pulling the itchy blanket over their heads. She finds Brittany's lips in the darkness and kisses her with renewed passion. That accent really did turn her on. She grinds her hips down and into Brittany's center while her hands travel under Brittany's shirt and up her side. The blonde moans into the kiss, loving every moment of their risky tryst. Her hands find the back of Santana's bare thighs after being exposed from her short skirt rising higher on her waist with her new position. She begins exploring the tan flesh she already knows so well from years of roaming when her hands freeze and she pulls out of the kiss.
"Wait a minute! You only played that game with me so we could cuddle and…stuff. Didn't you?" Brittany accuses with pure shock.
Santana smiles and shoves her face into the crook of Brittany's neck, peppering her soft skin with baby kisses, before looking up with a satisfied smile. Brittany can barely make out the twinkle in her eye under the darkness of the blanket.
"Yup! Sure did!" She says and dives back down to cover Brittany's mouth with her own, muffling a surprised moan.
"I don't know if this is going to work, guysth. When I get to his houthe it's already dark out and he can't get a good look at me." Tina whines with a slight lisp as she comes out of the bathroom with her fake vampire teeth in.
"It's worth a shot. Besides, you look great! That outfit just screams scary vampire."
"Thankth a lot, Sugar. All I did was put the teeth in. I was wearing thith all morning."
Sugar nods and looks over her outfit once more. "I see why he thought you were undead. We should go shopping after school."
Ignoring Sugar, Tina walks over to Mike who gives her an Eskimo kiss and shields her from Sugar's peering eyes.
"Okay Tina. You look fabulous. The teeth are very scary. Now you'll have to go in alone, do you remember what to say?" Rachel asks as she adjusts Tina's teeth.
"Yeah. Cheerio money for bail and school project for Santana. Got it, I just want to get this over with."
Tina saunters towards Principal Figgins' office and slips inside, but not before showing off her best vampire face over her shoulder to her glee mates.
When they all heard a muffled scream come from behind the office door Finn and Mike pound their fists together. It worked.
"Mmm. San. Right there." Brittany pants into her arm as Santana's skilled fingers encircle her most sensitive area.
Santana lifts her mouth from Brittany's erect nipple and stills her hand. She waits through Brittany's demanding whines, until blue eyes meet brown.
"Santana…"
"Accent baby, accent." Santana reprimands.
"I can't even think straight with you all over me. How am I-"
Santana dips her head down and quickly swipes her tongue over a pink nipple before pulling away again and looking at her girlfriend expectantly.
Brittany sighs in frustration and repeats herself in the accent, which gives Santana all the motivation she needs to continue her ministrations. She drags her teeth across Brittany's flesh, until she's making her way back up her neck and quickening her hand's pace.
After their principal called the BP station and paid Brittany's balance, Tina convinced him to take a few of them up to the jail to bust two of their star performers out before lunch time. Puck, Quinn, Finn, and Rachel piled into Principal Figgins' expedition and were off to Lima County Jail.
"Come on Figgins, it's already 10:45. Put the pedal to the medal and show us what this bad boy can do." Puck says as he peaks over to see that their principal is barely hitting 40 mph.
"Mr. Puckerman, do you know how much gas it costs me every time I 'put the pedal to the metal'? Enough to feed my family for a week!"
Puck digs into his back pocket and pulls out a twenty, chucking it into the driver's lap. "There. Now you can stop driving like Miss Daisy and actually hit the speed limit."
"Actually Puck, the Miss Daisy you are so aptly referring to never actually drove." Rachel corrects from the back seat.
"Yeah Morgan Freeman drove her around or something." Finn says with a proud smile on his face.
Rachel pats the hand that's resting on her thigh and her eyes sparkle up at Finn in congratulations for getting that information correct.
"No one cares." Quinn says with an eye roll while twisting her body away from the two love birds so she can focus on the world zooming past the back seat window.
They arrive just before 11 am and have less than an hour to get to the school and start their cafeteria performance. They all wait impatiently while Principal Figgins speaks with the police officers. Puck fidgets the most, and scowls at the snickers coming from his friends.
"Ease up on the anxiety Puckerman. You're starting to look suspicious." Quinn teases with a poke to his side.
It seems to have the affect she was hoping for because his shoulders drop slightly and he rolls his neck, letting the tension fall off of him with the motion.
"Alright people, this way. Follow me." The female officer shouts towards the group causing Puck to jump.
"What? Why are we following you? You get the girls and bring them out, there's no us going back there." Puck just about squeaks out, eliciting another fit of giggles from the girls and a look of disappointment from Finn.
"I thought this would be a good opportunity for a learning experience! Officer Fairbanks has agreed to give us a short tour on the way to Santana and Brittany's cell."
With a gulp and an arm squeeze they manage to usher Puck through the doors and into the small county jail. Quinn makes a mental note to ask Puck what exactly happened to him during his stint in juvie.
"D-don't stop" Santana breathes into her girlfriend's shoulder while Brittany's fingers work relentlessly inside of her. "So, so close"
"Mmm. I know baby, come for me." Brittany coos with her sultry accent into Santana's ear just in time to feel her fall over the edge with a pulsating beat clamping her fingers in place.
"Oh God!"
Brittany smiles at the words until she realizes they aren't Santana's. Her smile drops and her head snaps up at the sound of Rachel's voice and pops out from under the blanket to see 6 pairs of wide eyes focused on her and Santana in a very compromising position on their cot.
"Fuck yeah!" Puck exclaims with a fist pump and holds his hands up for a high five from his best friend. Finn looks immediately at Rachel and sees the punishment of his actions already forming in her eyes and shakes his head quickly at Puck.
"Shit." Brittany manages and looks down at Santana who is barely aware of what's going on, still coming down from her high. She shields the brunette and herself with the blanket and hovers more protectively over Santana to hide her face. She knows that if Santana realized that anyone got to see her like this she would be mortified. No one else gets to see the serene look on Santana's face that is reserved just for Brittany.
"Ahem. Ladies." Officer Fairbanks clears her throat awkwardly and averts her eyes. "You are free to go. You're principal cleared everything up and he and your friends are here to take you back to school." She makes her way to the cell and unlocks it with a smirk hidden on her features.
"Yay! Did you hear that San, we're free!"
Santana snuggles further under Brittany as a reminder that they are both missing the majority of their clothes.
"Yeah, just as soon as we get our clothes back on." Santana shouts back out to the group still standing on the other side of the bars.
"Right. Okay, let's go wait for them at the car." Quinn suggests and pushes a reluctant Puck towards the front.
"But-but-"
"Not gonna happen Perv."
"That was the best Senior Prank day ever." Brittany yawns out as she snuggles further into Santana's warmth and replays the memories of singing and dancing and coach Sue running out of her office, then falling all over the place over a good amount of scattered marbles that were placed strategically outside her door.
"Mhm." Santana says as her eyes lose the battle against the weight of exhaustion from their day.
"And next time we go to jail, we should use a blanket as like a curtain so we don't get caught having lady lovin'. And we should stay in long enough to take showers; I'd drop the soap for you." If the room wasn't blanketed in darkness and if Santana had her eyes open she would see the wink her favorite blonde just sent her.
"Next time, how about you just pay for your gas. Better yet, I'll just drive us around from now on."
With that Santana turns to her side and pulls Brittany as close as possible and falls asleep with legs entangled, breaths mixing together, and the steady rhythm of hearts beating in sync. Brittany grumbles out a barely there response and closes her eyes. She knows they'll both be dreaming of orange jumpsuits and shower time sex before morning comes.
THE END
A/N: That was my one shot for an episode I thought would have been a good idea for season three. (Minus the extra Santana and Brittany stuff) How they didn't utilize the whole 'Senior Prank Day' scenario is beyond me.
Anyways, I hope you guys liked it! Let me know!
PS: Anyone catch the guest appearance? Officer FAIRBANKS? Ring any bells? lol =D