Moments On End

by Writer Formerly Known As G

For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo. A new take on an old tale. RyanSummer, a oneshot.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo. A new twist on an old tale.

Okay, so this is different. This is what came out when I was listening to Bob Seger. Hmm… Lemme know what you think.

Moments on end.

The first time Summer and Ryan slept together was right after Marissa's funeral. It wasn't romantic. It was fast and hard and rough.

Summer found Ryan in the poolhouse, laying on his bed, brooding as usual. He looked so lost and vulnerable that her heart had ached for him. He had looked up at her when she opened the glass doors and she saw the loneliness in his eyes. Summer saw more than most people realised.

"Don't you knock?" Ryan stated gruffly and when she shrugged it off he added, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"Cohen's incessant babbling was getting to me." Summer nonchalantly said and flopped down on the bed next to Ryan. Ryan for his part seemed to take her presence in his stride, as if this was a regular occurrence, which it wasn't, and merely acknowledged her being there with a slight nod of his head.

Being this close to him was exhilarating. There was something about Ryan that reminded Summer of a snake, coiled and poised to strike, yet eerily calm at the same time. She didn't blame him though. If the love of her life died she would nearly catatonic too. As they lay there side by side she thought about what she would do if Seth died. She loved Seth. Or rather she thought she did. Some days it was easier to pretend than others. Would she be sad? Sure. Would she be distraught? She wasn't sure. And that thought made her instantly depressed.

"I should feel something, right?" Ryan sad snapping Summer from her thoughts.

"What?" She was confused.

"I mean," Ryan said and got up to pace the room. "It's not natural to feel nothing. I was standing next to her grave and all I could think about was what I was going to have for lunch! How fucked up am I!?"

"Ryan…" Summer started but she wasn't sure what to tell him. What would make him feel better? What could she possibly say to make it all right? "It just hasn't sunk in yet. Be grateful for this time because once it sets in that she's gone, that's she's not going to come back, you'll wish for the pain to go away." She didn't mean to sound bitter but fir her Marissa's death was already a reality.

"I'm sorry Summer… This is selfish of me…" Ryan said and sat down next to her. This was just like him. He always thought of other people first even though he was clearly in pain himself. What he didn't realise was, was that the lack of a reaction, was also a reaction… "Are you okay?" Ryan asked, his voice full of concern.

"I don't know." Summer answered truthfully. How does she explain to him that she felt as if Marissa was better off this way? That she felt like this was a release for not only Marissa but everyone that she touched with her problems? And at the same time her heart was breaking because she had lost her best friend and it felt like a piece of her had died as well. If he thought he was fucked up than she didn't want to hear what he thought of her.

"I guess not knowing how you feel is at least better than not feeling anything…" Ryan said and Summer had to give it to him that he had a point.

They sat next to each other and silence enveloped them. It was strange, Summer thought. Seth was never silent. And when he was, the silence was pregnant with all these weird vibes. Silence with Ryan was something different. It was comfortable. Safe. She liked this silence.

"I loved her, you know?" Ryan asked, his voice just above a whisper.

"Yeah. I know." She replied. She didn't elaborate because she knew he didn't want, didn't need, her to try and tell him that everything was going to be okay or that it wasn't his vault. He knew all this. It didn't make it easier though.

"It wasn't good enough. Nothing was ever good enough." A statement. He wasn't telling because she knew, hell she lived it as well.

After a beat Summer replied. "You know Ryan, sometimes love isn't enough." She wasn't sure if they were still talking about Ryan and Marissa but, wow, how true is that statement?

"Yeah. I know." The line was delivered in a monotone voice and Summer wasn't sure if he was serious or just placating her so she went back to the harmonious silence.

On any other night she might've sat there and not have given in to her impulses but sitting next to Ryan, her heart was saying one thing, her head another and her body, o boy, was her body telling her something completely different. Maybe it was the fact that Ryan had that unexplainable, James Dean rebel without a cause, X-factor. Or it was the fact that Ryan's arms were touching hers and the hair on her arm was reacting as if he was sending a current directly through her. Or it was just that she was human and humans have needs. Whatever.

"Maybe." Summer began and almost stopped when Ryan looked directly at her. Or maybe he was looking right through her. She wasn't sure at that point anymore. "Maybe we can help each other out…"

"How can we do that?" Ryan asked but by the sound of his voice however, she was certain that he understood exactly what she meant.

Instead of answering him she got up to lock the poolhouse door because God forbid one of the Cohen's should walk in. Or Seth. Though thinking about it, that might not be the worst thing that could happen. Maybe it could wake Seth up. Shake him out of his comfort zone. She left the door unlocked. It was time to live on the wild side.

"We could help each other out." Summer said and pushed Ryan onto the bed before straddling him. "I could help you feel something and you could help me figure out what I feel…"

Abs felt different when they were defined. Seth's abs were flabby and amorphous. Ryan's were in a different class. They were hard and flexed under her touch. "You mean, you an itch, and I have an itch and maybe we could scratch it for each other?" Ryan said, the decision already made in their minds.

Ryan made the first move. Well. The first move after Summer pushed him down onto the bed. Minor details. When he kissed her it was as if worlds collided. As if the cosmos aligned for one brief period of perfect harmony.

The sex wasn't romantic. It was hard. It was hard and fast and rough.

And in the morning he was gone. There was no note. No goodbye. Nothing. She understood why he left. Ryan had left because he didn't feel anything. Or maybe he had felt too much. Did it really matter? Summer wasn't so sure anymore. They hadn't made any promises. There were no feelings involved so they didn't owe each other anything. That thought was strangely disconcerting.

She would've left too if she could. But there was school. And Seth. Most of all there was Seth. He had never walked in on them and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Seth took Ryan's leaving the hardest and she couldn't leave him as well. Not yet anyway. So she stayed. But left before she lost her mind.

---------

The next time Summer was to see Ryan was five years later at a dodgy bar in Rhode Island.

"Screw it Summer. Jeff doesn't know what he is missing. We need to find you a new guy. We need to get you laid!" She loved Jennifer, her best friend, she really did but sometimes the girl had no perception of boundaries.

"Actually, I was thinking of taking a break from guys for a while…" It may have sounded like a joke but she was dead serious. After Ryan left, she and Seth for on-again, off-again for a year when she finally decided to pull the plug. Their relationship had been dead for a while but to make sure she wasn't drawn into the mess that was Seth Cohen again, she moved across the country for college.

Her luck in the romance department hadn't improved and she had just about decided that she was doomed to wander the world alone when she had met Jeff. Sweet, sensitive Jeff. He was a lawyer, which scored major brownie points with her father. Something was missing though. He was too perfect. She found herself looking for faults and when she found none, she began to question his honesty. She was neurotic. This she knew. She was about to give up her search, use her mad detectiving skillz for a better cause, when she found Jeff in bed with his secretary. Ass. He blamed her paranoia. She blamed his libido.

So here she was, on the prowl with her best friend. And alcohol. Lost of alcohol.

"I'm serious Summer! Look at that guy," Jennifer said and motioned to the door, "he looks as if he knows his way around a woman's body…"

Summer looked at the guy her friend was speaking about and her heart stopped. It couldn't be. It was impossible. And yet, there it was. There HE was. He was older. Better looking. But it was him, unmistakably.

"He's coming over here. Don't act all spazzy. Be the sophisticated girl I know you can be!" Her friend was nervous but she was more nervous. The last time she had seen him, she was naked. He was naked. This was going to be awkward.

"Hi." His voice was still the same. Melodic. Fluid. Manly. And he was staring at her. Not at all making her nervous. At least she hoped it didn't look it because she sure felt it.

"Hi," Jennifer replied, taking the lead, "my name is Jennifer and this," Jen said and pointed to Summer, "is my friend…"

"Summer." There he went again with the one word answers. Like a sharp shooter. To he point with surgical precision.

"Oh. OK. You to know each other." It was Jennifer's turn to be confused. Hah. It was nice to be on the other side for a change. "I'm just gonna go, I don't know, away…" Jennifer left the table and Ryan and Summer alone.

There it was. That silence. It had been too long since she had had hat. "You look good." Ryan said, infringing on the quiet. Three words. Three powerful words. It said more than was necessary.

"I know. Thanks." Summer said, hoping the joke would break the tension. Which it didn't. Crap. "So do you.", she added. That was, whoa, the understatement of the year.

"Hmmm…" Why was he so monosyllabic all of the sudden? Oh that's right. Ryan always had been monosyllabic. She just never really realised. Or maybe she did. But that was during the Seth-era so it didn't count.

Ryan sat down because that's what friends who've known each other for years did. OR so she thought. They also stared at each other. That was totally normal. Right? Right.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Ryan's voice was soft like velvet and she was losing herself. He asked her again and she mentally slapped herself. Could she BE a bigger idiot?

"Dirty martini. Two olives." Hopefully she sounded more accomplished.

Ryan turned his chiselled jaw to the bartender and ordered her drink and the added a scotch for himself. A man's drink Summer thought. It fit.

As he handed her her drink he said, "So Summer, what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" It was a line if ever she heard one. But she was intrigued.

"My friend brought me here to get over a guy…" So maybe she wanted sympathy. Big deal. A girl has needs.

"A guy was dumb enough to dump you? What an idiot!" It sounded like he meant it and that meant a lot to her. Maybe he could beat Jeff up…

Her dad once said something about curiosity and cats. She wasn't sure what it was because The Valley was and, duh, guess where her attention was. She sure wish she paid more attention because the curiosity was killing her now. What was he doing here?

She decided to throw caution to the wind. Let it not be said that Summer Robberts didn't have a backbone. She put down her drink and said, "I'm sorry Ryan. We're dancing around the subject here. Where the hell have you been and what the hell are you doing here?"

He chuckled. He laughed at her and it made her a bit mad. Or hot. "Straight to the point. You want the long or short version?"

He was playing games with her. She had learned from the best to play games. Ryan shouldn't think he was at all a match for her. She had talents. Lots of them.

She cocked her head because she's been told it commands attention. "Cut the crap Ryan. Stop stalling and out with it!"

"I was all over California. A bit of Nevada. Then New York. It was amazing. Then when I got my shit together, it was about a year after the incident, I moved back to Berkeley with the Cohens, and got into college, I think that at that stage you and Seth were long over. Got my degree cum laude, which brings me here to do my masters at Brown."

That better be the short version. She would have to get to the long version out him because her interest was piqued and noone kept secrets from Summer, try as they might. One thing bothered her. And made her heart race. "Why Brown?"

He looked at her and she was remind of THAT night when she wasn't sure whether he looked at her or through her… It was invigorating though. It made her feel more alive than she had in years. And that, that was dangerous. So very dangerous.

His answer, however brief, took her breath away. It was simple and to the point. At the same time being just like Ryan and at the same time not like him at all. "Unfinished business…"

It didn't take them long to finish their drinks and make their way to her apartment. She wasn't about to let him get away again because, hello, chance of a lifetime.

---------

They had been together for three months when Seth arrived on Ryan's doorstep. Taylor Townsend had broken his heart. Again. She knew all about it because post coital Ryan was a great conversationalist.

Whilst they were together, they weren't 'together' together. They didn't define anything. She was afraid to. If you wagered little bit at a time, you stayed of the house's radar, no matter if you kept winning. Damn Ryan and his sports metaphors.

Because of their 'commitment' free relationship, Ryan had not yet told the Cohen's, and thus Seth, Ass, about them. Hence the shock on his face when she opened the door. Snap.

"What are you doing here?" Seth snapped at her. As if he had any right! She would slap him if she hadn't just done her nails.

"Hello Seth. Nice to see you to." She rhetorically remarked as Seth pushed passed her into Ryan's home. A place she spent more and more time at.

"I asked you a question Summer!" Seth pushed. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Ryan and I are friends…" Well they were. Sort of.

"No, that's not it…" Seth said suspiciously pacing the room. "Ryan can't be friends with a girl. They always end up falling for him." Damn him and his Jewfro…

And then. The bombshell. "You're screwing him, aren't you!?" It was an accusation but he al ready knew the truth. Seth Cohen was many things, dumb was not one of them.

"Seth I can explain…" She valiantly tried to do some damage control because she's really messed up now. Crap.

"No, there's nothing to explain! How long has this been going on?" She had never seen Seth angry and it would've been hot had it not been so creepy. She wanted to explain. Make things right. But Seth was never one to let other people talk. "Oh. My. God. Has this been going since we were together?"

"Seth. Shut up!" That got his attention. "This isn't what you think. We've been, spending a lot of time together, yes, bit only since Ryan's moved here. Not before." Liar. Okay, it was partially true.

"I'll tell you what Summer," Seth said in an eerily calm voice that freaked her the hell out. "You leave my brother alone, and I won't make sure that he loses all contact with my family."

So Ryan was his brother but the Cohen's couldn't be his family? Nice Seth. "You wouldn't do that." She said but she knew he would. He was possessive like that.

"I would. Ryan can't have both of us. I won't have it. Make your decision. Now."

Ryan once told her that the Cohen's and in a lesser sense Seth was the first family he had ever known. As much as it hurt, she couldn't, wouldn't, take that from him. She hastily wrote a note to Ryan. She wasn;t sure what it said but he should get the gist of it. And left. She left like he did almost five years ago. And she hated Seth even more.

When you got down to it, they didn't owe each other anything. They weren't exclusive (though she wasn't seeing anyone except Ryan because he was like Pringles- once you POP you can't stop) and there were no promises. It was an easy out clause because it was supposed to be easy. Except it wasn't.

---------

Another two years would have to pass before she saw him again.

He had become like a mystical creature. He caused all her relationships to derail before they even started. No one kissed like him, smelled like him, touched like him.

If she could only forget but her friggin mind was like and elephant. Or she had the memory like an elephant. Whatever.

She was successful now. There was no reason why she should have to pine over him. She was desirable. She was hot. She was taken. Even if he didn't know it. Shit.

Her phone rang and she jadedly got up. Not because she wanted to but because it could be important. Or it could be him. Why wouldn't he just get out of her head! Ugh!

"Summer?" She would remember that voice forever. It was the voice that ripped them apart. Seth.

"Seth." No greeting was necessary because she wasn't really glad to hear from him and she didn't want to know how he was. She hated Seth Cohen.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I have something important to tell you." He sounded almost grownup. Less self involved. It was impossible! Yet, there it was! Amazing. He had her attention now, that was for sure.

"Go ahead." Just because he had her attention, didn't mean she had to be anything more than civil.

"It's about Ryan" She would speak if her heart could be removed from her throat.

She listened as he went on. She caught a few words here and there. Words like cancer and chemo and hospital. The point was, Ryan needed her.

It didn't take her long to pack and arrange a flight to Berkeley. Ryan needed her.

She phoned Jennifer and asked her to water the plants and feed her cat. Ryan needed her.

She got a cab and boarded the plane on automatic. Ryan needed her.

Even though it was all she thought about it exhaustingly, nothing prepared her for the sight of Ryan lying weedy and frail in the hospital bed. He had a beanie on his head. She guessed it covered the fact that he was now bald due to the chemo. He might be deadly, and she meant, deadly sick, but he still looked drop dead gorgeous.

"Hey…" She wasn't sure if it was she who spoke but as she looked around she realised that no one else was around so it had to have been her.

"Hey…" Came the weak reply from his bed. It broke her heart that he was so downtrodden. She also knew, because he was Ryan, that he might be down but he was not out.

"How are you?" It was such a redundant statement but what else was she supposed to say? I love you, don't leave me? He'd think she was an idiot. Which she was. Oy.

"Hmmm… 's okay." He said and then, "you left." She knew what he was talking about. She really did know.

"I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Because it really wouldn't. She would not leave him again.

"Okay…" He took everything in his stride. She supposed she would too is she didn't know if she would live to see tomorrow. NO! She would not think like that! Ryan is strong. He WILL get over this!

She sat down and held his hand. She needed to physically feel him. It felt just like it did so long ago. She had to close her eyes from the sheer power of her emotions.

"They didn't have a BLT so got you a tuna sandwich, honey…" A girl said as she entered the room. Her eyes grew wide when she saw Summer holding Ryan's hand. Bitch. Ryan didn't like tuna. Or BLT. He was a chicken man.

"Have we met?" The girl asked Summer. Her voice hostile.

"I'm sorry, I should introduce you guys." Ryan said and raised himself from the pillows. Both girls rushed to help him but he brushed them both away. But she was certain he held her hand just a little longer. Score one to Summer!

"Summer this is Amy, my fiancé." She was shocked to hear he was engaged. An engaged man didn't hold another woman's hand like he did hers, she was sorry to say. "Amy this is…" my friend, my ex-lover, the love of my life, Summer completed the sentence for him but he couldn't read her thoughts so he just said "Summer."

The way he said it made it clear that whilst Amy had his ring on her finger (temporary, if she had anything to do with it, Summer had his heart. That, THAT was the most joyous realisation she could ever have.

Maybe this time, despite Seth, despite his sickness, despite her paranoia, despite their history, maybe this time they could make it work.

---------

She was making dinner. Oysters as starter. She had read somewhere, probably Cosmo, that it was a great aphrodisiac. Not that they needed help in that department, but it couldn't hurt.

He was late again. He'd phoned from the office apologising profusely. It was okay with her though. It would always be okay as long as they were together.

They had faced a lot of obstacles and even though they came out scathed at the other end, they were still together. They had changed, evolved to see the dawning of a new era.

She looked at her ring finger. Maybe her daughter could one day wear the same ring? But then again no, that would mean she would have to part from it and it was far too dear to her.

A daughter. That looked like her Daddy. Blonde with blue eyes. Or a son. She wasn't picky. They were trying to have a baby and she felt good about tonight. There was something in the air.

The doorbell rang and she went to open. Typical Ryan to forget his keys.

She was surprised to find Sandy instead of Ryan at the door. She was about to invite him in when she saw the tear stains on his face.

"Oh my God Sandy, is everything okay? Is it Kirsten? Sophie?" Ryan would be shattered if anything happened to them. "Ryan isn't here yet but he will be any second. Come in…"

"Summer…" Sandy began. His voice was broken. It scared her.

"Sandy, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"There was an accident. A drunk guy ran a redlight." Sandy broke down, unable to continue. It took a lot of soothing from Summer before he said, "He was killed on impact. He didn't suffer."

"No!" She vehemently yelled. This was a joke. A sick joke. It wasn't true. IT couldn't be. Please God don't let it be true.

"I'm sorry Summer. I am so very sorry…" Words were redundant. She didn't hear them anyway. He was gone and she was left. She felt so empty.

She escorted Sandy out. She told him she needed to be alone, but really she needed to be with him. Why did he have to go!?

She ran a bath because it would be easier to clean. It was surprising how easy something came once you made the decision.

She poured a glass of Merlot, Ryan's favourite and put in a CD, also his favourite.

She lay in the bath thinking of him. She hoped it was fast. Hoped it would be fast.

The razor was cold and it stung but she could feel him closer to her as the life drained from her body. It was weird, only in death, did she feel alive…

She saw him immediately. He looked at her and she wasn't sure if he saw until a smile lit up his face. The face she loved so very much.

"You came." He said and held her face in his palms.

"I could never leave you…"

"We'll never have to say goodbye again…"

----

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun for sorrow will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
Some shall be pardon'd and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo