A/N: Word of the day is fractious. 1. Tending to cause trouble; unruly. 2. Irritable; snappish; cranky. This takes place during the marauders era. Enjoy.

Fractious

Dear Diary,

I hate my friends. Why can't I have normal, non-pranking friends? What have I done wrong? And starting with those questions, why do birthdays exist? They are just pure torture, especially if you don't have normal, non-pranking friends.

You see, yesterday was my birthday. And as every year it was pure horror. I was surprised that people didn't actually scream and run away from me.

It started quite nice, actually. When I woke up (at 6 am so Sirius won't wake me up with a bucket of cold water) there were no pranks. Stupid of me to not notice that. There are always pranks at somebody's birthday. But not this time.

So, after not noticing the humungous hint of what was going to happen, I went down the stairs with a book for some light reading. And contrary to what Sirius thinks, light reading does exist.

Nothing happened during my reading. Nothing at all! Normally James would start moaning on and on and on about his precious Lily, or Sirius would try to set my book on fire. This was a second hint that I hadn't seen then.

After my reading I went to the Great Hall, with my friends. Another hint. They didn't congratulate me with my birthday.

I took a piece of toast and buttered it. Then it happened. The owls came in.

I never get a letter. Who should send me one? That was why I didn't look up, and that was my biggest mistake. People all around me had started staring towards the ceiling, as if there was a comet or something.

And this was not a pun because of Sirius' owl. (named Comet if you didn't get the hint)

Sirius', James' and Peters owls all held a cage. I stopped being completely oblivious at that moment and saw the owls sweeping down. Towards me.

It was the most creepy image that I had ever seen. The owls were painted in different colours and they looked like dragons. I ran away, and the owls followed me. I continued running in circles, round and round and round. Some time later (I don't know how much later) I was hiding behind Dumbledore's back and I was muttering things about normal, non-pranking friends and how fractious they are. The owls had given up hope by then and had put the cage on a table and swooped off.

'It's all right now mister Lupin', the headmaster had said. 'It were just some owls.' After I had cooled down, I noticed that everybody had screamed and had run away from me. The irony. I walked towards the cage and looked at what was in it.

A bunny. A friggin' pink fluffy bunny.

For all of you that didn't scream and run away from me, you probably are very stupid. I shall explain. In the cage (a thing that you lock animals in so that they don't escape and/or run away) was a friggin' (another word for freaking, but when you say freaking it sound a little like friggin') pink (a colour that you can get by mixing red and white paint) fluffy (like as in hairy) bunny (official name is rabbit. Rabbits are small mammals in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha, found in several parts of the world).

And this is the reason I hate my not normal, pranking friends.

Peter, completely oblivious that I really wanted to strangle him, said: 'I think we should call him Fluffy. Do you like him, Remus?'. I didn't answer. 'Maybe he likes cheese. I like cheese. Cheese is nice.'

Cheese. He wanted to talk about bleep bleep bleep cheese, while I had to take care of a friggin' pink fluffy bunny. I can't even keep a bloody fish without the poor animal being completely starved.

So I turned around and walked away. And now I'm here, sitting on my bed and writing in my diary.

Peter, this is MY alone time. Leave me alone.

Why are you writing that down instead of saying it?

This is my diary! Stop writing in it!

It was mine, but then James stole it because he forgot to buy you a "serious" birthday gift.

Why didn't you ever ask it back? I mean, I already have it for a year…

We taught Fluffy a trick, do you want to see it?

Sure.

…

Oh good loving mother, what have they done?

We taught Fluffy a trick.

Not just a trick! You taught Fluffy how to sing Happy birthday, dear Remnus. With a tap-dance! My name is not Remnus!

We first wanted Fluffy to say Happy birthday, dear Moony but instead of Moony it said Mooshy.

Mooshy. Sirius and James are going to remember this for quite a while, aren't they?

Yes, they already call you Mooshy. Don't worry, they won't forget this easily.

Great. Absolutely amazing.

I already thought you would think it was good. I think we could teach him how to ride a broomstick.

I was sarcastic.

Oh…… Well, bye then. I'm sorry that you didn't like it.

Wait, Pete, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry!

OK! So first we need to buy Fluffy a broomstick and then…

This is all Sirius´ fault. I'm sure of it.

Toodles, Remus.

Toodles? That's for girls.

Love and lots of kisses, Peter. (and Fluffy of course)

PS: How long do you have to go to jail if you kill your not normal, pranking friends?

PPS: Maybe Lily would like to help me. I'll ask her.

THE END

A/N: Hate it? Love it? Ruined your computer because of all the laughing? Please review! I'm sorry if it seems a bit random, but I had to add Peter to explain what they did to Fluffy.