A/N: I really don't know how or why my brain comes up with these silly little ideas...like seriously. When I was rewatching YOI for the millionth time this just...sprang in to my head. I figured you guys might find it funny!
It had been a few days since Yurio had left Japan to go back to Russia and Yuuko decided it was time to check in with him. Properly. The kid sucked at texting back, for every essay-esque message she sent, she got barely any response whatsoever. He was just as uncommunicative via text as he was in person, but at least if she talked to him on the phone, she might be able to squeeze out how he was really doing. She couldn't help but worry about him. He'd become like a younger brother to her, almost part of the family while he'd been staying. She'd been his personal cheerleader while her husband had been Yuuri's and he'd seemed so….lonely when he'd left Japan. He'd covered it up with his usual prickly attitude and his challenge to Yuuri, but she'd known he felt alone. Maybe even a little sad. She was also fairly sure he felt abandoned by Victor a little, after all, the two had been training together at the same rink, and from what she'd seen of the two interacting, they'd obviously been close to an extent. Victor had clearly been helping Yurio back in Russia, and now he'd up and left for Japan, leaving Yurio alone without his…well she supposed Victor may have been like a mentor. Or an older brother perhaps. She wasn't really sure, every time she'd tried to get him to talk about it he'd avoided the subject. She'd come to understand him and was well aware that beneath his prickly exterior he did care, he just didn't like or know how, to show it. Yuuri had so much support, but without Victor there in Russia with him…with just his coach and the scary shouty lady he'd mentioned…she didn't think Yurio had the same thing. Okay, I'm definitely worried. Just call. He's a fifteen year old boy with a grouchy attitude, what's the worst he's going to do? Yuuko chuckled to herself and hit dial on the contact in her phone.
Yuri was taking a break from practice, leaning against the boards at the side of the rink while he sipped from a bottle of water. After spending a week in Japan with Yuuko's constant presence cheering for him, as well as the twins and Victor…even the stupid pork cutlet bowl…he felt….no. Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine. I don't need anyone. He reminded himself, shaking it off. He refused to admit that he'd felt like one of the family, skating with them after practice, helping the twins. Not of his own accord, he'd made sure everyone knew. But Yuuko had seemed like an older sister figure to him, almost like Mila. Mila who'd seemed to take it upon herself to be his new mentor without Victor around. Helping him with ballet and his skating. Not that I need help from the hag. He grumbled mentally. He was startled out of it by his phone ringing. A rare occurrence. It was usually only his grandpa that called him. Although Victor had taken to texting him. All. The. Time. Constant life updates, what new food he'd tried...and stupid little motivational messages and pointers. Please. He's not my coach.
Yuri looked down at the screen of his phone and was surprised to see Yuuko Nishigori flashing up, the photo he'd been 'forced' to take with her and her family staring up at him.
"Is that your girlfriiiieend" a female voice sang at him, as Mila sailed past.
"Shut up Mila, you don't know what you're talking about. Hag!" he shouted after her. "Da." he answered tersely.
"Yurio!"
"That's not my name" he said automatically.
"Aw you'll always be Yurio to me!" Yuuko laughed and Yuri scowled.
"Did you want something?" Yuri asked, frowning. Why is she calling me? I answered her messages. Does she want more information for the pork cutlet bowl or something?
"I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing!" Yuuko said sunnily and Yuri stared at his phone in surprise before putting it back to his ear. "Trying to see how you are via text is like trying to pull teeth" Yuuko laughed. Yuri blinked.
"You want…to see…how I'm doing? Really?" Yuri asked skeptically. Yuuko laughed again.
"Well yeah, what did you think I was doing?"
"Trying to get information for the two idiots" Yuri replied, promptly. Yuuko laughed. Again. Why is she always so…so…happy?!
"Don't be silly Yurio! I've been worried about you" Yuuko said, her tone becoming serious. Yuri blinked again, dumbfounded. What is going on?
"I am…..good." Yuri said awkwardly.
"Really? You don't sound sure" Yuuko said kindly.
"I'm just….uh….not…" …not used to people asking me that apart from my grandpa. He finished the sentence. Yuuko seemed to understand what he'd failed to say though.
"Oh I knew I should be worried! Without Victor there and with your grandpa in another city, and now the scary dragon lady for your free skate…." Yuuko babbled on in his ear, while he stared dumbly at the ice. "Yurio? Yuri?" Yuuko asked when she got no response.
"I'm fine. I've been practising. Doing more ballet. I'm….getting better" Yuri answered her.
"But do you have…you know….friends to support you?" Yuuko asked tentatively.
"I don't need friends." he said instinctively. "Besides what makes you think I don't? Why do you make it sound like it's hard for me to make friends?" Yuri snapped defensively. Before Yuuko could answer, Mila came to a hard stop next to him, spraying ice.
"What was that for?!" Yuri shrieked at her as she descended in to laughter.
"Aw I'm sorry, did I embarrass you while you where talking to your-" Mila cut off abruptly, staring at Yuri.
"What?!" He snapped.
"Are you okay?" she asked concerned.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" he said testily.
Mila reached out to touch his face but he slapped her hand away.
"What are you…." He trailed off as he realised what she must have seen. What he could feel sliding down his face. A tear. I repeat…what is going on? Why is this happening to me? I don't…I…..I miss…damn it. Yuri swiped at his face harshly.
"AW YUUUUURRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIII" Mila shrieked and threw herself at him, wrapping him in a hug and pressing his face in to her chest. He immediately started to struggle.
"GET OFF OF ME MILA. DON'T TOUCH ME. I'M SUFFOCATING. I DON'T WANT TO DIE YOU HAG" he shouted until she finally let go.
"That's better" she said with a smirk before gliding off, leaving Yuri sputtering, his phone clutched in his hand. Oh. I forgot about Yuuko. He slowly brought the phone back up to his ear.
"I guess that answered my question. And yours." Yuuko laughed in his ear. He scowled. "Hey, wanna say hi to Yuuri and Victor before I let you go?" Yuuko asked suddenly. He could hear her walking.
"No. I don't want to talk to the idiot and the piggy." he grumbled, starting to fold his arms before realising he couldn't with his phone in one hand. He refused to admit that he may….may, just a little bit….a really, really little, tiny bit. Miss…Victor. And…..Yuri number 2. Maybe. He refused to admit his heart had jumped a little at the offer of talking to Victor. The closest thing he'd had to a brother, to family, since he'd come to St. Petersburg. He abandoned me too. Yuri reminded himself.
"I'll put you on speaker! That'll make it easier to talk to them" Yuuko said ignoring him.
"Who're you talking to?" he heard a male voice say, followed by Yuuko merrily saying his name. "Oh. Hi Yurio!" Yuri recognised the voice. Takeshi.
"Go away!" he snapped.
"Aw Yurio. I'm touched. I miss you too" the older man replied seriously. Idiot. Doesn't he know I just insulted him!? I was rude, why does he act like I was being nice. Moron. I see where the pork cutlet bowl catches it from….or maybe it's him that spreads it around. Like a disease. Piggy disease. Yuri thought darkly. He heard Yuuko open a door.
"I mean it Yuuko. I won't speak to you again" Yuri threatened.
"C'mon Yurio, we both know you don't mean that!" She laughed it off. "Just say hi, it'll make you feel better!" Yuri scowled and started to mutter under his breath in Russian. Yuuko laughed as she pushed open the door to the ice rink. Yuuri and Victor didn't notice her as she made way around towards them until she was in speaking distance…or Yurio was.
Yuri waited for the idiots to greet him, gritting his teeth. But he heard nothing but walking footsteps, and then…..is that….is that…? Why can I hear panting? Is Makkachin there? No. It's nearly time for food there….Makkachin will be with the food, ready and waiting besides...Victor never brings her to the rink..which means…the panting….heavy breathing…must be coming from…. Yuuris voice interrupted his thoughts.
"That was great" he panted. "Victor, please let me do that one more time" Yuri raised an eyebrow. What are they…..his eyebrows shot up as he heard a groan. His mind played back to the banquet. The pork cutlet bowl all over Victor….dancing, if you could call it that. Victors besotted gaze. Following the other skater to Japan. The way Victor had looked at Yuuri. So lovingly. So….lustfully sometimes. Victor constantly showing off by prancing around in the baths naked. The pork cutlet bowls constant flush when around Victor…his Eros. A picture was starting to form in Yuri's mind. What has Yuuko interrupted? I'm not that desperate to talk to Victor!
"We've done it ten thousand times already" Victor panted, groaning again and Yuri covered his ears before realising he just needed to move the phone away from his head.
"Thirteen actually" Yuuri replied, sounding…almost proud.
"I've thought this for a while but your stamina is pretty impressive" Victor responded. Panting…..done….it…stamina…
"BLEURGH YUUKO. I should not be hearing this. I'm an innocent…..a child!" Yuri shouted in to the phone. Yuuko, from her position could only see Yuuri and much like Yuri, her brain had run through the heated glances shared between the two, she'd thought each of them was unaware of the look from the other…but maybe she'd been wrong. Victor had made a comment about Yuuri naked on the ice….
She hurriedly slapped her hand over the phone so that Yurio couldn't hear anymore of…whatever it was Yuuri and Victor where doing, just as Victors head popped up and Yuuri turned in her direction.
"Was that Yurio?!" Victor asked, overjoyed, and immediately standing up and reaching his hand for the phone. Yuuko just stared.
"What?" Yuuri asked.
"Uh….um…..Yurio wanted to say hi. Sort of…but it sounded like….."
"It sounded like what?" Yuuri asked, oblivious. "We've been practising jumps, Victors teaching me how to do everything he can!" Yuuri said excitedly.
"Ooooooohhhhh…..jumps. That's why you where so….with the panting and the…ooooohhhhh" Yuuko said, laughing awkwardly.
"What's wrong with you?" Yuuri asked, concerned. Victor's eyes widened, and then he looked down at the phone.
"Oh dear" Victor said. "Yurio is much too young to hear that kind of thing" Victor said, chuckling.
"It's not funny Victor, I think he really misses you and he wanted to say hi and now he thinks….you know what he thinks!" Yuuko slapped Victors arm. She watched as he forced himself to stop laughing, a confused Yuuri looking between the two of them. Victor held his hand out for the phone, and Yuuko removed her hand.
Yuri was incensed. He couldn't hear a thing, until he'd heard a…a….he thought it was a slap. He shuddered. And in front of Yuuko too, how rude! It's…it's….
"Yurio!" he heard Victors stupid voice come bouncing down the line, "I've missed you!"
"WHAT KIND OF TRAINING DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING HUH?!" He screeched down the phone.
"Aw Yurio, you where supposed to say you missed me too!" Victor responded blithely. Yuri felt his eye start to twitch. He gnashed his teeth.
"You have scarred me for life you…you….you…heathen" Yuri snarled.
"Oh Yurio, such a big word! I'm so proud!" Victor said excitedly. Yuri made an unintelligible snarling sound.
"Don't talk to me again. How dare you sully the pig- the ice like that. Dasvidanya"
"So melodramatic. Talk to you tomorrow!" Victor replied cheerily, then heard a click. Yuuri snorted.
"Says you" he muttered under his breath. It was at that moment that his brain started to put the pieces together.
"Wait..what does he think we…..NO! NO YURIO! It's not what you think! JUMPS…WE WHERE DOING JUMPS!" he shouted frantically, trying to snatch the phone from Victor.
"He's already gone, he waited long enough to confirm our call tomorrow" Victor said happily.
"He said he didn't want to talk to you again" Yuuri said doubtfully. Victor laughed.
"Oh, that's just Yurio" Victor shrugged. "I'll call him tomorrow and he'll answer. He always does." Yuuko turned to look at Victor.
"You've been talking to Yurio?"
"Of course!" Victor said cheerfully. "You didn't think I'd just abandon him did you?" Yuuko smiled at him in response. I should have known. So that's what he's doing when he gets here so early. I wondered who he was talking to…I guess I thought he was just talking to himself….
"You have to set him straight Victor he thinks….me…you….we…..oh my God" Yuuri said, face bright red. Victor laughed but didn't agree either way.
"You're going to tell him we where doing jumps, right Victor? VICTOR!?"
Yurio shoved his phone in to his pocket. Stupid Victor. I'm not talking to him tomorrow.
"Was that Victor?" Yuri looked up to see Yakov approaching him, along with Mila. "What's wrong?" Yakov asked concerned. "Did he get hurt coaching?" Yuri shuddered, shutting his brain down before it pictured Victor….like that.
"I don't think that's the right kind of coaching" he muttered. I need to go and wash my brain out with acid or something. Stupid Victor. Stupid pork cutlet bowl. It's like the banquet all over again. How humiliating. Yuri caught Mila's eye. She was smiling at him…..and it was creeping him out.
"What?!" he snapped.
"Oh nothing….." she sang, before winking at him and skating away from him. Yuri refused to acknowledge the smile that was trying it's best to fight it's way across his face.