Preamble
In existence, you meet many different forms of magnification. For me, the biggest thing that stood out about my time being here was the compassionate Dr. Carlisle Cullen. His life was the most true form of exalt I had ever come across. He went from becoming a monster, a being totally dependent on its own bloodlust, to finding his place in the world as a calm and composed doctor. With golden eyes that screamed to the high heavens of his effort and integrity, I couldn't help but admire and respect him. His life and family were so tied together that the lines that separated them were blurred beyond recognition, until the two merged to one unit. His family was his life, life his family.
This revelation made the turncoat coven that I had been 'raised' with appear as true fiends, and I had longed to be a part of the Cullen life. But how could I have possibly stayed when my decision brought such destruction down on them? How could I have been self-absorbed enough to stay with the Cullens when my selfishness brought certain death upon us all? I tried to look into the future to see what we might possibly lose or gain, becoming nearly irate as I remembered that I could not do so when the Quileutes were now so involved with our fight.
I turned to look at my new family's faces- Edward, staying close to Bella, whose eyes had barely begun to change from crimson to their new amber shade. Rosalie and Emmett were at the point of our defensive stances, looking fierce and glorious as they contemplated our outcome. I nearly couldn't bear to look at the last pair- Carlisle, looking rather hurt as he was no doubt looking ahead to the lives he would have to take for the wellbeing of his family, his pinky twining together with Esme's. And gazing at them, I couldn't help but feel so terribly alone.
Suddenly my mind was swinging back to the last image I had seen of the army, as its numbers approached twenty; James and Victoria headed the operation, along with the enthralling blonde Major that had given them the idea of the army. I felt weighted as I recalled the gripping pull of his eyes as I had seen them in my visions, and wondered if I could possibly allow attacking him if we faced in combat. I could hear Edward's teeth clamp shut as he took note of my thoughts, no doubt questioning if I was going to turn on the family. I turned to face him again, feeling my face crumple as I saw his critical expression. I lost my will to stand straight among these people, so much better than I. I would in no way forgive myself for this. I vowed to exist no longer than the duration of the fight.
And this was one pledge I could guarantee.