Title: Catharsis
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a little talk. B/S
Spoilers: Anything up till "Gone"
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. I let them be happier than Joss ever will.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Please. Unless you don't like it! (
1 Catharsis
Dawn wasn't surprised by the knock at the door. She'd been expecting Xander to arrive any minute as he was supposed to stay with her while Buffy and Willow went out. She was surprised, however, when she opened the door to find Spike leaning against the doorframe grinning at her.
"Hey, sweet bit." Dawn couldn't help but return his smile with one of her own even though she was a little annoyed with the blonde vamp. He hadn't been around for several weeks, hardly at all since Buffy had returned.
"Hey. Buffy's not here." She stated bluntly. She could see Spike's quick anger at the suggestion that he was only here for one reason. He pushed himself away from the frame and walked past her into the foyer.
"Good," was his reply.
Dawn stood at the open door for a second then sighed and pushed it shut.
"So how long have I got?" He asked, turning to look at her. She was confused.
"Huh?"
"How long before big sis comes home?" He rephrased the question.
"Um, I don't know. She and Willow are doing the Bronze thing. You know, trying to get Willow out of the "my girlfriend just dumped me" blues. They'll probably be gone till at least midnight."
"You're here alone?" He asked in disbelief.
"No, Xander was supposed to be here but he hasn't shown up. You know better than anyone she wouldn't leave me by myself. She's been Miss Guilt since the night she didn't come home." Spike ducked his head and avoided direct eye contact. Something was up.
"Yeah, well, I'm sure it couldn't be helped, Nibblet."
"So you just came to see me?" She asked hopefully. He caught her eye and smiled again.
"Course I did, lil' bit. I'm all yours. What do you want to do first?" He asked, shedding his leather coat and throwing it across the chair in the den.
Several suggestions flitted unwarranted through Dawn's head but they were illegal seeing as how she was only 15. She shook her head and followed him.
"Well I rented a bunch of horror movies. I can't watch them when she's here. She sits there and criticizes how impossible everything is in them. I bought popcorn and stuff for sundaes."
"So basically, we veg out and eat lots of junk food?" He simplified.
"Yup." She laughed. He rubbed his hands together gleefully.
"Well, let's get started, shall we?" He headed to the kitchen for the popcorn. Still laughing, she followed him. Honestly, he was such a big kid.
Once they had popped the popcorn, dumped it in a huge plastic bowl and grabbed enough caffeine to power the whole town, they settled on the couch to watch movies that would probably make Spike laugh and Dawn scream. Even though she'd seen worse in reality they still scared her. They turned off the lights downstairs so that the only light was the flickering blue of the television.
Halfway through the movie, Dawn wound up pressed against Spike's side hiding her face in his shoulder at the gross parts. Spike just chuckled and made snarky comments. She noticed his t-shirt smelled like cigarettes and Bounce. It was a comforting combination.
She was so used to it from the summer when he'd practically lived there. She had pretty much kept vampire hours over the summer. She'd stay up all night with Spike talking, crying, playing games and doing whatever she wanted. He'd even taken her out into the dark streets of Sunnydale when they got bored at home. Willow and Tara had been clueless.
She'd usually slept the day away when Spike left at sunrise. No one broached the subject of how unhealthy it was for a 15- year- old girl to be hanging out so much with a century year old vampire. They were too immersed in their own grief at Buffy's death to notice.
She had missed him terribly these past months since Buffy's return. She rarely ever saw him unless he was there to see her sister.
But tonight, he'd come just for her. She was so glad Xander hadn't shown up. She jumped when a girl screamed in the movie and Spike slung him arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She snuggled in happily and sighed in contentment.
When the movie was over they cleaned up their mess and started on the sundaes. They sat at the island in the kitchen and ate, sampling each other's inventions and dropping ice cream all over the counter top. They laughed and talked and she told him all about her problems at school and he told her stories about his past that rivaled any horror movie she could ever watch.
She loved listening to his voice. As he spoke, it got deeper, softer, and his accent more pronounced. She propped her head up with her hand and stared lazily at him. His eyes were glazed with remembrance. A darker blue than normal as he recalled his glory days. His bleached hair wasn't slicked back like usual but lay in curly disarray. He must be running low on hair gel. His fingernails were ragged and the black nail polish he wore was chipped and faded. He hadn't had her around to do them for him.
"Want me to do your nails?" She asked suddenly. He looked up, pulled from his thoughts at the expectant tone in her voice.
"Sure, bit. They certainly need it, eh?" She nodded and told him to wait in the den while she got the stuff. She sat him across the coffee table from her and took his much larger hand in her own. His skin was cool to the touch as always. She'd gotten so used to that over the summer. The first time he'd touched her his coldness had startled her, but he'd held her so much after Buffy's death she'd grown accustomed to it, almost to the point that human warmth felt unnatural to her. She filed his jagged nails down to smooth arcs and then used her finger nail polish remover to take off the chipped black polish already there.
"Sure you wanna go with black? I've got blue, purple, red, and pink." She asked, watching the vampire's reaction.
"I think I'll stick with what works, Nibblet." She shrugged and pulled out the bottle. She proceeded to brush the polish over his nails like a pro, not spilling or getting any of it on his long, elegant fingers. Once through with that hand, she took the other and started on it.
"Still mad at big sis?" She looked up suddenly.
"What?"
"Buffy said you weren't speaking to her. Wondered if it had blown over." He wouldn't let her look away and she fidgeted nervously under his intense gaze.
"I'm not mad. It's just…it's like sometimes I feel like I'm…."
"Invisible?" He asked with a smirk. She looked away shyly.
"Yeah. It's like unless I'm in danger she doesn't even see me. I miss the way it was before. Sometimes I wish she'd never…" She stopped and looked up quickly. She couldn't miss the look of pain that passed over Spike's handsome features.
"Oh God, Spike. I didn't mean…"
"I know, bit. I know what you mean. Your sis has a lot on her right now. She's gotta be a mum to you, a counselor to the witch and a hero for Xander."
"And what about you?" She asked quietly.
"Huh?"
"What does she have to be for you?" He looked stricken by the question. His eyes slid shut in pain and she barely heard his answer.
"My soul." Minutes passed and neither of them spoke. She realized she was stroking his hand with her fingers and stopped quickly. He finally opened his eyes and met her gaze.
"She's tired, pet. She's so worried she's gonna lose you or she's not gonna be what we all need her to be that she's killing herself slowly. It's hard enough for her to be here and we're not making it any easier."
Guilt washed over Dawn in waves. She felt tears prick her eyes and her heart felt cold and heavy in her chest.
"Oh, God. What have I done?" She sobbed. Spike was beside her in seconds, pulling her into his arms. She buried her head in his solid chest and cried.
"Shhh, bit. It's not all your fault. We're all guilty. But we can help her. We can do better to make her life bearable, maybe even happy again. You've gotta stop skippin class, luv, and sneaking out. You've gotta talk to her when you feel like she's too distant. We've gotta make her want to stay." He said into her hair. His hands ran over its silky texture in a soothing rhythm. She finally calmed but didn't move from his embrace.
"I will Spike. I'll do better. God, I've been so selfish. I forgot, you know? I forgot what she did for me and where she was. God, it must be horrible for her here and I've been so cold, so…bitchy." She laughed harshly. Spike hugged her tightly.
"It's not just you, Nibblet. We've all got to help. There are things I need to do too. Things I have to do to help her, to make things easier and better." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to her. She didn't know what things he meant and she knew it was too personal for him to tell her.
She finally pulled away and wiped at her tears. Spike took her small, pale face in his hands and wiped the wetness away with his thumbs. She gave him a watery smile and he dropped his hands.
"Come on, bit. Gotta finish my other hand. Look a might stupid walking around with just one done." She nodded and they took their places back at the table.
It was only a few minutes after that they heard the key in the front door and Buffy and Willow appeared, laughing and pushing each other inside. They fell silent when they saw Spike. He could see the immediate question of his presence here in the Slayer's eyes.
"The whelp never showed up. I dropped by to say hi to the Nibblet and was gonna stay till he got here and …" He noticed the relief that passed over her features that Dawn hadn't been alone.
"Thank you." He was a little taken back by that. She wasn't in the habit of thanking him for anything; even saving her beautiful hide most nights on patrol. He just nodded. Dawn finished his nails and blew on them softly.
Buffy smiled at the care this girl took with a soulless demon that a few years ago would have just as soon eaten her as looked at her. She didn't understand their connection and oftentimes found herself jealous of it. To be that comfortable with him, that easy.
"So did you guys do facials and call boys all night too?" She asked lightly, smirking at Spike's quick outrage. Dawn's hand on his forearm stalled any comment he had been about to make.
"Nah, not this time. We just ate ourselves into a coma and watched movies." Spike visibly calmed under her touch and again Buffy felt the jealousy rise in her. Spike stood and grabbed his coat off the chair. Shrugging into it he grabbed Dawn and kissed her chastely on the forehead.
"Night, bit. Come see me when you get a chance." She smiled and nodded her head. He walked passed a shocked Slayer and a confused witch. When the door shut behind him, Buffy turned to stare at her little sister, who had somehow become taller than her. When had she gotten so tall?
She stumbled backwards when Dawn rushed up to her and threw her arms around her neck. She hugged her tightly until the younger girl pulled away.
"I love you Buffy. I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry I've been so snarky lately. Teenage stuff, you know? I'm gonna hit the bed. I'm exhausted." Buffy could make out tear tracks on her face and her eyes were still a little swollen. The girl turned and headed up that stairs but stopped at the sound of her sister's voice.
"Dawn, what happened tonight?" Dawn stood for several seconds trying to think of a way to explain.
"Catharsis." She said softly and started back up the steps. Buffy looked over her shoulder to a still confused Willow who just shrugged.
Author: Dawn
Summary: Spike and Dawn have a little talk. B/S
Spoilers: Anything up till "Gone"
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. I let them be happier than Joss ever will.
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Please. Unless you don't like it! (
1 Catharsis
Dawn wasn't surprised by the knock at the door. She'd been expecting Xander to arrive any minute as he was supposed to stay with her while Buffy and Willow went out. She was surprised, however, when she opened the door to find Spike leaning against the doorframe grinning at her.
"Hey, sweet bit." Dawn couldn't help but return his smile with one of her own even though she was a little annoyed with the blonde vamp. He hadn't been around for several weeks, hardly at all since Buffy had returned.
"Hey. Buffy's not here." She stated bluntly. She could see Spike's quick anger at the suggestion that he was only here for one reason. He pushed himself away from the frame and walked past her into the foyer.
"Good," was his reply.
Dawn stood at the open door for a second then sighed and pushed it shut.
"So how long have I got?" He asked, turning to look at her. She was confused.
"Huh?"
"How long before big sis comes home?" He rephrased the question.
"Um, I don't know. She and Willow are doing the Bronze thing. You know, trying to get Willow out of the "my girlfriend just dumped me" blues. They'll probably be gone till at least midnight."
"You're here alone?" He asked in disbelief.
"No, Xander was supposed to be here but he hasn't shown up. You know better than anyone she wouldn't leave me by myself. She's been Miss Guilt since the night she didn't come home." Spike ducked his head and avoided direct eye contact. Something was up.
"Yeah, well, I'm sure it couldn't be helped, Nibblet."
"So you just came to see me?" She asked hopefully. He caught her eye and smiled again.
"Course I did, lil' bit. I'm all yours. What do you want to do first?" He asked, shedding his leather coat and throwing it across the chair in the den.
Several suggestions flitted unwarranted through Dawn's head but they were illegal seeing as how she was only 15. She shook her head and followed him.
"Well I rented a bunch of horror movies. I can't watch them when she's here. She sits there and criticizes how impossible everything is in them. I bought popcorn and stuff for sundaes."
"So basically, we veg out and eat lots of junk food?" He simplified.
"Yup." She laughed. He rubbed his hands together gleefully.
"Well, let's get started, shall we?" He headed to the kitchen for the popcorn. Still laughing, she followed him. Honestly, he was such a big kid.
Once they had popped the popcorn, dumped it in a huge plastic bowl and grabbed enough caffeine to power the whole town, they settled on the couch to watch movies that would probably make Spike laugh and Dawn scream. Even though she'd seen worse in reality they still scared her. They turned off the lights downstairs so that the only light was the flickering blue of the television.
Halfway through the movie, Dawn wound up pressed against Spike's side hiding her face in his shoulder at the gross parts. Spike just chuckled and made snarky comments. She noticed his t-shirt smelled like cigarettes and Bounce. It was a comforting combination.
She was so used to it from the summer when he'd practically lived there. She had pretty much kept vampire hours over the summer. She'd stay up all night with Spike talking, crying, playing games and doing whatever she wanted. He'd even taken her out into the dark streets of Sunnydale when they got bored at home. Willow and Tara had been clueless.
She'd usually slept the day away when Spike left at sunrise. No one broached the subject of how unhealthy it was for a 15- year- old girl to be hanging out so much with a century year old vampire. They were too immersed in their own grief at Buffy's death to notice.
She had missed him terribly these past months since Buffy's return. She rarely ever saw him unless he was there to see her sister.
But tonight, he'd come just for her. She was so glad Xander hadn't shown up. She jumped when a girl screamed in the movie and Spike slung him arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She snuggled in happily and sighed in contentment.
When the movie was over they cleaned up their mess and started on the sundaes. They sat at the island in the kitchen and ate, sampling each other's inventions and dropping ice cream all over the counter top. They laughed and talked and she told him all about her problems at school and he told her stories about his past that rivaled any horror movie she could ever watch.
She loved listening to his voice. As he spoke, it got deeper, softer, and his accent more pronounced. She propped her head up with her hand and stared lazily at him. His eyes were glazed with remembrance. A darker blue than normal as he recalled his glory days. His bleached hair wasn't slicked back like usual but lay in curly disarray. He must be running low on hair gel. His fingernails were ragged and the black nail polish he wore was chipped and faded. He hadn't had her around to do them for him.
"Want me to do your nails?" She asked suddenly. He looked up, pulled from his thoughts at the expectant tone in her voice.
"Sure, bit. They certainly need it, eh?" She nodded and told him to wait in the den while she got the stuff. She sat him across the coffee table from her and took his much larger hand in her own. His skin was cool to the touch as always. She'd gotten so used to that over the summer. The first time he'd touched her his coldness had startled her, but he'd held her so much after Buffy's death she'd grown accustomed to it, almost to the point that human warmth felt unnatural to her. She filed his jagged nails down to smooth arcs and then used her finger nail polish remover to take off the chipped black polish already there.
"Sure you wanna go with black? I've got blue, purple, red, and pink." She asked, watching the vampire's reaction.
"I think I'll stick with what works, Nibblet." She shrugged and pulled out the bottle. She proceeded to brush the polish over his nails like a pro, not spilling or getting any of it on his long, elegant fingers. Once through with that hand, she took the other and started on it.
"Still mad at big sis?" She looked up suddenly.
"What?"
"Buffy said you weren't speaking to her. Wondered if it had blown over." He wouldn't let her look away and she fidgeted nervously under his intense gaze.
"I'm not mad. It's just…it's like sometimes I feel like I'm…."
"Invisible?" He asked with a smirk. She looked away shyly.
"Yeah. It's like unless I'm in danger she doesn't even see me. I miss the way it was before. Sometimes I wish she'd never…" She stopped and looked up quickly. She couldn't miss the look of pain that passed over Spike's handsome features.
"Oh God, Spike. I didn't mean…"
"I know, bit. I know what you mean. Your sis has a lot on her right now. She's gotta be a mum to you, a counselor to the witch and a hero for Xander."
"And what about you?" She asked quietly.
"Huh?"
"What does she have to be for you?" He looked stricken by the question. His eyes slid shut in pain and she barely heard his answer.
"My soul." Minutes passed and neither of them spoke. She realized she was stroking his hand with her fingers and stopped quickly. He finally opened his eyes and met her gaze.
"She's tired, pet. She's so worried she's gonna lose you or she's not gonna be what we all need her to be that she's killing herself slowly. It's hard enough for her to be here and we're not making it any easier."
Guilt washed over Dawn in waves. She felt tears prick her eyes and her heart felt cold and heavy in her chest.
"Oh, God. What have I done?" She sobbed. Spike was beside her in seconds, pulling her into his arms. She buried her head in his solid chest and cried.
"Shhh, bit. It's not all your fault. We're all guilty. But we can help her. We can do better to make her life bearable, maybe even happy again. You've gotta stop skippin class, luv, and sneaking out. You've gotta talk to her when you feel like she's too distant. We've gotta make her want to stay." He said into her hair. His hands ran over its silky texture in a soothing rhythm. She finally calmed but didn't move from his embrace.
"I will Spike. I'll do better. God, I've been so selfish. I forgot, you know? I forgot what she did for me and where she was. God, it must be horrible for her here and I've been so cold, so…bitchy." She laughed harshly. Spike hugged her tightly.
"It's not just you, Nibblet. We've all got to help. There are things I need to do too. Things I have to do to help her, to make things easier and better." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to her. She didn't know what things he meant and she knew it was too personal for him to tell her.
She finally pulled away and wiped at her tears. Spike took her small, pale face in his hands and wiped the wetness away with his thumbs. She gave him a watery smile and he dropped his hands.
"Come on, bit. Gotta finish my other hand. Look a might stupid walking around with just one done." She nodded and they took their places back at the table.
It was only a few minutes after that they heard the key in the front door and Buffy and Willow appeared, laughing and pushing each other inside. They fell silent when they saw Spike. He could see the immediate question of his presence here in the Slayer's eyes.
"The whelp never showed up. I dropped by to say hi to the Nibblet and was gonna stay till he got here and …" He noticed the relief that passed over her features that Dawn hadn't been alone.
"Thank you." He was a little taken back by that. She wasn't in the habit of thanking him for anything; even saving her beautiful hide most nights on patrol. He just nodded. Dawn finished his nails and blew on them softly.
Buffy smiled at the care this girl took with a soulless demon that a few years ago would have just as soon eaten her as looked at her. She didn't understand their connection and oftentimes found herself jealous of it. To be that comfortable with him, that easy.
"So did you guys do facials and call boys all night too?" She asked lightly, smirking at Spike's quick outrage. Dawn's hand on his forearm stalled any comment he had been about to make.
"Nah, not this time. We just ate ourselves into a coma and watched movies." Spike visibly calmed under her touch and again Buffy felt the jealousy rise in her. Spike stood and grabbed his coat off the chair. Shrugging into it he grabbed Dawn and kissed her chastely on the forehead.
"Night, bit. Come see me when you get a chance." She smiled and nodded her head. He walked passed a shocked Slayer and a confused witch. When the door shut behind him, Buffy turned to stare at her little sister, who had somehow become taller than her. When had she gotten so tall?
She stumbled backwards when Dawn rushed up to her and threw her arms around her neck. She hugged her tightly until the younger girl pulled away.
"I love you Buffy. I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry I've been so snarky lately. Teenage stuff, you know? I'm gonna hit the bed. I'm exhausted." Buffy could make out tear tracks on her face and her eyes were still a little swollen. The girl turned and headed up that stairs but stopped at the sound of her sister's voice.
"Dawn, what happened tonight?" Dawn stood for several seconds trying to think of a way to explain.
"Catharsis." She said softly and started back up the steps. Buffy looked over her shoulder to a still confused Willow who just shrugged.