Disclaimer: Gravedale High (1990) and Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School (1988) and its characters were the creation of Hanna Barbara and whoever now owns the rights. I loved watching Gravedale High on Saturday mornings. Whenever The Ghoul School aired I watched as often as I could. There was something whimsical and lame about these cartoons. Reggie and Winnie are separate characters from different cartoons that very well could be siblings. Miss Billy is a character for my ongoing Gravedale High RPG and old GH stories from way back in 1990. This story was written for entertainment purposes only. No cartoons and original characters were hurt in the writing process.
Warnings: This story contains groaner puns, Halloween-esque puns and monster pop culture references. The only things scary about these monsters are the puns ... the endless puns. If you are familiar with both series, then you know what I mean. If not; welcome to my rabbit hole.
This is a modern retelling of these shows. While this story is written within the original themes, this monsterish fun is the product of my own imagination and is subject to my own creative interpretation. Gravedale High is a very obscure show and the fens and fan fictions are few. If you like what you read: please e-mail and comment.
While myths are open to interpretation, in this world, the monsters take a very liberal approach to old folklore and exactly what makes up their truth. While I do appreciate a good debate over the supernatural: remember kiddies; it's only a story.
Just relax, grab scone and a cuppa, and enjoy the lunacy. If you don't like what you read: please click backspace or the right corner X button and move on.
This stand alone is for Dendraica on dA; fellow Veggie worshiper and old school monster fan. The Little Sister picture she drew of Reggie and Winnie sparked this vignette. I had to write a back story on the count it was so darn cute.
D is for Days Eye
by Billy Headstone
Alpha-bats.
It was a game they played since they were cubs.
One would start by saying the first letter of the alpha-bat with an associating word that began with said letter and so and so until they ran out of letters. It was a game all sensible monsters learned out of their crypts.
"A is for Alphyn."
He began patiently as the younger were pup moved across the field looking for specimens. Butterflies, cicadas, dragonflies, moths, and anything in the insect world fell to her awesome tracking skills and fast paws; only to be released once Reggie had identified each and every one right down the classification and phylum. She stalked through the grass like a wild beast hunting for elusive prey. Her unkempt fur bristled, nose quivered with anticipation, and her tail did that funny helicopter twirl when she was concentrating too hard. Unfortunately, she was too young to realize that she was telegraphing her every movement. She howled, made a spectacular leap, and landed nose first on the ground. She rubbed it indigently as the butterfly flittered away.
"Blasted moth!" She looped her thumbs into the overall pockets as she kicked up a tuft of earth. "I didn't wanna to see you anyway."
"Tiger moth swallowtail," Reggie corrected her. He had a very boring habit of explaining everything. "And stop swearing. Mom told you that it's bad man … ?" Her right ear swiveled three degrees and her short body tensed. Something else had caught her eye and Winnie scampered into the tall grass before he could finish. "… manners."
He sighed. He indulges these whims like a saint. If only he could find a way harness all that energy, then he could solve the world's dependence on fossil fuels. But getting and keeping the attention of this little fuzzy ball of kinetic energy, even for one uncharacteristic heartbeat, was like attempting to catch moonlight on water with a pair of chopsticks.
Winnie Moonshroud was the bravest, roughest, toughest and smartest werewolf girl in the world.
This was something she would state out loud if you met her. She was born on a Beltane full moon howling and clawed and befurred like any Werewolf, but she displayed more beastly Lycan attributes, than civilized Were.
She was home on spring break from Grimwood's Finishing School for Girls. Their parents had sent their only daughter there in the hopes that the headmistress could polish up this diamond in the rough, smooth out the sharp Lycan corners, and prune the thorns from this tumbling briar rose, and a then a dignified, proper, young monsteress would emerge out of her chrysalis.
So far it was a work in progressive futility.
She was nine years old and resembled a tousled topped dandy lion, full of mischief and fun and wonder at the daylight world. Athletic, bossy, brave, tough as a rusty nail, and sometimes overconfident to the point of getting caught by humans; she was without a doubt the sour apple of her older brother's brown eyes. Her best friends were Sibella, a vampress and Tanis, a mummy girl. She was brown furred with their mother's markings on her muzzle and paws and feet. She inherited the bright, curly orange hair that Reggie had and their father's piercing yellow eyes. Her favorite color was blue. She hated wearing dresses and always cut off the frilly sleeves to make those tore edges like in the black and white movies the humans made of her kind. The ever present bow in her tangled curls was only testament hat she was a tad bit girly under that tomboy exterior. She hated brushing her fur. Her favorite drink was unsweetened lemon aid. She liked the way its bitter taste made her whiskers pucker. She made it in a juicer sarcophagus with large spikes in the opening maw. A shop class project she got an A on. She was Lycan through and through and so very different from her older, more conservative brother.
Reggie Moonshroud, at sixteen, was the epitome of high school geekness all the way down to his pocket protector, thick glasses, and orthopedic shoes. Even as far as werewolves go, he was something of a runt compared to his many cousins and extended pack. For too intelligent for his own good, curious, paranoid, loyal and guileless to a fault; he was a civilized Were in a monster world. His nose was always in a book or typing on his Traptop computer or dreaming of far off places to visit like Paris, France or being the first monster on the NASA shuttle into outer space. He pointed out the errors his teachers made while conducting class. He was always right. He stole a copy of every teachers' guide and with a yellow highlighter and themed Post-Its notes made his corrections known to Headmistress Crone and demanded they be published for the future generations of monsters to come.
Reggie found Humans an interesting species to be studied and his fascination with them often times disrupted class for both students and teachers. What he didn't understand was that his fellow classmates didn't appreciate his eclectic tastes and he was more often met with more involuntary swirlys in the boys' restroom then actual friends since his first day of school. He often was in the midst of hot debates with the other honor role students over the racial gap between the Functionally Dead and the Living Impaired. This and other things; such as his taste in companions (his best friend happened to a vampire and the worst pain in the fang the school had ever known) that landed him in Principle Tutner's office more than his parents would have liked.
That's how he landed in the Hall of Losers with the rest of the school misfits. But he couldn't help it that he liked Humans and their weird culture and even had one as a teacher. Everyone had given up on that class. But the day the bespectacled and amiable Mr. Maxwell Schneider drove in his 1978 yellow Volkswagen up the long graveyard road and walked into their classroom, Reggie knew he was human for the job.
It was a perplexing transition for all parties. The faculty was very hesitant about their newest member and still continued to test personal boundaries. The monster kids weren't used to a mere Human telling them what to do. There were a few bumps and starts, misunderstandings and he was even arrested along with nearly his entire class; all in the line of doing what he loved. Everyone else had given up on Hall of Losers, but Schneider didn't. He came to Gravedale to teach and that's exactly what he accomplished. And what a teacher he was. Reggie found himself entranced by this man's passion and drive for learning and though there were days he knew the subject matter for that day's lesson, Reggie didn't care. Whatever magic spark burned behind those horn rimmed glasses that drove him to do what he did, by dressing up in those funny costumes he worn on special theme days; Reggie loved every minute of it. For the first time in his un-life, a teacher had made learning fun. Reggie was a normal teenage Werewolf with all the angst, drama, trauma, and bats in the belfry that accompanied attending monster high school.
Winnie was just ... Winnie. And he loved her for that.
In three years, she'd be transferred to Gravedale High as a secondary school to continue her education. Reggie sincerely hoped that Winnie would be placed into Mr. Schneider sir's class. He doubted that anyone else had the wit, patience, and sheer chutzpah to tame this bossy, cursing, spunky, exasperating, endearing fuzz ball he adored more than un-life itself.
"B ... is ...," The werepup ducked low and chased a grasshopper. On all fours just like canine and then tripped over her lopping feet. She righted herself with slight curse. "Blasted big feet ….always gettin' my way!" She picked leaves out of her hair and rubbed at her left ear wincing. "Oh um ....b ...is for ...Bat!"
"No, it must be in the monster lexicon." He pushed his dark horn rimmed glasses further up the bridge on his muzzle with an exaggerated sigh. "Try again."
"Bats are so monsters!" The retort was shouted from the grass where her tail could be seen as twirled over milkweed stalks. Her head poked back up, orange curls fell across her quivering nose. "Vinnie is a bat!" She glared at her older brother her arms folded across his chest and went back to scratching her head. Her left ear itched badly. Her nine year old mind worked in mysterious ways. But then the Moonshroud clan was considered by any monster community as a tad bit eccentric; too educated, too domesticated, too human.
"Bats are animals. Vinnie flies like a bat. You are not scooting by with laziness. I promised Mom and Dad we would go over Mythology. Is your ear bothering you?"
"B is for ... Balislisk. And no, my ear is fine."
"Good. Another."
"ummm ... Bonnacon."
"My turn. C is for Crocrotta. Do you know what that is?
"Durrrr. It's an Ethiopian or India hyena-were-lycan thingie."
"Hyena-were-lycan thingie? Okay, I'll give you that one." Reggie smiled.
"Ahwoooo!" Along with her boundless energy came an annoying habit of howling at everything at the breath of a human. "Looky, I founderdeaded a four leaf clover! I founded two!!"
Winnie shoved both paws into his muzzle, pointed ears tall, tail wagging. She was very proud of herself. Indeed it was quite rare find. Winnie seemed to be born under a lucky moon.
"You found them. Remember what Dad said about not shoving things into others' faces when you wish to show them something interesting. Here," Reggie took out a handkerchief and wrapped them carefully for her after which she tucked it into her cover all pocket. "I'll laminate them on cards to carry with you when we get home."
"I'm keeping 'em for good luck. Elsa, Phanty, Tanis and Sibella will all be so jealous when I bet 'em at Skulls 'n' Bones next time."
He was not about to lecture her on superstition vs. skill. She'd just challenge him to a finger game of Stone, Parchment, Reaper, Claws and then howl her superiority to the sky after she'd won.
Reggie loved the view from here. Monsters stayed away from the city, preferring the shadows and gloom of night. He didn't understand why other monsters could not appreciate the 'beauty' of the human world. Cemetery Hill was gorgeous in the daylight. The views from where they were overlooking Midtown were nothing short of spectacular. The view was so nice that early that year Bell Gardens, a greedy, opportunistic woman, had tried to bulldoze her way into getting the school knocked down and in its place construct a new 365 room hotel complex in her expanding chain. Headmistress Crone didn't take this laying down in her casket. It was due to her iron-handedness and their ex-student body president, Vinnie Stoker, and the monster support they'd drummed up at the last minute that saved their beloved Gravdale. That was a day worth howling about.
The upper northern slope was carpeted with wildflowers in a stunning display of color and scent. The field bloomed as far as the eye could see. He thought it was beautiful in its own way, but Reggie was not an ordinary monster. Every spring the football field was inundated with the pesky pretty things which made the monsters very unhappy. Maxwell Schneider made his plea to the PTA that the flowers were a part of the natural landscape. The citizens of Cemetery Hill wanted them gone because they were ugly and smelled bad. Schneider countered that the local Midtown honey harvesting company needed the plants for the local economy.
So the flowers stayed. The good thing about it was that the unsightly mess made Couch Cadaver and his jock squad absent for their regular foot bomb practice. So now he and Winnie had the whole field to themselves.
"What is D for?"
"D is for…, " She plucked a flower. " … Daisy!"
"That's not how you play the game."
"Come on, it's gotta D in it. Daisy is my final answer." She sounded like a game show host. Reggie tried not to laugh at the joke. It was too human and would be lost on other monsters. Maybe we should try a different approach.
"Daisy. Asteracease or Compositae. The family comprises are more than 1,600 genera and 23,000 species. It is the second largest family of flowing plants, in terms of species." Reginald sat up watching Winnie explore. "Are you listening?"
"Yeah," came her uninterested response. Winnie had given up her search and sat next to him carrying an armload of wildflowers. She placed a daisy behind each of his sharply pointed ear and began dotting his red gold mop of hair. He sneezed. He crossed his paws in hopes his hay fever wouldn't act up. Winnie giggled and continued to decorate him. In no time, he resembled fuzzy Victorian woodland fairy creature from a Mid Summers Night's Scream.
"Actually, it is believed that the name 'daisy' is a corruption of the word 'day's eye' because--" Reggie narrated and twirled a flower by the stem. But Winnie seemed more interested in creating a piece of still form art than listening. She was definitely engaging her right brain more than her left.
"Reg, it's a daisy." Her bossy tone didn't detour her as she plucked a few more flowers and added them to the long daisy chain she worked so diligently on. "It's supposed to be pretty and smell nice. You complete and total nerd!" Her dainty paws weaved, pulled, and plucked until she had chain as long as her arm.
"Twerp!" he chided. "Anyway it's because the flower closes at night, and opens during the day."
Winnie tied off the daisy chain and handed it to Reggie. She turned around as he placed the flower crown in her orange curls.
"I'm Queen of the Underworld! Ahwoo!" Both arms pumped as she jumped up and down like a cricket on hot griddle. She ran around making airplane noises, twirled until she got dizzy and landed next to her brother, lolling her tongue in most undignified Lycan way.
"Don't stick out your tongue when you pant. It's not good manners."
A raspberry emitted from his sister's tongue.
"Okay, enough play. D is for ..."
"Dead as in Door Nail; E as in Elephant; F as in Fuath; G as in Grendal; and H as in 'Hurry up I'm bored let's play something else.'" She attacked her ears with both paws. It burned. "Blasted ... stupid ears!"
Reggie stopped her scratching. "Let me have a look."
"No ... mmm fine." He touched the outer part of her left ear which sent her on a long howling jag that hurt his eardrums. "Sit still!" Winnie complied, whimpering as he tugged softly on the fur. Her inner ear was inflamed but he couldn't see anything. "How long has this been hurting you?"
"Dunno know. A couple weeks," she sniffed.
"You didn't say anything? That's it. We are going to the monster clinic NOW." He grabbed her paw but she planted her feet stubbornly, halting their steps.
"No! I hate needles." Winnie was a tough little werewolf, but the thought of needles mad her fur shiver. "Promise me. No needles."
"Winiiee! I can't promise that. Listen, I'll take you to see our school nurse, but if she says you have to go to clinic, then all bets are off."
"Kay." She pouted and leaned into him for comfort. "Piggyback?" Winnie raised her arms. She blinked her cute yellow eyes up at him and he melted in her paws. Reggie sighed and as she scrambled up his back. He ran to the school wheezing all the way. Reggie caught his breath on steps, firmly stating that he needed to get in better shape in the coming months. His sedentary lifestyle in front of his computer was becoming second nature. He knew he needed more exercise than his once a month three night full moon runs.
"Reggie? Are you all right?" An auburn haired man dressed in a plain suit stood at the top of the steps gazing down at the pair in concern. "I saw you running ...."
"Mmm ... fine pant Mr. Schneider ... ah sir ... it's pant Winnie ... is Miss Billy still here?"
The werepup whined pitifully as she hung her head over his shoulder. "Ear hurt."
"Yes, she is." His teacher gave Winnie a tender pat on the head but she didn't flinch at his touch. Schneider's pleasant manner and ordinary face reminded her of her own human teacher who had taught gym class at Grimwood temporarily. She missed that batty, shaggy character. "Don't worry, Winnie. You'll be feeling fine in no time. Let me know when you're done, Reggie, I'll drive you both home."
"Thank you, Mr. Schneider sir. Let's go, sis."
Reggie carried Winnie through the halls and upstairs to the nurses' office. Gravedale High had been without an on staff nurse since the beginning of the school year. Headmistress Crone had stated to Schneider after one of his student fell ill that the old doctor and nurse "ran off". He wasn't sure if they had run off- in the together sense of the romantic word- or had ran off campus in fright from something they'd seen.
Schneider was the only human on campus; that is, until she arrived: the unflappable, ebullient, quirky and crazy Miss Billy. No last or first name; just Miss Billy.
Now there was one odd duck in pond of preternatural goings on.
Miss Billy was the only human that Headmistress Crone even came close to liking. The bitter and frightening banshee found her presence less repulsive than she did most living things. Her methods were considered unorthodox and sometimes body parts went missing only to crawl back to their owners in due time, but she got the job done efficiently.
Schneider's teaching methods were more by the book. He had earned Crone's respect and she was charmed by his ordinary looks and dedication to his day job. Her whip cracking attitude and his plain-sailing demeanor made them the perfect unlikely pair in her beady eyes. Her unrequited crush on him had taken a turn for the worst after one of his students turned the school newspaper into a gossip rag and printed a false story about the two of them being secret sweet hearts. Her shrunken heart yearned for the first time in her two hundred and fifty years for a poison ivy trimmed black velvet dress, cobweb veil, and throwing the boo-quet of nettles, sumac, and bat's breath to some other unlucky bridesmaid in a dreary Transylvanian spring wedding. It brought a tear to her shriveled eyes. By the crypts of her grandfather, Cretin Crone, and her father, Addlepated Crone, the founders of her beloved Gravedale, she was going to get what she wanted. Even if it killed Maxwell Schneider and she had to dig up his remains to do it!
But every monster in Cemetery Hill and the entire Gravedale faculty would scratch their heads and rattle their skulls and roll their bones in awe and wonder about Miss Billy; for all were in agreement that this was one human that was a few bats short of a belfry. Humans were weird and monster didn't understand much about them, but this one took the arsenic from the old lace. You could bet your toadstools and fungus that if something was going down in the supernatural world; Miss Billy would be at the center of it; or if you were not careful, you may fall down a very long rabbit hole into whatever mischief that followed her.
She was a riddle wrapped in an enigmatic conundrum. It was sort of hard to say what she did at the school. She was a teachers' aid, substitute teacher, off-staff nurse, fix it gal, relationship advisor, and a bit of Renaissance lady. A jack o' lantern of all trades, so to speak. If you called her by the names assigned to her by the local populace: a meddling human, Breather, thorny trouble maker, an eye sore, or a witch; you'd be right on all accounts. But beauty and usefulness and humanity and monsters are in the eye of the beholder. Maxwell Schneider made his mark here. If he turned Gravedale High on its ear, when he arrived, Miss Billy blew the front doors off its collected hinges.
She came in answer to a newspaper ad for a part-time teachers' aid position that Headmistress Crone had placed in the Midtown Orbit. Maxwell Schneider was out on sick leave with the strep throat. It was perfectly grisly morning; sheets of rain drenching grey skies, thunder and lighting, the sense of gloom hung like a morbid miasma; in other words just normal day at monster end of town.
In all this blissful unrest, she came slogging into Crone's office, looking very much the drowned rat caught in squall. Dripping wet, she leaned on her door and asked if the job was still open. Headmistress Crone was in a quandary. Schneider's class had been unsupervised since his illness, which meant sheer hell for her. In order to survive HIS class, a teacher needed a whip and a chair and trunk load of sedatives to do the job. Without his seemingly effortless guidance, they were a bunch of misfits that no one, save him, had been able to even remotely tame. This Human couldn't be any worse than the other cowards who'd run off and if she did, Crone looked on the dark side of Un-life, she wouldn't have to pay her day's wages.
Headmistress Crone smiled wickedly and led her to the Hall of Doom, where the ruthless savages awaited their next sacrifice ...er instructor. The banshee gave her thirty minutes before she ran screaming out of the building. Armed with only Schneider's syllabus and a smile, Miss Billy entered unholy ground.
The war zone was brutal. The chalkboard was in the process of being filled with garish artwork drawn by a short, green, loudmouthed Frankenstein construct standing on stool that was taller than he was. A green geko lad skateboarded between the coffin-shaped desks and high fived him with webbed hand. Three girls; a plus sized mummy, medusa with a rattling snake tri-headed ponytail, and a very proper zombie southern belle primped, yelled and swapped what appeared to be make up and teen scream magazines. A lemon-headed stout zombie boy read from a stack of newspaper oblivious to the zombie belle trying to gain his attention with her coquettish glances. A lone werewolf boy typed behind at a bat-shaped Traptop screen and ducked a series of paper airplanes thrown by the short Frankenstein kid.
Headmistress Crone rapped her iron fist against the oak desk for order in her presence. She made quick introductions and vamoosed. The students took one look at this bedraggled and plain-looking water nymph and smiled evilly as an invisible sign: FRESH MEAT hung over her head while she said hello, excused herself while she got ready, and took off her wet coat.
It was then from his perch on the ceiling, Vinnie Stoker yawned. His quick bat nap interrupted. He blinked over his short folded wings, stretching his arms for a better look at their new substitute. And who do we have here? New blood! The class had already driven insane … oh ah off … twelve that week: a new record. He prematurely added a hash mark to his mental list. This would make it lucky thirteen; his favorite number that was emblazoned with winged skull on the back of his leather jacket. It had been an awfully fun and prank filled week.
She plunked her things one the large desk and waved a hello to the class as she did her best to dry her face with her damp sleeve. She was tasty, an aura that radiated vibrant health, and not too gamey lookin'. She was just his type. She had O+ blood bag written all over her. This would be a piece of toadstool cream pie. The rain damped blouse caught his eye first and the decent set of lady lumps that giggled enticingly as she smoothed her soaked hair into ponytail and tied it off with a scrunchie, erased a few of Frankentyke's masterpieces, and wrote her name on the chalkboard. Even at this upside down perpendicular angle, the vampire appreciated the view. She was a certainly an improvement over Teach and the other substitutes. He walked the ceiling, and dropped to hover at eye level. With a fangy grin splitting his face, he stated what a great rack she possessed and how nicely her jugular vein pulsed in the dim light, and he even added two thumbs up and a smug wink. In the Vinnie Book of Donors, that was as good as five stars.
To Miss Billy, seeing this pale, angular bat-like face with black eyebrows that looked more like two angry, wrestling caterpillars waggling back at her; the beyond rude comment about her anatomy was more than she needed after the terrible morning she'd had. She supposed this was his adolescent way of being charming. Miss Billy didn't like being startled and she also didn't like cheeky vampires who didn't have any manners. Her expression was unreadable as she met his eyes. There a mad spark glinted in those brown eyes like will-'o-wisps dancing inside a jack – o'-lantern on Samhain night. This was not the reaction that Vinnie was expecting. He didn't even have time to say 'boo' before what happened next.
They say that lightening never strikes a person twice, but in this vampire's case the statistics were dead wrong. All Vinnie could remember after complementing her was a sharp pain in his jaw and that he went flying across room and he knew wasn't flapping his wings. He blinked up at the fuzzy world around him: two small dart-like electrodes with wires protruded from his open leather jacket and he followed the wire line back to a human holding what looked like a gun. Blanche, Duzer and Cleo were screaming: "SHE killed him!" Their statement seemed stupid to his groggy brain since he was already dead. Reggie was standing over asking him how many fingers his paw was holding up; and Frankentyke proclaimed out right that that was the "coolest thing he'd ever seen" and eagerly wanted to be the next one to be zapped by Miss Billy's taser gun. He said good morning to the little bitty bats circling his head and promptly went back to his interrupted nap.
He awoke in the infirmary, skin smarting and fangs numb, to the grey skinned, hatchet-faced frightening visage of the Headmistress glaring down her long sausage nose at him. That was a sight most students dreaded seeing and he had a front row seat to every gap that yellow toothed jagged snarl. After Gill gave him a webbed high five and told him what an epic fail he did, Vinnie demanded to know what happened. Reggie launched into an explanation of manners and electrodes and propellant while Vinnie growled at HER across the room until he felt the stabbing pain in his chest. It felt like someone had dipped him into a pool full of electric eels or tried to stake him for real. In all of his sheltered, pampered un-life, Vinnie never felt much pain aside for the occasional meal that fought back, which he thought was very rude since he did ask politely if he could snack off their necks and the fist fights with Knardo, his sponge-brained gargoyle nemesis and his gang of nimrod Jocken-steins.
Vinnie blinked at the burn marks on his chest and screamed in disbelief as Miss Billy tended his wounds with a smelly solution. "What is the stuff?"
"Iodine, arsenic, and old lace. Stop flinching, I need you to stay still!" She applied more to the wound with a clean cloth and Vinnie bit his lower lip. "You're still a fledgling. You do have some working pain receptors. So until you can regenerate fully on your own without the aid of your casket, I'm not taking any chances of maggots getting in there and making a buffet of your flesh. There are rare varieties that to love to munch on true bloods."
"You ... you ... SHOT me?!" His dark eyes narrowed at her. Yeah, I'd love to wring that cute neck of yours, but that wouldn't be cool.
"You're supposed to be a teacher, not a torturer!" Vinnie's words fell on deaf ears as Miss Billy cut stripes of medical tape. "Are you listening?"
"I heard you just fine. This is a monster school. Torturing is something you'd be used in your culture I believe."
"Well?" Vinnie demanded.
"Well what?"
"Ain't cha gonna apologize tah me?"
"Why would I do a thing like that?" The human laughed in his fangs which really pissed him off in front of his friends.
"You shot me?" He sat up on his elbows. Who did this Human think she was? He was the son of Dracula, not some new turned emo goth wannabe. Every ghoul on campus wanted him. Guys wanted to be him. Even his sir name spoke of his coolness.
"Self defense, " she shrugged and went back to her cutting.
"In all due respect for Miss Billy ma'am, Vinnie, you did say an untoward comment to her ..," Reggie stated.
"Shut up, Reg!" Vinnie turned on his best friend. "What she did ain't fair. Teach wouldn't ah done somethin' like that."
"You're right, Vincent." Miss Billy shoved him back down and made him give her his full attention. "I'm not your Mr. Schneider. You'd better get over it. I'm human; you'd better get over that, too. You're a vampire; this is a monster school. Headmistress Crone made me hand over any crosses or items that could endanger her students under school policy. But I will not under any circumstances give up my taser. I hope you learned something from this experience."
"Yeah, not to piss you off!" She slapped two white squares over the burn marks. "But … ow … it ain't fair."
"Having a two chips on your shoulders the size of Sequoias no wonder you see the world askew. I wonder what you basis for comparison is?" Vinnie held his tongue and visibly winced at her rough handling. She tsked loudly. "Oh, don't be such a fledgling. You act like you've never gotten attacked before."
"Actually … no," Vinnie mumbled.
"Oh my stars … you're a stake virgin." Miss Billy gushed and pinched his cheek like his mother did when he was a batling fresh off his first solo feeding. "That's so cute."
Vinnie died a little inside. He didn't know what this strange thing was tugging at his heart. Was this … guilt? In only a few minutes, this Human had nearly ruined four years of a bad boy reputation that he so diligently maintained. Suddenly he had an overwhelming feeling that this was how his idol Fonzie felt after Mrs. Cunningham yelled at him.
Oh, Black Cats … please would someone just stake me now. I could just live with embarrassment. It's gonna take more than detention and stealing from the school store to mend my rep.
Decapitation, a stake through the heart, holy or running water, silver bullets, fire; out of all the ways to destroy a vampire, Vinnie never once thought he'd be staring down the received end of a taser gun. Being struck by lightning and losing his ability to fly once was the second most painful blow to his ego he'd ever had, after being sucked punched by a Human--and a girl at that. Vinnie needed to regain the coolness that made him an un-living legend on campus. He winced slightly as she taped the last bandage on. She was kinda cute in a weird, human-y sort of way he supposed. But cute or not, he still had a reputation to mend.
"But you still shot me," Vinnie hissed. "That's going a bit over the top, don't cha think? And if any of this leaves this room, I'll beat the life into yeh."
"Yes, I did. You are a vampire. It's not like what happened is going to kill you." Miss Billy smiled and slapped the bandages, "and as your classmate Mr. Waterman put it: 'It was a most epic fail, Fang Dude.'" She had the surfer tone down pat. She even made a hang ten sign. The rest of the classmates snickered but a growl from their unofficial class leader cut it short. Then a sound that no one in Schneider's class had ever heard before filled the room with a resounding boom of a thunder clap.
The Headmistress' bawdy laugh sent icy spiders running up and down their collective spines. She wiped a single tear from her eye and walked out of the infirmary, cackling like a mad thespian character out of a Shakespearean play through the gloomy halls. It was the best laugh she'd had all month.
The next day Vinnie deemed their new substitute "sorta cool fer a Human" in front of the class and that until Teach got back not to give her any guff. She may inched her way on a long road to gaining his hard won respect that day, but his still put his boots up on his desk and bat-napped through class when the mood struck him.
This was the first meeting of dangerous minds that would lead to many fireside tales of this particular crypt at Gravedale High.
It was into this person the Reggie brought his ailing sister. Miss Billy was seated at her desk, typing into her laptop. A chewed pencil moved up and down in her mouth. Dark hair pulled back into a lopsided bun held together by chopsticks. A gold bat shaped barrett kept her bangs out of her oval face. Mismatched sneakers, frayed and paint splashed jeans and button down shirt completed the laid back assemble. The pencil dropped from her mouth when she saw them. "Reggie, what's the matter?"
"It's my sister, Winnie. I think she has an earache." Reggie set her down on the padded table. "Winnie, Miss Billy's going to look at you, okay?"
"Hey, Winnie. Not feeling too good, huh." The werepup gave small shake of her head. "I'm going to look inside your ears, okay. See what's going on." She peered into the each ear with a lighted instrument and sighed. "Both ear canals are very inflamed, but it's the left one that worries me. When was the last time she had her ears checked?"
Reggie shrugged. "I don't know." Miss Billy nodded. Winnie whimpered as her ear was tugged and sniffed back tears as Miss Billy continued the examination. "Ah ... there's the problem. She's got a fox tail stuck inside and there's an infection. It's close to perforating her ear drum. We have to remove it now."
"How can I get a red, bushy tail in my ear?" Winnie asked. "It'd have to be a very tiny fox."
"She doesn't mean the animal, Win. It's a small barb of grass that probably got lodged in there after one of your unescorted romps." Reggie shook his finger her. "Didn't Mom tell you to have someone check your ears once a week when you're at school?"
"Don't yell at me!" Winnie was close to tears but didn't want to cry in front of a stranger.
"I .. mm …sorry." Her ears lowered and she began plucking at her tail tip, sniffing.
"You're always sorry. It doesn't make it any better when I have to tell Mom and Dad about your neglectful grooming habits." Reggie eyed his sister, who looked down at her feet as she thumped them against the padding.
"Reggie, this is common among dogs and cats and werewolf pups that don't clean their ears as often as they should. She has hard wax build up in the other ear that should be removed. That can be done at the clinic." Miss Billy went about the room and set up what she needed.
"No needles, Reggie. You promised," Winnie whispered.
"Winnie ..."
"NO needles!" She crossed her arms, glaring at him and at the Human.
"I don't think you need a needle," Miss Billy smiled. "Your name is Winnie; so that makes you full of win. I need you lie on your side and we'll get that darn foxtail out faster .."
"…than Reg can read a book on Advanced Physics?" Winnie's tail wagged. She was pleased that someone knew she was as brave and tough as she knew she was. Winnie held Reggie's paw just in case he was scared that something bad would happen. It hurt despite the local salve Miss Billy put into her ear to numb the throbbing in her skull. She sniffed as the tears began.
Reggie knew what would take her mind off the pain. "Where did we leave off? Hmmm …
oh I know ...G is for Gargoyle," he began.
"H is for h…hyp ..Hypogriff." Winnie hiccoughed nervously, tears dribbling down her muzzle.
"I is for Itbarak." Reggie smoothed an orange curl from her eyes that looked back at him, shivering.
"J is ..is for Jack …alope." Reggie felt her squeezed his paw tighter. Dribble, dribble. More tears splashed.
"K is for Kaypre."
"L is for Lamia."
"M is for Manticore."
"N is for ... Nightgaunt."
"O is for Opinicus."
"P is for Palkia."
"R is for Roc."
"S is for Sasquatch."
"T is for ... T is for...? " What monster began with the letter T?
"There all done. You had two lodged in there pretty good."
Winnie blinked. She couldn't believe it ... it was over?! And there weren't any needles.
Winnie smiled and knew without a doubt that she was the bravest werewolf girl in the world. She couldn't wait to get back to school and brag to her friends how she, Winnie Moonshroud, faced down a Human and protected her big brother, when she was sick, and lived to them about it. Miss Billy put more cooling medicine into her ears. She poked wad of cotton in her outer lob gently. It still smarted but it felt much better.
"Give her five drops in each ear; three times a day. Make an appointment at the monster clinic to have that wax removed," Miss Billy instructed her brother.
"Thanks, Miss Billy." Reggie gathered up his sleepy sibling, "Ready to go home, twerp?"
"Uh huh, Spacey Casey Rat."
Mr. Schneider drove them home in his beat up yellow Volkswagen. In the back seat, Winnie dozed off on her brother's shoulder while he hummed her new favorite song in her ear. Winnie had heard it listening to Reggie's human radio one day. The song was catchy and she kept singing the chorus over and over until he decided to check into it. The lyrics were deemed too provocative for her young ears by their parents and when he saw the music video it drove him to ask his little sister what it all meant to her. Winnie merely shrugged and told him that she didn't understand all the lyrics and that she didn't really like the music video. As far as her young mind knew the song about a ugly, skinny Human lady dressed in tight leotard, who was put in a jail, because she got mad at someone for breaking her office coffee machine. Reggie held in his laughter after he heard her explanation and continued to let Winnie just be Winnie.
"There's a she wolf in the closet," Reggie sang softly.
"Ahwooo," Winnie added.
"Let it out so it can breathe."
"Ahrooo …. zzzzz."
Winnie was the bravest, roughest, toughest werewolf girl in the world. As she drifted off to sleep she was certain that Reggie was the smartest and bestest werewolf brother in the whole wide world …even though he was a geek who read too much and needed to have his little sister hold his paw when he got scared.
Alpha-bats.
"How do you spell 'Love'?" Piglet asked Pooh.
"You don't spell it; you feel it," Pooh told Piglet.
A.A. Milne
Author notes: I need to thank a few people.
Todd Fan, thanks for writing your GH fic: "And You Think Your School Is Scary". The first GH story ever posted. It got me to dust off my old longhand notes and rewrite my own GH stories. If you're not familiar with Gravedale High, this introductory story is a good place to start.
Lina-the-demented, many, many thanks for your sharing your Veggie tales; for sharing in my fun even though it's lame at times; and the RPG that sprang from this lunacy. Miss Billy and ChibiLina will have lots more new adventures.
Dendrica, hope you enjoyed the back story. I love your art.
And the rest of you if you've read this far: Thank you for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts on my story so please email or comment.