Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters, I just get to play with them.

Rating: T for Teen (Just because)

Warnings: Reference to alcohol abuse, depression, suicide attempts, and mentions of murder. Maybe triggery for some.

Author's Note: For all the Snape fans out there, this will probably not portray him in a good light. So if you are against reading Snape in a bad light please do not read this. And to be clear, no I do not like him personally but I do like him as a Machiavellian character. It makes me both sympathize and loath him at the same time. I hope I kept them close to character. Other than that enjoy the story.

It had been fifteen years, four months, and nine days, six hours, 23 minutes and 27 seconds since her husband and son had been killed. Lily Snape, nee Evens who used to be Lily Potter was in her room mourning the passing of her husband and her son. She only allowed herself to mourn one day a year, to keep from breaking apart. Most of the time she would drink enough whiskey and bourbon to forget most of the day. She was lucky that her husband Severus was there to help her recover the following day. Most of the time he would give her space to drink and would check up on her to make sure she hadn't killed herself by accident.

Lily didn't remember much about the days following her son and husband's death. The healers and her friends said she went into a deep state of shock and was only saved by her old friend Severus Snape. He was the one who stayed by her night and day talking to her, trying to coax her out of where ever she had hidden in her mind. He was the one who stayed by her during her occasional bouts of depression and talked her out of several suicide attempts. She didn't know what she would have done with out him.

That's why it seemed natural to Lily to start dating him and eventually marry him. Severus was not exactly what most people would consider attractive. His sallow skin, his greasy hair, and rather large, hooked nose and abrasive personality would disgust most women, but Lily knew about his gentler side. She knew of his passion, his romance, and his compassion and above else his loyalty. She thought she could trust him. And she did for fifteen years she did. Against all of her friends' warnings about him, against all of her family's pleas, she trusted him.

Lily remembered how Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew begged and pleaded to not to trust him. They had asked out for tea when they subtlety dropped hints about Severus.

"Can you trust him?" Sirius asked. Subtlety was never his forte.

"What! What do you mean? Of course I trust Severus! How could you even think such a thing," Lily nearly shouted. She stared at the three men. Sirius and Remus were frowning and Peter was staring off in to space, not paying much attention to the conversation.

"Look Lily, we care for you and just don't want to see you hurt," Remus said choosing his words carefully.

"Yeah, James would come back from the dead just to kill us if something happened to you," Sirius added. "And we know him better then you. He's evil."

"He is not evil! And like you can talk, look how you acted in school! You were worse than he ever was."

"It wasn't like that," Sirius shouted.

"Really and how were all of your pranks so different from his?" Lily sneered.

"We didn't attack the first years with pranks that could kill," Remus stated calmly though Lily could tell he was angry. "Then there is the fact that we were kids, school boys, who thought they knew everything. We grew up, Severus hasn't." Lily glared at them.

"I'm still marrying him. I love him and he . . . he loves me."

"Fine Lily, marry the death eater who served the man that killed your husband and son. Marry the man that hated James enough to join a psychopath. I don't care anymore. I was just trying to tell you that you're making a terrible mistake. But since you know best, marry the murderer. Just don't come crying to me when you figure out what a monster he is. Goodbye Lily and I hope I won't have to say I told you so," Sirius snapped. He stood up abruptly and left the café. At the time Lily didn't think she would ever see him again.

"Sorry, but he does have a point. We just want you to be happy. If you're happy with marrying him than I won't stand in your way. And Lily," Remus said as he stood and pushed in his chair, "be careful. I don't wan you hurt." He gave her a hug and left her with Peter.

"So are you going to say anything Peter?"

"Marry who ever you want to," Peter said. He stood and pushed in his chair.

"I have to go Lily, I'll see you sometime." Lily gave him a wave goodbye as he left her alone in the café. He was killed later that day in an auror's raid on a group of Death Eaters. He was found among the Death Eaters.

With both Sirius's and Remus's warnings ringing in her ears she married Severus Snape and became Lily Snape. It was a fall wedding among the dying trees. It was a stark contrast to her spring wedding to James. She didn't wear the traditional white wedding dress but wore a pale gold wedding dress. Severus never commented on the decision. Two years later she had a wonderful baby girl named Annabelle. For the first two years of Annabelle's life, Lily was sure someone would try to kill her like they did Harry. Severus dealt with the paranoia in strides. Several nights he would find Lily sleeping in the baby's room. After Annabelle's second birthday the paranoia started to dissipate. For the entire time Lily was content though not exactly happy.

Then one morning Lily found out the truth about Severus. She was cleaning her husband's study, a place she rarely entered, when she spotted a journal lying on the floor. It was opened to a worn and weathered page. Curious she picked it up and read the page.

November 3, 1981

I have no regrets in life. At least that is what I tell myself, and some days I find it to be the truth, especially now that I have Lily. But still there is one decision that haunts me. That will never let me rest, not until my dying day. That decision changed the course of destiny forever. I shouldn't have done it. I should have said no but he offered me her. Her life for theirs! How could I refuse? How could I say no? So I didn't and now I must live my life knowing I killed Potter and his spawn. At first I was relieved, my childhood nemesis was dead as well as his spawn, but then the healers called. Lily, my beautiful, strong, intelligent Lily fell into shock. They said that her mind had shut down to deal with the death of her husband and son. I knew then that I had made a mistake. Telling the Dark Lord about the prophecy was a terrible mistake. A mistake that cost Potter and his spawn their lives. Though I may try and deny it, I am responsible for their deaths and I fear what would happen to Lily if she were to ever find out.

Lily dropped the book as if it were on fire. How could this be, she thought. How could my husband . . . my Severus ever do that? Why would he do that? This can't be happening. She found herself struggling to catch her breath as panic set in. If Severus kept this from me, what else could he be hiding Lily thought. Carefully as if holding a delicate butterfly wing, she picked up the book and began to read. The journal detailed many events that happened through her husband's life including his meeting with the dark lord Voldemort about a prophecy. As she read she realized she really didn't know her husband at all. She never knew the details of his spying days or what he had to do to stay in the Dark Lord's grace. She was so blinded and enraptured by her husband that she failed to see his darker side. The side that was more then willing to kill a baby boy and his father. Lily felt tears fall down her cheeks and with a start she realized she was crying. Wiping her eyes she placed the book back on the shelf and quietly shut the door to the study.

She knew that everything had irreversibly changed, now that she knew of her second husband's involvement with her first husband and son's death. Nothing could ever be the same. She felt her stomach churn at any thoughts about her husband. Before she knew it she was in the bathroom vomiting everything she had eaten that day. I can't stay here, she thought as she washed out her mouth. She thanked whatever god there was for the fact that Annabelle had just started her first year at Hogwarts. She was trembling as she leaned heavily on the sink. A glance in the mirror proved to her how messed up her life became. She was pale from the shock, and her eyes and nose were red from crying. She sniffed loudly as tears started to from yet again. She knew what she had to do.

Lily splashed water on her face and grabbed the closest towel to dry off her face. She looked in the mirror one more time and realized that the shadows in her eyes had vanished. It had been replaced with something she hadn't seen in a long time, determination. She grabbed her wand, two trunks and started to pack her stuff. I can't stay here anymore with . . . with that man. Look at me I can't even call him by his name even in my mind, she thought. I can't even call him husband. She was halfway through packing when she realized she had no place to go. She knew she shouldn't be alone but she had no idea who she could talk to. Ever since she had married Severus she had slowly lost touch with all of her old friends. It took awhile before she decided on flooing Remus.

She kneeled by the fireplace before tossing in the powder and calling out Remus's name. She waited patiently for a response. She called his name once again hoping for a response. After waiting in silence for a full minute she turned to grab the floo powder and try again when she heard her name being called.

"Lily is that you?" a rough and familiar voice called from the flames. She turned back around and looked in to the face of a man she had once called a friend.

"Remus," she choked out.

"Lily what's wrong? Is everything all right?" he asked when she started to cry again.

"Nothing is right Remus," she sobbed. "I found . . . I . . . I—"

"Lily I need you to calm down. Do you need me to come over there?" he said. Lily took a few calming breaths.

"I need a place to stay," she said. "Just for one night I swear."

"Of course Lily, you can stay as long as you like." His voice was low and soothing. "When are you coming over?"

"As soon as I finish packing," she said looking in to the eyes of her old friend.

"And you will tell me what happened when you get here?" She nodded her head in response before disconnecting the floo. She glanced at the clock and realized it was two in the afternoon. With a shuddering breath she returned to packing.

It was around five that evening when she finally finished shrinking and packing her things. She left her wedding pictures and a few of Annabelle's things for her soon to be ex husband. She took his journal and placed it on the living room table and planned to leave the wedding ring behind. She was in the middle of taking it off when he came in through the front door. He glanced around the house a noticed most of her things were missing. He found her in the living room with her trunks.

"Lily?" he called to her.

"I'm leaving," she said, not looking at him, her wand out.

"Lily, what's wrong,"

"I'm leaving," she repeated.

"Whatever it is we can work it out," he pleaded.

"No we can's Severus. It's . . . the damage is already done."

"Lily tell me what's wrong," he demanded.

"You want me to tell you what's wrong. I'll tell you what's wrong," she snapped. She felt an anger she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since James and Harry. "This is what's wrong," she screeched as she picked up the journal and shaking it. "This and you. That's what's wrong." She saw him pale as he realized which journal she was holding.

"Lily listen to me."

"No I don't have to listen to you. You have no right, no right to make me listen to you."

"You must understand—"

"Oh I understand plenty," she hissed as she threw the journal at his head. "I understand that you got my first husband killed and then helped . . . then helped MURDER my son. Oh god, you murdered my son." He took a step toward her and found her wand tip aimed at his head.

"Don't come near me!"

"Lily I'm sorry."

"It's a little late for that don't you think."

"Please, please forgive me," he begged. He took another step forward and his wife stunned him with a stupefy. He looked up in to his wife's eyes.

"You know what the funny thing is," she said as she tossed her wedding ring at him. "I might have eventually forgiven you for James's death. Oh I might have yelled, screamed, and shouted, but eventually I would have forgiven you. But not Harry. Never Harry. I will never forgive you. You helped kill my son and I hate you for that. I'm taking Annabelle. I'm not going to let you kill her like you did Harry. This is goodbye Severus," she said. She levitated her trunks, grabbed a handful of floo powder and yelled out Remus Lupin's Home. In a flash of green light she vanished out of Severus's life.

When she stepped out of the fireplace she was greeted with a warm embrace and the sound of an awkward cough from the doorway of the room. There stood Sirius Black.

"I told you so," were the first words out of his mouth. Before she had a chance to respond, he had crossed the gap between them, wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug and whispered in her ear, "and I am so sorry about that." She finally let herself cry as she held on to her old friend. In time she knew she would recover but for now she was happy for the support.

Another Author's Note: In explanation of Lily's actions. I think that Lily might, and I do mean MIGHT, have eventually forgive Snape for his role in Jame's death. They were soldiers on opposite sides of a war and I think Lily, with a lot of apologizing/grovelling, would have probably eventually forgiven Snape and worked things out. However because his actions (telling Voldemort about the prophecy) ended up killing Harry too, Lily could not, would not forgive him for that. At least that's what I think she would have done.

Please tell me what you guys think of this. Is it good, bad, totally out of character, in character? Read, rate and review.

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