The Cultural Festival That Is To Change All Their Destinies, a my teen romantic comedy snafu/やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている fanfic

The Cultural Festival held in Sobu High is going to be the biggest one yet.

Why? Because this year Hachiman is involved. He will be performing a duet with Zaimokuza, aka "The aspiring soundcloud rappist".

The curtain closes. The previous set was booed off stage. Everyone only wanted to watch their idol Hachiman.

Curtain reopens. Out came Hachiman, Zaimokuza and guest star, Yukinoshit.

Their performance began after a round of rapturous applause.

"Hachiman please let me suck your cock!" An unidentified fangirl shouted across the auditorium. People started laughing.

"Cut the bullshit, fellas. Let's get down for real. DJ, drop the beat!"

People started cheering as the beat dropped.

Yukinoshit:

'Cause you know in the old days
They couldn't say the shit they wanted to say
They had to fake orgasms and shit
We can tell niggas today:
"Hey, I wanna cum, mothafucka!"

Hachiman: Your such a fucking- oops I forget the lyrics!

Hachiman began to panic. How could he forget? He spent months rehearsing for this moment. How could this be?

Yui, concealed by the side curtains, gestured to Hachiman. She pointed at Yukinoshit.

Hachiman: Hoe!

Hachiman: I love it!

The female audiences immediately started cumming and masturbating. A few of them threw their panties on stage.

Hachiman, after the initial hint, could transition more smoothly thereafter.

Hachiman:

You're such a fuckin' ho, I love it (I love it)

You're such a fuckin' ho, I love it (Love it, love it)
(I'ma fuck a bitch, tell her cousin)

Your boyfriend is a dork, McLovin (dork)

(McLovin; ooh, ooh, ooh)

I just pulled up in a Ghost (ghost)

Fucked that bitch up out in London (up out in)

Then I fucked up on her cousin
Or her sister, I don't know nothin' (Uh-uh, woo)
And my niggas gettin' ignorant
Like a lighter, bitch, we ignant (Ignant, yeah)
All this water on my neck
Look like I fell when I went fishin' (Fell!)
So much diamonds on my bust down
Ooh, fuck, what's the time? (Where we at?)
Me and Smokepurpp sippin' drank (Purpp!)
ooh fuck she takes lines (lines)

Hachiman: (Chorus) You're such a fuckin' ho, I love it (I love it, scoop!)

You're such a fuckin' ho, I love it (I love it)

Jay-Zaimokuza: You're such a fuckin' ho

When the first time they ask you if you want sparklin' or still?
Why you tryna act like you was drinkin' sparklin' water 'fore you came out here?
You're such a fuckin' h—

Jay-Zaimokuza:

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)
I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck (Whoop!)

I'm a sick fuck, I like a quick fuck
I like my dick sucked, I'll buy you a sick truck
I'll buy you some new tits, I'll get you that nip-tuck
How you start a family? The condom slipped up
I'm a sick fuck, I'm inappropriate
I like hearin' stories, I like that ho shit
I wanna hear mo' shit, I like the ho shit
Send me some mo' shit, you triflin' ho bitch (Bitch, bitch, bitch)

Hachiman: Your such a fucking hoe, i love it (i love it)

Your such a fucking nigger, i love it (i love it)

Yukinoshit:

'Cause you know in the old days
They couldn't say the shit they wanted to say
They had to fake orgasms and shit
We can tell niggas today:
"Hey, I wanna cum, mothafucka!"

It was a phenomenal performance. At the end, there was a brief silence, before people started shouting "Encore!"

And so they performed once more. They performed for the rest of the day as every performance set after them got canceld.

Two months later, Hachiman, by then already an established star and hollywood veteran, held a concert in the same auditorium. This time, he included a shout out to all his fans to boost his sales:

"Yukino, you a fucking hoe."

"Yui, you a fucking hoe."

"Iroha, you a fucking hoe."

"Sensei, you a fucking hoe."

"Shizuka, you a fucking hoe."

"Haruno, you a fucking hoe."

"Kawasaki, you a fucking hoe."

"Ebina, you a fucking hoe."

"Komachi, you a fucking hoe."

"Zaimokuza, you a fucking hoe."

"Totsuka, you a fucking hoe."

"Hayama, you a fucking dork."