This one isn't light, it definitely is serious and deals with an issue which either has or will touch us all at some point.
Sammie Rae: Dean and Amy
The air hung heavy and thick with their emotions as they entered the small apartment. Amy's face was streaked with tears as she clung to Dean's side, her position since leaving the hospital.
"C'mere," Dean said gently, "I need to talk to you." Rae shot him an aggravated look, which he waved off. "It'll only take a minute."
Rae and Sam went into the kitchen to sit at the table. Dean maneuvered Amy over to the couch. Her hold on him tightened when they sat side by side. He just held her for a moment before plunging in.
"I want to be sure you know that you can stay here." She sniffled and nodded, not looking up. "I'm talking about until you graduate."
Now Amy's head popped up, her puffy red eyes locked on him. "Huh?"
Dean ran a hand over her dark hair, wild and uncombed. "Your mom signed some papers a while back giving me custodial guardianship, so you can stay with us for as long as you want. Your dad knows about it and promised to let you decide when you're ready. He can just keep coming to see you every other weekend, or you can move in with him during the summer, or you can move in with him permanently, but you're not deciding anything today. Or this week." He kissed her forehead. "Give it about a month. If you do decide to stay, we're thinking about moving to a larger apartment so you and Rae can have your own rooms."
Amy's head shook as she lowered it to rest against Dean's chest again. "I don't want my own room."
The touchy-feely crap was usually Sam's territory. Dean hated this, but he held her and rubbed a hand over her back, hoping it was the right thing to do. Actually, Dean realized, the real touchy-feely crap was Susan's territory. Rae's therapist was about to have a new patient, after the funeral. After a few minutes he realized Amy had fallen asleep. Dean turned to motion with his free arm to Sam and Rae in the kitchen.
"She's asleep," Dean whispered when they stood in front of him. "Should we put her to bed?"
Rae chewed her lower lip for a moment before shaking her head. "It's been a horrible day, Dad. Just sit there with her, she needs you."
Dean noticed he was right up against the arm of the couch. "Sam, how about helping me move her over so I can sit between the girls?"
Sam's smile was not of amusement, so thin and small, as he helped scoot Amy over. When Sam started to move her, she clung tighter to Dean.
"Told you," Rae whispered.
When there was room, Rae slipped in beside him. Dean wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. "How are you?"
Rae shrugged as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Okay, I guess. I mean, it wasn't like Miss Karen was murdered. We all knew it was going to happen." Rae sighed heavily. "I guess I kept waiting for a miracle or something to happen. It still doesn't seem real."
Sam kneeled on the floor beside her. "At least she's not in pain now." His voice was strained and cracked on the word 'pain.' Dean looked curiously at his brother. There were tears threatening in those eyes. Crap. If Sam lost it, he was pretty sure Rae wouldn't be far behind.
"Why don't you order pizza?" Dean suggested, mainly to distract Sam. Sam gave him a weird look. "We still have to eat."
Sam swallowed hard before standing. "Dean? Do you, uh..." He swallowed hard again. "Never mind, I'll talk to you later about it."
Fantastic. More touchy-feely crap to look forward to.
Amy woke up long enough to eat. Then she and Rae retreated to the far bedroom. Dean hoped there would be some girl-talk before they both crashed. He made a quick call to Amy's father to relay the news about Karen while Sam watched from the other side of the kitchen table.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Dean asked as he set the phone down.
Sam sighed and cast a quick glance toward the bedrooms. "I was wondering, do you think we could get the girls screened for breast cancer? Amy has a family history and the doctor said if they'd caught it earlier, Karen would have had a chance."
Holy crap. Dean leaned back in his chair and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Probably," he admitted. "But let's wait a month or two, all right? Things are still a little fresh right now."
Sam let out a huge sigh. "Yeah, no problem. Thanks, Dean." He looked like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Dean nodded at his little brother. "How about a beer? I could sure use one."
"Me, too." Sam jumped up to make himself useful.
Dean managed to keep himself really busy for the next few days. He handled all the calls to the school and the parents of Rae and Amy's friends, setting up some appointments for Amy with Susan, discussing what to expect in Amy's behavior with Susan, going to work, and the little details for the funeral. All of the major stuff had already been decided by Karen, she hadn't wanted Amy to have to deal with any of it, but there were all kinds of little things that kept cropping up. Plus he and Sam had needed to empty out Karen's apartment and cancel the lease. Most of the stuff, except what Amy wanted right now, went into storage.
Now the funeral was over. It was really strange, because for one he had nothing to do and for another, Amy and Rae and Sam all seemed so relaxed on the way home. They had all cried like the girls they were during the funeral, but now in the car they chatted about how nice it was so-and-so came, how pretty the flowers were, and what a nice eulogy it had been. Dean couldn't bring himself to comment one way or the other so he kept his mouth shut and eyes on the road.
Once they were all in the apartment, Dean headed straight to change his clothes leaving Sam with the girls. When he reached for his jeans, he spotted his work shirts folded and waiting on top of the crappy chest of drawers because there wasn't room for them inside. He checked his watch. He could put in about four hours today if he headed out now. Dean finished dressing quickly, buttoning his work shirt as he headed out into the den.
"Dean?" Sam asked. "Why are you wearing that?"
"Going to work," he replied with a shrug. "I figure I can get in about four hours before closing."
"You're not serious!" Sam moved to stand in his way. "Dean!"
"What?" Dean demanded irritably. "Dude, the cars won't fix themselves. They need me. Now move."
"Dad?" Rae asked from behind him. "You will be home in time to eat, right?"
He hesitated at the door before turning around. "Of course. Now come give me a hug." Rae darted over to squeeze his chest. He motioned to Amy who stood off to the side. She gave him a huge smile before hugging him on the other side.
At work his boss came out to tell him they hadn't expected him in today. Whatever. Dean waved it off to dive into a tune-up. Unfortunately, it reminded him of all the free tune-ups he had given Karen. He asked Marty to finish it for him, taking over Marty's a/c job. God, he hated a/c jobs, especially ones with a leak in the line. Dean decided to be meticulous in finding the leak, which took him the rest of the regular work day. He stayed a little late to recharge it, making the car ready for pick-up first thing tomorrow. His boss came out while he charged the a/c system.
"Dean? You know we didn't expect you in today," Bud said.
Dean shrugged it off. "Better than sitting around at home," he replied gruffly.
Bud stood watching him for a few minutes before grabbing his shoulder with one hand. Dean waited to see what he wanted, but all he did was squeeze hard before turning around. "Holler at me when you're done so I can lock up."
Bud always had been a little weird.
Work just didn't seem to fill enough of his day, and it was growing harder to duck the tune-ups. Dean started taking over Sam's computer in the evenings to research potential hunts. Granted he wasn't planning on going on any, not right now, unless there was one close by. When he found a good lead, he called Bobby. Bobby always promised to either look into it or find someone who would. It was nice hearing Bobby's voice at the other end of the line. Some days Dean found himself calling over things which were obviously not their kind of case just to talk to him. Fortunately Bobby never seemed to mind.
He had just found an article which hinted at a real black dog when Amy walked up. "Mister Dean?"
"Hmmm?" When Amy's reply was not instant, he tore his eyes from the computer screen. She stood uncertainly in front of him. "What is it, cutie?"
"Are you sure it's okay if I stay here?" Amy asked in a soft voice.
Slowly Dean closed Sam's laptop. "Of course I'm sure, but you don't have to decide right away. You know that." He studied her face.
The strained expression fell away, replaced with a small smile that even reached her eyes. "I know Mister Dean, but Dad and I talked about it a lot last weekend. I really don't want to switch high schools, and Dad works a lot of nights, so if I moved in with him I'd be alone a lot. Neither one of us really want that. He's still planning on picking me up every other weekend and we promised to call each other if anything comes up. Dad also said he'd work out holidays with you, because I'd really like to go to Mister Bobby's for Christmas this year. Rae's been talking a lot about it." Her smile widened. "I like feeling like part of a big family."
Dean felt a lump form in his throat. He raised an arm and motioned to her. Amy slipped in to receive a huge hug. "We're not a big family," he whispered into her hair.
Amy pulled back to laugh at him. "Are you kidding? Have you seen the size of Uncle Sam?"
Dean returned her laugh. Amy hugged him again before racing to Rae's room, no doubt to relay the news. Without really thinking about it, Dean pulled out his cell. He needed to call someone. He automatically pressed the speed dial on his phone for the best person to talk about the girls with. Waiting impatiently for an answer, Dean listened to it ring and ring until it kicked over to voicemail. Damn it.
"Hey, you've reached Karen's phone. Sorry I can't answer right now, but if this is an emergency, please call Dean Cooper..."
His cell phone made a hollow clatter as it hit the floor. He forgot. How could he forget she was gone? The tinny sound of a beep came from the speaker of his cell. With a sudden burst of rage, Dean jumped up to slam his boot down on it. Metal and plastic pieces scattered across the kitchen floor. After giving the largest piece a vicious kick, sending it under the stove, he headed for his room. There Dean sat on his bed behind a locked door staring at the far wall, feeling his cheeks growing wetter by the moment.
Damn it!
Sam tried not to run as he and Sarah walked from the car to the apartment. Rae had called about ten minutes ago to report Dean was locked in their room and the remains of his cell phone littered the kitchen floor. He had figured with the way Dean had been acting lately that some kind of meltdown was coming, but without knowing what would trigger it, Sam had been allowing Dean to do pretty much whatever he wanted. Dean had been working long hours before coming home and burying himself in research.
As they reached the door to the apartment, Sam was hit with an inspiration. He yanked out his cell to call Bobby. After Sam relayed the problem Bobby promised to head right over, but it would be several hours before the old man would arrive. In the meantime, it was all up to Sam.
Steeling himself for what would no doubt be a showdown, Sam opened the door. Both Rae and Amy stood by the sofa with identical confused expressions.
Rae rushed to Sam. "He won't even open the door for me, Uncle Sam. What's going on?"
Sam shrugged as he patted her back in comfort. "I don't know, Sunshine. But try not to worry, we'll figure it out." He gave her a quick hug before heading to his bedroom door. Sarah stayed behind with the girls.
"You know," Sam said, spinning around, "Sarah, why don't you take the girls out for a little while? Ice cream?"
"Sure." She caught the car keys in mid-air. "Come on girls. This sounds like a guy thing."
Sam waited until after Sarah had hustled the reluctant girls out before trying the door. It was locked.
"Dean?" Sam knocked lightly. "Dean, are you in there?"
No answer.
"Dean!" Sam landed a hard pound. "Either you answer me, or I'm kicking in the door!"
He heard the sound of the lock mechanism being operated. The door yanked open. "You could've picked it," Dean snapped at him.
Sam tried to take a good look at his brother. Dean's face was drawn and tired and his eyes red-rimmed, almost as if he had been crying. Or worse.
"You weren't in here having a panic attack, were you?" Sam demanded, his own anxiety amping up.
"Nah." Dean waved Sam off, turning his back. "Just a nap."
"A nap," Sam repeated slowly. His eyes narrowed on his brother. "You were taking a nap. And you didn't hear the girls knocking?"
Dean shrugged, still not turning around. Evasive, suspicious, and lying. These were not good signs. Apparently it was time for the guessing game.
"Anything happen today while I was gone?" Sam asked as he sat on the edge of his bed.
Dean shrugged again. "Amy's staying. She said it's cool with her dad."
Sam tilted his head to one side, trying for a better view of his brother. "That's good though, right? I mean, we were both hoping she'd stay."
Dean sunk down to sit on the end of the bed. "Yeah," he sighed lightly.
"So what's the problem?" Sam asked.
Dean shrugged again. "No problem."
"Then you weren't just ignoring Rae and Amy?" he pressed.
"Jesus, Sam!" Dean snapped, jumping to his feet and spinning around to glare venomously. "I can't take a damn nap without the frigging third degree?"
Sam stared back nonplussed. "Not when you're acting like this. So what's bothering you?"
"What's bothering me?" Dean demanded, his voice raising to a shout. "You want to know what's bothering me? Okay, fine! What's bothering me is you and Rae, both of you frigging acting like nothing's wrong. Like everything is just freaking fine! That's what's bothering me!"
Sam waited, but Dean seemed to have run out of words. His big brother still stood there glaring with steam pouring from his ears and red creeping into his face.
"So everything isn't fine," Sam replied slowly while his brain analyzed Dean's outburst from every possible angle.
"Of course it's not fine!" Dean exploded. "You know what? Forget it!" He tried to stomp past, but Sam jumped up to block the doorway.
"No, Dean. Now hang on a minute," Sam argued in a gentle voice. "I want to understand what's bothering you."
"How can you!" Dean's jaw jutted out and his eyes narrowed. "You've got Susan to talk to. And Sarah!"
Sam let that information soak in for a moment. Was this about Rae? "Well, you can call Susan too. I know she wouldn't mind..." he tried to explain.
"Maybe I don't want to," Dean snarled in his face. "Maybe I want to call..." An expression of pure grief shattered Dean's anger.
Now it all made sense, from Karen asking Dean to take in Amy to Dean's handling of pretty much everything before the funeral and burying himself in work after. Sam should have figured this out weeks ago. It also explained the shattered cell phone in the kitchen.
"You want to call Karen," Sam finished it for him. He nodded slowly at his brother. "Don't blame you there. I mean, the girls are best friends, and the same age, so it was perfectly natural that you and Karen would have developed a good relationship." Tears welled in Dean's eyes. "A good friendship. I don't suppose you want to talk about it?"
All the fight seemed to have drained out of Dean. He shrugged as he sat on the end of Sam's bed. "I don't think it really hit me before." A lonely tear trickled down his face. "Amy said she wanted to be a part of a big family, that was the main reason she wants to stay, and she was talking about how tall you are, not how many people."
Sam chuckled as he studied his brother. It sounded like Amy.
Dean shrugged again. "I thought it was cute, so I hit the speed dial on my phone." He cast a guilty glance at Sam. "Guess I forgot to have Karen's cell service turned off."
"You got her voicemail," Sam guessed. Another tear leaked out as Dean nodded and swallowed hard. He must have heard Karen's voice on the recording and, not prepared to hear that, lost it. Ouch.
Sam sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Dean. I really am."
After taking a deep breath, Dean shot him a sharp, reproving look. "What for?"
Sam met his now steady gaze. "I missed it again."
Dean's brow furrowed. "Sam? What the hell are you talking about?"
Sam sighed and leaned back to prop himself up against the wall, where a headboard would be if they had sprung for the nice bed frames instead of the cheap stands. Not that Sam really cared since he and Dean didn't need much. Their focus was typically on Rae.
"Remember when I finally figured out about you and Bobby, why you seemed so close?" Sam asked.
Dean groaned. "We're not talking about the father figure thing again, are we?"
"Relax, Dean, it's just an example. You two had that, uh, bond, for years before I finally noticed it." Dean rolled his eyes. Sam plunged ahead. "I never noticed your friendship with Karen, and I'm sorry. I guess this whole thing has been even harder on you than on me or Rae, but I couldn't figure out why."
Dean's attention snapped to the door. "Where are the girls?" he demanded in a strained voice.
"Out with Sarah, probably ruining their appetites with banana splits," Sam replied. "I didn't want them listening at the door.
"Thank God," Dean muttered as his head dropped into his hands. Face hidden, he shook his head. "I thought I could handle it."
"You can," Sam stated even as he reached out to wrap a hand around Dean's shoulder. "But it won't be easy, and it'll take some time. Bobby's coming over."
Dean's hands dropped away but he kept his gaze down. "Why?"
"Honestly? When Rae called to tell me that you stomped your cell into oblivion before locking yourself in our room, I kind of panicked."
Dean let out a dark chuckle as he lifted his head. "You called Bobby?"
Sam nodded. "I thought maybe you could use him around for a few days."
If Sam wasn't mistaken, that was a look of relief on his brother's face. "Thanks," Dean whispered.
On impulse, Sam lifted his hand to rub it over the top of Dean's head, the way Dad used to when they were kids. Dean gave him a weird look.
"Sarah was right, your head does feel like a stuffed animal," Sam explained with a grin.
Dean shoved him away, but he seemed a little more relaxed now. "If Bobby's gonna be here, maybe I ought to take off for a couple of days."
Sam nodded in agreement. "I think that would be a great idea. How about if I call Bud for you?"
Dean looked like he might argue for a moment, then he shrugged. "If you have the number," he replied. "I don't think you're going to find it in my phone."
"I have it," Sam assured his brother. "Don't worry about it. Why don't you let me take care of things for a few days, like driving the girls around and what we'll have for dinner? You and Bobby can take it easy. I'm sure he can use a break. Is his hip still bothering him?"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Like he'd admit it. I'll know for sure when he arrives, you can see it on his face."
"Maybe you can," Sam replied as he spread out his legs on the bed. "I can't. So, while we have the rare opportunity of not being overheard, is there anything else we need to talk about?"
Dean leaned back, his elbows brushing Sam's legs. "Have you and Sarah talked about getting married yet? A woman that fine isn't going to wait forever."
Sam rolled his eyes. This was so typical of Dean. "Actually we have. She is willing to wait until Rae graduates."
Dean flinched as if Sam had hit him. "Now what?" Sam demanded.
Dean shook his head. "Nothin'. Just wondering if Bobby'll need me to move in with him by then. You know, what with his hip and all."
Sam frowned at his brother. "We're planning on living close by, Dean."
Dean locked gazes with Sam. "Without Rae going to school here, there's no reason to stay, Sam. I won't even have to work on other people's junk cars anymore." A slow smile spread. "No more working at the garage, Sam. I could hang out near wherever Rae decides to go to college and pick up some hunts in the area."
"Hunt?" Sam sat up straight. "You're planning on hunting without me?"
Dean groaned and rolled his eyes. "Dude, you'll be a newlywed. Kissy-kissy and lovey-dovey. You're not gonna want to go hunting with me."
"I might," Sam snapped defensively.
"Yeah?" Dean challenged. "And how will Sarah feel about that?"
Sam glared at his brother. "That conversation took about ten seconds. She's fine with it, Dean." Dean started to get the funny look on his face which reminded Sam of the panic attacks. "But it's not like we have to worry about it any time soon. Rae won't graduate for a couple of years still."
He watched Dean's shoulders and face relax again. Great, he still had a few hours worth of this emotional minefield to navigate. Why couldn't Bobby live closer?
"Besides, maybe I don't like the idea of you living that far away," Sam mumbled.
Dean's brow creased again. "Why not?"
Sam leaned against the wall with a shrug. "I'd miss you."
Dean chuckled and slapped him in the leg. "God, you're really a girl sometimes."
Sam smiled back at his big brother. "So you won't take off on me?" he asked in a teasing tone.
Dean rolled his eyes as he pushed off the bed. "Have I ever? Well, if Bobby's coming, I better pick up the stuff for coneys. Want to go with?"
"Sure." Sam bounded to his feet. "While we're out I'll call Sarah. She might be in over her head with both girls."
Dean chuckled as he loaded up his pockets with wallet, pill bottle, change and keys. "Especially with those two."
Sam waited until they were on their way to the store before calling.
"Uncle Sam!" Rae shouted into the phone. "How's Dad?"
"Give it here," Dean said with his hand out, palm up.
"Are you sure?" Sam asked even as he lowered his cell to his brother's hand.
"Yeah." Dean's fingers closed around it. He brought it up to his ear. "Hey, Beautiful."
"Dad! What the hell happened?" Sam could hear Rae shouting.
"Uncle Sam and I are going to the store to pick up stuff for coneys. Need anything? I know Uncle Sam is just dying to buy girl stuff for you," Dean said as he evaded the shouted question.
Sam couldn't hear Rae's response.
"Yeah, Gramps is going to stay for a couple of days." Dean's face broke into a wide smile. "No, I think he'd probably like that. … Okay, honey. … Sure, that's fine. But only for a couple of hours, okay? You and Amy'll wear poor Sarah out. … Love you too, kiddo. See ya soon." Dean snapped the phone closed before handing it back. "Thanks."
"What's for a couple of hours?" Sam asked, curious what his girlfriend would be doing with the girls.
"Shopping. Something about a dance and needing new dresses." Dean shrugged. "Better her than us."
"Amen to that," Sam agreed. "Man, this is going to be weird, isn't it?"
"Yup," Dean replied. "We have two girls now, Sam. That means we don't outnumber Rae any more."
"Crap," Sam breathed. "I hadn't thought of that."
"There's a lot of stuff we haven't talked about yet," Dean said. "Like if we should move to a bigger place, whether the girls should share a room until graduation, if it would help Amy out to keep seeing Susan for a while, if we should talk to Dolan about setting up a college scholarship for Amy..." Dean's voice trailed off with a shake of his head. "But I don't really feel like talking about any of it right now."
"I'd have to say the last two are a definite yes. I'll talk to Susan about it later. You'll have to handle Dolan, he won't listen to me." Sam made a sour face. "I guess you scare him more than I do."
Dean chuckled. "Damn right."
Well, at least Dean seemed to be feeling better at the moment.
"We can figure the rest out later," Sam assured his brother. "And maybe Bobby will have some suggestions."
"Yeah." Dean even seemed agreeable. "Sounds good."
When Bobby pulled up at the boys' place, he found Rae standing in an empty parking space saving it for him. She waved excitedly until after he shut off the motor.
"Hey, Gramps!" Rae called out as she rushed to hug him.
"Hey, Sunshine," Bobby replied, returning the hug. "So any idea what's going on with your daddy?"
Her head shook as she pulled away. "He won't tell me. I think Uncle Sam knows, though. Oh! Dad is taking a couple of days off work while you're here." Rae smiled at him. "About time, too. He's been working all kinds of crazy hours."
Bobby frowned at her. "That right? You're talkin' about the garage?"
Rae shrugged. "And researching hunts. I don't think he's gone to bed before midnight in weeks. I even found him sleeping at the table a couple of times."
Bobby pulled out his bag before asking his next question. "Was that about the time he started working all those crazy hours?"
"Uh, yeah," Rae replied with a nod. "He even went to work right after we came home from the funeral."
"Huh," he grunted. Rae wrapped an arm around his back as they headed for the apartment. It would be nice if the boys finally broke down and found a bigger place; they'd have more room for his visits. If Dean started acting like this right after the funeral, maybe his behavior was related to Amy's mother dying. Now they were looking after a second teenager, so it could be stress even though Dean had sounded hopeful about Amy staying with them.
Great. He needed to do touchy-feely crap with Dean. Yeah, this was going to be loads of fun. About as much fun as being hunted by a whole nest of vampires.
"Bobby!" Sam bellowed as Rae opened the door. Sam rushed over to hug him, which was a little odd. As he was brought into a crushing embrace, Sam whispered in his ear. "Dean's depressed about Karen."
That was exactly what he had been afraid of. Now what the hell was he supposed to do about that?
"Hey Bobby!" Dean called out. He received the kind of hug from Dean he had come to expect over the past few years. Dean pulled away smiling. "Hungry yet? We're having coneys."
Bobby returned the smile. "Can I set my bag down first?"
Dean chuckled as he took the bag. "I'll take care of that. Have a seat. It was a long drive for you."
"For me?" Bobby demanded. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Dean's smile broadened. "I know how tired you old guys get on the road."
Bobby rolled his eyes and grunted as Dean carried his bag into the boys' room.
Dean reappeared. "You're sleeping in there, by the way," he informed Bobby.
"Where do ya think you're sleepin'?" Bobby demanded.
"In there," Sam replied. "I'm going to stay at Sarah's for a couple of nights."
"Oooooooo!" The girls cried, making Sam's face flush red.
"Knock it off," Dean growled at them. Both girls grinned as they fell silent.
"I'm still picking both of you up from school," Sam said sternly. "And I'll be here until after dinner. At least. So I can check over your homework. For both of you."
Rae and Amy exchanged wide-eyed looks of mock surprise.
"Don't say it," Dean warned as he shook a finger at them.
"Say what, Daddy?" Rae asked in an innocent little girl voice, which clearly meant she had planned on saying something. Bobby was just as certain he did not want to know. Rae had certainly blossomed from the silent, shy girl she had been when Dean adopted her into a pistol of a smart-ass. God he adored her.
"So where's the food?" Bobby demanded as he glared in turn at both boys. He noticed them exchange a knowing look. Yeah, it was good to be home.
The apartment was damn near silent with Sam at work and both girls in school. It was late morning and Bobby had his feet propped up on the crappy coffee table and a hot cup of coffee in one hand. The constant ache in his left hip was a little worse this morning, probably because of the long drive yesterday, but at least he had been able to sleep in a real bed. He could feel worse.
"How's the coffee?" Dean asked as he sunk into the sofa beside Bobby.
"Not bad," Bobby replied. He had no idea how to start this, or even if he really should. "So Amy is back in school?"
"Yeah." Dean's voice was a soft sigh as his gaze darted briefly to Rae's door. "It's been a long time since I had to deal with a kid losing a parent, Bobby. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right things."
"Probably not," Bobby agreed with a nod.
Both of Dean's eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened in shock. "Wh-what?"
"You're not doing the right things," Bobby threw Dean's own words back at him. "I'd haveta say that's pretty damned obvious."
Dean shifted so he was closer to facing Bobby than sitting beside him. "Care to explain that?"
Bobby shrugged. "Well, with Rae, you were there for her. All the time." He snorted at the memory. "Hell, how long did it take for her not to scream her head off while you used the bathroom?"
Dean waved it off. "That was different, Bobby."
"Only in scale," Bobby argued, fixing Dean with the 'shut it and listen' glare which had always worked damned well in the past. "According to both Rae and Sam you've been putting in long hours at the garage and then sitting up doing research until you drop. Rae told me she's even found you sleeping at the table. So I'd have to say as far as Amy is concerned, you're definitely doing the wrong things."
Dean sighed heavily as he ran a hand over his head. "Damn. You may be right." He met Bobby's gaze. "Amy even asked me if I'd changed my mind about her staying with us." Another heavy sigh came from him as his eyes slammed shut. "How'd I screw that up?"
"That's obvious too," Bobby informed Dean as he blew on his coffee. Ah, it was the perfect temp. Dean had his faults, but he made one helluva cup of coffee.
"Do tell, oh wise one," Dean cracked as his eyes opened, though Bobby knew the boy was only half joking.
Bobby made sure Dean was looking at him, really looking, before he dropped this little bomb. "Because you haven't allowed yourself to grieve. You're intentionally stayin' too busy to think about Karen, aren't you?"
Dean winced. Yep, Bobby thought, hit that one on the head.
"Am I gonna haveta get the shotgun?" Bobby demanded. "It's in the car."
Dean held up both hands in surrender. "Not that I don't deserve it," he started to say.
Bobby suppressed the urge to hit the boy upside that thick head. "I didn't say you deserved it," he growled, "I was askin' why you're bein' so damned stubborn. What good are ya, to any of 'em, if ya can't get your own head straight?"
"You know," Dean replied slowly as he propped one arm on the back of the couch, "I wouldn't have minded beating around the bush for a day or two."
Bobby shook his head seriously. "Don't believe in it. People die while they're beatin' 'round the bush and never say what they needed to say. Forget it." He glared at the boy. "So? Are you talkin' to me or the shotgun?"
"I'll make a deal with you," Dean said in a serious tone. "I'll talk, if you'll see a doctor about your hip."
Bobby narrowed his eyes. "There's nuthin' wrong with my hip," he snapped. Nothing except Dean harping on about it every damn chance the boy found.
Dean made a sour face. "Yeah? Then why've you been walking funny since that fall last year?"
"Define funny," Bobby demanded.
"Like it hurts," Dean snapped, leaning in close. "I swear, Bobby, I'm not losing anyone else because they don't want a doctor to tell her that something's wrong!"
Her? "Since when am I a her?" Bobby asked gently, understanding a little better where this outburst might be coming from. "Is that what happened with Karen? She knew?"
The deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression was back, plastered all over Dean's face. "Huh? I didn't say that."
"You said you didn't want to lose anyone else because they don't want a doctor to tell HER somethin's wrong. What happened with Karen?" Bobby pressed. Honestly, this was the last thing he wanted to do today, but Dean clearly needed a swift kick to put his ass back in gear.
Dean's eyes narrowed and his face took on that determined expression which reminded Bobby a helluva lot of John Winchester. "You'll see a doctor? While you're here?" It came out in a low growl, a warning not to cross Dean in this temper.
Bobby considered it, not really wanting to go. There wasn't anything wrong with him other than a little arthritis and his age starting to show. However, he was not real sure he wanted to cross Dean in this mood. The closest Bobby could come to describing it was the way Dean had behaved after John died, making him wish they were back at his place so Dean would have some old cars to pound on. Instead he was pulling away from his family and bottling everything up. Dean was a pressure-cooker; he only stayed bottled for so long, then – boom!
"Fine," Bobby agreed slowly, "any damn doctor you want."
Visibly relieved, Dean sat back and the determination faded from his features. "I'm not sure exactly when it all started, but the first I knew was a little over a year before, uh..." He swallowed hard. "Before the funeral."
Bobby nodded for Dean to keep going. He had a feeling it was going to be a long damn day, but at the same time, there was nowhere else he would rather be.
Amy stood with Rae outside after school, waiting on Uncle Sam to pick them up. It was good to go back to school, it gave her something else to think about. Her guidance counselor promised Amy a whole bunch of college brochures by the end of the week. Rae had promised to apply to any college she wanted, so they could go together. Knowing how Rae was about even sleeping away from home for one night, it really meant a lot to hear a promise of such magnitude from her best friend.
Uncle Sam pulled up, and right behind him was Mister Dean's black car. Amy exchanged a puzzled look with Rae.
"Let me see what's going on," Rae muttered before rushing off to the black car. She returned with a puzzled expression. "Dad says he needs to talk to you. Alone. Is that all right?"
Amy breathed deep before asking, "I don't suppose he said why?"
Rae rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right. So? You good?"
Amy nodded. "Yeah, I guess. I just wish I knew why."
Amy felt Rae shove her towards the big old car. "Geez, it's not like he bites." When Rae was further away, closer to Uncle Sam's car, she shouted, "Much!"
"Yeah, great," Amy mumbled under her breath as she headed for the passenger side of the car. Mister Dean leaned over the seat to push it open for her. Amy slid in, her school bag by her feet. She had never closed the door to this car before and was surprised by how heavy it was. Amy had to slam it twice before it closed all the way.
"How was school?" Mister Dean asked as he put the car into drive. Amy watched him wave out the window at Uncle Sam and Rae as they pulled away from the curb.
"Well?" He glanced over at her and he looked kind of worried. Weird. Amy couldn't remember the last time Mister Dean really looked worried.
"Okay," Amy replied with a shrug.
"Just okay?" Mister Dean demanded, and that voice sounded more normal. "Nobody is hassling you or giving you a hard time, are they?"
"No," Amy said. "There are a couple of teachers who are being too nice, it's driving me nuts."
Mister Dean nodded, his focus on the driving. Amy tried to wait patiently, but without knowing where they were going or why, it was really hard. Was he taking her to Dad? Would she have to change schools after all? She sighed as she stared out the window. The strip malls gave way to trees and grassy open areas. They were in the park. Okay, Dad wouldn't be in the park unless it was part of a concert, and he would've called her about something like that. What was going on?
Mister Dean parked the car where they could see the pond. He turned off the motor, but he still hadn't said anything else. Amy waited, her palms growing sweatier the longer the silence lasted. She tried rubbing her hands on her skirt but it didn't help. The silence was heavy and oppressive, making it difficult to breathe. It beat down on her, holding her to the seat, her arms and legs leaden. All the moisture in her mouth dried up so she couldn't even swallow.
"Nice day," Amy squeaked, hoping to break the horrible silence.
"Not really," Mister Dean mumbled. His deep sigh filled the car, but still the silence pressed down. Amy prayed for him to say something else, scream, shout, break something. Anything would be better than this tense silence. "The last nice day I had..."
When he turned to look at her, Amy could see Mister Dean's eyes looked funny and there was a tense expression on his face she had seen only briefly a few times. Usually it disappeared the instant he caught her watching him. This time, however, it remained. Amy felt a whole new level of nervous.
"...was over a year ago." Mister Dean's voice was soft and steady. "People keep telling me things will start getting better, but I don't see it."
Amy stared in disbelief. It was almost like he could read her mind! She thought she knew the answer, hoped she knew, but she still had to ask. Amy wanted to be certain they were talking about the same thing. "Why?" She felt a tear leak out and trickle slowly down the side of her face.
"Because..." He paused to take a deep breath but his eyes stayed on her, not looking away for even an instant. "...my best friend died."
Amy watched in utter disbelief as Mister Dean's eyes grew wet and she really hoped he meant what it sounded like he was saying. Could it be true? Did someone else know what this felt like?
"My mom?" she asked tentatively.
Mister Dean nodded as he took another deep breath. He used both hands to wipe his eyes. "I, uh, I've been a real douche lately." Those green eyes she loved so much opened to look at her again. "No more working late, on anything." A thin smile appeared on his face. "Maybe we need a full blown movie night."
"Tonight?" Amy asked. "On a school night?"
Mister Dean shrugged. "I know it won't make up for the past month, but we can pick up stuff for pizzas on the way home."
"Pineapple?" Amy suggested her mother's favorite.
Mister Dean looked kind of sick. "Do me a favor? Let's take it a little slower. I can't even do a tune-up yet." He motioned for her to move closer.
Amy slid over until Mister Dean wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head on his chest and rested there for a while.
"I didn't know Mom was your best friend," she finally said in a soft voice.
She felt Mister Dean shrug. "What can I say?" His deep voice rumbled in his chest, causing her cheek to vibrate. "Rae has great taste in friends."
"But you never dated?" Amy wanted to know. Had there been a chance of all of them living in the same house?
"Nah," Mister Dean said with a scoff. "Karen liked those artsy-fartsy types. Like Sam."
Amy had to giggle a little at that, because it was true. "And Dad," she pointed out.
She felt his hand on her head, stroking her hair. "Remember that guy you didn't like? The one who tried to order you around?"
Amy nodded silently. She hadn't just not liked him, she had hated him. He raised being a jerk to a whole new level.
"I didn't like him either," Mister Dean said in a really serious tone.
Amy risked lifting her head to see the deadly expression on his face. "What'd you do?" She felt a smile crease her face despite the tears in her eyes.
Mister Dean's smile was thin, but it was there. "I encouraged him to seek new employment. In another state."
A weird burst of laughter escaped from her as the tears escaped down her cheeks. "I wondered why he took off like that. Mom was so relieved, she had been trying to figure out how to break up with him." Amy rested her head on his chest again. This was the real reason she had wanted to stay, because usually Mister Dean made her feel safe and welcome. Lately had he been acting weird, but Rae kept telling her to wait it out, that her dad would go back to being his normal self soon. Mister Dean rubbed her arm while she laid against him.
"I'll be your friend," Amy offered, relieved to see him behaving closer to normal. If all he needed was a friend, she could do that.
Mister Dean shifted, turning more towards her, and put his other arm around her. "Nah," he said as his chin pressed down on the top of her head. "I always wanted two kids."
Amy grinned into his chest as a weird thought occurred to her. "This doesn't mean I have to start calling my dad mom, does it?"
He laughed lightly and she felt his chin turn on top of her head. "Probably not a good idea. Just promise that you won't let Rae get jealous. She's not used to sharing, you know."
Amy chuckled and nodded. "Yes, sir."
"You don't have to do that either," Mister Dean said in the same soft voice.
Amy pulled back to where she could see him. He still seemed...well...stressed. "Yes, sir, I think I do." She stared at him for a moment. "You know, I think I feel a little better." His whole forehead furrowed. "I thought I was the only one who felt like this. It's nice to know I'm not alone."
"Never." It sounded like a promise coming from Mister Dean. Amy collapsed on his chest again.
Safe.
Home.
A/N: If you don't know how to do a self-exam, or if it's been a while, go talk to your doctor. The best defense against breast cancer is early detection. That's your responsibility.