My Dearest Friends
Most everyone have a person they can run to when times get tough. You know, that shoulder to cry on, the hand to hold. Someone who looks out for us. Well, I am lucky enough to have two friends like that and I see them every evening that I step into the Blue Bar here in Forget-Me-Not Valley. Sure, they're not exactly conventional friends, but they're good enough for me. There's a man who lives here named Gustafa Kocuum who is also rather close to my dearest friends, although I am not particularly close to Gustafa myself. I've seen the silly way some of the people in this town look at Gustafa and me. They think we're in love with each other but they couldn't be more wrong. Gustafa and I have a lot in common, but in all honesty, we don't know each other that well. I don't really want to know him. I like keeping to myself. I've found that, if you share too much of yourself with others, you only end up hurt. I don't want to end up hurt anymore. Even my two dearest friends have hurt me before, but usually, they help me. Without them, I probably would have ended my pointless life ages ago.
Gustafa is my connection to my friends. He helps get them to me. He's some people in the city that will sell him whatever he wants. Gustafa gives me a bit of what they give him. I'll be you have guessed by now that my friends are not physical people. They don't have faces, or minds, or body parts, but they do bring me pleasure, so much more pleasure than other people do. My "friends" help me forget things that I have no desire to remember. What's so wrong with that? I know parents are always telling their children, "Don't take drugs" or "Don't drink alcohol." I think these statements make the parents look like complete hypocrites. It's not as if those same people who are telling their children not to use drugs and alcohol didn't use them when they were young. Most people have been exposed to them at some point in their lives. Besides, even if I wanted to, I couldn't stop using drugs and I could never stop drinking. I'm in too deep. But luckily for me, I have no desire to quit. Like I said before, they are my friends, my life, the only real entertainment in this world. I can't understand why anyone in their right mind would want to walk away from that once they've experienced it. I can't even recall what my life was like before I starting using. It's opened so many doors to me, and I see so many beautiful things when I am on a trip. I'm not stupid, I know it's dangerous, but I just can't stop. It's my joy. We all have things, guilty pleasures, right?
Please, don't think I am some kind of pathetic loser. I used to be a little more social than I am now. I was stupider then. I didn't realize just how much another person can destroy you if you're not careful. I have lived in Forget-Me-Not Valley for five years now. When I first arrived, I only drank and I was fanatical about it. I went into the Blue Bar two or three times a week. It wasn't only the drinks that drew me there, it was the atmosphere. There are many nice places in Forget-Me-Not Valley, but there was something so special about the Blue Bar. It didn't take me too long to figure out what I loved about it so much. It wasn't the talking, the wild music, or the carefree, happy moods that even the grumpiest people took on when they got loaded, it was Muffy.
Muffy was the only waitress in the whole place. The Blue Bar was so small that they didn't need anyone else to help her. Her boss, Griffin, made all of the drinks and Muffy just handed them to people and tried her best to put a smile on everyone else's faces. When I first met her, I judged her immediately. She seemed like a stereotypical bar maid. Curly blonde hair, glorious emerald eyes, a body like an hour glass, and a way of carrying herself that made almost anyone who saw her want to screwher. It kind of disgusted me at first. She even flirted with Kasey and Patrick, the sixty year old beach bums that live in the southeastern part of the valley. Everyone wanted Muffy. Even though Griffin claimed to be Muffy's "father figure," I noticed him stealing a peak or so at her finely toned legs voluptuous bosom when he didn't think anyone could see. Muffy made no secret that she wanted to be married. She wished for all of the usual things, the little white house with the picket fence, a few children, and an adoring husband. What was funny about her was, underneath all of her crazy flirting and confident attitude, she was very lonely and insecure. Of course, I didn't know that the night I met her. When she first spoke to me she said, "My, my! What have we got here! A newcomer! I haven't see your face before."
I couldn't see myself, but I know I blushed a deep scarlet. I didn't like it that Muffy was drawing attention to me, it was humiliating beyond belief. I had been hoping to have a quiet drink. Unfortunately, though, Muffy wasn't about to let that happen. "Griffin," she yelled, "Griffin, look, we've got a new boy." She pronounced the word "boy" as if it were a delicious sweet. I frowned.
"Hey," I said, cursing my voice for sounding low and rough, "I'm not a boy." I figured that, if she was going to make a fool of me, I could at least clear up her mistake.
Muffy's lovely features took on a look of surprise. "Oh my goodness, you're certainly not! I'm so sorry!" Now it was her turn to blush. For some reason, I felt bad for embarrassing her. She kept babbling. "I guess I just saw your short hair and your..It was shallow, I'm sorry. But you do have beautiful hair, you should grow it out. What's your name?"
"Nami." I managed, a bit overcome by how quickly Muffy was talking. She was a motor mouth.
"Oh!" she crooned, "Nami. How gorgeous is that?" She addressed everyone else in the Bar, "Hey everybody, this is Nami."
There was a chorus of "Hi Nami" that filled the bar, much to my dismay. But to my immense relief, not many people came over to talk with me. Gustafa was one of the few who did but he didn't stay long. I ended up spending much of the evening talking with Muffy. Well, that first evening, Muffy did most of the talking and I listened. I swear that woman could talk about anything. All I had to do was mention a topic and she would go off on it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. It was more than a little amusing and I had to admit, somewhere deep inside myself, I found it charming as well. I had many stories I could have told Muffy that night about my travels that most likely would have captivated her, but I was just too shy. Here, I was, a girl who has traveled most of the world and seen so many exotic interesting people, completely enamored with an ordinary blonde who waits tables. Life sure is funny sometimes. Now, I know better than to place too much trust in others. I much prefer getting wasted to wasting my time with other people. The whole human race is flawed. We're a whole bunch of backstabbers. If there is a God, he ought to send us all to Hell.
That evening, I stayed as late as I possibly could at the bar. When at last, Griffin yelled, "Time to close up," Muffy looked disappointed.
"Ah Nami," she whispered in low, somewhat sultry sounding voice. "It appears we're out of time. But please, promise me you'll come and see me soon. We'll have a good time." As she said these words, she winked at me. It was little, but it was a wink. My stomach filled with butterflies and I tried to control them. This was so wrong. I knew that, if I was smart, I wouldn't allow myself to see her again, at least for a while. But I have never considered myself smart.
"Okay." I replied, without missing a beat.
"Good." she flashed me one last smile and lead me out of the bar.
From that day forward, I made a habit of visiting Muffy. It made me feel whole in a way I hadn't been before I knew her. Eventually, I completely opened up to her. I told her everything, even my darkest secrets. I trusted her to keep them and she did. At least, she managed that much. That's where, I guess, without even realizing it, I started over using alcohol. Muffy and I were always drinking when we were together. Alcohol always gave me more confidence when I spoke to her. That was one of the many things I loved about it. One night, about three months after I first met Muffy, Griffin was closing down the bar, as he did every night and I was preparing to leave Muffy. As I was walking out the door, Muffy called, "Wait! Aren't you gonna wait for me?" She forced her face into a pout.
"Wait for you?" I asked, puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Tonight, we're having a sleepover!" she squealed with glee. "I'm going back to the Inner Inn with you. We'll have a girl's night." Her expression became a little naughty and I nearly laughed. My heart was beating a thousand miles an hour. I was so excited about having her over that I couldn't see straight. I was so naïve in those days. I figured that all of this interaction with Muffy was opening a bright new future for me. Needless to say, I was wrong. But I will say that the first night Muffy spent with me at the Inn was pure bliss. When we got to my bedroom, we started out just talking about our lives and our futures. During our conversation, she began talking about her longing for a family and a home. She seemed so sad, so desperate that I couldn't help myself, I really couldn't. I kissed her. It happened so fast, I was hardly even sure I'd done it. Until that moment, I had never really recognized that I felt that way about Muffy. I had always avoided relationships in the past. I know you'll think it's crazy, but right up until that moment, I had believed I was straight. I know better now. No man has ever made me feel the way Muffy made me feel that night. Instead of turning away from me when I kissed her, as I expected her too, she returned the kiss. It got deeper and deeper by the second and I remember the feeling of endless thrills that filled my body when I felt her petite little hands start to unbutton my jacket as we kissed. While she was doing that, I got bold. I kissed her neck, her shoulders, her head. In those moments, I was incredibly close to heaven.
A while later, after we had finished our tryst, she was lying in my arms. I felt so protective of her, she was so tiny. She was like a precious gem. She interrupted my thoughts, her smooth seductive voice bringing me back from my daze.
"Nami," she asked, her voice serious, "Do you love me?"
Well, I was not at all prepared to answer that question, not in the least. But suddenly, I knew the answer to the question. It was not hard to answer at all. "Of course I love you, my sweet." I whispered into her ear. "I'll love you until the day I die." This answer seemed to satisfy her. She leaned up, kissed me on the lips, and inched closer to me. After a while, she fell asleep, leaving me to my thoughts.
Muffy and I became a regular thing after that. She came to my room for a "slumber party" about once a week. It was always wonderful. About the sixth time she came, she brought some weed with her. That was the first time I met the second of my two dearest "friends." Smoking actually added even more to my experiences with Muffy. I carried on like that for about a year and I'm not too proud to say it, it was the best year of my life. I had never felt as appreciated, as loved as I did that year. But I should have realized it was too good to last. Everything in this life is.
Exactly a year after my arrival in Forget-Me-Not Valley, a young man called Luke about my age arrived to work with Takakura, one of the farmers in the valley. He had grown tired of his life in the city and decided to try his luck here. I didn't pay much attention to him. He was just another person, not someone I cared about knowing. Muffy, however, had a different opinion of him. After he first came, she was constantly commenting on how kind he was, how responsible, how good. At first, I didn't feel threatened. I naively believed that Muffy loved me and that she would never go back on that. I was in for a rude awakening.
The summer after Luke moved here, Muffy barely had any time for me anymore. The few times she did come to pass the night with me, she was less passionate, less excited than she had once been. It worried me and to forget my worries, I turned to alcohol and drugs, which were turning out to be more reliable than Muffy. I was beginning to learn who or rather, what, I could truly rely on.
After Muffy had stopped coming to the Inn as often, I started taking long night walks around the valley. One night, I decided to walk to the beach. Bad mistake on my part! I got down there just in time to find Muffy, my darling Muffy, and Luke screwing around behind the sand dunes. I couldn't believe it. I felt unbelievably betrayed. The one person I had placed all my trust in had deceived me. I could feel myself shaking with anger.
"What the hell?" I screeched before I could stop myself. At the sound of my cry, Luke and Muffy sat up in a fright.
"Nami!" she exclaimed, looking as white as a sheet. For once, she was at a loss for words.
"Yeah," I shouted, "I didn't even think you'd remember me with the way you're going on with him. Luke, you miserable scum, get your hands off her. She belongs to me!"
Luke looked shocked. He looked from me to Muffy and then back to me. At last he said, "So wait, you guys are a "thing?" he looked repulsed.
Muffy cut in. "No, Luke, honey, of course we're not. She's just-"
"She's lying." I declared. I was angry now so words started spewing from my mouth before I even knew what was going on. "I used to sleep with her at least once a week. She said she loved me, but that obviously doesn't mean much." I heard my voice cracking a little and I knew I would have to stop talking soon, or else I would start crying.
Luckily, Luke was yelling at Muffy and I didn't have to say anything. "You freaking dyke!" he screamed, "You nasty freaking dyke! Get away from me. I don't want you near me." Muffy was crying and saying something unintelligible, but that didn't stop Luke from getting up, throwing on his clothes in a huff and leaving the beach. As soon as he was gone, Muffy collapsed into a heap on the ground, weeping her eyes out. "Look what you've done!" she shrieked at me."He was my one chance at love! Nami, did you really think I was serious about our relationship. Wake up and face it, it was never, ever going to work. People don't accept things like that. But I was happy with Luke, don't you want me to be happy? You're so damn selfish! Did you honestly think you were the only person I was screwing last year? How thick are you?"
At this point, I felt like I might puke. She had cheated on me! All that time I thought she had loved me, that horrid little slut. "You stupid whore." I growled. Then, before she could stop me, I grasped her by the wrists and pulled her toward me, grasping her throat with all of my strength. She struggled violently, but I was too angry to care. Finally, she stopped moving at all and, in a flash, I realized what I had done.
"Muffy!" I gasped, and pulled her still, lifeless body to my chest. "Oh Muffy, Muffy, Muffy." Behind that huge gray stone on the beach, I wept, whispering my lover's name into the darkness. Eventually, I knew I had to do something with her body. If someone caught me with it, it would be very bad. I didn't want to have to serve a stint in prison on top of everything else. So I did the only thing I could do. I dragged her body into the ocean and left it there. After a while, it sunk and the current dragged it out to see. I watched these events occur with tears streaming down my face. I decided that I would report Muffy as a missing person. Of course, I would have to act like I had fought with her and we had separated and then later, I had returned to the beach trying to find her and she was gone. That would be my story. So with a heavy heart, I prepared to tell Griffin my tale of what had happened.
Amazingly enough, the people of Forget-Me-Not bought my story. Many of them believed Muffy had just decided to leave town. She had never seemed to love it here anyway. Only I knew the truth. Although no one else knew, I still felt utterly miserable. So not long after Muffy died, I went to see Gustafa about getting closer to my current best friends. He has been great about getting me a fix whenever I need one. Sure, okay, I admit it, there are some nights when I lie in bed and I think of Muffy. However, I try not to. I'm through opening myself up to pain. I've still got two friends who will never betray me like other humans have. Perhaps I am finally on the path to healing.