England's Friends

A/N: I decided to write another story for some reason… Yay… Also, Hungary and Poland are gossiping buddies. Yeah. ^J^

*These are England's thoughts, and I do not condone them in any way*

Chapter 1: America

Some people said that England didn't have any friends. This, of course, wasn't true. England had lots of friends. He just didn't like any of them.

First was America. He used to love America more than anything, as a brother, as a son, as a friend. He used to love America. Now, not so much. He would follow England around, laughing for no reason and butting into conversations he wasn't wanted in. He was idiotic as well. Not loveably idiotic, but the kind that makes one want to punch something. There was nothing the blonde hated more than stupid people, and he tried to subtly make this clear. Unfortunately, it didn't work. America could never understand subtle.

He had fond memories of the self-proclaimed hero. Of everyone he knew, actually. But these had hurt the most, still hurt the most, although he was quite glad to be rid of him. It wasn't because he liked his ex-colony, quite the opposite actually. It was pride mostly, pride that made him feel insulted that the country he had raised decided to leave him.

And now? They were friends. Supposedly, friends. England wasn't sure why everything America did annoyed him more than when anyone else did the same. But he did know one thing. He would have to get rid of him. England couldn't stand it anymore.

The fairies agreed. They were fed up as well and would willingly help out. England was grateful.

America was too irritating. So England let him pass on.

"Hey! Did you hear?"

"Hear? Hear what?"

"Well, don't tell anyone I told you, but…"

Hungary leaned in to whisper into Poland's ear. Well, as well as she could over the phone. Wait, how did that chair-

"OWW!"

"Did you, like, fall over?" asked Poland, not sounding particularly worried. To be fair, she did that a lot.

"Whatever," she said huffily. "I was going to say that America has disappeared. No-one's seen him for weeks."

"America's disappeared?! How? Where? What? Who? Why?"

"Well, if we knew all these things, he wouldn't be very disappeared now, would he?"

"Like, maybe?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Back on topic, everyone is really worried. Especially that one guy. You know, the one with the… hair. Yeah. And the, the, um, the bear. Yes. The bear."

"China?"

"No. The other one. Um… The one with the maple leaves."

"Ohh… Like, that one guy. Egypt!"

"That doesn't even make any-"

Hungary tripped over a chair.

Meanwhile…

Somewhere, far, far away.

"Where am I? Why aren't there any hamburgers here? I WANT FOOOD!"

Something handed him a plate.

"I hate crumpets!"