The Cullen's Family Getaway

JPOV:

Dear Jerry,

Esme seems to think that we all need to get away from forks for a while. She's making us go camping, a good distance from all civilised society which also means a good distance from shopping malls...which means an angry Alice (see what I did there Jerry ALLITERATION Carlisle would be proud).

Last time that happened she set the tent (not sure why Esme made us fetch a tent but whatevs) on fire, which if you are a vampire is very unsafe, and proceeded to dress Emmett in leaves she'd sewn together with grass but the worst part is, she couldn't find enough leaves to cover his body so he was lacking in certain areas, the image still haunts me when I close my eyes, luckily for me I don't need to do that often but still...Alice tried to claim that she had gotten 'tent fever' and then dragged me on a 3 day shopping trip and wouldn't let me into any hot topic shops which usually make shopping almost bearable.

Anyways, back to the issue at hand, I'm stuck with my siblings for a whole week of 'family bonding'. Emmett will no doubt be complaining about him missing Sesame Street reruns on Noggin (A/N I actually googled to find a TV channel that runs sesame street) , Edward will be pining for Bella and driving us all insane with his 'oh Bella! How I miss her!' anyone would think she was the only human in Forks and the worst part is I'll be missing the human too unwillingly of course, I can do without her tripping over everywhere and smelling like a fast food snack.

Rosalie...well Rosalie will be making snide comments 24/7 so that won't be much difference from being at home with her. Alice will be trying to match her outfit to the tent, the sleeping bag, the outdoors perhaps even the insects, the birds, the sky, anything. The worst thing is I've got nowhere to hide and be alone and let my emotions all out and think of the times when I used to frolic through fields back in 1860's not a care in the world...apart from the fact I was in a war and eventually got turned by two psycho vamps (smoking hot psycho vamps may I add...don't tell Alice!) and then taught a great big bunch of newborns how to kill...but who hasn't had that on their mind once in a while?

Jerry we must part our ways as i need to go and remove Emmett's tongue from a frozen pole am i the only sane one in this family?

I think your the only one who understands me, well you and Mr. Snobbins the bear. I shall write more soon.

TTFN Love Jazzy xoxo