A/N: Part 1 of 3 or 4 (haven't made up my mind yet).
Title from the song 'Love Song Requiem' by Trading Yesterday.
Pairings: Ben/Amy, Ricky/Adrian, Ben/Adrian, Ricky/Amy
You'll find out the OTPs eventually, but keep in mind that they may or may not end up together.
Not really sure if this is in the beginning of the second season or not, so roll with it. No, Adrian is not moving into George and Ashley's house and no, Ricky does not have his own apartment.
Um, Maria is nonexistent here. Ben and Amy also haven't (technically) broken up yet, either. Ricky and Adrian aren't as serious as they claim to be as well.
I think this might be out of character, but I'd love it if this had actually been the path the writers took. But *sigh*, that's why we have fanfiction.
Pardon some minor lapses in editing. I'm really tired and I need to go to bed.
It would mean the world to me if you would review! Pretty please!
Want and need. Two very different words. Similar meanings. Just like the square and the rectangle. A square is a rectangle. A rectangle is not a square. You want need. You don't need want. It's part of the circle of life. That's why when you're in love with two extremely different people and they both want you, you need to make a decision. They both have great attributes and it's a given that they both have their faults. It's the feeling when you're in their embrace and you feel protected from the world or when you get this fluttering in your torso whenever you're around him. That's the type of fantasy that every girly girl dreams of. Being swept off their feet by their supposed Prince Charming and feeling as if they're floating on air. She gets that feeling whenever she gets complimented or even looked at by either of them.
Maybe she fell so hard for the drummer because he had deflowered her and given her the greatest gift of all. Maybe she fell in love with the sausage prince because she didn't want to be alone and he seemed like the perfect choice. It all became so complicated in their twisted web of a triangle, no, square. There was always that majorette that was constantly in the picture. She had gotten out of their twisted square on many occasions, but always crawled her way back in with a mighty fight. That's what sent the French horn player over the edge. It was hard enough having to make a decision between two great guys, but always having that skank distract them with her voluptuous body and luscious curves drove her insane.
It all seemed like a typical Cinderella-esque love story. Of course, there were many roadblocks and blockades in their search for eternal happiness. There was the fact that the drummer was the father of her baby. But then again, the sausage prince was her first love. She had to admit it, she did love him. He was her everything when she was carrying the drummer's spawn. Although she knew she loved him, she often wondered if she was in love with him.
So, when Ben traveled off to the land of oral sex, he decided to have a little fun with the girls over there. But he didn't once sleep with them. No, he didn't do that. He may have made out with a few of them and had oral. But he didn't lose his physical virginity there. Not really, at least. At the time, he didn't shed an ounce of guilt. But a few weeks after he got back from his trip, guilt surged through his body and he finally decided that he had to tell her. He had already revealed his secret to Adrian, whom he talked to on a regular basis. But whatever he said wasn't enough to please his supposed wife. She kicked him out of her house the second he revealed his secret. Ricky had found her hunched over in John's nursery with the remnants of tears that streamed down her face hours beforehand. He gently lifted her chin up with his hand and looked her in the eye. There she was, her voice was scratchy, her eyes hurt from so many tears, and her nose felt like crap from the rubbing of tissues for a long period of time and in that moment in time, he'd never thought she looked more beautiful.
As Ben was moping around Amy's neighborhood, he began wondering why he was so upset. He wasn't really upset, per se. But he felt like he had unfinished business to tend to. So he hit speed dial '3', being Adrian, and she picked up after only two rings.
"Hey."
"Hi, um, do you think I could come over?"
Without hesitation, she agreed. After she hung up, Adrian wondered why her heart was thumping loudly and why she was so eager to concede.
It's funny to think that both Ben and Amy had lost their virginities to the leaders of the 'bad crowd' and how easily each of them had avoided talking about it. Amy always figured that Ben had lost his virginity to someone in Italy. But she never would've guessed that it was to Adrian of all people. She should've realized that their eyes lingered over the other a little longer than they should have for only being friends.
It hadn't taken Amy that long to get over the fact that he had done different activities with the girls in Italy. But Ricky had been with her every step of the way. Whether it was a sobbing-into-his-chest moment or a let's-get-out-of-here-let's-go-to-the-beach kind of moment, he was always there when she needed him. It hadn't taken them three months to realize that they had feelings for one another. But they never acted on those feelings. No, they were waiting for the other to make the first move. It was always different with them. It didn't bother them that much that they were having awkward tension constantly. All that mattered was that they were with the other.
While the two parents were getting closer, Adrian and Ben had started a friends with benefits charade. It was to be strictly talked about at her place and they would only speak at her place. It would've blown their cover. Some could say that they were worried of what people would think. But that wasn't entirely it. They just wanted someone to always come back to when things in life got tough. Ben and Adrian didn't want to commit just yet because they were just in committed relationships and those had failed miserably. They were just fine with what they were doing. There was no talk of Ricky and Amy. That was the number one unspoken rule.
It seemed as if all four of them had lost the other side of their square and it didn't seem to faze them in the slightest. Ricky and Amy had slowly started to hold hands in the hallways. They weren't a couple all of a sudden. It was more of a reassurance of always being there. It befuddled their "friends" because it didn't make sense that two people that had a baby together could hold hands in the hallway and wouldn't mean a thing romantically.
The routine of bringing John to the nursery was becoming a habit to Ricky and he liked it. It gave him a sense of responsibility and trust that he wasn't so sure he had before. Ricky would pick both Amy and John up from her house and they would go through the same routine everyday for a few months.
But everything came crashing down the day she heard Ricky talking to someone on the phone. Amy was walking up behind him just as he was wrapping up the tail end of their conversation. "Yeah, I'll see you tonight."
At that, Amy's heart shattered into tiny pieces all over the hallway of the school. She quickly turned around to run the other way as tears were pouring out of her eyes. Rapidly trying to get the hell out of there, she pushed the door hard and ran into the chest of a boy that was walking in. He had khakis and a golf shirt on. Ben. Amy just hurriedly scurried around him and to the tree closest to the school. Ben knew that Adrian was waiting for him in the library and first period was about to start, but he couldn't get the look of a tearful Amy out of his mind. So he turned on his heel and walked out of the school. Ben found Amy hunched over her own legs when he got over to the tree she was under. He sat next to her Indian style and waited as her raging cries turned into silent sobs after an hour. Ben wasn't exactly thrilled that his conscience decided to cut school for her and ditch a hot Latina all to be twiddling his thumbs as he waited for her to calm down. She soon did, but the tears were still burning in her eyes as she lifted her head for the first time in an hour. Amy moved her head from side to side in attempt to guide some of the pain away. She caught someone out of the corner of her eye sitting next to her and she realized it was Ben. After everything they had gone through and avoided with one another, he was there. Ben knew that the tears she had just cried weren't just I'm-a-fricken-teenage-mother tears. They were something else entirely. Possibly heartbreak?
He knew 'are you okay?' would be a ridiculous question to ask because she'd been crying for about an hour. He knew something was up and he couldn't bring himself to say or do anything but stare at the football field in the distance.
Amy was grateful for the silence because she was in no mood to talk. She'd known that she had never cried that much in her entire life. Well… that's not entirely true. When she first found out she was carrying John, she'd cried the entire night. Her immediate family figured it was just cramps and left her alone. Completely alone. That's what she felt right now. Alone and helpless. Ricky was always her safety net. Although she didn't like to admit it at times, he was always there for her. And deep down, she felt better knowing that.
The day after that fateful call, Ricky was over at the Juergens' as usual. He strode up to the front door and casually knocked on the frame. He usually did that and when he didn't have anyone bother to open the door, he opened it himself. It was rarely locked. This visit was special. He was going to tell Amy his true feelings for her. So much pride swelled in his chest, that he felt like he was floating on air. Ricky knew it was pretty obvious that they were both into each other. Right after he knocked, Ricky had his hand on the door knob and was about to twist it when the door swung open to reveal a fake grinning Ben. It was the kind of grin that said, 'I really don't want to be here'. To say Ricky was shocked was an understatement. A complete and utter understatement. His jaw locked in a mixture of confusion, anger, and jealousy.
"What're you doing here?" asked Ricky with an intense glare.
"I-"
Just then, Amy came through the door with a baker's apron on and flour in her hair. She looked stunning. "Ben, who is it? The cookies are almost-"
Her statement was halted as her eyes locked on the aggravated drummer's. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Ricky in the doorway. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm just here to see my son."
"Well you're too late. He's over with Ashley." She still had that stone cold glare on her pretty features with Ben fidgeting in pure awkwardness next to her.
"Oh. Well I guess I'll go over there then." He paused. "What's he-" motioning to Ben "-doing here?"
Amy quickly retorted, "He's my friend and we're hanging out."
Ricky snorted. "He's your friend? Since when, yesterday?"
Oh, if he only knew.
"Does it really matter? He's one of the only friends I have left."
"Are you saying that I'm not your friend?"
"I'm saying that I never want to talk to you or see you again. You can see John all you want, but I'll be in a different room."
Ricky was flabbergasted. He didn't know what to say. It was all so shocking and odd for him. He had played all his good cards right. Driving her places. Helping her with John. Spending time with her when no one else wanted to (because she needed a shoulder to lean on, of course). He truly thought the past few months had brought them closer together and they were ready to take the next step.
"Um, okay. Wait, what's going on?" asked a confused Ricky.
Amy shook her head. How could he not know?
"Nothing." Grabbing Ben by the shirt and pulling him back inside. "Yeah, I won't see you tonight."
That's when he realized. What had gotten her so pissed off was hearing those very words but in the affirmative. Before he could explain what the call was actually about, the door was slammed in his face and locked.
After shutting the door, Amy immediately let go of Ben and stomped over to the kitchen to start washing the dishes currently cluttering the sink. Ben followed her because, well, he really didn't have anything to do and he was oddly curious about what she was so sad/angry about.
"What's going on?" Ben asked carefully.
Amy didn't switch her gaze or posture from what she was doing. "Nothing."
"It can't be nothing. Did he… did he do something to you?"
Amy raised her head and glared at him. "No. Of course not. He would never do that to me."
Once she said those words fly out of her mouth, she wished she would've just kept on washing those damn pans like she told herself to do.
Ben mumbled something incoherent and Amy noticed. "What?"
She was agitated. That was for sure. "Nothing."
"Ben, just tell me what you said."
"I said you're in love with him."
The next few weeks had been a drag for both teenage parents. Whenever they needed help from the other, it seemed as if they had magically disappeared and were chuckling and whispering 'dumbass' into their ears. Ricky came over every day after work to show Amy how much he wanted to see both of them and how responsible he could be. He had actually given up on sex with anyone because he really wasn't interested anymore. Adrian was always up on his speed dial list for booty calls, but she had been so moody the past couple of weeks mourning the emotional loss of someone. So Ricky paid John a visit every day and had his son spend the night over at his apartment once every weekend. He was doing all this to show Amy that he really did care, but in truth, he would've done all of it if she was talking to him anyway. She would deliberately go out of her way to avoid being in the same room as him. It hurt too much.
Tonight was the night that she would be going on her first official date in four months. Ben had asked her out to dinner because it would've been their first wedding anniversary. But Amy knew better than that. He was asking her out on a date. At first, she had been reluctant to go. But her mom had convinced her to go. When she woke up from her half hour 4:00 nap, she realized she only had an hour to get ready for dinner. So she hurriedly sat up from her position on the couch where she had been sleeping. Amy saw the scattered toys around the living room and realized that she hadn't remembered to ask her mom to watch John tonight. Amy made her way into the kitchen and her eyes instantly spotted an orange sticky note on the fridge. It read 'Working late at the office. Love, Mom'. Amy sighed loudly. Ugh. So Amy quickly dialed her sister's number into her phone. It took three rings, but Ashley finally answered. "What?"
"Can you watch John tonight?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm going to the freshman spring mixer with my gay boyfriend."
"Oh, come on. I have a date with Ben tonight."
Now that really got her sister interested. "Huh?"
"What?"
"You're, you're going out with Ben tonight?"
Amy shrugged even though no one could see it. "Yeah. So?
"Are you guys back together or something?"
"I don't know."
"Well then, no."
"Well, what am I supposed to do?"
"Call Ricky." Ashley mused.
"No."
"Do you want to tell Ben you can't make it or should I?"
Amy growled. "Fine. Bye."
"Bye." Ashley hung up after that. She was proud of herself that she hadn't just given into her like most people did. Ashley laughed at how dense her sister was. There was no freshman mixer tonight. Ashley was just going over to Griffin's to rewatch Titanic and how epic-ly romantic it all was. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she cried every time she saw it. The tragic love story of two people that were never on the same path reminded her of two people she knew very well.
Amy had been pacing her kitchen, going back and forth with the idea of asking him to take care of John. Finally, she decided to just go with it. So she texted him with the words 'can you watch john tonight?' because she couldn't talk to him just yet. She was still healing and she knew tonight wouldn't be a fluffy bandaid to cover the recurring hurt that shadowed over her whenever he was around. It would be painful; to her sanity and her heart. It hadn't been thirty seconds by the time she got a reply from him. It read, 'sure. I'll be there at 5'
Amy closed her phone and headed upstairs. Within twenty minutes, Amy had finally settled on a casual outfit. It consisted of a blue cardigan with thin horizontal white stripes, a white cami underneath, white short shorts, and white bohemian sandals to match. She looked pretty damn well gorgeous in her outfit if she did say so herself. Amy decided not to put on any makeup because she didn't want to make such a big deal out of dinner. Putting makeup on for a date means that you really like the guy and she wasn't too sure she was into Ben as much as she used to be. Amy wondered if she would ever feel that same way again.
She made her way downstairs and started to get John's bottles ready. In between the heating of the formula and gathering John's toys from the living room, Amy heard the side door open and walking into the living room was a tired looking Ricky. Amy looked up briefly to glance at his form as he walked into the living room. It was odd; being in the same room as one another. Sure, they had been in the same hallway at school, but she ignored him every time he attempted to talk to her. But after weeks of 'separation', it still felt strangely familiar.
He took a cautious step toward her and she couldn't find it in her psyche to move away. "Hey."
"Hey." She said small.
Although it was only one word, Ricky was elated to have her actually say something to him. "How are you?"
In truth, he was nervous as hell. But this was the first time she had anything pleasant to say to him. It was usually a mixture of 'Get out of my face' and 'Shut the fuck up'.
She took a deep breath. He intimidated her to no end. "Fine."
"That's good. Fine is definitely better than not fine." He said awkwardly as he shrugged his shoulders.
Amy turned toward him and smiled. Then she started chuckling suddenly.
"What?"
"Ricky Underwood, the bad ass drummer is nervous. Who would've guessed this day would come?"
Ricky couldn't help but beam at the sight of her smile. It was enough to make him want to be a better person. For her. For John. For the family he wished they would have one day.
He couldn't force any words out of himself for fear that he would get her upset again. He just kept on smirking at the sight of her joy.
Getting it out of her system, Amy wiped away the snickering tears from the corner of her eyes. Her laughing died down and she resumed her clearing of the living room floor. And that's when it hit her. She really wasn't that mad at him. She never could be.
Ricky walked over to where she was and helped her pick up toys and several knick knacks. Amy could feel his intense stare on her back and it made her more nervous. She was glad she had picked out a super hot outfit for her date. Her date. Her date with Ben. She had forgotten all about that. Truth be told, she forgot a lot of things when she was around her baby's father.
Amy was supposed to be expecting Ben in a half hour, but she knew he was always a quarter of an hour early. She was too busy scoring two pointers against her opponent in the living room. They had been playing, using John's toys and the hamper, for the past ten minutes with call outs like 'you suck', 'you're gonna lose', and 'I'm totally winning'. It was fun; she couldn't deny that. It was almost like they were back to normal. Almost.
Amy had run out of toys to throw into the hamper, so she walked over to the couch and sat down. Ricky still had toys on his side, but he opted to go sit with her instead. He followed her. He'd follow her for the rest of his life.
"Now I'm too tired for my date." Amy said tiredly. It hadn't been meant to make him jealous or anything. She was just making conversation.
Ricky turned toward her and frowned. She was going on a date? This didn't settle well with him. "With Ben?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
He noticed she didn't say it with much enthusiasm. Ricky also noticed that she was slightly leaning on him. That could be accounted for the comfy cushions that were on the couch and sunk. Or it could be the fact that she liked the feel of his body against hers. He chose to want the latter and believe the former.
It seemed like something surged through her body at that time. He could feel her stiffen against him and frowned when she stood up. It was then that he realized just how stunning she actually was in what she was wearing. The cami she was wearing was really accentuating her curves and lifting her breasts, but not to a degree that she looked like a slut. She looked like a freaking Greek goddess.
Amy made her way to the kitchen and it was really no surprise when she turned around five seconds later and he was right on her heel. "What's wrong?"
Completely ignoring his question, Amy claimed, "I just can't do this." She gestured between the two of them. They were less than a foot away now, but they both took comfort in the fact that the other hadn't backed away just yet.
"Do what?"
Amy sighed. "I can't keep going on like this."
He didn't need to ask this time what she was talking about. He knew. "I know."
"You need to be here."
"For who?" He knew the answer. Ricky just wanted to hear her say it.
"For John, of course."
"And?"
"Me…" she whispered softly. The tears started to flow freely from her eyes now. He desperately wanted to take them away.
Ricky gingerly took hold of her waist and said with honest words, "I'll never leave."
Amy didn't dare move as she found herself lost in his eyes. "Promise?"
"Promise. You know I lo- you know I care about you."
Amy quickly looked away and looked down at her sandals as her hair got in her face again. Red flooded her cheeks and tears started streaming down her face. He didn't even say those three words, but she knew what he meant. She could read him like no one else could. Then Ricky did something he never thought he'd be able to do again. He carefully brushed her hair out of her face with his hand and pressed his lips to hers. She was stunned at his sudden action but she didn't refuse. He kept one of his hands at the back of her neck, caressing her cheek and the other at the small of her back. She couldn't really move her arms to around his neck, so she settled for his waist instead. He held her gingerly as her hands were gently skimming the hard planes of his torso. It was a semi- familiar kiss, but it was also exciting and passionate. Better than any other she'd had.
--
Ben had been trying to call Adrian throughout the entire time he was waiting in his limo. He was in Amy's driveway, waiting for Ricky to come out, John in tow. Whatever he and maybe Amy were doing, they were taking a long time. After his fifth unanswered call, he had begun to lose hope that she would ever answer. As he was just about to press 'end', Adrian's pissed off voice sounded through his phone and asked, "What do you want?"
Ben was so shocked that she actually answered, that he lifted his phone off his ear and gazed at it in pure shock. He was gaping and he was glad that she wasn't there to witness it.
"And don't say 'I think you know what I want' in a macho way like Ricky used to do or still does. I don't know. He hasn't called me in a while."
Ben shook his head even though she couldn't see it. "That's not what I was going to say. And-"
He was getting out of the car and making his way up Amy's driveway. "-and just for the record, I really miss you."
She knew he was being honest by the seriousness of his voice. But she was too heartbroken (not that she'd admit it) to let him know that she believed him.
"Sure you do. You miss having sex with me. That's what everyone says. I'm sure Amy can fulfill those duties for you. You two are going out tonight, are you not?"
She was annoyed, jealous, and angry. That should be her he was picking up tonight (and not in that way), not Amy.
"Kinda." He gently knocked on the kitchen door, only to be met with eerie silence. Sure John would've woken up at hearing the loud knocking.
Using the same hand, Ben shifted the blue curtain in front of the small window and gasped at what he witnessed. Ricky and Amy had indeed heard the knock and were slowly backing away from one another.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" asked a distressed Adrian.
Ben smirked. "Why? Were you worried?"
He could practically see Adrian rolling her eyes. "No. I just- I consider you somewhat of a friend and thought that I'd need help moving the body."
Ben chuckled at that. Adrian was still Adrian. That was good to hear.
"Somewhat?"
"Yeah, it's not like you broke me or anything. For the sake of John, whom I actually love, I think it'd be great if we just went back to tolerating one another without any mention of what didn't happen."
Then he got quiet again. "Just friends, huh? Is that all you want us to be?"
--
Amy froze in place and realization dawned on her. She detached herself from Ricky's embrace, looking anywhere but him. His eyes were boring holes into her, she knew it. So Amy turned around, picked up her purse off the kitchen counter and made her way over to the door. She stopped for a mere second with her hand on the doorknob, wondering why this was so difficult.
Get out of here. He's suffocating you.
So she does just that. With an exasperated sigh, she hastily opened the door, stepped outside, and closed it again in one fluid manner. Amy leaned against the door, looking to the stars for help. They seemed so serene, just there as if they hadn't a care in the world. And she wishes she could be that calm, that perfect. Amy's tiny hand subconsciously goes to her mouth and her fingers relish in the tingly warmth that her lips exude.
Maybe she isn't perfect, but this feeling sure is.
--
Ben noticed Amy quickly step out of her house and lean against the door. He figured she needed a few minutes to collect herself, so he stepped onto the front patio, patiently waiting for Adrian's answer. This girl drove him crazy. No doubt about it. He was everything Amy wasn't. Maybe that's why he holds such a fascination with her. She's more different than any other girl he's ever met. Adrian doesn't follow crowds. The crowds follow her. Or, at least they seem to. Ben comes to the conclusion that she probably just scares them and he finds that so endearing that it probably shouldn't even be allowed. And those words ring in his ear.
Shouldn't. Be. Allowed.
Ben's always been a stickler for the rules and he was notorious for his 'good boyfriend' qualities (at least, before his summer in Bologna). Maybe that's why he finds her so intriguing.
She makes him feel like he should be breaking the rules.
As soon as he clears his throat, Amy's right by his side, smiling a smile that he can no longer tell is fake or not. They've spent time apart and those instincts he once knew have fallen flat.
"Hey, why are on the patio?"
He hears a grumble on the other side of the phone he forgot he was holding and smirked.
"There is no us."
It's slightly inaudible and Ben thinks he can't hear it, but he knows he's just lying to himself. The next thing he hears is the dial tone.
--
Amy's giving him a knowing look, saying 'we're both in deep shit, aren't we?'
And then it's gone, a moment later. They don't ever talk about this.
"Oh hey. I didn't see you there."
--
And they go out to dinner, very formal and classy. Everything a girl but her would like. Well, unlike Adrian, he thinks, but he refuses to delve into that thought.
Not here. Not with Amy.
He notices her occasionally staring off into space with her fingers barely grazing her lips, but says nothing of it because he too will start to think of someone that isn't Amy and someone that is her.
Ben orders dessert and its strawberry cheesecake. His favorite. Amy decides to just split with him and he can't help but want to scream 'hell no, bitch' when she takes that first bite. Sharing dessert was an Adrian thing. Particularly after they did strenuous activities. But letting Amy know that was not an option. So he let her take a bite of his slice and narrows his eyes when dissatisfaction is written all over her face.
Amy just shrugs her shoulders and claims, "Guess I'm more of a chocolate girl."
And Ben looks up from his glass of San Pellegrino with an amused expression on his face. He knows she's well aware that she just called herself black. And they both simultaneously burst out with laughter, releasing tension that was in the air.
It feels good to be in one another's presence again. Even though it's awkward. And it definitely is.
--
Ben's limo drops Amy off at her house at around 9:30 and Ben walks her, being the gentleman he is. Probably always will be.
They walk to her front door and Ben idly wonders to himself why Ricky's car is still parked in the driveway.
Ben's hand is lazily on the small of her back and it feels comfortable there. Just not as comfortable as a certain drummer's, but comfortable all the same.
As they reach her front door, Amy's key is already in its hole and she's turning it left, opening the door and telling him what a great time she had. One foot is in the doorway when she curiously wonders what it would be like to kiss him again. So she does what she thinks without really thinking at all and it's a small, innocent kiss. On the lips, of course (they're not in third grade). As soon as it started, it stopped and Amy walked the rest of the way into the house, closing the door behind her.
Amy wonders why she doesn't have that warm, tingly feeling and Ben wonders why he misses the taste of strawberry lip gloss.
--
She steps through the door of her house and spots a lamp in the living room on in her peripheral vision. So Amy walks over to the living room only to find that Ricky's holding a sleeping John and is almost asleep himself. She sits a few feet away from him on the couch and it seems like someone flicked a switch; he's completely awake now. Probably anticipating a conversation that will inevitably end with Amy saying that she's meant to be with Ben.
Amy notices him fidget and eventually sit up straight and he just looks so good in a collared shirt (layered, of course) and faded jeans that she temporarily forgets anything that isn't him.
Shaking her head to relinquish the thought, Amy says small, "Hey"
Ricky gets down to business. "How was your date?"
She turns to him full force, pleading with her eyes to not make her talk about Ben.
"Why are you still here?" It came out harsher that she intended, but she still wanted to know.
Ricky maneuvers John on his lap so he can get more comfortable. He faces Amy on the couch now. She feels her entire being turn to mush by the way he's looking at her.
"John fell asleep and you know that waking him up isn't an option."
"Oh"
They fall into a comfortable silence and Amy's fidgeting with her hands. She picks at her blue nail polish like she's nervous, but she wants to tell him something, so he stays quiet until she speaks up.
Amy looks up. "We need to talk."
"Okay. About what exactly?"
Well, he wasn't exactly making this any easier.
"About you and whatever this" motioning between them "is and what it means for John's well-being."
Ricky only nods. "And what is this" copying her very motion "exactly?"
Amy sighs. "I don't know. That's why I was motioning like this."
He chuckles as she motions between them once again.
"Hey! Stop laughing at me!" Amy cries as a playful smile graces her perfectly glossed lips. (Not Adrian like, but not chapped.)
Ricky chortles at her bliss. He likes being around her when she's in a playful mood. Hell, he always likes being around her.
"Okay, okay, I'm not." He surrenders. Always.
"You need to be here." Amy blurts out quickly.
Ricky gives her an inquisitive look, egging her to go on.
"What I mean is that I don't really like being mad at you all the time. I think it'd be best if we went back to just being friends." She concluded, but looked like she didn't exactly agree with what she just said.
Ricky looked down, trying to cover up his extreme disappointment. "Just friends, huh?"
Amy nodded. "Yeah."
--
That night, Ricky got back into his car and slammed the steering wheel.
Damn Amy. Damn Ben. Damn, damn, damn…
Why couldn't he just ignore her like he planned when news of her pregnancy first made the rounds of gossip at school?
Ugh, just fuck.
Just friends? When does that ever work out? Especially with sharing a child when you're in high school…
He thinks that maybe being with Amy just isn't worth it.
Impossible.
Ricky decides that he needs to clear his head. So he sees a certain someone's apartment building and gets a great idea. Not that great, but it might take away the pain.
So he parks his car in the parking lot and aggressively makes his way to her apartment. Ricky doesn't even knock, he just opens the door and steps inside. He spots Adrian on her couch, looking all out of sorts as she eats Ben & Jerry's Phish Food right from the container with a blanket covering her lower half. She's watching some old rerun of Laguna Beach and she looks exactly how he feels.
Ricky looks her in the eye and a wave of understanding flows between them. She's muted Kristin and Lauren's catfight and slowly made her way towards him.
She rushes over to him and he's fully intent on just kissing her right on the mouth, no small talk. But when she gets within his reach, her guard goes down and she hugs him with all her might. He's taken aback (of course) at first, but then squeezes her back with as much or more fervor than she was giving him. Ricky looks down at her and tenderly kisses her forehead as he hears muffled cries against his shirt.
"What's wrong?"
Adrian just shakes her head as more tears stream down her face. She grips his shirt tighter and sobs even more. Ricky nods and walks both of them over to her room, where he lays them down on her bed under the blanket and sheets.
She's so distraught that she's not even thinking about what it would seem they were about to do. And she looks up at him with sad eyes and looks into his earnest ones and she knows that he's gonna take care of her. He always does.
So he realizes that he really should call Margaret and tell her that he'll be staying here, but he can't leave Adrian alone for any amount of time. His conscience won't allow it. And plus, he really likes the way she's pressed up against him. He's missed her.
So he just stays next to her, trying to sort through all the shit he's going through (or has been for God knows how long). And it's not fair that Amy gets to decide everything, breaking all their hearts along the way. Ricky thinks she should be quarantined. But the more he thinks about it, the more he hates thinking about it and the more he thinks, the more his head hurts. He swears that girl will be the end of him.
And even though what he feels might not be love, it certainly feels like something and he wants to experience that something.
But he thinks that he loves her. He isn't 100% sure and he definitely wouldn't go on and tell her that to win her over. Only douches like Ben did that. But Ricky thinks that Ben is the one with both girl's hearts hanging from a thread. So… he figures the Italian Casanova must be doing something right.
Little did he know that he didn't have one girl's whole heart.
And he's not even sure that he really loves her in that way. But he knows that his heart isn't supposed to hurt that much when he sees her with someone else.
There's only one thing that Ricky's sure of. He loves her. In whatever ways he's allowed.
--
Adrian's tears have subsided and she's just leaning into his side, reveling in the comfort he's giving her. And she knows it's wrong. Because his heart belongs to Amy (he just doesn't know it yet) and hers belongs to Ben, no matter how much she hates him right now. But what she hates even more than Ben is that stupid Amy with her stupid hair and stupid yellow cardigans and that stupid baby. And then she hates herself even more for thinking that, which starts up a new round of tears.
Adrian knows this is wrong and even her father has been commending her recently for being predisposed. But being with Ricky has always been her heroin.
So she notices that he's watching her carefully and she merely blushes as she tucks herself further into his hold and smiles a small smile before falling asleep.
Ricky's almost asleep when he hears the front door open and then close. He's only a mere second from drifting off to dreamland before Ruben opens her bedroom door quite loud. Ricky's slowly opening his eyes and meets the Hispanic man's disappointed gaze. The drummer's looking at Adrian, to make sure she didn't wake. He gestures with his finger to keep quiet and Ruben's eyebrow quirks as his face turns into a scowl.
Ricky's eyes widen a little and he's pointing to his clothes, which are on, with his available hand. He's saying that they both have their clothes on and didn't do that. Ruben sighs in relief.
"How long have you been here?" Ruben whispers.
"Since about, uh, quarter to ten."
Ricky's looking at the time on the clock on Adrian's dresser and he's kinda blown away that he's already spent three hours over here. It's almost one.
But he's okay with staying here and this might just be the first time.
Ruben left the room right before Ricky's phone chirped.
He's kinda pissed for anyone ruining this (kinda) perfect moment. But he has to check his phone because it can be Amy, telling him something's wrong with John.
Before he opens his phone, he checks to see if Adrian's been awaken yet. Nope. Damn, this girl's a heavy sleeper.
But the more he thinks about Adrian and how protective he is of her, the more he recognizes that this could be the girl for him and maybe was all along.
It hits him with a jolt. And it kind of hits him full throttle. He loves her. Has for a long time. And he's a little excited to think about it. Because then maybe he could really get over this little Amy stage in his life.
He opens his phone and he sees that it's a text from Amy (did he really think it would be anybody else?).
'thanks for taking care of john tonight'
It has that cute little heart symbol with the number 3 after it and he sighs as a little smile forms on his lips.
And just like that, he's back to square one.
Shit.
--
*TBC*