Rachel loves Quinn. Of course she does. For a really long time now. But she wasn't sure if Quinn would feel the same. Not even that. She was sure Quinn didn't felt the same. So Finn and she got together and Rachel tried to stop thinking about Quinn Fabray. She was unhappy but she didn't care. At least she had someone who loved her…

Understanding

It was Nationals-Time 2011. The New Directions were on a trip to New York. Everything seemed good at stage but then Finn kissed Rachel. In front of all people in the hall. First Rachel didn't know what to do. Her head said she has to continue and sing. But her heart didn't agree with her head. So she ran off the stage to her wardrobe.

"What was that Berry? Couldn't you have waited until you suck each other's faces? " Quinn was waiting for Rachel. She was angry. Really angry. "Wh-What?" Rachel stuttered. Quinn shook her head. "You! Him! On stage? God Rachel you ruined our chances to win!" Quinn yelled. "I'm so sorry…" Rachel shook her head. "I didn't know what happened…" she continued. "Great. Just yesterday you hitched him and now you're running after him? When do you realize that you can't have him?" Quinn continued to yell at Rachel.

Rachel looked at Quinn. "What do you mean…with I can't…have him?" she asked. Quinn took a step closer to Rachel. "You just can't be with him! You two are not supposed to be together!" Quinn said looking at Rachel.

"I'm not good enough for him. I understand." Rachel looked down. Quinn sighed and groaned slightly. "That's not what I said! Just stay away from him!". "But why? Are you still in love with him or what is it? Just tell me Quinn!" Rachel was getting loud now too. "N-NO!" Just stay away from him! You won't work out!" Quinn was slightly shocked about what Rachel said. "Why, Quinn? I just want to know what your problem is!" Rachel turned around to face Quinn. "My problem is having to see you both together! That's my problem! Stay away from Finn!" Quinn growled. Rachel shook her head and tried to say something. But then tears started to flow down her face and she walked away. Quinn sighed in frustration. "Don't walk away from me! I'm not finished talking to you!" She shouted. "Stop it, okay? I know what you want! You want me to stay away from Finn because you want him back! And do you know what? You won!" Rachel yelled.

"God no! I don't want him back! Stop saying that!" Quinn said angrily. "But why should I stay away from him then?" Rachel asked loudly. "Because…! God, because he's not right for you! He won't make you happy! He will bring you down! He can't and he won't support your dreams and he even forgets your vegan!" Quinn explained loudly.

Rachel nodded. "I know that! But no one supports my dreams so!". "So you let him hurt you all over and over again?" Quinn asked, shaking her head. "I don't know! What should I do? I have no choice!" Rachel really wanted to end that conversation now but she knew Quinn wouldn't let go until Rachel was the same opinion than her.

Quinn threw her arms up in frustration. "Waiting for the right one?" She said. Rachel looked down. "Why do you even care? You hate me." She said, looking on the floor. Quinn turned her head away from Rachel. "That's not the point." Quinn said. "But I wonder why you're interesting if I ruin my life or not." Rachel said. The two girls were quieter and calm now. Quinn turned to Rachel. "Look, Rachel…you deserve to be happy. You deserve all good things in this world…you deserve someone who makes you feel special, beautiful and loved. Finn isn't going to do that. Don't ruin your chances on a happy ending." Quinn said. Rachel was speechless for a moment. "W-Wait…" She said and followed Quinn. "You…really think that?" She asked Quinn. Quinn kept walking. "Yes." Quinn said. Rachel tried to walk with Quinn. "I was thinking about breaking up with Finn. I really did…but I couldn't. And I don't know why." She said with a sad look on the floor while walking.

"You've started to idolize him too much. You put him on a pedestal. He's more than just a boy to you. He's your dreams, your hopes, all the things you never had, all the things someone else got, he's High School popularity, he's a symbol, a trophy, a metaphor if you want to call it that." Quinn explained and reached the door of the room where the others are too but didn't opened it. Rachel shook her head. "No. Another person got that part for me…" She stopped next to Quinn. "Whoever this person you is…you don't need anyone. And Finn won't make you happy. Forget him." Quinn said.

Rachel sighed. "I already did…but I can't forget the other person." She said.

"Well I can't help you if you don't tell me who this person is." Quinn shrugged. "She won't feel the same. And yes I said "She". " Rachel sighed.

Quinn raised an eyebrow. "So what? You're gay or bi or whatever but…who cares? You're still you. And you won't know how someone feels unless you figure it out." She said.

Rachel needed to took all her courage now to say it. "It's you. You are my dreams and my hopes. You are more than just a girl to me and you are not a trophy…you are a lot more than that. And I know you'll slap me right now but I love you, Quinn Fabray." Rachel said, turning around to leave.

Quinn was just standing there. Speechless with her mouth wide open. She blinked rapidly. "I won't make you happy…" She mutters after some time. Rachel swallowed and turned around. "You would. Believe me." She said. Quinn turned her face away from Rachel. "I would hurt you and bring you down. Just like he does. You deserve someone better." Quinn said and looked down on the floor. "Why would you hurt me? You could never hurt me Quinn…and I don't deserve someone better because there's no one better than you…" Rachel looked at Quinn.

Quinn replied Rachels gaze. "I've hurt you in the past haven't I? I know all your weak spots and I can use them for my advantage. I know how to break you." Quinn said. Rachel looked at her with watery eyes. "You haven't hurt me. I got through this. But it hurts hearing you say that you're thinking of breaking me." Rachels eyes started filling with tears. Quinn looked at Rachel and walked towards her. "I mean what I said. You deserve all the good things. Unfortunately I'm not one of them." Quinn stopped in front of Rachel.

"You are not a good thing…you are all good things. But I understand that you don't want to be with me…I really do…I mean who would except Finn." Rachel said walking to her wardrobe.

Quinn followed Rachel. "Rachel I would love to be with you…but I know I'm not the right one for you. I know I'm not good enough. I've hurt you because I'm scared and weak. I'm just trying to save you. You'll find someone who can give you, what you deserve but it won't be me." Quinn said and swallowed.

Rachel looked at Quinn. "You are not good enough? That's not true Quinn…I am not good enough for you…" Rachel looked down. Quinn laughed slightly. "I can't believe you said that Rachel…you are so wrong. You're better than anyone. You're the most amazing person I've ever met in my life. To me you are perfect." Quinn looked at Rachel.

Rachel looked up. "If I let you go now…without being sure that you don't love me…I will hate myself my whole life. I will hate me for letting the person I love more than anything go without begging her to stay…say that you don't love me and I will leave you alone." Rachel swallowed.

Quinn looked on the floor. "I can't do that." Quinn couldn't handle the thought of saying Rachel that she doesn't love her.

"Then please, I beg you…stop bringing yourself down with saying you're not good enough or you won't make me happy because that's not true." Rachel made a little break before continuing. "I want to be with you Quinn." She said looking at Quinn. Quinn really had to pull herself together that she didn't started to cry.

Quinn looked into Rachels eyes. "You and me…we're not going to be together. Never.".

You could literally hear Rachels heart being torn into pieces. Tears starting streaming down her face. "Okay." She said, walking into her wardrobe and closing the door quickly. Everything around her seemed to blur. She wasn't able to think or move anymore.

Quinn exhaled shakily and took a step forward. She placed a hand on the door of Rachels wardrobe and felt tears welling down her face. "I love you. And that's exactly why I have to let you go…" She whispered.

Rachel was standing with her back to the door. But she didn't hear what Quinn said. She slipped down the door with her back and started to cry heavily. She never cried this hard in her life.

As Quinn heard Rachel crying at the other side of the door, she felt her chest tightening painfully. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Please forgive me. I just want you to be happy…" She whimpered. She leant her head against the door. "I love you." She whispered. Quinn inhaled deeply and wiped her tears away. She turned around to walk back to the room, where the others are…

To be continued