Aria receives the letter Friday morning just before leaving for work. It lingers at the bottom of her messenger bag the whole day, ending up a bit crumpled at the edges. When she finally to rips the envelope open, it's dark outside and a glass of wine rests carefully between his thighs.
The address scribbles sloppy on the sender's side brought on a few unwanted memories of a tiny town far away from the city, a place where dreams went to die. She hadn't been there in many years. She left home the day after graduating from high school and never looked back.
Inside the envelope there's a three-page letter and a plane ticket.
And that's where this whole mess starts.
A cold wind blows her brown long hair, and Aria scowls, as if to show the weather all of her dissatisfaction in its attempt to ruin her hair. She sighs, already tired, all of her energy has been draught out. That city had that power over her, it always had. That city and its narrow streets and small shops. The people were always whispering mean words as others walk by, and its rainy, cold weather.
She stares at the tiny church in front of her, gazing at its white walls going up and up until her eyes reaches the cross at the top of the tower. She doesn't quite understand why Hanna chose that place to meet him. She could've met her in her house, for all she knows, but the letter was very specific.
Meet me in the church.
Aria never took Hanna for a religious person.
She goes up the stairs, and opens the door. There is nobody inside. She frowns, closing it. She calls Hanna's name in a quiet voice, but no one shows up. Aria heaves a deep sigh. So typical of Hanna to show up late. So typical of her to send a fucking letter – as if they still lived in the fifties – instead of emailing her and making her travel a ridiculous amount of miles to meet her, and then show up late.
"Aria?" A deep voice calls, not the voice he was expecting, and Aria turns around to meet its owner. She stops in the middle of the church's altar, feeling confused, looking back at a pair of large eyes which are staring right back at her with the same intensity.
"Ezra?" she calls, and her voice doesn't echo through the walls like her friend's does. Ezra doesn't say anything, he just smiles a little, running a hand through his dark hair, and Aria can see that he is holding a letter too. "Hanna sent it to you?"
"Yeah, you too?" He asks, and Aria nods. "She could have sent a Facebook message. Or an email. Even a fucking text message would have done the trick."
"I know right?" Aria agrees, and Ezra smiles, "She's such a tool."
"The worst."
They fall into silence, and Aria feels kind of awkward. It had been almost 2 years since she had last spoken to Ezra, and it had been just their traditional, non-committal, casual exchange of trivial words on Facebook - something on the line of "so, is it cold up in New York?". It's a weird thing. It's not that their friendship had wintered down, it's just that She got used to not talking to his best friends all that much anymore. Which is funny, because She stills thinks of them as her best friends.
Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and Aria looks up, ready to pull Hanna's ear and quietly scold her for all the dramatics, but it's a different face she finds standing by the church's entrance.
"Caleb?" Aria and Ezra echo, and their friend only smiles, looking tired. "Hanna sent you a letter too?"
"Kind of," Caleb replies, and his voice doesn't sound as bright as Aria remembers, "is she here?"
"No," Aria replies, and Caleb bites on his lips, looking anxious. She is pretty sure Caleb used to have this sparkle about his eyes, and it's not there at the moment. A chill runs through her. If there's anything in life that always reassured her that things were going to be all right, it used to be Caleb's spark. "Is something wrong?"
Caleb doesn't reply, shifting his weight on his feet, anxious, and that seems to make Ezra notice something is wrong too. She stares at him, and then Caleb , and then around the church, as if the whole place is a bad omen.
"What the fuck is going on, Caleb ? Where is hanna?"
Their friend stares at them, and even though he seems to know more than they do, he still seems lost. He opens his mouth, and Arua could hear a quiet, "She didn't told you guys?", before the door opened and a woman enters the church, the priest right by her side. Aria knows her and her heart sink a little, just a little. She clutches to the letter when hanna's mother stops by the door, her eyes staring at them all, and this broken smile appearing on her lips.
Caleb walks towards her, and she puts one hand on his shoulder, squeezing it and the two of them share a knowing look before his friend suddenly breaks down, resting his forehead on her shoulder. Aria and Ezra just stand there, silent, staring at Caleb's back going up and down in powerful sobs.
"What is going on?" Ezra asks softly, but his tone is more demanding than kind. "Why are we here?"
hanna's mother smiles, and her smile is so much like Hanna. it makes Aria miss her. She doesn't know why she misses her already, she'll just be here soon, right? This is probably a prank. hanna had always been very distasteful about pranks and jokes and things of the sort.
"I'm sorry," she finally says, her voice weak, "I don't know how to say this and make it easy-"
" hanna died," Caleb says, suddenly, too bluntly. Aria feels the air going cold around her, even colder, the kind of cold that scarves and coats can't keep out. That cold that creeps under your skin, and reach your bones, and doesn't make you shiver, but makes you want to crawl to a corner and stay there, wrapping your arms around yourself trying to stay warm. Hanna's smile used to be warm. Used to. Tears come to her eyes.
She doesn't break down because suddenly Ezra hugs her shoulders, keeping her on her feet, and when Aria looks up, her friend is crying, shocked. There is something very wrong in the world.
"I didn't- she was sick? I didn't-," Aria starts, and Caleb shrugs, smiling a little.
"Guess this is her way of telling us, then," he tells her, and Aria stops, empty. One last prank, maybe. Distasteful. Completely distasteful.
She only leaves the middle of the altar when Ezra drags her to one of the seats. People begin to crowd every corner of the church, but Aria can't quite see them. It only hits her when a black coffin is brought inside, and Aria gulps, wishing for her black coffee or a glass of wine. Or maybe a whole bottle.
She can't quite comprehend it yet. She came home waiting for a nice coffee with one of her best friends, and now she's sitting in the middle of a funeral. Her best friend's funeral.
Aria always hated this city.
"So, yeah, I think meeting at the old church would be cool. It's windy up there this time of the year, so bring a coat. And wine. I know you hate the city, Aria, but you can take that pout out of your face right now, it doesn't do you any favors. And you're such a beautiful woman, you should smile more, you know. I hope you're smiling more, wherever you are. You're a good friend, Aria, in your own weird way, but still a good friend. So meet me there, will you? I miss you. A lot.
And I'll tell you what is going on there, I promise. Or not, you know how I am with promises. It's just that I've been… Homesick, I guess. And also I miss Caleb a lot. Do you sometimes get lost in what ifs? I do that a lot lately, isn't that weird? I feel like I'm getting very emotional lately. Maybe developing feelings. Maybe I'm becoming sensitive like he always told me I should be. Have you ever changed for love, Aria? I hope not.
I like you the way you are."
The coffin is lowered into the grave as the priest graces Hanna with a final resting prayer. When the man is done, Caleb scoffs, loudly.
"I can't believe she did this to me," Caleb hisses, covering his mouth with his hand to hide his words from the other attendees. His friends try to shush him, but he insists. "She was always trying her best to be the greatest but sometimes she could be the biggest yet funniest dick of all. I can't believe she did this."
Ezra coughs awkwardly, as if trying to drown out Caleb's words. "This is really not the time."
Aria nods in agreement, but she keeps her eyes fixed on Hanna's mother, who received the condolences from their neighbors and distant relatives. She seemed so peaceful. Maybe she had time to process this, to accept that her girl was going to perish, and that there was nothing she could do about it.
Caleb's anger makes sense to them. In a sense, they were all angry. Hanna had cheated them of the time to accept her demise. She had simply vanished, right under their noses, slipped between their fingers like sand. They had spent the last hour trying to hard to catch smoke.
At the same time, they didn't expect any less from their best friend. Hanna had always been different, one could say. Eccentric would be the right word to describe her. During their school years, Hanna would be the kid that would never shut up in class. Even when she was wrong, she just kept talking until the teacher sent him off to sit in the hall. She had a different live plan every week. One day she wanted to be a scuba diving instructor, the next a fashionista, and by the end of the week she'd settle for owning a coffe restaurant
Hanna had so much life that one lifetime was simply not enough for her. She wanted it all, to explore every corner and every possibility. The fact that her family was barely scraping by didn't stop her from dreaming. She wanted to give her mother a better life. That was her main goal. And she did, by finally picking something and sticking with it. Hanna became an Art Director . She traveled the world and lived life to its fullest. At least that's what they all could tell from the Facebook posts. The four of them rarely got together anymore after Aria had left for college. Hanna's schedule became an excuse. Making time out of their busy lives turned into a hassle. The annual meetings during Christmas turned into rare Skype calls, then casual messages, and suddenly all they had were comments on Facebook posts and distant happy birthday wishes.
Aria pulls her sunglasses out of his face and turns to look at Ezra and Caleb. It wasn't anger that they felt. It was guilt. They should have done more, said more, and just tried harder to be in each other's lives. It took a friend dying for them to realize this. Fuck.
Ezra is the first to walk up to Hanna's mother and offer the woman a long hug. He curves his back to fit the tiny lady into his long arms. She kisses the top of his head and pats him on the cheek, whispering to him that it was going to be alright. Aria tries to offer her a handshake, but she shakes her head, pulling her into a tight embrace. When Caleb steps up to her, the woman's expression changes. She sighs, shrugging her shoulders as her gaze wanders from him to the grave next to them.
"You were the one she was worried most, you know," she says, putting her hands inside the pockets of her peacoat. Caleb closes his eyes for a moment and his eyebrows come together in a pained expression. He didn't want to hear this. "she had this whole thing planned out for months. But until the last day, she would still ask me if you'd hate her forever. She knew you'd have a hard time with this."
"she was right," Caleb answers, curtly. He chuckles sarcastically before turning on his heels and taking a step away from Hanna's mother. Suddenly, he halts, and looks over his shoulder. "I can't hate her, though. I could never do that. I love her far too much." He cries, harder this time, and Ezra runs over to his side, placing a hand on his back and whispering words of comfort.
Hanna's mother takes one hand out of her pocket and comes up with what appears to be another letter. This one is written on heavy stock yellow paper. It's an invitation. Aria comes closer to them to read the words on the page. Hanna's inviting them to the town's famous kite flying festival. They used to go every year, lay on the grass and watch the children and their families fly their kites proudly. It was a tradition of sorts.
"We'll be there," Aria says, and the other two are a bit taken back by the resolve in her voice. "I mean, this is what she wanted. She wanted us to come together. We have to go, right?"
"Of course," Ezra quips, he smiles slightly. "The festival was our thing. We can't let this pass." He looks down at the invitation and then back up at Caleb. "You're coming with us, right?"
Caleb rolls his eyes. "Yes, but I can't believe we're still going to play this stupid scavenger hunt."
Hanna's mother chuckles. "she told me you'd say that."
"Well, she knew me better than anyone." Caleb swallows hard, wiping away his tears with the back of his sleeve.
The three friends make the solemn walk back to the hotel. A few blocks down Caleb asks why they didn't just stay at their parent's house. Ezra shrugs, and opens his mouth to speak, but Aria is quick to interrupt him. Do you really want to deal with our parents right now? Ezra nods in return. She's right. They needed to spend this time together. Hanna would have wanted it that way.
The lobby is empty except for an old lady drinking alone at the bar. It's barely five o'clock in the afternoon, and this day already feels like an entire lifetime. There's a weight pressing on Ezra's shoulders. His muscles feel sore with all the tension. He needs a drink.
"Guys," she blurts, shifting his eyes to the bar. It's funny how Aria is quick to catch on to her intentions. She shrugs her jacket from her shoulders and pushes her hair away from her face.
"No amount of alcohol and make this whole thing right." Aria drops down on one of the wooden tables. The place is too dark and the mellow folk music playing in the background doesn't help the atmosphere at all. But it was what they had for now.
Ezra pulls a chair back and drags an extra one for Caleb. "We can try?"
Their friend laughs dryly and shakes his head. "I don't think it's a good idea. For me at least. I need to sleep this off."
"Are you sure?" Ezra tries. He had never seen his friend so broken. "We can get through this together. You know we can."
"Yeah," Caleb sighs, wrapping his arms around himself. "But I need a few hours alone to process this. I'll be fine, though. I'm looking forward to laughing at your hangovers in the morning."
He bows sarcastically and makes his way to the elevator. It's only then that Ezra realizes that he and Aria were left alone. His throat goes dry immediately. Years ago, this would be a normal occurrence. Now, it feels so awkward. He can't even look at her in the eyes as Aria orders them a round of Ezra's favorite beer. She remembers, of course she does. Aria had a habit of pretending that she didn't care about anyone but herself, but she does, and a whole fucking lot. It shows through little gestures such as these.
And that's why he had been in love with her since they were twelve. Ever since Aria told a group of boys to stop taunting Chanyeol because of his weir neidy look , and when he had run over to thank her, Aria had told him to get lost. The scene repeats itself, again and again, and suddenly he finds himself trailing behind Aria at school like a shadow. They ate lunch together in silence throughout all of seventh grade. Until they found a common interest.
It was when Ezra had gotten detention for not turning in his math homework in time. He lied to all the other kids there, though, saying that he had gotten in trouble for talking back to a teacher. The whole school already thinks he's the biggest dork in the world and telling all the badasses at detention that he had gotten in trouble because he forgot his notebook at home, would be like digging his own grave.
When detention was done, Ezra stopped by his locker to pick up his french textbook, there was an oral exam the next day, and he was nowhere near ready. His locker used to be right across from the music room. That's when he heard a voice coming from behind the close door. Someone was singing one of his favorite songs. Their voice was smooth, like hot chocolate in a snowy day. He couldn't help but stick his ear against the door and listen for what it felt like hours. When the door finally opened, it was Aria that he found standing in front of him, utterly embarrassed.
"So," Ezra starts, picking up his beer bottle and pointing it towards Aria. "Do you still sing? I know it's random. But I was just thinking about-"
"That day you caught me singing in the music room after school? Yeah, I was thinking about that day too." Aria shrugs, playing with the condensation on the label of her bottle. "I sorta quit singing the day I left for college. It didn't feel the same. I don't know. It was a lot more fun when we're jamming together in your dad's garage."
"Yeah, I felt the same," Ezra answers, still avoiding Aria's eyes. "I haven't picked up a guitar in years." Something flashes across his eyes. He sets his bottle down on the table and snaps his fingers. "We should get the band back together."
"What the-" Aria throws her head back, laughing so loud it scares Ezra a little.
"I'm serious!" Ezra insists, leaning forward on the table. "We could sneak into my dad's garage. He probably still has my old guitars laying around. Come on."
Aria tilts his head. "It sounds fun, actually."
"We could play something for Hanna," Ezra adds, and the smile fades from his face. "He used to love watching us play."
"Chug down that beer, Ez . We're going in trouble. In Hanna's honor." Aria raises her bottle and they toast to their dead friend before disappearing behind the hotel's glass doors.
Caleb closes the door behind him, inhaling deeply one, two, three times. He can't believe it. He simply can't. They've been friends since forever, since he can even remember being friends, and now here he is, all alone. Not that he and Hanna kept talking as they used to one day, but they still did talk. Caleb can remember the last time they spoke to each other, just two weeks ago. He remembers that he noticed there was something different in her voice, but when he asked, all Hanna told him was that she was tired.
"I just need a good night sleep, Caleb," Hanna had told him.
And now she'd never wake up again.
And that's when Caleb loses all the composure he has been trying so hard to keep all day. This whole day just feels like a dream, and Caleb just wants to wake up. The whole funeral, Ezra and Aria, the way her mother kept staring at him as if she knew. As if she knew every single time Caleb broke Hanna's heart, and every single time Hanna did the same. As if she knew a little part of Caleb was being buried too, too far for him to reach.
He can't breathe. So he rips the letter, tearing it apart, watching every single piece fall to the floor along with a piece of Hanna's handwriting. Along with his love, and his schemes. He hates her. God, he hates her so much for leaving him without even saying goodbye. They were best friends. They were supposed to be best friends
Caleb lays on the bed, letting the tears fall and stream down his face. He clings to the pillow, feeling like something had been taken away from his body, the feeling of longing for something taking over him. It's ironic. He had Hanna available for so many years, and felt lazy to reach the phone, but now he'd give everything, he'd do anything, only to listen to her voice.
He falls into sleep in a few minutes, as if his body noticed he needed a break. And Caleb dreams. He dreams of the kites in the sky, and the sound of laughter. The sun is on the sky – bright and warm – and a sixteen years old Aria complains about how hot it is. Ezra laughs, his hair falling on his eyes, his smile brighter than the sun itself.
"Little Aria don't like to sweat," he says, "you should wear wifebeaters, you know? Look at those disgusting sweat marks under your arms-"
"For your information, I don't have wifebeaters," Aria yells, holding her arms close to her body in a way to hide his armpits. Caleb is laughing but then suddenly the dream changes, and he's running on the field, and then just as suddenly they are standing by a tree. Hanna is talking, but as usual, Caleb can only focus on the curve of her lips, and the flush of red in her cheeks, and the way her smile warms him up from the inside.
"Are you listening to me?" Hanna asks, tilting her head, and Caleb only nods because his throat is too dry. And then suddenly Hanna is leaning in, her lips almost touching, and Hanna can almost feel that lingering feeling inside of her because yes that's exactly what she has been wanting for so long. And Hanna's hands are on his, warm and sweaty, and then suddenly his own hands are on Hanna's chests, but not in a lovingly way. Caleb is freaking out, so he stops Hanna, who opens her eyes, startled.
"I-I'm sorry, Hanna," he blurts out in a shaky voice, "I just. I don't want to ruin things between us."
And for his utter terror, Hanna just stares at him, eyes wide, mouth open, but it only lasts for a second. Soon enough she is smiling again, all white teeth, and moon shaped eyes. It'd fool anyone, but not Caleb. She's hurt.
"But kissing makes things better, Caleb, it doesn't ruin things!"
"But-"
"I get what you mean," Hanna replies, and in his dream, her smile vanishes and her friend gets out of reach. It becomes a nightmare.
Caleb's the first to arrive at the park, of course. He had always been ridiculously punctual. There are children spread all over the large grass area, accompanied by their parents as they set up their kites of all shapes and sizes. A little blond girl runs as she tries to get hers up in the air. Her laughter spreads through the entire place. Caleb had forgotten what it was like to be so happy over something so simple.
"Hey, are you Caleb?"
He looks around and finds the owner of that tiny voice running towards him. The kid looked to be no older than twelve. He stops right in front of Caleb, and to his surprise, hands him a large pale blue kite and, of course, another letter.
"Hanna was my neighbor," the kid says shyly, squinting his eyes at the sun. "She told me his friends were coming. She said to make a kite for you."
"she did?" Caleb chuckles darkly. He looks down in his hands. "That's a nice kite."
"Thanks." The kid looks up. He looks proud of himself. "You know how to fly it?"
Caleb snorts. "Yeah."
"It's not nice to tell lies, Caleb."
The looks back and finds Aria and Ezra walking towards him, wearing the same clothes they were wearing the night before. Typical.
"I know how to fly a stupid kite," Caleb grunts to himself. He looks back at the kid, who raises an eyebrow at him. "Don't look at me like that."
"Hanna said you couldn't. That none of you could." The boy carefully pries the kite away from Caleb's hands. "she told me to teach you."
Caleb rolls his eyes. "If you knew I couldn't do it, then why did you ask?"
The boy smiles widely and leans closer. "Because Hanna said it would make you mad."
Ezra and Aria laugh behind them. Ezra tries his best to conceal his smile behind his hands, but as Aria's laughter grows, his follows along and explodes all over their stupid faces. Caleb feels fifteen again.
"Come on," he says, placing a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Let's go fly this dumb kite."
The third letter is addressed to the three of them. It's short, straight to the point, and it reads like one of the notes Hanna would drop in their lockers back in middle school. Let's go grab burgers at the dinner, yall. I'm buying this time.
The three friends spend a moment in silence looking at the letter gloomily. It's almost like Hanna will be there waiting at their usual booth, sipping on a chocolate milkshake and reading comic books.
"So, I guess we're having burgers at the old dinner," Ezra finally says after a few beats of stillness between them.
Caleb groans. "I can't do this. You two go. Knock yourselves out."
Aria grabs her elbow, and looks at him with a sincere worry in her eyes. "Caleb, I know this sucks but-"
"They don't have a vegan option at the dinner," Caleb cuts her short, gently pulling away from Aria's grasp. "Seriously. Go. I'll wait at the hotel."
He walks away slowly and Aria can't help but watch him go. Caleb's shoulders are slumped and he keeps his eyes fixed on the ground as he walks. Ezra places a hand on the shorter girl's shoulder and pulls her closer, as if saying Don't worry. He'll be fine. And he's right. Caleb is the toughest person the two of them know. He could survive a nuclear blast. But this is a whole other animal. There's so much lingering underneath the surface.
The way to the dinner feels very familiar. Their feet turn to auto-pilot, and before they know it, they are standing right in front of their favorite hangout spot during their school years. The place is old, built in the 50's, and it still has the same vintage flair. The place has no name, and the only sign outside is the one that says Open attached to the glass door. They just called it The Dinner because it's the only place in town that serves that kind of food. Burgers, milkshakes, a small selection of pizzas, and hot dogs. The food is alright. But they still came back every week for more. In a town as tiny as this, there isn't any options. Still, they used to love it.
"Does it feel smaller? I looks smaller to me," Aria says as they stand near the entrance, looking in and seeing a table filled with about five teenagers laughing and feeding each other french fries. Somethings never change.
"It was always this tiny," Ezra answers, and by the look in his eyes, Aria could tell that he just wouldn't resist making a height joke. Here it comes. "My guess is that you finally grew a whole three inches. Like, you can almost ride the rollercoaster at the state fair now."
"Shut up and open the door for me." Aria pushes him forward and Ezra quickly obeys. He just did whatever he was told.
"I'm not your servant," Ezra groans, but he's already holding the door for Aria. "Whatever."
They find that their usual booth has a reserved sign attached to the table. Hanna did think of everything. When they sit down, the waitress doesn't even hand them the menus, the young girl just smiles and says that Hanna had asked for the cooks to prepare a special meal for them.
The fries are too salty and the burgers are undercooked, but still, it feels great. Aria can't help but laugh at Ezra's dumb jokes, listening attentively as he tells story about his college days. However, when the conversation turns to Aria, Ezra drops the question that had been lingering over their heads since the night before. The thing that had ripped them apart all those years ago.
"Why did you leave?"
Aria sighs heavily, resting her forehead on the heels of her hands. It wasn't the fact that she had been the only one within their group of friends to travel to the big city for school. They were proud of her for getting in, of course.
The day Aria got the letter of acceptance, Ezra had sneaked into her bedroom in the middle of the night. She had never seen that neird look so distressed. That night, Ezra had confessed to her. It was just as ridiculous as Aria had seen in all the dumb teenage movies. The horrible part was that she wanted, so badly, to say I love you back and pepper kisses all over Ezra's stupid face. But she couldn't. She couldn't let anything get in the way of her future.
She had ignored Ezra's feelings, brushing them off like dust. They were best friends, she had said. Best friends can't date. The worst part was seeing how easily Ezra had accepted her bullshit reasoning. When the summer ended, they said goodbye with a long hug, and all Aria wanted to do was keep himself wrapped in Ezra's arms. But she couldn't. She had her ticket out. Her dream was waiting for her.
Somehow, that dream had always felt so incomplete.
"I was-I was so scared," Aria confesses, trying to keep her voice steady. "I was scared that you wouldn't let me go. That I wouldn't let myself get on the plane."
Ezra reaches across the table and warms Aria's hand with his own. "I'm sorry."
"Why the fuck are you apologizing?" Aria whispers, angrily. "I was the idiot. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I pressured you. At like, one of the most important moments of your life. It sucked for both of us, I guess." Ezra ends his sentence with a sad chuckle and Aria allows herself to look at him. Nothing had changed. He's still as beautiful as the first time she had seen him being picked on by the upperclassmen. Her feelings for him are still the same. He's still his best friend, and the first boy she had ever loved. "Is it too late for us, though?"
Aria pulls in a sharp breath. There's a chill in her stomach, like the first time she had ridden the roller coaster as the state fair with Ezra holding her hand as she screamed until her throat burned. The answer is far too simple.
"Hanna didn't seem to think so," Aria answers and a smile plays at the edge of her lips when they find another letter hidden under one of their plates. It was addressed to Ezra.
The other opens the envelope eagerly and when his eyes meet the words on the page, his entire face burns bright red. Before Aria can even question him, he turns the paper towards her. There's a single one sentence scribbled in thick black letters across the page.
KISS HER, YOU FOOL.
Aria rolls her eyes. "Don't you dare-"
It's too late. Ezra reaches across the table and softly brushes his lips against Aria. They are a bit salty from the french fries, but Aria can't help but pull him closer, asking for more. There are too many lost years between them, so many missed opportunities.
She can't thank Hanna enough.
The weather changes a bit by the end of the day. The clouds begin to gather and the wind picks up. It would surely rain the next day. Finally this town is starting to look how Caleb remembers it. Cold, rainy, and miserable.
The minute Caleb gets to his hotel room, he picks up the phone and asks for a whole bottle of whiskey. The attendant at the front desk asks him twice if he's sure.
"Don't judge me. How dare you. Just send me the bottle." He hangs up, muttering curses as he paces around the room.
A young boy comes to his door and delivers him the bottle and two glasses. Caleb tries to give him back the extra one, but he insists, and hands him a letter. Caleb almost wants to laugh.
She fucking knew. Of course She did. Hanna had always been a step ahead of everyone. The letter is addressed to Caleb, and underneath his name there's a little note between parenthesis.
(Save a glass for the ghost :D)
Caleb chuckles. " I ... I.. damn you Hanna "
He pours a glass for himself, another for Hanna, and sits down on the carpet to read the letter.
"What else could I say other than I'm sorry. This was too much to ask of you. To process all of this, right? But I couldn't have done it any other way. And here's why.
In the many years that we have known each other, we came to realize that what we had was very special. We were best friends and everything about us always felt so easy. Except for one thing. And you know what that is, don't you? For some weird reason, we could never move forward from friends and both of us couldn't figure out why. There was always something, right? We were scared of what this all meant. Love is so fucking complicated. I guess what we were most terrified of were the what ifs. What if it all went to hell. Would we still be able to look at each other and feel the same? Would we still care for each other?
We are not easy people to deal with. Don't fight me on this. We are difficult. That's why we always found comfort in each other. Others grew tired of our fits and our ups and downs, but we stuck around for each other. Always.
What I'm trying to say is that it wasn't just you, okay? I fucked up too. I could have flipped tables and said screw it. That last time we saw each other at your place in New York was so hard on me. I was already sick. I wanted to tell you everything, but I couldn't. Your life was going so well and I knew that you would have put everything on a halt for me, and I couldn't have it. You had finally gotten that dream job you always wanted. Everything was so perfect in your life.
I'm sorry. I hope that you'll forgive me. Really. Know that I died loving you just as much as I did all those years ago.
When you looked like a loser and had pimples all over your chin.
Hanna."
Caleb kisses Hanna's scribbles, closing his eyes and pretending that his kissing her goodbye.
"Do you remember when we first met and we thought we'd be best friends forever? We were one and the same, you and I. Same jokes, same everything. How weird was it when suddenly you were so connect with Aria, and you'd tell her secrets you never told me. And then I noticed I'd laugh more with Caleb, and we were always together and I'd invite him to play here at home, even when I wouldn't invite you. I always thought you'd be my best best best friend, because we were so alike, and we fit, but you weren't. We were friends alright. But you weren't my best. And I wasn't yours.
Which was funny, I think. The way sometimes we are so certain of things and then they're not. Life just comes and tells you you've been wrong all along, and what you're going to do? We never know what life will brings us in its tomorrow, and this pisses me off. I wish I could be sure, to be honest. I wish we knew we'd never be best friends, it'd saved us a lot of awkward moments, when we were so sure we should be laughing together and talking easily, but we weren't. I wish I knew what tomorrow would bring to me. Life is so unfair, Ezra, don't you think? If it was fair, Aria would've stayed with you. If it were fair, I'd be good enough for Caleb. Or we'd have fallen for each other.
I don't know.
It's just.
Weird."
Hangovers were certainly invented by the devil himself. Caleb pryes himself out of bed, running to the bathroom to say hello to yesterday's dinner. He takes a shower, gets dressed, and figures that he needs to get something in his stomach. The hotel had a breakfast buffet that only consisted of waffles and coffee. That would have to do.
Aria and Ezra are nowhere to be seen, of course. Hanna had planned this whole thing well. He's glad they are hitting off again. They are good for each other. Of course, a small part of himself feels bitter. It could have been the same between him and Hanna. If only they had just a little more time.
As he picks on the remaining waffle in his plate, one of the hotel staff hands him a folded piece of paper.
"When will it end," Caleb mutters to himself as he open the note to read it.
"Sleep this hangover off, then head over to La Madeleine and buy yourself a nice meal. Seven o' clock. That's an order. Oh, and make sure you shower and wear something nice. Not those ugly sandals you wear sometimes. Something nice.
- Hanna."
Ezra wakes up with the smell of Aria's shampoo drenching his nose. Instead of shying away from it, mussels his face into her hair, taking in the closeness between them. This still feels like a dream. Maybe if he closes his eyes again, he'd be back in his shitty apartment in Toronto, already late for his bullshit office job. He wraps his arms around Aria, drawing patterns on her back with his fingertips.
"Stop." Aria's voice is low and muffled. Her eyes remain closed. "It tickles."
Ezra snorts. "Oh yeah?"
That's certainly a call for battle.
He moves abruptly, throwing Aria on her back against the bed, and tickling his sides. The small girl groans , cursing Ezra repeated as he tries to kick her off of him. Ezra doesn't bulge, instead, he begins to kiss her neck, blowing air into the patches of wet skin. Aria's cries of complaint turn into soft moans.
"Good morning," Ezra whispers against her ear.
Aria scoffs. She digs her hands softly into Ezra's hair, then, grabs a fistful of it and pulls roughly. She smiles wide when Ezra beings to beg for her to stop.
After a few seconds she lets go, biting down on his lower lip and Ezra pouts at her.
"Good morning," she finally replies, sliding out of the bed and wrapping a sheet across her naked body.
Ezra watches her tenderly, He watches as Aria tries to arrange her hair with her fingers on the full length mirror on the wall. He had always been a bit vain, and it was something he shared with Hanna. Sometimes, Hanna would find the two of them flipping through magazines and style blogs, and giving each other tips on skin care. Even if Ezra didn't care enough about his appearance, he'd always stick around and listen. He liked seeing his favorite person so engrossed into something he cared about. His eyes were always so full of spark.
Like they are now.
"Hey," Ezra calls, and waits until Aria finally manages to place a wild strand of hair into place. She turns to look at him, her large hazel eyes swallowing him whole. She's so beautiful. His heart rate picks up a little. "I love you."
Aria puts out her tongue in disgust. They share a laugh over her ridiculous expressions, and then, the atmosphere grows heavier. Ezra had said the exact same words to her all those years ago, and Aria had shot him down. It crushed him, ripped his heart to shreds, as all first loves should. However, a voice at the back of Ezra's head had always told him to keep hanging on.
Aria sighs, looking down at her feet for a moment. She looks up at Ezra, and her eyes are now filled with unshed tears. "I should have said this years ago. I know. I love you too."
Caleb doesn't understand how a restaurant can be so full on a Tuesday. Well, this is the only nice place to eat in town. All of the tables are full. Except for one, hidden in a corner, with a reserved sign sitting ominously at its center. He's not even a bit surprised when he finds out that table had been reserved for him by Hanna Herself. As soon as he sits down, a waitress pours him wine, and hands him a menu full of vegan options. He laughs at himself. He's on a date with a ghost.
He orders the pasta and makes takes in the aroma of the wine. A soft Merlot from Argentina, one of his favorites. This is all so perfect that he almost wants to cry.
"I'm so sorry I'm late."
Caleb looks up and finds a woman with bleach long blond hair and pale skin and glasses. She shrugs herself out of her white medical scrubs, placing it carefully on her chair before sitting down in front of him. Caleb simply sits back, holding up his glass of wine, and waiting for an explanation. Wasn't this supposed to be his nice night out by himself? The woman sighs awkwardly, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. She holds up a finger in the air, as if asking for Caleb to wait a second, before she pulls a white piece of paper from the pockets of her scrubs. Caleb recognizes Hanna's messy handwriting instantly.
"Hanna sent me here. I guess. Oh god, this is so awkward. I'm Caroline." She extends her hand across the table and Caleb shakes it. Her palms are sweaty and her face is beginning to flush. It's cute, he thinks. In a weird way. "I was one of Hanna's doctors. You must be Caleb."
"I am," Caleb says, slowly. He eyes Caroline up and down, purposely trying to intimidate her. And then it finally hits him. "Oh god. This is a blind date. Hanna is trying to set me up from the dead."
Across from him, Caroline snorts and tries to hide her laughter by covering her entire face with her hands. She's red all over now, specially at the tip of her ears. So adorable. Caleb can't stop looking at her.
"I didn't realize-Oh god. Should I leave? I'm sorry." Caroline reaches for her scrubs, but Caleb stops her by placing a hand over her forearm.
"Chill, okay? Have a drink." He pours her a glass of wine and watches as she tries to gulp it all down at once. "I've watched Grey's Anatomy. I know doctors are all a bit socially awkward. I mean, of course. You all spend more time around dead bodies than real people."
"That's not exactly true," Caroline tries, before wiping away the smudge of purple on the corner of her mouth.
Caleb rolls his eyes. "It was a joke. Anyway. What did your letter say?"
"It said I'd meet someone. The coolest guy in the world. And the nicest one too, even he acts like a hard ass all the time." Caroline seems a bit more relaxed now. She looks down at Hanna's letter for a bit, smiling slightly. "she talked about you all the time at the hospital. I feel like I already know you."
Imagining Hanna sitting on a hospital bed, withering away all by herself hurts too much. Caleb tries to push the thought away by drinking more of his favorite wine. "We were close."
"I know," Caroline says, softly. Her eyes are so kind. "I only knew her for a month or so, but I cared a lot about her too. You could say she was my favorite patient. We spent so much time talking at the hospital, sometimes I wouldn't even go home after my shifts were over. I'd go to her room and hang out with her. She even convinced me to help her deliver her letters all over town. Got my little brother to build a kite for him. You know how she is-was when she wanted something."
"Unstoppable." Caleb smiles to himself, remembering all those times when Hanna would shut herself away to work on her secret projects. This was her last big project. Bringing the three of them together again. Getting Ezra and Aria to rekindle their affair. And of course, making sure Caleb is happy, even if they can't be together. "Thank you, for helping her, for caring for her."
Caroline shakes her head. "Just doing my job. Of course, Hanna was special. But I'm sure you already know this."
"I'm sure she'd love the fact that we're spending our whole evening talking about her," Caleb notes, and giggles when Caroline gasps a little. "Well, you seem to know everything about me. But I know nothing about you."
The woman shrugs. "I'm just a small town girl. Born and raised here. Went out west for school and came back when to do my residency close to my parents. My mom has Alzheimer's. I wanted to be here so I can help my dad care for her." She pulls in a deep breath, as if trying to think of more things to say. Caleb raises an eyebrow at her. She flushes again. So damn cute. "I don't know. I like musicals? I read manga from time to time. I watch way too much Netflix. I just finished season four of Parks & Recreation. I watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier six times. Four of those alone, in the middle of the afternoon. I hate tomatoes. I like summer over winter. My favorite color is green-"
"Okay," Caleb stops her, throwing both hands in the air. "Okay. I get it. You're a nerd."
Caroline fakes offence as she pours herself another glass of wine. "Rude. I just like things. Enough to buy action figures and such. I talk too much, don't I?"
They laugh at each other, and Caleb points out that had forgotten to order food. When the waitress comes, he asks for a whole tomato for Caroline, who looks like she's about to cry before Caleb says he's joking. Surprisingly, the nerdy doctor is easy to talk to, and so much fun to pick on. She takes on Caleb's sarcastic jabs well and even throws a few punchlines of her own. Of course, they are not as good, and end up falling short. But Caleb laughs at them anyway, just to see her follow along.
At the end of the their date, Caroline places a shy peck on Caleb's cheek. Too cute. And Caleb likes cute. Hanna was right. This could work out, somehow. Even if still thinking about her hurt, but time heals, he guesses.
The cute doctor waves at him before she gets into her car and drives off. Caleb feels himself flush now, but he blames the wine.
During their last day in town, the three friends spend their time placing little memorials of Hanna all over their favorite spots. They hang flowers on the fence of the parking lot of their high school, along with pictures from the years they spend there. Afterwards, they ask for the owner of the dinner to hang a picture of the four of them on the wall, next to their favorite booth. In the shot, Hanna had ketchup all over his cheek, as Caleb fed her a burger. Next to them, Ezra and Aria made funny faces and held hands.
Going back home felt like stepping into a time machine. Except it wasn't just about spending time in the past, but also, getting a taste for the future as well. Aria and Ezra say goodbye at the airport, but promise to see each other in a few weeks, and Ezra would finally quit his dead end job and travel to San Francisco to move in with Aria. Their plans and aspirations were endless, limitless, like picking up exactly where they had left off.
At the airport, Ezra turns to Caleb and encircles him with his big arms. When they break apart, Caleb has barely no time to breathe before Aria jumps on him, resting her head on Caleb's bony shoulder.
"What about you, Caleb?" She asks, pulling away gently.
That's an interesting question, Caleb thinks. He throws a glance at the woman standing about two feet behind them, leaning into a freezer to pick a flavour of ice cream for the two of them. She settles for two bars of chocolate mint. They were Caleb's favorite, of course.
"I think I'm gonna hang out here for a bit," he answers, looking at Carolina with a smile. "Just for a bit."
They say goodbye with another round of hugs. Caleb waves as they walk past security. Before they disappear behind the gate, Caleb catches Aria standing on the tip of her toes to steal a kiss from Ezra, who reattributes by wrapping an arm protectively around her tiny shoulders.
"Ready to go?" Caroline asks, and when Caleb looks at her, he sees that she has a little chocolate smudge on her cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb. "Thanks, mom."
Caleb scoffs. "Don't mention it, Doc."
As they walk to the car, hand in hand, Caleb feels a cold breeze ruffle their clothes. He looks back toward the glass doors, and for a quick second, he thinks he sees a familiar face smiling brightly at him behind the door. The figure waves at him, before making a heart sign with his hands. In a blind of an eye, she's gone.
Caleb closes his eyes for a second, and then looks up at the sky.
"Thank you," he whispers, as softly as he can. But he knows, that wherever she is, Hanna could hear him.
A/N: I'm sorry if this is sad. I tried to make something nice from all your lovely prompts and this is what I could come up with. I hope you enjoy it ;;