Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the Hobbit belongs to JRR Tolkien and anyone who was involved in the making of it. No disrespect was/is intended while writing this fic.

Author's Note: Hello. Now, I know that I have three Hobbit/LOTR fics I've been working on, but what can I do if inspiration strikes me? Now you won't be bored because there are three stories I'm working on ('Our Uncle Thorin', 'Hope's Lessons', and this one). Unlike the two other Hobbit/LOTR stories, this one won't have any corporal punishment. This fic will have a bit of humor in it, though I admit I am not very good at it. But, nevertheless, I will try my best for my fellow readers. Please, please review and give me feedback! I welcome anything, except maybe flames ... :) Ideas are very useful to me and I promise I will make use of whatever is given to me (ex: ideas, feedback, etc). Hope you enjoy.

Chapter One

READ AUTHOR'S NOTE ABOVE! In this fic, Fili and Kili are four and nine and their parents are dead and Thorin is the one raising them.

Thorin was pounding on the burning-hot sword he was crafting when he heard the door creak open. Tiny footsteps were heard scuffling into the forge. More than one pair. Thorin's lips twitched into a smile as he heard a hissed, "Shhh! Kili, he'll hear us!"

Thorin let them linger a bit in the forge, look around and poke stuff, then winced when there was a loud crash. He spun around, burning his hand on the hot blade. He flinched and plunged his hand into a nearby bucket of ice-cold water placed specifically for this reason. He fought not to laugh when Kili and Fili both froze and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Hi, Uncle," Fili said at last.

Fili and Kili were covered in paint, which looked quite suspicious to Thorin but he remained silent and didn't comment on the fact that they were leaving colourful paint-footprints wherever they walked.

Thorin bit the inside of the cheek to stop himself from grinning, and said, "You know you're not allowed in the forge, little ones." Then he frowned as a thought popped into his head. His two nephews had been with Balin, who had been teaching them Khuzdul, and Thorin knew that Fili and Kili only came into the forge when they needed to escape from a scolding about whatever newest trouble they had caused ...

Just then, Balin entered the forge, panting. He was covered in blue and red and yellow paint, and his white beard was stained with something brown that Thorin hoped was brown paint. "Thorin!" Balin gasped. "Your nephews!"

"They're here, Balin," Thorin said and reached back. Nothing. He turned around, surprised to see that there were no little dwarflings within his reach. Paint-footprints told him all he needed to know. He plunged his hand behind one of the shelves and gently yanked Kili out. The dwarfling squealed and kicked as his brother was dragged out as well.

"Thank Mahal," Balin seemed to breathe. Then he said, "Thorin, you don't know what they've done in your house!"

Thorin winced. "I'm not sure I wish to know, Balin." Thorin called to the other dwarves that their work was done for the day, dismissing the dwarves earlier than usual, much to their delight. "Now, let's go see what my mischievous little dwarflings have done now, hmmm?" he murmured.

As they neared the house, Fili and Kili began to look slightly more panicked. Thorin noticed this and glanced at Balin in amusement and exasperation. The mess was breathtaking and horrifying. Paint was splattered all around the house, on the walls and the ceilings and the floor. Mud was tracked upstairs and leading toward Thorin's study. Thorin inwardly groaned as he peered inside his study. The papers were on the ground and his room was a complete mess.

Thorin heard his nephews arguing with Balin, who was obviously washing them up and scolding them at the same time. Thorin actually winced in sympathy for his sister-sons. He knew how boring Balin's lectures often were, as he had been on the end of receiving them often when they had been dwarflings.

Fili and Kili were being scrubbed clean by Balin. They were protesting heartily and spluttering at Balin's firm scrubbing. "You'll turn your Uncle's beard white!" Balin was scolding as he dried Fili's messy hair with one hand. The other hand was holding a wriggling Kili tightly.

"Uncle doesn't have a beard as long as yours," Kili chirped as he struggled to escape Balin.

"You don't have any!" Fili argued as he pulled away from Balin and watched with obvious glee as Balin moved on to a protesting Kili.

"Still causing trouble for Balin, I see," Thorin commented as he strode forward. Fili and Kili fell silent at once and Balin gave a satisfied nod before continuing on with Kili's hair drying.

When the two dwarflings were scrubbed clean and dry, a soaked, mud-and-paint-covered Balin left, saying that he would go and wash up as well. Thorin thanked him for everything he had done. Fili and Kili were sitting at the table, eating their dinner happily as if they hadn't done anything.

"Guess what, Kili," Thorin said as he cleared the table.

"What is it, Uncle?" Kili chirped.

Thorin glanced back to make sure that the two dwarflings were still in their seats at the table, then began cleaning the plates as he spoke. "I looked into my study and saw that it was a huge mess. Was it you who did it, Kili?"

"Mmmmph! Mmmmph!"

Thorin turned back, bewildered and puzzled. Fili had clamped his hand over Kili's mouth. Kili was struggling to escape, wriggling and gasping for breath. Thorin bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, and managed to remain stoic as he said, "Fili. Release your brother."

Fili hesitated before reluctantly letting Kili go. Kili gasped for breath, then the four-year-old turned an accusing glare at Fili. "Fili made me not breathe," Kili announced.

A small chuckle escaped Thorin before he could stop it. Mentally scolding himself, he said, "Was it you and your brother who turned my study into a mess?"

Kili looked down at the table and said meekly, "Yes, Uncle."

Thorin 'tsked'. "That was very naughty, wasn't it?" he said.

"Yes, Uncle," the two dwarflings chorused, looking fully ashamed.

"And it was the two of you who spilled paint all around the house and trekked mud inside?"

"Yes, Uncle."

Thorin groaned. He pinched the bridge of his nose, then declared,"You'll be helping me clean the house, little mischief-makers."

"Yes, Uncle."

Kili clumsily wiped the paint of the wall. It was a particulary hard task, as the paint had dried and hardened. Beside him, his brother Fili was scrubbing the floor, his tongue caught between his teeth and sticking out in concentration. Kili wiped the paint once more, and, to his relief, some of it washed off this time.

After ten minutes, Kili was getting extremely restless and bored. "Fili?"

"What?" Fili muttered as he wiped the mud off the floor.

"Fili, why does Uncle Thorin have such a short beard and Balin a big one?" Kili asked as he plopped down and dropped the cloth he was holding.

"I dunno, Kili." Fili washed his own cloth to get more moisture on it before continuing with his work. It was tiring and boring, but Fili was determined to finish his work like a real warrior. Uncle Thorin was upstairs, cleaning up the mess they had made. And Fili knew it wasn't a small mess. It was a big one.

"Fili?"

"What?" Fili growled.

"What time is it?"

"I dunno, Kili." Fili tried not to let the annoyance creep into his voice. There was a pause from his younger brother and Fili straightened and stared crossly at Kili. "Can't you help me?"

"No," Kili said dully. He held out his hands. "They hurt. I'm tired and I wanna go to sleep."

Fili rolled his eyes. "Fine. Go tell Uncle Thorin you're ready for bed."

"I want you to come too," Kili insisted.

"No. I'm not tired or sleepy, unlike you. I'm not a baby. I'm a real warrior," Fili said.

Kili frowned. "I'm a wa-rr-ior too," he said, pronouncing the word carefully.

Fili huffed. "No, you're not. Warriors don't whine about their hands hurting."

Kili sighed before gathering up his cloth and wiping at the wall again. There was a silence, and then Kili said, "Fili?"

"What?" Fili said through gritted teeth. Honestly, Kili could be so annoying sometimes.

"Why did mum and da leave us?" Kili asked.

Fili froze, pain jolting through him. Then he choked out in a strained voice, "I dunno, Kili."

"Hmmm." Kili was silent for the next couple of moments, then said once more, "Fili?"

"What?" Fili snapped.

"How are babies made?"

"What?" Fili frowned, his brow furrowing.

"How are babies made?" Kili repeated his question. "'Cause you were a baby before, and so was I, but how were we made?"

Fili frowned. "I dunno, Kili."

"Fili?" Kili asked after a few seconds.

Fili glared at him. "What?"

"How come you don't know anything?"

Fili groaned and flopped down. This was an impossible task with an annoying little brother. "I do know some things, Kili. Go ask Uncle how babies are made. I dunno the answer to that."

Kili beamed and nodded before pounding up the stairs.

Thorin was just about finished stacking the papers when Kili burst through the door. The pile wobbled dangerously before it stopped. Thorin let out a sigh of relief. If he had to pick up those papers and sort through them once more ... "Kili, next time knock before entering," he said sternly.

"Yes, Uncle. Sorry," Kili said innocently. He looked up at Thorin. "Uncle, I need to ask ya something."

"What is it?" Thorin asked.

"Uncle, how are babies made?" Kili asked.

Thorin choked and coughed in surprise. The neat stack of papers toppled over and scattered across the study's floor. Thorin groaned before slumping back in a chair. Kili merely stared at him, chocolate brown eyes soft and filled with innocence. Thorin quickly settled for, "You'll find out when you grow up." and gave his nephew a pat on the head before nudging him out. He looked down at the scattered papers once more, then let out a slight whimper. He then bent down and began to pick them up once more.

End of Chapter One

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Like I said in the author's note above (if you haven't read it, then go read it now because it might contain some information for you), please review and give me advice and feedback! I update faster the more reviews there are. Tell me what you think about Fili, Kili, and Thorin in this chapter and I'll post the next chapter ASAP!