It wasn't just saying the words out loud, it was biting back the urge to immediately retract them. He'd said them to himself though he wasn't sure if he believed them fully then. He felt sure now, maybe it was the success the bar had been enjoying lately or that the apartment was almost done and he was about to go back to living with Dennis, just Dennis, but either way, he didn't feel God's wrath hanging over him quite so heavily anymore. Mac was gay. Maybe he wasn't ready to tell the gang yet, but he wasn't going to lie to himself anymore.

He smiled to himself, popping another peanut from the bowl on the bar into his mouth. There was a kernel of excited warmth in his stomach unfurling slowly as he wondered who he would end up telling first. His parents were out of the question for now. He wasn't ready for something so big and fragile to be met with a cigarette cough or a slow blink that somehow pushed him further away from the exact closeness he'd been craving. Someday, though, he would have to tell them. Did it matter that his father had had sex with men himself? He almost gagged at the thought, but he was realizing that that had more to do with it being his DAD than it being gay. Maybe Luther would end up understanding. It was a ridiculous thought, but stranger things could happen, he guessed.

Dennis was somehow the most and least likely candidate, and that was as hard to admit as the news itself. They were blood brothers, why shouldn't he be the first to know? They told each other everything, shared everything. They'd spent twenty years together.

And yet.

Maybe that was the crux of the fear, that something they'd spent so long building could be destroyed if Mac went about this the wrong way. He glanced over at Dennis, who was slicing limes and bickering with Dee. Would he care? He'd insinuated in the past that he didn't, hell, he'd done his fair share of flirting at Mac, but would that matter when the truth came out in the open without being reversed? Would he decide it was too weird to live with a gay man? Mac himself would've said so just six or seven months ago. A random gay man, sure, but what if their situations were reversed? Would it be too weird to live with Dennis if he were gay? A flutter, not unfamiliar but unwelcome, erupted in Mac's chest at the thought. No, he supposed, he wouldn't have objected to that at all.

The rest of the gang, well, they could take it or leave it. He knew they didn't care and if they did they could get over it. He didn't have to live with any of them, at least not for much longer. Dennis was tougher to figure out though, always had been.

As it turns out, nothing pushes you out of the closet quite like the rush of winning ten thousand dollars. He'd eagerly signed the paper and, well, he'd never been one to waste a perfectly good moment. Dennis was still nagging at the back of his head, the way he'd said "You can go back in, you got your money." Like he was already bitter about it. And that had to just be that he'd lost the argument about the ticket, but Mac couldn't shake the idea that Dennis was holding the way he'd gone back into the closet after the cruise against him. He hadn't even realized that Dennis was upset about it.

Back at Dee's apartment, he sprawled out over the couch and put on Predator, just to calm his nerves. Dennis got home halfway through, and Mac gave him a toothy grin. "Ten thousand bucks, how cool is that?"

Dennis scratched at the back of his neck. "Yeah, we uh-" he glanced up sheepishly, "We used your ticket to pay for the attorneys, it was Frank's idea."

Mac's face dropped. "Oh."

"Yeah, it's just that you were the one who asked for the mediation so it seemed fair-"

"No, yeah, sure," Mac said, nodding stiffly. "How much is left over?"

"Fourteen." He wasn't making eye contact.

"Hundred?"

"No, total. Fourteen dollars." He stood awkwardly, rocking back on his heels and watching Mac's face. "I probably should've waited until tomorrow, huh?"

Mac swallowed. "Yeah, maybe." He let his eyes drift out of focus, glazing over the frozen image on the tv screen. "I dunno though, I hadn't made any plans for the money so it's not like I'm really losing out on anything."

Dennis stepped forward and settled on the armrest of the couch, not quite in Mac's space. "So, you aren't upset that you came out over less than twenty bucks?"

Was that what he'd been worried about? That Mac would slink back into the closet because he'd lost the money? It was a fair suspicion, he supposed, but it stung a little now. "No, Dennis, I came out because I needed to. The money just kind of sped things along, I think. And I'll really fucking miss it, but I meant it when I said I was out now."

Dennis nodded slightly as he listened, and smiled, just barely. "Well, good," he said at last, "That shit was getting pretty old."

Mac chuckled. "Yeah, no kidding."