Story: Hunting Trio: A Zombie, a Guy With One Year Left to Live, and a Dirty Joke-Telling Blonde
Author: Alaska, Moi, IRTLS, AlaskaCannoli,
Rating: PG-13… no dirty stuff. A dirty joke or two, and the AU ending might be a little dirty NOTHING VIVID! Cursing.
SUMMARY: Dean is off with one year left to live and his zombie brother, Sam. When they run into a familiar, pesky blonde, Jo Harvelle. The three become a trio on the hunt. Oh so literally. As they chase down Big Foot, a Mermaid, and Ginger Spice from Spice Girls (that's a joke.) Or is this all just something else a bit more sneaky? LOVE TRIANGLE GONNA COME EVENTUALLY. If I don't abandon the fic like I do so often…
Hunting Trio: A Zombie, a Guy With One Year Left to Live, and a Dirty Joke-Telling Blonde
Fade TO:
The road blurred past the window pane, there was a meek blanket of sea and rush of sand behind the forest of dark green. Sam and Dean shared a discreet nod, before speeding the car past an unaware police car. The poor guy looked so tired, too tired to jump into his car and chase after them. Dean winked to his little brother before bringing the big black beauty (his impala) across an abandoned farm road and crashed through a pile of hay. The wheels spun through the mud and manure, before bouncing up past a foothill and turning around a farmhouse back to the road.
Sam clenched his teeth, but kept silent.
"I only have one year left of my life, let me enjoy it!" Dean reminded him, as he gave a mischievous smirk.
"I'm going to get you out of that deal!" Sam indicated the seriousness of this situation and then placed his sad eyes back to the window scenery.
The older brother- you know, the one that drives like a maniac- had light hazel eyes, fluffy and groomed blonde hair, and the usual garb that hunters always seemed to wear. Cropped dark jackets, jeans along with at least one stashed gun, knife, and a canteen of holy water. His tone was impeccably gruff, and deep.
The younger brother had dark brown wavy, those same hazel eyes, and hunter garb. Sam had a softer tone, and was the inventor of emo (teasing…).
Sam tended to fallen newspaper and grazed his thumb against the headline: STRANGE CREATURE SPOTTED AT FAIRY FIELD FOREST, as the car let out a content sigh as it begin to feel much safer on the highway then in the pesticides and manure of farm life. It was such a whiny car! The Impala was definitely spoiled by Dean's constant affection. Sam stretched his legs out and let out his own sigh of relief, another trait about Sam: TALL. Very tall.
How on Earth were these two boys so gorgeous?
Dean drummed on his wheel then adjusted the volume up all the way.
"Dean! What the hell?" Sam covered his ears and winced.
His older brother started to sing loudly with the chorus, ignoring Sam.
"What?! I can't hear you?" Dean placed a hand around his ear pretending to be oblivious then took all his hands off the wheel and started working on his air guitar- strumming along with the song, which was having one awesome solo. A truck appeared down the road, and drove along absently. The driver was on the way to his brother's funeral and had a dozen roses and a tank full of gas to waste. Sam grabbed the wheel and swerved just in time.
The car flung sideways and crashed into the edge of the fence before bursting to life and speeding off to safety. Dean jumped up and stepped on the brakes. It skidded to a stop and left a huge line of tracks behind it. Both boys panted heavily on the edge of their nerves.
"A GRANDMA drives safer then you, Dean!" Sam accused as he rubbed his fingers against his temple. Dean ignored his pestering brother, and got out of the car to examine his precious impala. Only to see a true horror worse then any woman in white, vampire, crazy asylum ghost, or brain-eating bug… tires reeked with mud and manure.
"Oh baby! I'm so sorry!" he pleaded, patting the sleek black shiny metal.
The impala let out a grunt, as the engine purred and shifted back to a tired slump. Sam rolled his eyes, and floated past the two. His eyes steadied on the road, where a familiar silhouette was striding past with a confident smile. His lips curled into a giant grin, before looking back to see his brother with his own goofy smile.
"Wow… look what I have here," she leaned on the car, "You two will have to put out if you want a ride."
"Gladly!" quipped Dean, openly ogling.
"Jo?" Sam inquired, surprised by the very blatantly dirty joke. She nodded. Jo looked exactly the same as before. Long, cream-blonde colored hair, and very pale skin. Perhaps the same height too.
"Harvelle," she concluded for him with a teasing smile.
"Well I'm glad the demons haven't worked you over too." Dean grumbled, slightly upset that she'd continued to pursue this dangerous career even after all the issues they went through with the crazy apartment-serial-killer and Meg possessing Sam. For once, he wanted Jo to settle down and have a better life then the one he and his brother had. Obviously… she didn't take that advice.
"Don't think they didn't try. I didn't see you two at Ash's funeral?"
Both brothers looked sheepish, and found their shoes irresistible to look down at. Jo didn't seem to prod too much from them; she just shrugged and added,
"It's really nice to see you two again."
"Well, you can move along. We got this one covered."
Dean walked past Sam and Jo and got into the car, before gesturing for Sam to join him. Jo folded her arms and saw that any chance of being grouped up was being cut off early. Sam smiled lightly, before opening his arms for a hug.
Jo laughed, and joined the embrace.
"No hard feelings, right?" he asked concerned. Sam hugs were always great he was just so snuggly, tall and warm. Like a giant teddy bear. Jo cut off the hug and gave him a playful punch to the shoulder.
"All's just fine."
He smiled and headed off to the car.
"We'll see who's first to the finish line, Dean!" Jo challenged from the road.
Dean gave a mocking salute, before revving the impala off into the selected town. Jo smirked to herself, before getting into her own car.
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"So what else do we know about this scary creature?" asked Dean, as he polished off his tires at the nearest gas station. Sam was leaning against the impala as his brother tended to it. They were both miserably tired from driving all night and resentful of this particular case that was so… uninformative.
"Hmmm… it was oddly undisruptive. Only hurt one guy. Then disappeared," Sam replied.
"This could be a lousy hoax for all we know." Growled Dean as he threw the rag into the bucket, a passing car honked at some college girl on the street, the older brother paid close attention to said girl and started thinking up good pick-up lines. He was just about to think up an excuse to ditch Sammy and go off and use a line, when he remembered the challenge. THE CHALLENGE. It was like fun-blinders. Dean was way too competitive to let Jo beat his ass at hunting, so everything else would be put on hold.
"No hurt in looking, right?"
"Why is there never at least one good wind, ya know?" Dean asked with a sleazy grin. Sam followed his brother's grin and sighed, "Do you have the attention span of a little kid?"
"I'm easily distracted," he continued, "Damn. I'm love stoned!"
"Or something else…" Sam quipped, "Right… the task at hand. I say we go check this out, find the dude who saw it."
"Hey, Sammy. Why are we bringing out all the bells and whistles?" Dean asked out of his own curiosity. Lately every hunt was easy or low budget. Like a B-movie instead of the great Hollywood adventures. Sam picked all these out, and did the necessary research. They were all child's play, easy stuff. It was starting to grate on his nerves. He wanted a good adventure. A challenge… oh yeah THE CHALLENGE. That wasn't by Sam's doing though.
Sam nervously looked down before answering, in a lie: "That's all I've been catching."
"Pttf! What the hell, Sam!? Really. What the hell? Didn't over hundreds of demons JUST escape?"
The little brother shrugged.
"You're lying your ass off!"
"When business is slow… it's slow," Sam chimed defensively. Dean grumbled angrily, taking a step forward with considering the possibility of beating the truth out of Sam. Worked when they were younger, and Sam threatened to be a snitch to Dad.
"SAM!" he demanded.
"FINE. I'm being careful, Dean. I only got you for one more year…"
"That's not your choice to make!"
Sam rolled his eyes and barked, "YOU DIDN'T MIND MAKING A CHOICE FOR ME!"
"THAT'S FOR YOUR DAMN SMUG LITTLE LIFE SAMMY!"
Dean pushed past his little zombie brother and headed out towards Fairy Field Forest to hunt down the son of a bitch scary creature and move onto something big, dangerous, and evil. Something with a little more bite.
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Jo tossed her knife around in the air as she waited patiently on a stump in the forest. It was a little intimidating that she couldn't hear a single thing over the EMF machine. It was louder then a car. Making giant beeping sounds, that were hard to hide.
Her head perked up when she thought she heard a slight cackle. Shifting leaves prompted her to stand up and hide next to a tree. A swift blur passed by and stopped.
"Oh. It's just you." Dean quipped, as he recognized her. She tossed her head back to the sky and silently begged for a quickly strike of lightening… as his moodiness was getting annoying.
"Yep. Hey Dean," she greeted unenthusiastically. Giving a brief wave, before packing up her things and loading a gun. Dean looked over curiously, and shifted gears.
"Have you talked to the injured guy?" he asked.
"Hmmm… I thought we were doing this separately, Dean?" Jo threw back his own argument, and placed the gun out of view in her back pocket. Dean let out a nervous laugh and continued to try and rearrange a friendly partnership.
"Well. You wouldn't believe me anyway…"
"Huh? Why not? I've seen quite a bit…"
"Not this."
"Then tell me!" he jumped up, a little too eagerly.
"No!" she blushed, "You'll think I'm out of my mind!"
"Nah, of course not. I'm not Sam."
"I like Sam!" she defended.
"Me too… just not right now. He's treating me like I'm handi-capped."
Jo paused to smile cruelly, "And you don't treat me like that…"
Dean raised his eyebrows and pondered it over. Damn! She was right. He realized that he had treated her exactly as Sam treated him… all of them were so busy being so fretful! The only one who should get treated like that is the impala, because the impala loves being pampered.
"Truce?"
He took his hand from his coat pocket and lifted it up in a peace offering. Jo smiled and took his hand to shake it.
"Truce!"
"Good!"
"Now let's go talk to Sam."
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The newly united trio met up in Jo's rented hotel room. It was about the equivalent of a normal hotel room. Gosh. Don't they all look the same, sometimes? Even if you're in China… and you are comparing it to a hotel room in America? Really. Diversity folks! Jo settled down behind her desk and rolled in her swivel chair while Sam sat at the end of the bed and Dean settled his head on a pillow and begged for a quarter to put into the 'magic fingers'.
"Don't want to see that…" Sam reminded Jo, who was just about to grant that wish.
"Jo! Tell us what he said!" Dean prompted.
Jo flushed, feeling embarrassed again. They would drive her to an asylum- or mock her for the rest of her life…
"Jo, it's me. You can tell me anything." Sam said innocently, but Jo flinched remembering when he said that as evil!Sam who was possessed by Meg, had her tied up, and dangled a knife in her face. Not so pleasant.
"H-he saw… saw… BIG FOOT."
Dean and Sam shared a 'wtf' look, before staring blankly. Jo blushed brighter. Awkward silence filled the room.
"Ah… em…" Sam tried to think of a thing to say.
"Oh." Dean grunted.
"You should have seen his injuries though… and Dean! You saw the spot he got attacked. Lots of blood, and broken branches… right?"
Dean nodded.
"See?" she stood up desperate for agreement or belief.
"I believe you… Jo." Sam said with a nod.
"Me too." Dean agreed.
"You guys don't, do you?"
"Some weird shit is out there."
"Yup."
She perked up, and beamed brightly. That familiar smile they had seen before she was being attacked at Duluth, the 'young happy girl' smile. Head tilt included. Then walked over to prepare her own hunter garb… funny, eh? Dean and Sam were surprised that she had the popped-collar jacket, and dark black shirt and jeans.
Dean drooled slightly, but then asked: "Got any traps?"
"Oh. I don't hunt like you two." She replied, with a smile.
"What's wrong with how WE HUNT?" Dean asked angrily. Sam blinked and wasn't sure how to comment. He didn't really put much into his hunting skills. It was just to help people…
"You guys trap, trick, and fool. I rely on other tactics and styles."
"Please say one of those involves you taking your clothes off!" he teased, with suggestive brow raising.
She smirked brightly and replied, "Okay. You go first!"
Dean was caught off guard, but then just gave a gigantic smile, "Didn't know you were so kinky, Jo!"
Sam blushed a bright tomato red at the idea of Jo taking her… you know… off… that would leave her… you know… you know? Clothes stripping tangents… just another perk to being a hunter. Well. Ah.
"Okay. One of you should stay here and flirt with the secretary at the police station to give us the files. While one of you joins me on the chase!" she finished off by grabbing a candy bar from the dresser and walked outside. The boys looked to each other quickly.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" suggested Sam.
"No. 'Cause I always lose that."
"Always with the scissors…"
"Fine!"
Dean agreed to prove he wouldn't lose.
1… 2… 3…
Sam- rock
Dean- scissors
"DAMN! Rematch!"
"Alright."
1… 2… 3
Sam- rock
Dean- scissors
"You're going to hell," threatened Dean carelessly as he prepared to stay behind.
"Been there… done that," teased Sam.
"Right. You're a zombie."
Sam managed to give Dean the same salute he gave Jo before running off. Dean let out a low growl before getting ready to go flirt his arse off.
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THE END OF PART 1!