Author's Note:

Written for the anonymous who prompted me with: Melinda cut herself (self-harm) in her locked up bathroom after she divorced with Andrew (post-Bahrain), and got busted by Phil. I hope this is what you wanted my dear Anon, plenty of angst.

She looked at the letter in her hands before discarding it onto the kitchen counter. She took deep shuddering breaths as she walked up the stairs trying to contain her emotions. It hurt and it shouldn't, but it did. She was the one that had asked for the divorce, so why was she so surprised that he had signed the papers? Andrew was a good man. Is a good man. He's too good for her she thinks. How could he possibly want to spend the rest of his life with someone who's damaged? Somebody so damaged as she is.

Her feet thud dully as she dashes up the stairs to the bathroom. She's no need to hide away there now, she has the whole house to herself now. Force of habit she thinks. She closes the door and leans against it resting her forehead on the cool wood. Tears begin to leak from her eyes as she clamps her eyes shut.

She tries to stop the images but she can't. They're burnt onto the backs of her eyelids. They won't stop. A constant torture. A sob escapes from her lips as she tries to remove Bahrain from her mind. Scenes of a young girl, the light slowly dying from her eyes as her mind registered the fact that she'd been shot. God what had she done? She was a monster.

I want to feel your pain.

Melinda was in a world of pain, what she wouldn't give for it all to end. To have something to take her mind of the constant torture that she seemed to be delivering to herself. She couldn't stop. Nothing worked. She's tried everything but to no avail. Tai chi left her restless and she was still too injured for missions; not that she thought she could ever go on one again.

I want to feel your pain.

She gasped at the memories, digging her fingernails into her palm, the pain distracting her mind for just a fraction of a moment. She bit her lip heavily as she stifled a sob, the coppery taste of blood infiltrating her mouth as she drew blood, lip stinging with pain.

She pushed off the door slowly, opening her eyes and taking in her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks were tear stained. Her bottom lip was also a deep red and slightly bruised from where she'd bitten it.

Pain.

She needed pain. It was the only thing she could feel and what could relieve her mind.

"May!" Coulson called banging on the door of her house.

She hadn't replied to any of his text or picked up any of his calls and he was worried. He'd heard of the news about her and Andrew filing for divorce but though he knew that she was the one that asked for it, he still worried about how she would handle things. Melinda was always quiet, but even then she would always at least message him back to let him know she was alright.

He stared at the door as he heard no answer. Her car was still here and he knows she hasn't come into the office. Andrew had told him that she'd barely left the house at all after she'd been released from the hospital. She had to be home he thought. He looked through the window but saw no life in the house, it was completely and utterly still. He sighed to himself, maybe she was upstairs sleeping? Shaking his head he refused to believe his own idea, Melinda barely slept at all these days and even then it was incredibly light. She woke up now at the slightest noise or light. He knocked again loudly, calling out her name. He looked at the door with a sad sort of resignation as he received still no answer. Bending down he removed a set of lockpicks from his pocket and set to unlocking her door. He was quite surprised to find that she had merely locked the door and not chained it or applied other security measures.

The house was unnervingly quiet as he padded around looking for any clues or evidence of her being anywhere throughout the house. He found a letter thrown onto the kitchen counter as if it had been discarded. It was the letter stating the official divorce between Melinda and Andrew. He sucked in a breath before replacing the letter and continuing through the house. Phil was especially worried for his best friend now. He quietly made his way up the stairs, taking a look into the master bedroom, the door ajar. The bed was unmade but everything else seemed in order. He continued on, looking into the guest rooms but found them all empty. He was beginning to feel desperate as he searched one room after another but still no sign of Melinda. The bathroom unlike the other rooms however, was shut. Phil held his breath as he rapped his knuckles lightly against the wood of the door.

"Melinda?" He called gently.

No reply sounded from the other side of the door so he gently twisted the doorknob opening it slowly.

All the air immediately rushed out of his lungs as he saw the scene before him. His eyes widened and his pulse quickened as he took in the sight of his best friend sat leaning against the side of the bath, blood covering her hands and forearms as well as the floor tiles.

"Melinda," he gasped, rushing to her side.

She barely registered his presence, eyes glazed over in a mixture of pain and a result of the memories plaguing her mind.

Phil rifled through the bathroom cupboard throwing things out of it haphazardly as he tried to find some bandages to stem the flow of blood. How deep did the cuts run? He turned back to her side, bandages in hand.

"Phil," she whispered almost too quietly for him to hear.

He looked up at her, blue eyes swimming with fear for her and pain, for all the amount of pain she was in.

"I'm here," he said soothingly as he bandaged the damage which she had inflicted upon herself. Enough to hurt but not enough to put her in serious danger. Thank god.

She let out a small sob as he finished bandaging the last of her cuts. She'd done a pretty thorough job.

"Hey, hey, I'm here," he whispered reassuringly as he sat himself next to her, back against the bath.

Her shoulders began to shake as she could no longer hold back the tears, emitting low pained sounds as she cried. Phil felt as if his heart was breaking.

"Make it stop," she whispered before burying her face in the shoulder of his suit. "I can't make it stop."

Phil didn't know what to say, if he could he would try to take away all the pain that Bahrain had caused her. If he could harbour the pain instead of her he would do it in a heartbeat. But he couldn't, and that was what broke Phil Coulson's heart the most. His best friend, the woman he loved was in pain and he could do nothing.

He brought his arms up to encircle her comfortingly, wrapping her in the gentle embrace of a hug.

"I know, I know," was all he could say as she cried into his jacket leaving the remnants of her tears on him. "I'm sorry," he whispered pressing soft kisses to her hair. "I'm so sorry."

Nothing he said would help though. He didn't even know if she heard him during times like these.

He continued to embrace her and try to provide comfort and solace, whispering sweet nothings and reassurances in her ear as he pressed soft kisses to her hair. He held her until the sobs subsided and the tears lessened. Eventually he felt her body go limp, finally spent, succumbing to exhaustion.

He carried her to her room, placing her on the bed and changing her into a clean set of pyjamas. How many times had they done this for each other in the past before she met Andrew, he'd lost count. Slowly and gently he tucked her in leaving the blankets loose to allow for her tossing and turnings. What little sleep she did get these days was now often disruptive and unsettled.

Phil let out a small sad sigh as he removed his jacket, shoes and tie before climbing into the bed next to Melinda's sleeping form. He watched his partner, his best friend and the woman he loved, eyelids flickering as even in sleep her mind continued to torture her. He lay atop the sheets keeping a careful eye on her, too worried to leave her alone. She needed him right now, and he would not desert.

He would stay with her through thick and thin. He would remain by her side 'til death do us part'. He would not abandon Melinda when she was most in need. He would stay, and that wasn't just for tonight.

He took in the distressed look upon her face as she slept. He would stay with her through her nightmares. Both when the sun was down and when the sun was up. He would be there for her. He would take care of her.

A/N

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think, or if you have any other prompts that you'd like done. You can also follow me at hardcore-evil-regal on tumblr and send me a prompt or whatever, I post a lot of philinda and anything Melinda May related. Anyway please let me know what you think, comments always make me feel nice and then I write more ^_^