Tired
Julian lent against the backboard of his hospital bed, staring at the cracked plaster on the ceiling. Two days. Two days until he would be discharged from this miserable ward of this miserable hospital in this miserable city, and he would be free to return to his miserable life. Two days left for him to figure out just what the hell he was supposed to do once he was thrust back into the outside world. Leaving Dalton would be an obvious step – he had only seen Logan once since the fire, and that had been when he had woken up. The blonde boy had been occupying the chair at his bedside, but had leapt to his feet, looking positively alarmed when Julian regained consciousness. He had proceeded to stumble out of the room, utterly shell-shocked, mumbling something about finding a nurse. From that moment onwards, Julian had not seen nor heard anything from the boy he used to call his best friend, and had subsequently made the decision to get out of that school as soon as possible. In all honesty, he didn't think there was anything left to salvage of whatever their 'relationship' was.
Jumping on the first plane out of Ohio seemed an appealing option, but that was where Julian's plans ran out. His apartment was in LA, but he wasn't stupid. As soon as he touched down in LA, news reporters would be hounding him day and night, and he was also aware that once he arrived in that city, he would be expected to work. Sure, Carmen and the Something Damaged producers would be sympathetic and not pressure him into stepping back into the spotlight, but rest assured, whispers would go round if he left it too long without getting his face back in front of a camera. Dalton had always served to release that pressure; as a seventeen year old, media outlets weren't going to criticize him for completing his education, but once he dropped out, there would be a clear expectation that he should rejoin the show. Right now, that wasn't something that he felt he could face.
A sharp intake of breath made his eyes snap down to room level, only to see Logan standing uncertainly in the door frame. Their eyes locked onto each other, and Julian began to feel a pounding in his ribcage. This was way, way too soon. He knew what Logan wanted – he would want to talk about Julian's confession, want to make some sense out of everything, but the beat of Julian's heart was now reverberating throughout his whole body and he still didn't know what he should say and Logan was closing the door behind him and oh shit maybe he should just feign a pass out before this situation got any worse. Instead, he remained paralysed, staring at Logan with large sepia eyes as he sat down once more in the bedside chair. A moment passed, and then Logan went to speak. However, at the second he drew in breath, Julian cut in, frantically trying to say something, anything, before Logan started to let him down gently, or god forbid, tried to be nice to him. "About everything that happened, Logan, I'm so sorry for having you find out that way -"
"Julian"
"-in fact, for you having to find out at all, seeing as -"
"Julian"
"-I know this is way beyond either of us and don't worry I don't expect anything from this-"
" Julian…"
"-and I know this will pretty much ruin any friendship we ever had and I don't expect you to-"
"Julian, shut the hell up? Please?"
It was the tone of Logan's voice, rather than his words, that silenced Julian. He didn't sound angry, just deflated. Julian closed his mouth slowly, eyeing Logan with suspicion as the boy lent forward, balancing his elbow on his knee and resting his face in his hand. Logan inhaled, composing himself before regarding Julian again.
"Can we not talk about it? Even if it's only for today? I.. I wish I had all the right words with me but I..". The sentence finished midway though, and Logan closed his eyes, a sad smile playing on his lips. Julian gazed at him, slightly taken aback by this approach.
"Logan, you can't do this. Please, just say what you have to say and get out of here."
"Aren't you tired?"
The question threw Julian, and he remained frozen, wondering where this conversation was going. Fortunately the question seemed to be rhetorical, and Logan continued.
"I know I am. Really, the matter that interests me most is that despite what every idiot doctor here seemed to predict, you're alive and I even get to talk to you again, let alone… What I'm trying to say is, I know we have a ton of shit to deal with, but right here, right now, it isn't that important."
By this point, Logan had vacated the chair and was practically sitting next to Julian on the bed, talking earnestly. "I'm just tired of everything, you know?" At this point, Julian was beginning to see where he was coming from. Hell, they'd both been through enough to last them a lifetime. One day of being in total denial of their problems would probably do them good. Julian shrugged, exhausted. "I guess I could work with that".
Resuming his former position, Julian tilted his head back to stare blankly at the ceiling. Without prompt, Logan crawled over the covers and sat next to him, so that they were shoulder to shoulder. The silence was strange, but not unwelcome. Julian continued to stare at the ceiling, not really seeing anything, so Logan took the opportunity to redirect his eye line so that he could watch the boy next to him. The boy who, he was beginning to realise, he still knew very little about. The boy whose return to consciousness had caused him to hide out in the lobby for just under an hour crying from pure relief – not that he was going to admit that any time soon. The boy he knew would attempt to run as far away from him as possible once he was discharged. Two days. Two days were all Logan Wright had to show Julian that he needed him to stay.