Hello guys :) Before you read this keep in mind I don't mean to copy " The Carrie Diaries" ! It was just my inspiration to write this and don't be afraid to tell me what you think !
- Phebs
INTRODUCTION
Before there was college and before there was exams, it was just me Alex, Alex Peacock. And there were a lot of things changing in my mind.
As I tried to recover for the non-sleeping nights during the summer I kept thinking what this year would lead me to, would it be happiness or depression? I can't decide which of them I'd prefer, and I know it sounds strange but I feel so comfortable with being depressed that it almost seems like I can be both of them and not even notice it. And I kept thinking how I regret some stuff I told to the wrong people at the wrong time, and how that could hurt me in so many different levels. And I kept convincing myself that I should really keep my mouth shut or at least think before talking, but I don't think any human being thinks before talking. That's why I like to write because if it doesn't sound right or if it doesn't feel right I can delete and re-write it as a whole new sentence and no feelings will be hurt.
Also, as I kept wondering about this, I saw myself between 2 situations, one where nobody would actually remember what I said or if they do, they'd be cool about it or the other one, where I can only imagine myself being alone crying in the corners of the school. And something tells me, I'll definitely be crying the corners of the school.
High school feels like bullshit. And it hasn't even started, I wonder what my first day will be like, will I be wearing the right outfit? No, I don't think so, my choices are never good, not in friends, not in speaking, not in clothes, not in boys, well you sure now know where I'm trying to get here, I'm a total failure, but I'm hoping I can change that this year. Is it really that hard just keep your mouth shut and not gossiping about people? When did I become a gossip girl? I don't want to be a gossip girl. I just want to hang out with the right friends, in the right times and say the right things! Is that asking too much? There's one thing I'm certain, I hope I survive High School. It'll be a total clichê but... Wish me luck!