What A Shame.
A/N: This is for the lovely Kelsey, who gave me the idea for this fic. So all credit goes to her ( .net/~kelseyo ) :) I hope this is written well enough for her. Ou, and I will try to update this by Saturday at least. Depending on how busy my classes make me. Also, I don't have anyone looking over these first. So if there are mistakes feel free to point them out, and I will be sure to fix them. I hope some of you enjoy this.
Chapter One: Echos
There was no breath left in her lungs, no feeling, no anything. It was like his words had broken her the second they'd fallen from his thin lips. She hated the fact that all she could do was sit there and stare at him, just as everyone else was. Why couldn't she feel even the hate that she knew all to well for him?
Finn Hudson stood more proud than he had ever been in front of the Glee club, smiling like he had won some kind of amazing prize. There seemed to be the same reaction to what he had just said plastered on every face staring back at him. Shock, mixed with something that he could not read.
"Finn, as much as I admire your courage to do something like this, do you really think that Proposing to Rachel was the best of idea's?"
Artie was the first to dare words, or maybe just the first to find words to speak at all. He waited as the smile fell from the young man's face. Almost as if he'd been struck with something. He had not been expecting that from them. They were all supposed to be happy and congratulate them, okay well maybe not Santana, but that was to be expected.
"Yes, I do. Why wouldn't it be?"
He shot back an answer quicker than he should have maybe, but that didn't bother him. He would defend himself, his choice, and his love for the rising star with everything that he had. And he voiced that seconds after it came to mind, again speaking too quickly to make it believable.
"I love her, more than you all could know. I want her to be with me forever. I can't see it any other way. And I will defend that with everything that I have." his voice was defensive and he tried to hold back the anger
Too bad he was unsure of what exactly it was he had. He didn't know the absolute perfection that he held when Rachel was in his arms. The only pure spirited one that was among them. She was determined, and she would prove herself no matter the stakes. He didn't see what others could in her. He didn't see what Quinn Fabray saw, he was incapable of seeing that much beyond himself and what he wanted. Feeling had returned to her body, and all she wanted now was to climb to her feet, walk up to him and tell him what a moron he was for wanting to tame Rachel Berry.
She knew he would only hold her back from her dreams.
"That may be true, but you are only a teenager, and I am not belittling that by any means, but life changes quickly and suddenly. Don't make a rushed choice because you life needs a meaning" Blaine interjected. Earning a glare from Finn.
Kurt spoke up then and asked simply "What was her answer, Finn?"
" Sh- She hasn't answered me yet." The dejected look slowly crawled onto his face again and his eyes hit the floor.
There was more than one smile that was trying to be hidden as they all looked away from his eyes, as if he would be able to look into them and know that they saw this as her wanting to say no. Surly she would not be so daft as to say yes, not at this age. Her dreams were too big. Quinn prayed then that Rachel had not lost herself in feeling and was planning on telling him no.
"Well she does decide to answer you, tell her to let me know" Santana smiled, "Than way I can be there and rejoice in the look on your face, as she tells you no."
Schuester held up a hand and walked to Finn's side, knowing that his Proposal to Emma had given Finn the wrong idea. They were too young. Terry and he were good examples of that.
"Santana, not nice. And as for the rest of you, the fact that he shared this with us is a big deal. So Finn, thank you for telling us and we would love to know what she says." He patted the taller boy on the shoulder and walked to the white board.
"Now onto our lesson for the week." He wrote a word and stood back letting them all read.
The usual raised eye brows and looks of confusion we what he was met with and he began to explain. He wanted them to find a song that described what they felt or wanted from the future. Now that the annoying voice of Finn had been silenced for a bit, Quinn realized that Rachel was not in the room. How had she not noticed?
"Are there that many song's about the future?" She heard Sugar ask faintly as her mind drifted.
Knowing her attention was sure to fade away from the lesson at hand, as it always did when Rachel's presence was not in the room she watched the door intently. Hoping that she would walk through it and hush the thoughts in her mind. Where could she be. She had been in all the classes that day, so why was she not there. Could she be avoiding Finn because she wanted to hell him no. That she didn't want to marry him.
God she even hated to think the words in her head. She needed to tell the young star that Finn was not what she needed, that he would only hold her back.
She laughed at herself silently, then Rachel would ask why she was so sure about her and Finn not being right together and why she should not marry the boy. She'd never tell her what she needed to. The thing that had taken her nearly three years to come to terms with. So maybe she wouldn't tell her that she should say no. Though every fibre of her was clawing and screaming for her to do so. Her insides were ripping, shredding themselves with a pain she would never fix. A hurt that would be a constant part of how she lives. At this point, she was sure that she would be lost without that pain. There would never be live it its place.
She despised her own craven. She wished she could hate Rachel Berry as much as she hated herself for being so cowardice.
"Going to the ladies room." She said after sighing deeply. She needed to walk, move, do something.
Moving from the room as quickly as she could without making it seem apparent that she wanted to be out of there she released a breath and gulped down more air. With every though of yes being the answer she got a flash of the would be wedding. Images assaulting her senses, invading her mind when all she wanted was to rewind 15 minutes and forget this had even happened.
She realized she had walked to the other end of the hall when she was met with a wall. Having been lost on her thoughts she had almost not looked up in time to see it. Now that she thought about it the wall looked appealing, maybe she could hit her head enough times to forget who Rachel Berry was, forget all the feelings that she induced in Quinn.
Who was she fooling, she knew she wouldn't forget her. Not so easily.
A voice called her name from behind her, soft and clear. It seemed that the world was not willing to give her a break today because she knew the face that she would meet when she turned. Sure enough there was Rachel, a confused look on her face.
"I know why I am wondering the halls and not in the choir room, but why are you not in there with everyone else?" She never was one to beat around a point that she was trying to make. That was one of the things that at one time Quinn found irritating, but she had grown to appreciate it. As she had with many of the things that Rachel did.
When did her life take the turn that would allow her have feelings for this girl. What happened to the girl that she used to be. She was not sure f she missed her or not.
"Just taking a walk, Rach. What is it to you what I do or not?"
She still had the ability to make it seem like she didn't care on the outside ad she was glad of that fact. If not she would have been found out long ago. She liked things the way they were. She was guarded and she knew that as long as she kept up the facade of dislike and detest at everything Berry she would be safe. She wouldn't allow herself the elation of hope for even one kiss. She would protect her heart until the end.
"I was just curious is all. I mean there has to be a reason, there is almost always a reason. Plus I heard you sigh, rather loudly and that usually means that someone is going for a walk for a reason other then the need to go some where."
"You're rambling, Berry." She found it adorable.
"It's what I do."
she allowed a small smile to cross her lips and Rachel seemed to like this cause she smiled back. No, no she hated the feeling that she got when Rachel smiled at her. She despised it, loved it, never wanted it to happen, craved it, and feared it. She never knew the reaction to give the other girl. She wished that she knew what to do to stop all of this.
"It was just awkward in there after Finn spilled the news."
All colour drained from the brunette's features as the last words fell from Quinn's lips. She looked to the side, to the floor and then finally to the ceiling with a sigh.
"I was so unprepared for that. I mean it came out of no where and I find myself questioning his motives, but I am not sure what I want to say."
"Well I am sure you will figure it out in time."
Her mind and heart were waring in her head. The could's waring with the would's, the what if's were dancing inside her and it was all that she could do not to tell her to say no. A The power of suggestion and all. Right, cause Rachel always listened to what people suggested. She laughed and smiled a small smile again. Hoping that the inner controversy happening beyond her surface.
"Yeah, I a, sure that I will."
Again her heart screamed at her to tell her to say no. A resounding echo, that would be perpetual in her if this dragged on. Constant Echos as please, that she would never answer.
To be continued.
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