Doc's Notes: Back by no demand whatsoever, a small story I wrote... In like 2003? 2004? 5 maybe? It wasn't later than 5. Wow, I was 12. Anyway, I wanted to toss something out here, my account has been far too quiet for far too long and you have my apologies. Enjoy.
Moriarty's Confession
"Hello! You have joined us here at Scotland Yard for Moriarty's confession! Yes! We now take you inside the confession room with Inspector Lestrade! Take it away!"
"Hello! It is I, Inspector Lestrade! And no matter how hard I try, this interview is going to be silly! Now, my first question for our dear, finally captured Moriarty is, what happened?"
"What do you mean, what happened?"
"Well, how did you get here? You have evaded us for so long."
"Well obviously, Inspector Lestrade, that's really a redundant question, one of your idiot cops arrested me!"
"Well, Moriarty, there is no reason for you to be rude, after all, you're going to be here for a long time, so let's make the best of this."
"There's no reason for me to be polite either, my total career-"
"Your total career! Indeed, you have been calling what you've been doing all these years a career?"
"Yes! A career! A profession! An absolute description of my true brilliance! That Holmes was a nobody until I chose him to be my student!"
"Your student! That man is brilliant! He has pursued you all these years!"
"If he's so bloody brilliant, then why didn't he catch me? You know that man is so brilliant that I had to give the taxi driver directions on where to pick him up the last time he was supposed to chase me?"
"Why did you keep him on your trail then?"
"Royalties, my good man! I've gotten filthy rich!"
"Well, Holmes doesn't seem to be exactly rich…"
"Who is the smartest? I rest my case."
"Not necessarily smarter, but defiantly a thief!"
"I am no ordinary thief! I am a wonderful thief! Why can't you people see that?"
"Well, do you not have a history of taking things that are not yours?"
"Well, yeah! But if I can do it, and get away with it, don't I deserve it, if I'm smart enough to succeed?"
"It may only mean you're lucky."
"Yes Lestrade, I walk around with a rabbit foot under my hat, my lucky penny in my shoe, and a four leaf clover in my pocket…"
"Dang it, you guys! Didn't anyone search him!" Lestrade said, jumping to his feet.
Just about that time, Holmes walked in.
"I would like to file a complaint about this man," he said, "He stole several items of mine!"
"Yeah right Holmes, like what?" Moriarty asked.
"My rabbits foot, my lucky penny, and my four leaf clover!"
"Puh-leaze, do you really think I'd stoop so low?"
"You just admitted that you did it!" Holmes cried.
"I want your shoes, your hat, and I want you to turn out your pockets!" Lestrade cried.
And so Holmes started to remove his shoes.
"Not you, you twit!" Moriarty hissed, removing his own shoes.
"But these aren't my shoes, THOSE are mine!" Holmes cried.
"… No, they're not…."
"Bet me!"
"Oh, kiss my butt Holmes!"
"… Nuh uh."
"HOLMES!" Moriarty snapped, handing his hat to Lestrade.
"If they're not mine, how come my name is in them?"
"YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN YOUR SHOES?"
"Well sure, somebody will know who I am if I get lost!"
"Holmes, that's ridiculous!"
"Is it? It proves that it's my shoes,"Holmes said, and the he grabbed his shoes and started to inspect them.
"WHERE'S MY CLOVER?" Holmes shouted.
"I gave it to an under privileged leprechaun!"
"Liar!"
At this point a tiny leprechaun ran into the room.
"MORIARTY! I want my money back! This thing is out of luck!" he cried.
"Well, now I know how I got arrested!"
"Okay, now where's my rabbit foot and my penny?"
"I used the penny to pay for the newspaper, and the rabbit foot…."
"Well, I must confess Holmes, I have the rabbit foot. I had it tied to the end of my cane, it makes a wonderful backscratcher," Watson said, walking into the room.
"WHY IS EVERYONE TAKING MY STUFF?" Holmes cried.
"Well, so much for your luck," Moriarty said.
"Yep, with no luck, and with you being arrested, I'm out of work even!" Holmes cried.
"Well, you could help me escape," Moriarty said softly.
"Hmmm," Holmes said, rubbing his chin.
"Now wait just a darn minute!" Lestrade cried.
"Holmes, I have a question, why are you here?" Moriarty asked.
"Well, I just wanted to see if we had you! It took me bit, I couldn't remember if I should have followed the tall kid with the yellow hat, or the short kid with the red hat!" Holmes replied.
"What do you mean?" Watson asked.
"Well, if I follow one of those kids, they always lead me straight here, but I couldn't remember which one," Holmes explained, as Moriarty proceeded to bury his face in his hands.
"Holmes, you are a nut," Watson said.
"Am not! Nuts are brown."
"You're wearing a brown coat, are you not?" Watson asked.
"YOU'RE COLOR BLIND! My coat is grey!"
"Well that explains why every time I sent someone to look for you, they couldn't find you," Watson muttered as Moriarty and Lestrade exchanged glances.
"Well, that explains it! We must be color blind too! Maybe you aren't that stupid!" Moriarty and Lestrade said in unison.
"Thank you! Finally! Some respect!" Holmes cried.
"It wasn't a compliment, it was simply a statement," Lestrade said.
Holmes stepped over to the door, and just as he was about to leave said, "Are you sure it's not brown?" he asked, and he closed the door behind him.
Everyone made a mad dash out the door yelling after Holmes.
"Holmes! Wait! Now where did he get off to?" Lestrade cried.
"I'll be off to find him," Watson said, leaving.
Lestrade turned around and said, "Well, Moriarty, back to the room. Moriarty...?" Lestrade turned to find Moriarty gone, "MORIARTY!" he cried, putting his hands on his hips, "I wonder if that was deliberate, Mr. Holmes..."
- Outside -
Watson walked up to Holmes who was standing on the corner of the street under a street lamp, calmly lighting his pipe.
"Well Holmes?"
"Come Watson, the game is afoot.