Can't Help But See
Disclaimer: Don't even own pockets to keep the lint in if I had any. Joss owns everything, lucky man.
Summary: Set sometime during S5 after 'The Body' but before 'Intervention'. Spike wants to bail, Xander sees how he feels and tries to help. I was thinking about Caleb and his remark about Xander being the one who 'sees'. NOT SLASH.
Reviews: Yes, please, that way I know you're reading. No flames please, dust makes me sneeze. But then there'd be no me to sneeze anyway. If you don't like it say so but no yelling, please. Once more, thanks to everyone who's ever reviewed any of my stories.
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Xander Harris leaned back in his chair with a smile on his face. The Scooby gang was seated in their customary 'research places' at the table in the Magic Box. They had just finished a round of 'insult Spike' causing the vampire to stalk to the front door. The blond bloodsucker paused at the door and looked back one last time not aware anyone was watching. The smile faded from Xander's face when he caught the expression on the face of the being he called 'Captain Peroxide'. Spike pulled the door open and was gone, leather coat fluttering behind him, leaving Xander to wonder if he'd imagined what he'd seen. The young brunette shrugged and went back to the conversation around him but in the back of his mind the image stayed.
It was almost a week before anyone noticed that they hadn't seen Spike. The last time anyone could recall seeing the blond vampire had been the night at the Magic Box when everyone had taken a turn at picking on him. Buffy hadn't seen him on any of her patrols but she considered that at blessing since he'd declared his 'love' for her. It was not in her to believe that a soulless vampire could love despite evidence to the contrary. While they all knew he couldn't hurt anyone thanks to an implant of silicone and metal courtesy of the government, no one was particularly interested in going out and looking for the platinum blond. Finally Xander decided to go to Spike's crypt and check up on him. He didn't tell the others he was going to because he didn't want them to talk him out of it. He kept seeing that last expression on Spike's face and wondering.
Xander opened the door to the crypt slowly, not wanting to startle the vampire.
"Spike?" The young brunette called out as the door swung open. "Are you here?" He heard a noise coming from the lower level and went to the open trap door. "Hey, Captain Peroxide, are you down there?" He called thru the opening.
"Go away Harris." An angry growl answered Xander's calls.
Xander ignored the growl and the warning implied by it. He knew there was no way Spike was going to hurt him even if he could. He climbed down the ladder and faced the angry blue eyes of the young vampire.
"I said go away." Spike growled from his position on the bed. He had obviously been there for a several days. The bedding was bunched and twisted. The vampire sitting amid the bundle of sheets and blankets was glaring at the intruder, frustrated by his inability to hurt the young human. He threw the covers to one side and got up. He was still dressed in his black jeans. His feet were bare and his t-shirt and belt were on the floor.
Xander found the sight of the bare feet oddly unsettling. It made the century old killer seem almost.... vulnerable. He watched silently as Spike lit a cigarette and blew the smoke his way. He just watched and waited. He observed the appearance of the blond and wondered why the vampire looked so tired.
"What? Did you miss me that much that you have to invade my crypt and just stare at me? Sorry, Whelp, I haven't swung that way in a long time." Spike leered at Xander.
Xander shook his head. "We noticed you haven't been around. Just got curious whether or not you're all right." He said.
"Let me get this right. You and all your mates take every pot shot you can think of at me and when I do what you want and stay away, you wonder if I'm okay? Bloody Hell, will you people make up your minds? I'm not a sodding yo-yo! You can't just string me up and down like a toy. I know I'll never be a member of your precious Scooby gang so why should I even bother. Go back and tell the group that Spike the fangless wonder is just bloody great and doesn't need or want any of their concern." Spike paced back and forth in the small space while he ranted.
Xander's mind flashed back to the moment before Spike had left the Magic Box that night. The look on his face had been clearly visible to Xander. It had taken Xander a couple of days to decipher the expression, but he'd finally done it. It had been a mixture of hurt, anger and loneliness. He saw the same look now although he didn't think the vampire was aware of it.
"They don't know I'm here." Xander said quietly.
Spike rounded on him, gamefaced. "Aren't you afraid of the Big Bad?" He smirked. Then he turned away returning to his human visage. "No, of course not, there is no big bad here just a fangless, useless vampire. Not good enough for research, patrol or anything resembling helping the precious slayer or any of her bleeding Scoobies." He mumbled to himself. He didn't know Xander could hear him. He dropped to the bed, sitting on the edge. He stubbed the cigarette out in an ashtray on the bedside table. Spike stared at the floor. "Just go away and leave me alone. I can't take it any more."
"Can't take what Spike?" Xander asked quietly.
The blond vampire jumped up and started pacing again. "Nothing. Forget I said anything. Just go away okay? I swear I won't bother any of you again. Just... take care of Niblet for me okay Whelp?" Spike stopped pacing and looked at Xander again. "Don't let that bitch get my Little Bit."
"What are you saying Spike?" Xander held the vampire's gaze steadily.
"I'm saying that you lot are not going to be able to play 'kick Spike' any more. I'm leaving. I can't be here. Fight Glory on your own. I can't care any more. I just can't. I've had it." He sat on the bed again. "I've had it." He repeated almost inaudibly.
Xander leaned against the ladder and folded his arms across his chest. "Where do you think you could go?" He asked quietly. "I can't see you going to L.A. and joining Dead Boy's gang. You can't protect yourself from humans. You'd be a target."
Spike's eyes flashed in anger. "Don't you think I know that?" He fumed. "Why do you think I haven't left yet? I don't know what to do." He buried his face in his hands.
Xander let his gaze wander around the lower level of the crypt. He noted the overflowing ashtray on the bedside table. The empty bottles scattered across the floor told the young human that the vampire hadn't been entirely sober the past week. His brown eyes wandered over the unkempt bed and landed on the vampire who was resting his elbows on his knees. "We need to get you out of here. Why don't we go get you something to eat?"
The blond head shot up and Spike glared at the brunette. "I don't think so."
"Hear me out, Spike. I saw the look on your face that night at the Magic Box." Spike looked at Xander in horror then turned his face away. "It occurred to me that we were wrong. Maybe we shouldn't have pushed you so far. It's not your fault that you have the chip and we shouldn't give you grief because of it. But, you have to admit you are annoying. You have tried to kill all of us at some point and things like that just don't disappear over night but I can't help but see that you've changed. That you're trying. Yeah, I know it's just because of the chip." He waited a beat. "Maybe."
The agitated vampire got up to pace again. "Sod off, Harris. Just go away and leave me alone." He requested wearily, running his hand through his hair.
"I can't." Xander stated simply.
"Why the Bloody Hell not?" Spike yelled.
Xander studied the floor for a minute then looked up. "I don't know." He said, his brown gaze catching Spike's sapphire one.
Spike stopped cold.
"Here's the thing, Spike. I get the feeling that we need you. You're the only one strong enough to help fight Glory. You and Willow are our best hopes. Willow has the magics working for her and you, well... you're just strong. Not just physically either. I keep seeing that we need you in this fight." Xander said quietly. "So what do you say? We back off and you stay and help. Deal?"
Spike stood and stared at the mortal for long moments. He wasn't sure he should trust what he was hearing. He was needed? No bloody way. But, on second thought he was positive that the Whelp couldn't protect Dawn. He wasn't even sure he could protect Dawn but he was damn sure he would try. Making up his mind, Spike reached into his dresser and got out a clean shirt and socks. Dressing quickly he slid his feet into his battered boots and waited for Xander to move.
"What are you waiting for Whelp?" Spike demanded.
Xander looked confused. "Huh?" Still trying to recover from Spike's mercurial about face in attitude.
"You said you'd buy me food. Come on, let's go. And you can add a beer to that. You know I still hate the lot of you, right?" Spike bounced on his toes waiting for the boy to move and following him up the ladder when he finally did.
"I know. We hate you too." Xander answered automatically. "When did I offer to buy you food?" He demanded when they reached the upper level of the crypt.
"When you said 'Why don't we go get you something to eat?'" Spike quoted, accurately imitating Xander's voice. "And since I have no money and you know that, it amounts to an offer to buy me food. I know you're not offering to let me bite you, not that I would, mind you. So you can get me some spicy wings and a beer."
"As if I'd let you bite me." Xander mumbled. "Hey, how did you do that anyway?" He asked.
"Do what?" Spike wanted to know.
"Imitate me. I didn't know you could do that." The brunette looked at the bleach blond curiously.
"Decades of practice. Lots of time on my own and a sincere wish to annoy people by doing it when they least expect it." The vampire laughed at Xander's surprised expression. "You should hear me do the Poof."
Xander's face showed his disgust. "Let's not and say we did. I hate Angel more than I hate you."
"Why Xander, what a nice thing to say." Spike intoned in Angel's voice. "Come on now, I'm hungry." He continued in his own voice as he urged Xander out of the crypt.
Xander looked revolted at hearing Angel's voice coming from Spike's mouth. "Spike, that was just wrong on sooo many levels." He stated as they made their way to the Bronz for Spike's wings and beer. Hell, maybe Xander would have a beer or three himself. He suddenly felt a serious need for it.
Spike hid a grin of pure glee. Maybe it would be worth sticking around after all.
Finis.
A/N: No, I don't know if James Marsters can imitate people. It just seems like something Spike would do to amuse himself.