A/N: I just discovered that my "Office
Assistant" in Microsoft office programs has decided to take a holiday, and he's
not around to help. I am downcast. So in an effort to cheer up, I'm going to
write a fanfic. It's my first songfilk posted, and I think this is a result of
what I heard at Assembly today and the fact that this idea has been going
around in my head for oh, the past three months.
The Slytherin Song
Ron couldn't sleep. He had too many things
on his mind. Like Hermione for instance. And Harry. And his divination
homework. But after a lot of tossing and turning, he finally fell asleep. He
was drifting away…
Ron was feeling bad. Hermione had decided
she didn't like the way he did his homework, and had started a full-time war
against him. Harry was on Hermione's side. Ron moped a bit. He moped a little
more. Then he had a sudden urge to burst out in song. And he did.
"I never wanted to do this. I never wanted
to be in Gryffindor, upholding the tradition of the Weasleys. I never wanted to
be Harry Potter's best friend. I never wanted to be marked out as Hermione's
next love interest. I wanted to be…A Slytherin!" He bellowed out to no one in
particular. The Gryffindors,
Slytherins, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs(G,S,R,H) started humming in the
background. Ron took a deep breath. "Picking on the other students! The famous
Harry Potter! The brain Hermione Granger! The meek Neville Longbottom! The
arty-farty Dean Thomas! The half-blood Seamus Finnigan! The squibs! The giant
Rubeus Hagrid! That Ravenclaw Cho Chang! The entire Gryffindor Quidditch Team!
Mudbloods in general! And with my best cronies by my side, we'd sing, sing,
sing!" he paused for breath, and then continued on.
(A/N: This will now be written in script
form so I don't get mixed up)
Ron: I'm a Slytherin and I'm OK, I do
stuff all night and I wag all day.
GSRH: He's a Slytherin and he's OK, Dunno what
he does all night but he wags all day.
Ron: I p.o. Potter, I eat my lunch, I go
to the lavatory, On Wednesdays I go to the girls' dorm, They get rid of my
fleas.
GSRH: He p.o.'s Potter, he eats his lunch, he
goes to the lavatory, On Wednesdays he goes to the girls' dorm, They get rid of
his fleas.
together
Ron: I'm a Slytherin and I'm OK, I do
stuff all night and I wag all day.
GSRH: He's a Slytherin and he's OK, Dunno what
he does all night but he wags all day.
Ron: I p.o. Potter, I grease my hair, I
like to shop with Fleur. I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
GSRH: He p.o.'s Potter, He greases his hair,
he likes to shop with Fleur. He puts on women's clothing and hangs around in
bars?
together
Ron: I'm a Slytherin and I'm OK, I do
stuff all night and I wag all day.
GSRH: He's a Slytherin and he's OK, Dunno what
he does all night but he wags all day.
Ron: I p.o Potter, I wear high heels, lacy
robes and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my grandpapa.
GSRH: He p.o.'s Potter, He wears high heels,
lacy robes and a bra?
Hermione: Oh
Ron, and I thought you were so rugged!(Runs out of the room in tears. Gryffindors,
most Ravenclaws and not many Hufflepuffs march out of the room in disgust. Then
the rest of them continue)
together
Ron: I'm a Slytherin and I'm OK, I do
stuff all night and I wag all day.
GSRH: He's a Slytherin and he's OK, Dunno what
he does all night but he wags all day.
together
Ron: I'm a Slytherin and I'm OK, I do
stuff all night and I wag all day.
GSRH: He's a Slytherin and he's
okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…Dunno what he does all night and wags all day.
Ron sat down at his place at
the Gryffindor table, fifteen minutes late. He had had a weird dream, about
wanting to be a Slytherin. Everyone was staring at him. "What?" he said
indignantly.
Hermione
just gave him a grave smile. "I think I like you better in lacy robes, you
know. Being a dead ringer for Draco wouldn't hurt much, either. Especially with
leather pants" She said softly.
Ron
fell forward into his boiling porridge. It wasn't a dream, it was real.
A/N:
That wasn't too painful, was it? I hope not, it's a really bad version of the
Lumberjack song. It was originally intended for Draco, but I really didn't have
the imagination in me for thinking of some situation in which Draco would be
singing this…If you do have any ideas, just review. If you want to say this was
horrible, please do. Oh, hang on, here, have a madlib. All you have to do is
get some words which fulfil the requirements, and then stick them in the
numbered gaps. Then you shall have a wonderful flame/review, fit for
publication in the annals of fanfiction.net.
(1)
adjective (eg. Spotty, blue, stupid)
(2)
Phrase to the effect of "wait a minute"
(3)
adjective (eg. Plastic, bookish, bushy)
(4)
word or words that mean fanfic (eg piece of writing, story)
(5)
Anything relating to the fanfic (eg plot, spelling, grammar)
(6)
adjective (eg thin, non-existent)
(7)
Something else relating to the fanfic
(8)
adjective
(9)
a word or words to the effect of "being recorded" (eg going down, immortalised)
(10)
place where things can be recorded (eg book, wall)
(11)
verb (spew, wash my eyes out, laugh)
(12)
stop/continue
(13)
Someone or something (my flowerpot, the dog down the road)
(14)
Someone or something belonging to the author of this
(15)
verb (trash, flame)
(16)
verb (go, stop, get lost)
(17)
verb (decapitate, shoot, set fire to)
This fanfic was (1). (2), it was so (3) that I won't even call it a (4). Your (5) is (6), and your (7) is (8). This is (9) in my (10). I need to (11) before I can read any other fanfics. You really should (12) writing fanfics. Even (13) can write better fanfics than you and your (14). I will never, ever (15) your fanfics again. Now (16) before I have to (17) you.
Just bear in mind that most of the examples I gave you were negative. (If you want to review with this madlib, substitute nice words.)
All right? Good. Now shoo!