A/N: Hello there! This is the
lovely Hogwarts School Charter as it says below. While cleaning up the attic in
our laptops, we found this school charter. So here we are, posting it for the
world to see what really goes on behind the closed doors of the board of
directors (Does Lucius have anything to do with the perverted rules and
regulations in this version? We've always thought something was a little
strange about that man…) Ah well, we'll tell you more about this once you've
finished reading it…
Hogwarts School
Charter-Years 1994-1996
Give a girl a fish, she eats for a day. Teach her how to fish, and she eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, he stays warm for a lifetime.
Mission Statement
Hogwarts aims to be a nourishing
environment for young witches and wizards, to encourage them to perform at the
best of their abilities, and to improve their standard, and enable them to
become fine, upstanding citizens in the magical community.
School Rules
School
rules are as follows:
No fighting
No swearing
No magic in the corridors
No eating in class unless
previous permission has been given
No talking in class
No asking for help in class
No homework to be done in
class
No
cheating
Forbidden forest is out of
bounds
No hanky panky with members
of the opposite sex
No spanking with hairbrushes
Boys are not allowed to go
into the girls' toilets; however girls are allowed to go into the boys' toilets
No visits to the dormitories
of the opposite sex without adult supervision, adult meaning over 15
No wandering around in
pyjamas or lingerie in the middle of the night-dressing gowns must be worn at
all times.
No bullying or
bastardisation in the corridors.
No Playwizard or Playwitch
magazines in the Quidditch changerooms.
No spiders in dormitories
No sleeping in other
people's beds
No wizardgotchas
No visible makeup on visible
parts of the body
No purple nailpolish
No jars of blue fire
No consorting with the enemy
No overnight stays in
Hogsmeade
No large, rabid pet dogs
If a student is found disobeying the rules,
points will be taken off from their house. If, after points have been deducted,
the student persists in disobeying the rules, they will get a detention. Should
they not heed the rules after a detention, expulsion will be imminent. If the
ex-student still continues to misbehave, an immediate disembowelment will take
place.
Cultural Exchanges
Hogwarts will take in at least one exchange
student from a foreign country during the course of the school year. The
students privileged to come to Hogwarts on exchange will be at their utmost
best behaviour during their stay. Any connections with the Dark Lord will be
overlooked.
Newcomers from other countries will be
welcomed as with all students; they will be sorted by the Sorting Hat and will
be treated the same as any other Hogwarts student.
The School Curriculum
Hogwarts will incorporate a certain amount
of foreign culture into the daily routine-Hallowe'en trick-or-treating,
Thanksgiving Day, French patisserie as an elective, other subjects such as
Australian history will also be given if there is enough interest.
One Outdoor Bewareness Camp will be given
per year. Students will have to attend at least one out of every two, otherwise
they will be called up in front of the Headmaster. The purpose of the Outdoor
Bewareness Camp is to foster bewareness about the dangers of the Great
Outdoors. The course will involve counter-charms, basic and advanced survival
skills, and the erection of a suitable camp. There will also be a short lecture
on the beasts and creatures living in the Great Outdoors.
The dark lord himself, or one of his
minions must visit Hogwarts each year, to provide extra tutelage in Defence
Against the Dark Arts.
Subjects from past years will have to be
carried over; once a student has started a subject, he or she cannot quit it
unless given special permission by their head of house. Electives will be
offered from Year 3 upwards, and are as follows:
Divination
Arithmancy
Care
of Magical Creatures
Muggle
Studies
Australian
History
Australian
Hemisphere Geography
French
Patisserie
Latin
Maths
English
Electronics
Broom
making
Horology
Core subjects are as follows:
Potions
Transfiguration
Herbology
Astronomy
Magical
History
Defence
Against the Dark Arts
Home
Economics (Sport, Cooking and Health)
In accordance with the new legislature that
all schools must have a Performing Arts program, there will be a Music and
Drama festival held each year. All students will have to participate in some
form.
With the non-discrimination and gender
equity acts now effective, Hogwarts is required to have more sports, with more
people involved. As well as Quidditch, Chess, Duelling, Air Hockey, Skydiving,
Gymnastics, Coal Hauling, Stretcher Bearing, Competitive Broom Racing,
Athletics and Dragon/Hippogriff Rodeo will be offered. Students will have to
participate in at least one sport per year. All team games will have mixed
teams, with an even amount of each gender on a team.
School Uniform
All students are required to wear
full-length, black (not grey) robes and a black pointed hat as their uniform.
All male students are required to wear
leather pants, and carry a canoe in their pocket underneath their regulation
school robes. All female students are required to wear a leather bustier and
carry a sharp dagger underneath their regulation school robes.
Chimney sweeps are not allowed to have
unreasonably large brooms.
No robes bearing slogans or unsuitable
remarks are allowed.
There will be a twice-daily inspection of
robes and what students are wearing under them.
Hair accessories of black are allowed;
other colours may be confiscated and kept in a named envelope to be given back
at the end of term.
Every student must wear a sterling silver
cross. Only jewellery made of sterling silver or higher quality silver may be
worn. Any other kind of jewellery will be seized.
Motto, Anthem & Oath
Hogwarts' motto is Draco Dormiens Nunquam
Titillandus, which means Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon. Students are not
allowed to keep dragons as pets, as they are illegal in the British Isles.
Hogwarts' anthem is as follows. No theme
song applies
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts,
Teach us something please,
whether we be old an bald,
Or young with scabby knees.
Our heads could do with filling,
With some interesting stuff,
For now they're bare and full of air,
Dead flies and bits of fluff.
So teach us things worth knowing,
Bring back what we've forgot,
Just do your best,
We'll do the rest
And learn until our brains all rot.
Hogwarts does not have any official oath,
only that we ask students to not use magic outside school. The underage
wizards' act stipulates that magic may not be used outside school property.
A/N: And that's where it ends. Yep. No
more. No less, either. Unfortunately we cannot claim all the credit for writing
this, we think some dastardly devilish director of the board had a hand in this
as well. It might have been "We the fair ladies of reading", who keep on "Please
to merge?" ing us. Any other applications for mergers may be made, please email
us at bookworms_anon@hotmail.com,
or you can review and put your proposal in the correct form to us there. We
will be watching you. If you do not review, we will know. And you will not
escape the clutches of the worm. MWAHAHAHAH!!!! So go and review. We may not be
able to bite, but boy, can we give you a nasty suck! \ /
.\ /.
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Oops. Pencilmort must've been at large
again. Now go review before Pencilmort and the worm comes back. J