It wasn't supposed to be this way.
He wasn't supposed to be the one in pain. Wasn't supposed to give up his mission, not by banishment but by choice. Wasn't supposed to spend every ounce of his being trying to help his sworn nemesis.
Sure. Zim had seen the signs. Seen his enemy slowing down.
But he hadn't thought much about it.
He had thought it was the human process called 'puberty'. That it was the process which ultimately turned all the pig smellies into walking morons. That, because of Dib's intelligence, or abnormally large head, it seemed to effect him more dramatically, more negatively.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
Dib was supposed to be human. Dib was supposed to try to exposed and destroy Zim and Zim was to take over the Earth.
They weren't supposed to be 'close' or 'friends' or even 'aquaintances'. They were to be sworn nemesis's.
And Zim should have laughed when he heard the Dib-monkey was broken, dying, a defective experiement.
But he hadn't.
When Zim had learned that Dib was a genetically modified clone of his father - it shouldn't have mattered. He shouldn't have rushed into the Dib-thing's den. Shouldn't have demanded to know what the hell was going on. Shouldn't have asked… such questions.
But he did.
And he had heard answers he never wanted to hear.
Things like how Dib was botched. Things like how Dib was burning through his life energy too quickly. And that it was unstoppable and that Dibs own parental-unit, his father for Irk's sake, had told the dirt-child's little foreign friend not to worry. That it was expected in such a bad experiment. That Dib's life had been a mistake.
No.
The father-creature had done nothing except step back, say it was too soon for human kind to experience his brilliance, and throw his son into the garbage without any more remorse than rotting meat.
This just wasn't supposed to happen.
They were supposed to have a final battle today. They were to finally set things straight.
The Dib-thing had no right to break down like that. No right to give Zim that sad little smile as his bloodcandies came pouring through his mouth and through his eyes and ears.
Zim had known, always known since he confronted Membrane three years ago that it would happen like this. Knew Dib would be torn apart from the inside out- his innards liquidizing as they lost stability and pouring out the broken body through any means.
But it didn't stop the unexpected pain Zim felt as he watched.
Watched the Dib bleed and writhe in his arms. Watched the Dib dying not by hands of his own but some cruel benevolent force. Watched as Dib marched down his destined path right into the afterlife - a destiny not even all the technology or Irk could have stopped.
He had known but he hadn't done anything. Nothing. Not really.
All those hours in the labs. Working his claws until they bleed under overexposure to chemicals. It didn't mean anything.
Because Zim was too proud, too stubborn to look reality in the face.
Far too conceited with his delusion he could stop the inevitable- he had tried to forge forward, act like nothing was wrong.
It just couldn't end like this.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
He wasn't supposed to be with Dib in his final moments like this. Wasn't supposed to have the boy cradled in his arms, ignoring the hiss and sting of the foreign blood dripping down his arms. Wasn't supposed to be rocking back in forth whispering nonsensical words of comfort in both English and Irk as the last of the child's life drained out - promising him better things when even the almighty Zim could do nothing but watch.
They were supposed to be rivals.
They should have hated each other.
It just wasn't supposed to end like this.
Wasn't supposed to happen.
Zim shouldn't have been all alone, clutching the lifeless husk of Dib to his chest, his eyes leaking their fluids until the stores of it spent.
He shouldn't have cried at all, should have laughed at the boys horrible fate.
But no. All the little alien could think of was the biggest regret of all. The worst and stupidest mistake he'd ever made in his life.
The little Irken had never told his human - never once said it even as his condition worsened. Probably never even thought of it. Not until the Dib gave his final breath to tell his alien those words.
"I love you."
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Zim was Irken, strong, unstoppable.
He shouldn't have been over run by emotion when Dib spoke his last words and forever stilled. Shouldn't have broken down crying.
He was Irken, he had his mission to think about.
He wasn't supposed to be overcome with grief and numbness as his human left him. Wasn't supposed to play the tragic lover.
But it didn't matter what should have happened.
Because nothing happened the way it should.
Zim loved Dib.
Dib loved Zim.
It had only taken an incurable disease for the two to realize it and watch the opportunity set with the sun.
Maybe, just maybe. Zim could meet the boy again.
In some other time, another life.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
Zim knew that he should be happy his rival was gone. Should have rejoiced.
But he didn't.
He felt as though life had ended and that it was no longer worth while to stay on Earth or even continue living. Not without his Dib.
He should have been a strong, heartless Invader.
It only took the swift movement of his Pak legs, and the blissful thought that maybe, just maybe, Zim and Dib would be together yet that finally proved the Irken had more than just a squeedily spooch.
Because the shouldn't's no longer mattered.
Maybe Zim shouldn't have a heart, both in physical and emotional respect.
But he did.
And it only took a lover's suicide to prove it.