EVANKH-MORPORK
Part one
This is an idea that appealed to me so immensly it had to be written down and I feel guilty because of it. Mostly because I'm such a huge fan of both EVA and Discworld.
Writing a crossover seems like heresy.
Also im not sure how much of the eva fanbase overlaps with the discworld fanbase...
Alas im am but a human. And I am also shamelessly ripping of franchises that i do not own.
The head is the first abnormal thing that comes into view.
Admittedly this is the universe, outer space to be more precise, which is arguably not much of a pointer when it comes to locations but it does contain quite a large number of items which, to the average human would qualify as bizarre, queer, wierd and/or abnormal.
The unfortunate young boy piloting a 50 meter tall robot currently floating through space ranks a massive turtle quite high on his list however.
The four elephants on it's massive shell doesn't exactly scream normal either(1) as they come into view. The disc shaped object on top of them seem quite mundane in comparison.
The boy is flabbergasted to say the least, but he is still observant enough to notice that it is getting closer.
Its not doing anything to calm his nerves though. His regular catchphrase not being any help with this one.
This is an unfair and one sided point of view however, certainly the turtle must have opinions on the purle, horned, killing machine that is headed straight towards it.
It knows.
It has been through these dramatic expositions enought times to know that something dreadfull is about to happen to it.
Sadly due to the size of said genre savvy turtle's brain, by the time the thought is completed, the scenario is already in motion.
(1): not that screaming: "normal!" on top of your lungs is going to earn you any points on the list of commonly ecountered behaviour, then again
considering the usual mental state of the boy...
"What do you mean we're going to have a guest?" the blind chief of the gods exclaims to the unfortunate divine messenger who had drawn the shortest straw, its wings trembling as the bosses many eyeballs floats around him.
"Well," the messenger replies; "It did look a fair bit like your average god as far as I could tell, pretty powerfull bugger as well." "bit of a wierdo in the dressings department I'll admit but i guess thats foreigners for you."
"And he's headed straight towards us is he?" A perplexed Fate asks, still seemingly at a loss for words, which always made the other gods worried. When fate didn't know, there was going to be trouble.
"I don't suppose he's going to land somwhere that is nice and remote is he?" Anoia asked nervously, "I mean somwhere he's not prone to bother anyone or challenge the the truth of the eternal potato peeler?"
Anoia, being somewhat of a new face, was still anxious of being pushed of her pedestal (the average god welcoming a new star with the same attitude that unhatched birdchicks welcome the common cuckoo.)
"We're not sure at the moment," the messenger chimes in again, "but the odds of it landing near a densely populated area are pretty small, roughly a million to one i'd say."
His assured expression fades when he see's the reaction from the dysfunctional deities, furtunatly their furious gazes are not locked on him but on someone that seems to be missing at the moment.
The great city of Ankh-Morpork has always valued entertainment, especially the younger kids, although the line between "amusing innocent game" and "savage torture" is often vague. It seemed to depend on who was on the recieving end of things.
Toys were also quite popular, with the toy hammer (an instrument with more in common with the average warmace than it's supposed bigger sibling) being a perennial favorite among the citys 3-14 year old demographic and considered quite educational in nature.
Not because it learned the youngsters the value of carpentry or whatever the "ol' tossers" used it for, but because it thaught them early on that in this city you needed something to defend yourselves with when William "Will'it'em" Rourke or one of his many equally minded bullies came running at you with a hammer of his own.
It is while pondering this, or rather the money of said kids parents, that CMOT dibbler, Ankh-Morporks most active unsuccessfull entrepeneur, sees the purple giant soar over the city.
Not overly perplexed (this sort of thing being quite par for the course for him) he notices that while some of the more overly excited adults are making a decent effort running around panicking, a few kids simply stare in awe at the giant whith the words: "cor'wicked" barely forming on their lips.
And the first sparks of an idea forms.
The Egregious Professor Of Cruel And Unusual Geography of UU looks out the window, not because the view is particularly nice(2), it is the sounds of panic and confusion that has caught the attention of the perpetually nervous wizard.
Although usually not the type to show curiosity to anything but the opposite direction of the object of terror, Ricewinds keen sense for this sort of thing is a bit rusty. There hasn't been anything particularly more frightening during the past few years than the occasional intelligent dire rat, who inhabited the cellars of the university so no alarms goes of immediatly.
However, the old instincts gets lubricated and polished in a milisecond as the thundering crash of Evangelion-01 booms through the city smashing every sheet of glass in the windowmakers guild which tragically enough is situated closest to the impact.
Familiar cogs grinds into action as the old mantra surfaces, and rincewind takes of towards the gate in the opposite direction.
If you could hear his thoughts, it would sound very similar to something like this:
IGOTTARUNAWAY!
IGOTTARUNAWAY!
IGOTTARUNAWAY!
IGOTTARUNAWAY!
IGOTTARUNAWAY!
(2): Rincewinds office did in fact have the worst view in all of ankh-morpork. It was the only room in the city situated directly towards the backyard of the citys new experimental butcherhouse, run by Igor and his son Igor. The backyard was the place were they put their breeding stock, and was also were the breeding stock, did the actual breeding. Rincewind had gotten used to the elongated spines and massive meatformations, however his mind still blanked out when he noticed that every
animal posessed multiple sets of all limbs and orifices((2)).
((2)): Which made the breeding more efficient.
Commander Samuel Vimes, stormed towards the crash site in a rage that could barely be contained.
Not that there was anything unusual about the commander running toward something that was deemed suspicious. He was still in exellent shape despite pushing fifty and this seemed like something that would fall under the definition of illegal.
And if it wasn't he would bloody well see to it that it would be.
"Wizards", he though amidst the malestroem of emotions. "Bloody wizards had to be behind this," anything else simply didn't make sense.
Big purple giants didn't simply appear from the sky and crash near the biggest city on the disc, which just happens to harbour the biggest and oldest arcane college of said disc.
Well it won't be there much longer if he found out that they were behind it. At least if he had anything to say about it.
And mercy be upon them if it had hit the city itself...
He tried not to picture that scene. He had only gotten the briefest glimpse of the... Thing before it slipped out of view but it was big and strangely enough purple.
His train of thought didn't get further because at that moment he saw a glimpse of faded red robes running in the opposite direction of the crash.
The commander didn't hesitate for a second before he turned and gave chase.
"You bastard," he thought, "One of your spells must have bonked and now you're trying to get the hell out of genua before the law gets to you." "Well, you've got
something far worse than that after you now!"
"I HAVE TO SAY, I AM NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS AT ALL." A black hooded figure said as he studies the purple monstrosity currently lying on its back.
It was quite impossible for the voice in question to sound annoyed, yet the texture of it seemed to radiate somethin at least akin to it.
"SQUEAK." A smaller hooded figure noted.
Death sighed (3) He didn't like it when he was faced with things that wasn't in the job description. Not that it was unheard of, it was just that the
forms required to deal with this sort of thing needed to be filled out in triplicate in seven dimensions.
"SQUEAK?"
"NO I'VE NEVER HAD TO HIRE OUTSIDE HELP TO DO MY JOB FOR ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH." "IF YOU START HIRING IN SPECIALISTS THERE WILL BE NO ROOM
FOR ALL AROUND COMPETENT PERSONELL LIKE ME, BESIDES I'M PRETTY SURE THIS THING IS SITLL ALIVE."
as he says this one of the giant arms tries to lift itself up.
"SQUEAK?"
This piercing observation seemed to bother the large hooded figure and it seemed for an instant that it shifted nervously before replying.
"WELL... NO I CAN'T FIND A TIMER FOR IT, THERE DOES SEEM TO BE ONE FOR THE BOY INSIDE IT THOUGH."
"SQUEAK..."
"WELL TO BE FAIR, HE HAS MORE TIME THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS AT THE MOMENT."
(3): at least mentally, seeing as sighing usually requires the use of lungs, which he never had gotten around to aquire.
So now the eva has landed. and discworld will forever be the same. I mean a huge giant with magic powers isn't exactly new to the place is it?
I've got a ton of ideas from here on out! I know it seems like an ambitious project, but i don't have much more to do right now, being stuck on a norwegian military base which goes by the nickname of Mordor leaves you with a lot of free time.