Helloooo! I'm very happy to be writing for Star Wars again! This is more funny, parody-ish stuff, since I really can't write seriously for Star Wars. Anyway, this first story is just a little thing on Darth Maul and Darth Sideous which I thought up a while ago. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, plotlines or settings of Star Wars. They belong to George Lucas, duh.
Darth Maul was furious. He clenched and unclenched his fists mechanically, trying to control his ragged breathing. Usually, if somebody annoyed him, he would just grab his double-bladed lightsaber and cheerfully lop off their head. But considering the person who was annoying him was his Master, and an incredibly powerful Sith Lord, there wasn't much he could do. Except sulk. Maul was very good at that. Almost as good as he was at brutally murdering civilians.
"Maul! Come and look at this, son!"
The Sith apprentice's striking red and black visage twisted with embarrassment. His Master had lately taken to calling him son, and taking him on outings. Today Maul was being dragged around a zoo.
"Yes, my Lord?" Maul said deferentially, moving to stand at a respectful distance from the Sith Lord.
Darth Sideous gestured towards a bantha in a nearby pen, which was chewing grass lazily.
"A bantha, Maul! Isn't that lovely? What do you think?"
Maul looked shrewdly at the hairy bovine. "Yes, I see. How would you like me to kill it, Your Maliciousness? Just yesterday I acquired a marvellous new ion cannon which would do the job quite well, I should think."
Sideous looked uncommonly shocked at the thought of violence. "Why in the galaxy would I want you to do that, Maul?" he asked, frowning. "I see what this is about. I've heard all about these hormonal issues at the fathering classes. When we get back home, we can talk about it-"
"I do not have hormonal issues!" Maul snarled, stamping his foot and fatally stabbing a passerby.
Sideous shook his head sadly. "It's the denial that disappoints me, son."
Two weeks later, Darth Maul was happily continuing to fulfil his animal urges. Luckily, Sideous had invited several pompous Senators over for dinner, who Maul then strategically killed as they walked out the door. Standing over the last Senator, the Sith apprentice raised his saber and prepared to stab it neatly through his chest. At that moment, Darth Sideous walked out the front door.
"How would you like to go bowling, son?" he demanded, smiling joyfully. When he saw what his apprentice was doing, his eyes widened in horror.
"Maul! What in the name of all that is Sithly are you doing?!!" Sideous leaned over and helped the terrified Senator to his feet. "I'm terribly sorry, old chap! Young men can be so volatile."
The Senator stumbled away, pulling out his comlink to assure his mother that he had managed to survive another assassination attempt and would be able to come to that roast dinner on Sunday after all.
Shaking his head gravely, the Sith Lord said, "Son, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you. Now, let's go to the bowling alley. Afterwards, we can sit and have a milkshake, and we'll talk about your anger issues."
Maul gritted his teeth. Ah well, he thought with a sigh. It was time to take out that bowling ball with the explosives inside. He'd always known that would come in handy someday.
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