Disclaimer: No, I unfortunately do not own Harry Potter.
The only time I'd felt as bad as this was 1st of November 1980, the day when I found out James and Lily were dead, thought they were betrayed by Sirius and that he'd killed Peter too. But maybe today is worse. I'd just got my best friend back, the one who I thought was a traitor for 12 years, and suddenly he's taken from the world.
Sirius and Harry were pretty much the only people I had left in my life and now I'd just lost one of them, my oldest, best friend. I don't have anyone to help me. No wife, no child, nothing else to help ease the pain that Sirius's death has left upon me.
Harry is all that I've got left, to be realistic about the situation (and I usually am), but he's at the Burrow and I probably won't see him until Christmas because of what Dumbledore wants me to do, but that's not really important, the point is I'm not going to see him for over 5 months. Before going on my mission for the Order, I thought I'd visit Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Maybe as a final goodbye to Sirius, maybe to finally convince myself that he's gone and isn't coming back.
Standing in a shabby square in the middle of London, I saw the houses number 11 and 13 squeeze to the side to allow the door of number 12 to appear between them. I quickly set off at a quick walk up the front steps and to the door and opened it with a flick of my wand. Once I got in the house, sure to keep my voice down as I walked down the hallway; I walked past the troll's leg umbrella that Tonks always fell over, past the stuffed elf heads on the wall and up the dark stairs.
I wasn't really sure what I was doing here, but I knew it had something to do with Sirius's death; he was my best friend after all. Turning onto the topmost landing I saw two doors. Pushing open the door to the one that said Sirius, I walked into my best friend's bedroom.
I almost chuckled when I lit the lamps, a smile formed on my face which was lately permanently set in a frown. Honestly, I just couldn't help it; muggle girls in bikinis, Gryffindor banners, pictures of muggle motorcycles (Sirius had always wanted one) and finally, one Wizarding picture.
Moving forward in the slightly dusty room I moved closer to the picture. My mouth lit up in a smile as I looked at a boy with messy black hair, hazel eyes framed with glasses and that air of cockiness about him, one of my best friends, James Potter. Next to him of course was a boy with tidy, black hair and that feeling of absolute self adoring (which is a bit extreme but as we were 15 in this photo you can't expect Padfoot to have been humble about anything), Sirius Black. Then there was me, Merlin I even looked shabby then, I think the full moon was coming up because I looked like a wreck. I didn't look at the last boy on the photo; I didn't want Peter Pettigrew to ruin this picture for me. With all my energy I tried to get the photo off the wall, it wouldn't budge. Why did you have to make everything so damn difficult Padfoot?
Looking around the dark room I noticed a quill lying on the desk with an ink pot still open next to it. I knew this must have been recent because, as I walked over to the desk, I noticed the ink hadn't dried up yet. I glanced down at the parchment; in Sirius's messy scrawl it had the heading, To Moony.
Hands trembling, I picked up what looked like a letter to me from my best friend.
To Moony, and if you don't know who Moony is, then guess what, whoever is lurking around my room, this letter isn't for you!
I chuckled; it was just such a Padfoot thing to do.
So I'll start again for the real Moony.
To Moony,
How's it going mate? Judging by the fact you're reading this, not to well I suppose.
In all honesty, Moony, I really hope you don't have to read this because a. That'll mean I've snuffed it and b. Well it means I've snuffed it and quite frankly, I kind of like living.
You're not really supposed to read this (as I'm not supposed to be dead, but I just have this bad feeling about it, well anyway it's probably nothing), but knowing you (because you love reading) you will anyway, and I suppose that's the point. You'd never get to read this if I was still with you, and if I am, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING GOING THROUGH MY ROOM!
Of course, even in the possibility of death, he worries about people going through his stuff, I smiled.
But yeah, continue reading if I'm not there. And trust me; I've known you long enough to know you will.
Well what can I say mate, if you're reading this during the war then please make sure Harry makes it out ok. If the war's over and we've won, then go find yourself a girl Moony. Since me and Prongs a gone I'm guessing you'll need someone. In fact, even if the war is still going on and a girl presents herself, grab her because Moony, I can't think of a guy that deserves anyone more than you. Twelve years of thinking I was a raving lunatic who betrayed you all, finding out that the rat betrayed us, your furry little problem, need I go on? Well the point is mate, find yourself someone. I know that you're worried about making her an outcast etc etc but if she loves you then she won't care one bit. And that's all that matters.
I sighed. Sirius and James had been trying to get me to open my heart for Merlin knows how many years; I just wasn't going to let it happen. Not that anyone would want me anyway.
And if you find someone and push her away, so help me Remus John Lupin I will come back from the dead and skin you alive. I want none of the 'I'm too poor' or the 'I'm too dangerous' excuses from you, mister!
You. Have. Been. Warned.
I laughed, if anyone could find a way to get back from the dead and skin me alive, well my bet would be on Sirius Black.
On a different note, once the Order has stopped using this house, could you burn it to the ground for me? Wait, ask Harry first since I gave him the house but if you show him this letter (well just this bit if you don't want to show him the whole thing) then I'm sure he'd understand, he'll probably understand anyway come to think of it, he is Prongs's son after all. You'll do that for me, right? Well I hope so! I'd burn your house down for you!
What else do I have to say? Right, yeah, so could you please make sure Dora's alright, and Andy and Ted too? They're the only family I've got left so I'd really appreciate it. Make sure Dora doesn't trip over herself in the middle of a fight or something, it's bound to happen.
I smiled; I could picture that happening all too well.
Now onto more sirius matters, please make that pun at least once before you kick the bucket, please? As a last request? Ah well, I'll get you to do it when we see each other again. Hopefully when you're a ripe old age of 749 with 10 children, 78 grandchildren and a wife, well maybe not that many but I just want you to have a good life. After all the werewolf prejudice you deserve a good life. Hell, you deserve one anyway.
So back to the sirius matters at hand.
Don't feel sorry for me, mate. I guarantee I'm 100% fine (apart from being dead), I'm probably somewhere, laughing with Prongs and Lily, you just don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine, it's you I'm worried about mate. Get out there more, have a laugh, go to Fred and George's shop (I heard from Arthur earlier that they've managed to get a place in Diagon Alley), you better go and get some good supplies for the sake of memories.
Somewhere I heard a crash but it didn't distract me from reading the last written note of my best friend, I could already feel the tears in my eyes.
Look after yourself mate, I know you were a wreck while I was in Azkaban and I urge you not to let it happen again. You've got people who care about you Moony, you've got the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione, Mad-Eye, Dumbledore, I reckon Minnie cares about you too, and then there's Dora and every other bloody Order member. Again, if you go off and be a little anti-social werewolf, I will find a way back from the dead. Remember, I DID warn you.
Remember Remus, mate, we're always with you. We'll be there when you need us, you're not alone, you can do it Remus, because you are a Marauder after all. A true Marauder and I want you to know that.
Stay strong, trooper. Find love, have a few kids of your own and all in all just have as much fun as possible. Life's too short to waste; I've been telling you that for years.
I'll see you on the other side mate,
Padfoot
There were tears falling down my face as I finished the letter; it was just Sirius, through and through.
"Hello?" I heard a familiar voice call from the landing outside "Is there anyone here?"
The door opened slowly but I didn't take any notice of whoever came in.
"Wotcher, Remus." Nymphadora Tonks said as she walked into the room. I didn't turn around, or in any way acknowledge her greeting, I just sat and re-read the letter that Sirius had left. Tonks, of course, could sense something was up (I think it might be in the genes because Sirius always knew when something was troubling me) and I heard footsteps as she walked towards me.
The tears were still trickling down my face but I didn't look up from the parchment. This must have been written a day or two before he went to Ministry, a day or two before he was murdered, a day or two before I lost my last best friend.
"Hey, it's ok." Tonks said. "He'll be up somewhere pranking the rest of the dead. He's fine, Remus."
I looked up at her; she had tears in her eyes as well, making her bubblegum pink hair look strangely out of place.
"Yeah, it's just hard." I managed.
"Of course it is." She said. "But he wouldn't want us to feel sad about him. He'd probably hex us for it." She managed a weak smile which I returned.
"Come on, we've got find Bellatrix and kick her butt for him." She offered her hand and I took it and got up off the bed.
As we left the room, I took one last look at the room.
"Goodbye Padfoot, I hope you're having a laugh wherever you are."
Author's note: I've had this uncompleted for months and decided to finally finish it. I'm not too certain about the ending but I really enjoyed writing this story in a weird grief kind of way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.
I'd greatly appreciate reviews if you would be so kind to give them to me.
Thanks heaps for reading,
TTFN
Dork-with-glasses
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