Life with Leona: A Sugar and Spies Story
"Daddyyyyyyyyy!"
Napoleon smiled broadly at the sight of Leona Nicole racing down the hallway to greet him as he stepped inside her guardians' door. He knelt down and was almost bowled over by the enthusiastic three – year old as she slammed into his arms. He used her momentum to swing her up into the air while he stood up. "Leonaaaaa!" he replied as he hugged her and smothered her in kisses. He and Illya had been away for eleven days on a mission, their longest since she had come into their lives. "Did you miss me?" he asked and proceeded to tickle her as she screamed in delight.
"Yessssss!"
Napoleon smiled at Lamont and Rosie Greer; the Section Three agent and his wife who acted as Leona Nicole's guardians when he and Illya were on a mission. "Has she been behaving herself?"
Agent Greer's wife Rosie laughed and replied, "She's been a little lady, as usual. And, she is becoming quite the little polyglot. If I say something to her in Spanish, she'll answer in kind and then, repeat what she said In English. Same thing when we say anything to her in French. And, she's teaching Paige Russian! I heard the two of them speaking it while they were playing with their dolls the other day."
They had not told Leona that Napoleon and Illya had arrived back in New York two days earlier. Illya had needed the time to heal. They had been on assignment in the Middle East and Illya had been on the receiving end of a rather severe beating after his capture by the local THRUSH satrap. Once Napoleon rescued him and they destroyed the lab where the bad birds' latest poison was being tested on the unsuspecting nomadic tribes, they escaped into Somalia where they were able to hitch a ride with the US Navy to Italy courtesy of Mr. Waverly and his limitless connections. It was on the flight back to New York that Illya began to show signs of physical distress. He had collapsed in Mr. Waverly's office during debriefing and the doctors in Medical had diagnosed him with internal bleeding. Surgery had repaired the bleeder and he was now bouncing off the walls in Medical driving the staff crazy demanding to be released.
It had been a year since UNCLE's top team had returned from a mission in South Korea with a most unusual souvenir: A two year old biracial girl with whom Illya had fallen in love. Leona Nicole Hyun Reilly, as they had named her, had captured Illya's heart, then Napoleon's and then, against all odds, managed to charm Mr. Waverly into allowing his two agents to raise her; provided of course, that their job performances didn't suffer because of her.
Napoleon had sworn, as CEA, that their work would not suffer and, it had not. If anything, they had actually improved their success rating. It was as if they were now saving the world for Leona.
Leona loved staying with her "Aunt" Rosie and her "Uncle" Lamont when Daddy and Papa were out of town. Their little girl, Paige, was two years older than she and they were best friends. But, Daddy was here now and that meant she was going home. "We go home? Papa est maison? Papa is home?" she asked as she leaned back in her father's arms so she could look at his face.
He kissed her nose, put her down and said, "Yes, Sweetie, we're going home but, first we have to go to Medical…"
"Nooooooo!" she screamed and began to run back into the house. Only Lamont's quick thinking and hands prevented a full – blown getaway. As he stopped her, she cried, "No shots, Daddy! No shots! No shots!"
Napoleon had been stunned by his daughter's outburst before he remembered what "Medical" meant to her. He knelt down again and gathered the crying child into his chest. Rubbing her back, he soothed, "No, Leona, no shots. Daddy's sorry; he didn't mean to frighten you. I'm not taking you to see the doctor. We have to go get Papa and then we can go home. No shots, Leona, Daddy promises."
The toddler sniffled and wiped her eyes. She looked at all the adults around her and then focused in on her Daddy. "Papa's sick?"
"No, Leona. Papa got hurt but, he feels better so we're going to get him now. Are you ready to go? Say goodbye to Uncle Lamont and Aunt Rosie." After she kissed the Greers goodbye, she took Napoleon's hand and walked with him to the car.
MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU
Illya sat on the edge of the bed waiting for Napoleon and Leona to come. His ribs were taped up, he had a total of eighty – seven stitches scattered along his arms, legs and torso; his prominent bottom lip was even more so at the moment, thanks to the heavy – handed "questioning" he had been subjected to by two of THRUSH's thuggiest. He was grateful that, other than that fist to his mouth, they had been more partial to body blows than face punching. He didn't want to scare Leona when she saw him.
He smiled in spite of the discomfort when he thought of her. He had no idea what thought processes Mr. Waverly had gone through to decide that Leona Nicole could live with him and Napoleon but, he thanked a God he didn't believe in that he had. Being her Papa made him better and made him want to be better. She had been in his life for a year and as clichéd as it sounded; he couldn't picture his life without her in it. He had always been good at what he does, had always taken precautions to ensure the success of his mission and the continued existence of himself and his partner but, it was different now. Before, if either of them were to die in the field in the line of duty, the survivor would have lost a partner and best friend and UNCLE a highly – trained agent. If one of them were to be lost now, the former would still be true plus, Leona would have lost a parent. Conversely, if they were to take fewer chances in the field, Mr. Waverly would make sure she lost both her parents. Knowing that pushed him to work that much harder to be successful and keep them both safe and he knew his partner felt the same way.
Just then, his room door pushed open and Leona appeared. "Papaaaa!" she yelled and started to make a mad dash for him. She was stopped by Napoleon lifting her into the air and turning her around to face him.
"Leona, what did Daddy tell you in the car?" he asked her.
"Be gentle with Papa," she answered. "I will. Promise" she said solemnly.
Napoleon kissed her and stood her up on the bed next to Illya. She put her arms around his neck very gently and patted the back of his head. "Hi, Papa. Love you," she said as she hugged him.
"I love you, Leona Nicole," Illya replied softly as he hugged her back. He was so glad to see her and she did not seem to be upset by his swollen lip and discolored skin alongside his mouth. "Are you and Daddy here to take me home?"
Before she could answer, the door swung open again and Dr. James entered. When Leona saw who it was, she whirled around to face him, put her arms out as if to block him from Illya and warned him, as only an angry three – year old can, "Don't you hurt my Papa! Daddy, help!"
Dr. James looked so shocked that both Napoleon and Illya burst out laughing. Illya wrapped his arms around her waist and said, "Thank you for protecting Papa but relax, Leona, Dr. James helped me to feel better. He's just here to say goodbye. Isn't that right, Doctor?"
The doctor nodded and handed Napoleon a pill bottle and said to Illya, "Those are painkillers. I know you won't take them, Illya but, humor me and take them home anyway. Come back in one week to have your stitches removed. And, how are you, Miss Reilly?" All he got for an answer was an angry stare.
Napoleon gave the toddler an "I'm not playing with you" look and said sternly, "Leona, don't be rude."
She leaned back into Illya and when the Russian did not come to her defense, she said, "Yes, Daddy." She glanced at Dr. James and answered him, "Fine." But, it was quite clear to the adults that the little girl regarded this man who gave her shots as someone not to be trusted around her or her parents.
Illya got up from the bed slowly and reached for his jacket that was lying across the chair next to the bed. He winced as he pulled it on and said, "Well, as nice as this is, I would much prefer to leave and go home."
"Do not report back to work for two weeks, Mr. Kuryakin. I have already informed Mr. Waverly that you will be on sick leave for at least that long. I expect you to have bed rest as much as possible," Dr. James said, adding, "Mr. Solo will probably have to spend more time with Leona but, it can't be helped."
Illya glared at UNCLE's Chief Medical Officer but, said nothing. He looked at his partner who smiled knowingly, picked Leona up and then indicated to the Russian he should walk out the door.
Napoleon bowed slightly to the doctor and followed Illya out of Medical to the elevators. Once they exited onto the main floor, Illya's discomfort made his gait slower than normal and Napoleon adjusted his pace to match it. The UNCLE grapevine must have spread the news that the Russian was discharged from Medical two seconds after he left because the hallway to Reception was interspersed with various secretaries and other female support personnel all offering to help with Leona while Illya was recuperating.
At first, Illya thanked each woman and declined their offers graciously but, he quickly grew tired and surly. Napoleon decided the best way to save his dating pool and stay in the ladies' good graces was to speak for both of them. He would take a moment to speak to whomever spoke to them; stopping so they could exchange pleasantries with Leona and he would grace each woman with his most dazzling smile and hope she hadn't noticed that Illya had not slowed nor uttered a single word.
Napoleon had caught back up to his partner and they were about twenty yards from the Reception door when it opened and Melody Beauchamp of Translations came through into the hallway. She was so tall, that even wearing a low heel, she still stood an inch taller than Napoleon. Her chestnut brown hair with golden highlights made her green eyes even more luminescent. She had the type of beauty that didn't need a lot of embellishment. She usually just wore lipstick and mascara and it did more for her than a whole bucket of war paint on someone else. Napoleon had wanted to date her ever since she had been hired by UNCLE three months prior but, she only had eyes for Illya. Napoleon liked to think the attraction was only because she spoke Russian but, he knew she fancied his partner.
"Illya, be nice to her. I wouldn't mind her coming to the penthouse," he whispered as she approached them. Illya just scowled.
"Mr. Solo, hello! Mr. Kuryakin, I'm so glad you're out of Medical; you look…better. Leona, hi, how are you?"
Leona turned big brown eyes on Melody and smiled. For some reason, she liked this woman. She looked at her; the other women only looked at Daddy and Papa, even when she thought they were speaking to her. "Good, how are you?" She noticed Papa looking at her.
"I'm fine, Leona, thank you for asking. Mr. Kuryakin, she really is cute."
Illya looked back at Melody and said, "She must like you; she doesn't smile at everyone. She takes after me in that regard." Now it was Illya's turn to smile. "Please, call me Illya and him Napoleon. And, thank you, I do think she's quite cute."
"You're welcome and please, call me Melody. I hope I'm not being too forward but, starting tomorrow, I'm on the 6AM to 2PM shift. You don't look one hundred percent yet…I could take Leona to daycare or babysit her while Napoleon's at work, if you like."
Napoleon jumped into the conversation. "Actually," he said, "Illya normally picks Leona up from daycare around 2:30 when we're not on assignment. If you picked her up and brought her home, that would be a major help. If you do that for us, I'll make dinner for all of us Friday." He wiggled his eyebrows and said with false modesty, "Not to brag but, I've been told my fettuccine Alfredo is world – class."
Illya rolled his eyes and retorted, "Yes, by the man in the mirror and Leona; both of whom I think are quite biased. I can tell you, Melody, that he has not poisoned anyone yet. Don't let Napoleon put you on the spot. If you do not feel comfortable getting Leona, it's fine, just say so and we will find a way to make other arrangements. The Greers would keep her if we asked; it's just that, we wouldn't have her with us and I have missed her terribly." He knew he was playing on her emotions and didn't really care; he wanted his daughter with him at home and as much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, with him on bed rest, they could use the extra set of hands. And, she is rather pretty, he thought.
"Mr., I mean, Illya, I would be happy to pick Leona up tomorrow! It's not a problem at all." Melody turned to Leona, who was still in Napoleon's arms and asked, "Leona, is it alright if I pick you up from daycare tomorrow?" She was thrilled when Leona let go of her Daddy's neck and held out her arms to her. "I'll take that as a 'yes!'" she laughed as she took the smiling toddler into her arms.
Napoleon watched the two of them and concluded, "It's all settled then. I'll let Miss Davis know to expect you tomorrow afternoon. Thanks a lot, Melody." He watched her put Leona on the floor. "Remember, dinner on Friday," he said. She smiled at all of them and then walked on to report for duty.
Both men let their eyes follow her walk appreciatively until Leona tugged on Illya's pants leg and whined, "Wanna go home, Papa!" He looked down at her and smiled.
"Me, too," he replied, "Napoleon, let's go." And the three of them went through Reception, exited Del Floria's and into a cab home to the penthouse.
The few women who had remained in the hallway and managed to witness and overhear some of the exchange between the two agents and the translator looked at each other and practically stampeded back to their offices. Within twenty minutes, the grapevine had it all over HQ that the newest interpreter had both Illya and Napoleon eating out of the palm of her hand after using her Baby Whisperer skills to charm Miss Leona Nicole.
MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU
The fact that Illya had entered the penthouse and gone to his room to get into bed without being practically dragged there proved to Napoleon how much pain his partner was experiencing. While Illya took a nap, Napoleon made dinner for himself and his daughter.
It had taken some time but, Napoleon had finally figured out how to cook for a young child. Simple, uncomplicated dishes without a lot of spices were the rule of the day. She was not too fussy an eater but, he had become a master of sneaking nutrition into her food without her knowledge. Leona's current favorite was baked chicken and macaroni and cheese. She actually got the majority of it into her mouth. Right now, she had a mostly eaten chicken leg in her left fist. She took one more bite and put the bone on her plate. "Finished, Daddy!" she announced.
"Yes, you are, Sweetheart," he acknowledged as he wiped her face and hands clean with a wet wipe. "Do Daddy a favor, please, and go see if Papa is awake. Don't talk to him, OK? Just look to see if his eyes are open then come back and tell me."
"OK, Daddy!" She climbed down from her seat and started to run but, at a look from her father, she began to walk very fast down the hall. He stood up and cleared the table. He had also eaten macaroni and cheese for dinner but, his had lobster, shallots and brie mixed into it. He rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher. He would turn it on before going to bed.
I'm lucky Melody is helping out or tomorrow would have been a problem. Now that Paige is in kindergarten, Rosie has to go to two different locations to collect the children. I don't like to impose when we're both in town…
"Daddy? Papa's awake," Leona said, "I opened the door and he was smiling at me. I didn't talk to him; I just looked and now, I'm here."
Napoleon laughed, "You are such a good girl, Leona! I bet Papa is hungry. I'm going to bring him some food. I have a chocolate muffin for you. Do you want to keep Papa company while you eat it?"
"Yes, Daddy, thank you!"
Napoleon fixed a plate of baked chicken, macaroni and cheese and a salad and placed it on a tray along with two glasses of milk and two chocolate muffins. With Leona trailing behind, he went to Illya's room. He could hear the Russian in the bathroom so; he placed the tray on the table and Leona in a chair and placed her muffin and milk in front of her. These muffins were his greatest nutritional kid – friendly invention: A box of devil food cake mix, a can of pureed pumpkin mixed together and baked in a muffin pan. She didn't have to know it was good for her.
"How you feeling, Partner?" he asked as Illya came out of the bathroom wrapping his bathrobe around him. Illya saw his dinner and walked slowly to the table and sat down. He pulled Leona's chair closer to kiss her on her forehead and then pushed her chair back to its original position, much to her delight.
"Better; a little stiff but, better. Thanks for bringing me something to eat. Is it OK for Leona to speak to me now?" he rolled his eyes drolly. "She stared at me for a good ten seconds before she left the room."
"Not only can you two have a conversation, you can have one without me. I have work to do. I'll pick up the dishes later." Napoleon went out of the room and headed to his office.
After Mr. Waverly gave his permission to Napoleon and Illya to raise Leona, he bought the penthouse next door, knocked down the wall separating the two and doubled his living space. Illya gave up his apartment and he and Leona moved in so they could share parenting duties. They each had their own bedroom and bath and Napoleon converted the master bedroom in the adjoining apartment into an office he and Illya shared. That was where he headed with the stack of agents' reports he needed to review and the statistics he needed to convert into a report for the Old Man.
A little while later, he stretched both his arms over his head and yawned loudly. He had read and signed off on all the reports and was more than half – way through his statistics report. Bending his left arm toward his face, he checked the time and then did a double – take. 10:45? I came in here at 6:30!
He gathered up the agents' reports and walked back into the living room of what he now called the "main apartment" and placed the papers in his briefcase. He walked to Illya's door, knocked lightly and stepped in.
Illya was propped up on his pillows and waved him closer. Leona was dressed in one of her Papa's T – shirts and was sound asleep curled up against his side. He had his arm draped around her and it was obvious to Napoleon that the Russian had also been sleeping before he had knocked.
"We had a very enlightening conversation, Napoleon. Did you know that her dolls and Paige's dolls are also good friends?"
"Sorry I missed it. I really meant to come get her hours ago. I lost track of time."
Illya shrugged, "Don't worry about it. When I saw that she was getting drowsy, I took her to the bathroom, made sure she used it. I didn't want to try to bathe her with my ribs such as they are so, I washed her and brushed her teeth. She saw some of my bandages and wanted to know who had hurt me."
Napoleon sat on the edge of the bed. "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that you and I do important work and sometimes, I get hurt but that she shouldn't worry because her Daddy and her Papa take care of each other and we make sure that she will always be taken care of and loved. Well? Do you think that is an answer that Doctor Spock would find acceptable?" He rubbed his daughter's back affectionately.
The brunet grinned and replied, "When Doctor Spock was writing his book on raising children, I doubt he had two male spies as parents in mind; so, some things we're just going to have to figure out on our own. We've been doing fine. Anyway, I'm going to put this little one to bed." He stood up and walked around the bed so he could pick Leona up more easily. She settled into his arms and he walked to the doorway, "See you tomorrow, Partner."
MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU
It had been a busy day for Napoleon; he chaired a staff meeting of the Section Heads per Mr. Waverly's request that had lasted for two hours followed by a three – way conference call between UNCLE, the CIA and Interpol regarding drug trafficking that UNCLE suspected was being underwritten by THRUSH to finance their latest scheme to dominate the world one Third World country at a time. He then dictated some changes to the Section Two Manual of Standard Operating Procedures to Lacy in the Secretarial Pool to type up. When she brought him the finished work, he signed off on it, made a lunch date with her for the following Monday and then instructed her to send the revised policies to every Section Two agent, all Section Heads and Mr. Waverly but, not before he sent her to the Commissary to get him a sandwich and a cup of coffee. He ate his lunch at his desk while reviewing the statistics report he had finished that morning so that he could send it up to the Old Man.
He called the daycare center at 2:45 to confirm that Melody had picked Leona up and was told by Miss Davis that she had picked his daughter up at 2:30 as expected. One less thing to worry about, he thought. He worked until 5:30; normally, he would have stayed until at least 6 but he was concerned that Leona would be too much for the recuperating Russian and he didn't want Illya attempting to cook.
When he approached his apartment door, he could hear Illya speaking and assumed he was talking to Leona. He unlocked the door then turned off and reset the alarm system. He walked into the kitchen to find Illya sitting on a stool with Leona in his lap while Melody was at the stove about to place a meatloaf in the oven.
"Hi," Napoleon said, "I wasn't expecting you to make dinner, Melody. Thanks."
Melody put the loaf pan in the oven and closed the door. "Well, when I got here, Illya was sitting on the couch relaxing so I offered to make Leona a snack. When he mentioned he had not eaten since breakfast, I decided to start dinner for you. I hope you don't mind."
Napoleon had put down his briefcase and lifted Leona off Illya's lap to hug and kiss her and then put her back. "Mind? Of course not! You're helping me out; otherwise, I would have to do it. You will be joining us for dinner, yes?"
Illya spoke up, "Unfortunately, Melody told me she isn't staying. She's been here since just after 3. She's already made mashed potatoes and sautéed spinach; all we have to do is heat it up when the meat loaf is done."
Melody removed the apron and hung it back up on the hook where she got it. She retrieved her coat and purse from the living room couch. In the meantime, Illya set Leona on the floor and got up to walk Melody to the door. She knelt down and hugged Leona saying, "Goodbye, Leona. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." She stood again and rubbed Illya's arm. "I'll see you tomorrow, too." With that, she left.
Illya was smiling to himself as he relocked the door and set the alarms. He turned around to see Napoleon looking at him. "What?"
Napoleon leaned against the kitchen counter and said, "You tell me. You two looked awfully cozy when I came home. I have the feeling I'm going to be a third wheel when she stays for dinner on Friday."
Illya went to check the meatloaf and turn the heat on underneath the spinach and potatoes. "Yes, well, about that, Napoleon. Melody and I talked and we decided that I'm going to take her out to dinner this Friday. And since you were already planning on being here, you can have dinner with Leona and stay with her. I like her, Napoleon and I want to get to know her better."
Napoleon sighed. I knew she liked him, he thought. "Leona, do you want to be Daddy's date Friday night? We'll eat pizza and salad and drink iced tea and we'll watch 'Mary Poppins.' Would you like that?"
Leona smiled and hugged her Daddy's leg. "Yes, Daddy. No salad."
Napoleon replied, "We'll see, Little Woman. Illya, I think I have the better date on Friday but, you have fun."
Illya laughed, "You may be right but, I will endeavor to have a good time. Let's eat dinner."