DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything related with the OC.
AN: Just something I started working on to fight my writer's block. I have a long holiday coming up and my goal is to finish all the unfinished stuff. Please don't throw things at me, I have no control over my imagination, I just write what it tells me to.
"…Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe
Sometimes I need you to stay away from me
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know
Somehow I need you to go…"
--Linkin Park
Ryan's English teacher pauses as she is passing out papers. She taps her fingers on the desk and he glances up at her.
"Can I see you after class?"
Ryan nods and then lowers his eyes again. He flips over the paper on his desk. No grade, just a 'see me' comments. Doesn't usually bode well for him. He's been in school here for over a month now and he finally feels like he's catching up. He's actually excelling in his classes according to his probation officer that keeps detailed records of his academic records. The bell rings for class and Ryan waits until the classroom clears out to approach the desk.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Ryan. Yes. Sit down," She smiles. Ryan glances at the door for a second and sees Seth standing outside, giving him a concerned expression.
"Am I in trouble?"
"No, Ryan. I wanted to talk to you about your personal essay…if you notice, I didn't grade it."
"I noticed. Do I need to do it over?" Ryan asks.
"I want you to consider submitting it to a journal that publishes…" She stops speaking, seeing his surprise. "You are doing exemplary work, Ryan."
"Thank you, Ms. Thomas…" Ryan says.
"This is your best work so far and you deserve to be recognized. I need your permission to submit this but if it's published, it will be a great addition to your transcript."
Ryan is silent. The teachers are accustomed to his quiet demeanor by now. He doesn't participate in class but when called on, he always has an articulate response.
"I'll give you some time to think about it. I've spoken with Dr. Kim about your progress and she also encourages you to submit your work. She would like to meet with you to discuss your class schedule when you have a chance…"
"My schedule?" Ryan asks, confused.
"She should be talking with you some time tomorrow. She'll explain everything then. I'll look forward to hearing from you," She smiles. Ryan glances back at the door and sees that Marissa and Summer have joined Seth by the door.
"Okay. I'll think about it." Ryan makes a quick exit.
"What's up? You flunk a test or something?" Summer asks.
"Something," Ryan mutters.
"What's going on?" Seth asks.
"Nothing important," Ryan shrugs. "I'm not in trouble or anything. She just wanted to talk to me about my essay."
"Bad grade?" Marissa asks, linking arms with him as they walk through the halls of the school. They are finally accepted as a couple in Newport and they don't get as many long stares as they used to.
"Nah. It was nothing."
*****
That night, Ryan is studying in the pool house when Sandy approaches, knocking softly. Ryan nods and he enters.
"So. How's everything?"
"Fine."
"Marissa?"
"She's good."
"What about school?"
"It's okay," Ryan shrugs. "What's going on?"
Sandy seems concerned. He sits down on the couch. "I was hoping you'd tell me."
"What are you talking about?" Ryan asks, confused.
"Dr. Kim called my office this afternoon. She told me about your essay."
"It's no big deal…" Ryan starts.
"It is a big deal. Your professor thinks that it has a good chance of being published. Dr. Kim said that you didn't give your teacher an answer."
Ryan shrugs. "It's a paper. I mean, it's not a big deal."
Sandy regards Ryan curiously. "Ryan. I had no idea until Dr. Kim called how well you are doing in school."
"It's school," Ryan states.
"This really doesn't matter to you? This is going to affect the rest of your life, Ryan," Sandy says. Ryan lowers his eyes. "What?"
"If you want me to do it, then I'll do it," Ryan replies quietly.
Sandy sighs. "I want you to do it because you want to better yourself, not because I'm telling you to do it. What?" He asks, catching a flash of something in Ryan's eyes. He has learned that Ryan doesn't usually speak without prompting but that his eyes display the boy's hidden emotions.
Ryan shakes his head.
"Ryan, tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing's wrong. I just…why is school such a big deal? I mean, yeah, you can learn lots of shit, but…it's not important," Ryan says, finally.
"It is important, Ryan…"
"It's important for people like you…" Ryan starts, but stops immediately. He sighs. "Look. I'm trying. But this…this isn't my life. It will never be my life."
Sandy is startled. "Explain that, Ryan."
Ryan doesn't meet the older man's gaze.
"Ryan. You're a part of this family…"
"Mr. Cohen…" Ryan sighs, interrupting. He is clearly emotional but doesn't speak again.
"Come on, Ryan. I know you're capable of speech," Sandy starts.
Ryan glances at him. "Why did you take me in? You think you see yourself in me? I mean, Mrs. Cohen doesn't want me here, Seth, he was just lonely. And you think I'm like you. But I'm not. You got where you are today by yourself. You worked your ass off to get out of a bad situation. There's nothing special about me, Mr. Cohen…"
"You're wrong," Sandy replies quietly. "Everyone sees it but you."
Ryan shrugs. "I don't see it. I'm sorry. So I'm glad to be here, I appreciate everything that you're doing for me but…" He glances at him. "But I'm not deluding myself that this is going to last."
Sandy has paled at Ryan's admission. "Ryan, nothing is going to jeopardize your place in this family…"
"That's what you say, Mr. Cohen, but the fact is…you don't know me. You don't know anything about me. If you did, I wouldn't be here," Ryan replies quietly.
Sandy is silent.
"God…I'm not good at this whole talking thing…" Ryan says, putting a hand to his face. "It's just…"
"Ryan. I don't know how I can make you feel like you belong here. You had 16 years without us but we're here now. Give us a chance. Give yourself a chance. You can get out of this rut…"
Ryan stares at the floor.
"You have a chance to make a life for yourself…" Sandy starts. "You have to take advantage of this."
Ryan nods.
"I'd like to take a look at your essay, Ryan."
Ryan reaches beside him and pulls the essay out of his notebook. He hands it to Sandy.
"Ryan." Sandy looks at him for a long beat. Ryan finally meets his gaze. "This is a good thing. This is an opportunity that you shouldn't miss."
"Okay," Ryan says quietly.
Sandy sighs. He takes the paper and leaves.