Promises and Regrets chapter 1: Why?
It hurts to think about him now. Before, every time he entered my mind all I could think of was him. Now I just want to forget him. Why, Axel, why? How could you do that to me? I thought you really loved me, that what we had was real. Now I see it was all a sham, just him trying to forget Roxas.
But... I don't understand how he could be so cold. He seemed so uncaring when he told me the farce of a relationship we had was over. Even if he's a Nobody and supposedly doesn't have a heart, he could've shown at least a ghost of some emotion. When he told me to get lost he really seemed... heartless. I always thought of Axel as one person who could make you feel warm, no matter what. But now I see he's just like all the others, cold and unforgiving.
"Roxas... why'd you have to leave?" He was my best friend too, and even if it meant I'd never get a shot at Axel I'd bring Roxas back as fast as possible. They were both my best friends, and now I'm alone. Alone. It stings just to think of the word. I can remember his touch, his soft eyes, his voice. I can remember how he would say he loves me, and I'd look into those eyes and see he wasn't lying. But I guess he's just a really good actor because I believed every word. I believed he loved me when he kissed me, I believed him when he touched me, I believed him when he made my scream in pleasure, I believed him when he held me close and buried his face in my hair. I believed him, and I loved him back with everything I had. But it was all a lie. I remember it so well, the day he left me:
~flashback~
"Axel! Hey!" I ran up to him in the hall of the castle, excited to see my lover. But when he turned to face me his gaze was cold and he looked almost angry. I stopped dead in my tracks, a few feet away, "Axel? Axel, what's wrong?"
"Just leave me alone, Demyx," he sounded so... so cold. It was beginning to scare me, what had happened that made him this way?
"Axel, what's up? What's going on?" He turned away from me, and that's when I began to get really scared, "A-Axel?"
"We're over, Demyx," he just walked away. I was stunned, what did I do wrong? I ran after him, trying to grab his arm only to have him pull it away. "You didn't do anything wrong except believe the lie."
"W-what do you mean?" I couldn't understand, why would he say such a thing?
"I mean, I never loved you, Demyx. Now leave me be, we're done. Roxas is gone, and I've gotten over it, I don't need you anymore," he never met my gaze once. I was frozen in my place, dropping to my knees as the weight of it all came crushing down. Axel never loved me, he was just using me. I saw him sneer at me as he walked away, shattering something that would've been my heart had I had one. That's when the first tears came.
~end flashback~
I thought I loved Axel, I thought he was amazing. I thought he would always be the one person who'd never leave me, who'd always be by my side. But I guess he forgot that promise, and now I'm all alone with nothing left but my sitar. I try to make music they way I used to, but now the notes come out wrong and empty. I have no one to be my muse, no one to inspire me to create the lovely songs I once did. I guess now I'm truly a Nobody, because now I can really feel the emptiness that comes with not having a heart. I still believe we have hearts, yes, but mine was just shattered by the one person I thought would always protect and cherish it. I always thought we had a purpose, even though everyone said we were never meant to exist. But what happens when that purpose, that reason to live and be disappears? Well, then you have a choice: continue to live without purpose or leave it all behind and get dragged down right along with that purpose. The two people I cared about most have left me to fend for myself, and make my own choices. I think I know which choice I'm going to make.