Chapter 1- my demons

The rain was tapping on the window and winter was starting to emerge, I sat at my large dark wooden desk which was piled high of paper work and bills. I rubbed my forehead and laughed to myself in self pity. What had I come to? Sighing to myself I shook the whiskey in the small glass in my right hand then downed it in one go. I was soon filled with a warm fuzzy feeling. Anything to get me away from her. Grunting to myself I shook my thoughts away.

That girl did nothing but ruin my life, but that girl also deserved better, I then smiled sloppily for the first time in two years. Her fiery temper that kept me going, her calming voice and the way she used her words were like the foundations that kept my heart stable. Her red curls and green eyes were just the start of her beauty; her pearly white skin. But then the past catches up with me.

Rose is dead.

I will never get to hold her tell her I'm sorry and kiss her a thousand times, I will never hear that voice that snapped at me all the time, I will never be the first to make love to her and no matter how much I tell myself these things they always come back to haunt me.

Their like demons that liked to tempt and trick me; every time I see sunshine it rains it's constantly like this non stop. I sighed once more and slouched in my green leather chair the colour now fading. I smacked my glass on the table in anger when all of a sudden one of the maids walked in.

"What are you doing in here!" I snapped my voice harsh and annoyed.

The young blonde looked frightened so I softened my voice "never mind, Miss?"

"Miss brook" she replied nervously

"Miss brooks, you do know the office is out of boundaries?" I reminded her

She nodded quickly then said "but sir there's a girl out at the front claiming to see you"

I was about to answer in my uninterested tone when my hopes went sky high and I smiled the biggest smile I could handle and shouted "She's finally here! she's came back!"

Miss brooks looked startled then smiled back politely and stepped away from the door to let me through. I was longing to see her red hair and perfect smile so much, I ran all the way to the door. I swung it open when my heart sank my whole world came crashing down and I was once again in the rain.

"What do you want!" I snapped annoyed

The young girl before me was chittering in the cold her whole dress was wet and her hair stringy and matted. I looked her up and down when my eyes widened when I realised she wasn't poor in fact she looked pretty wealthy. I was almost lost for words what is a lady like her doing all the way here?

"P-please s-sir I-I w-was p-passing out here w-when my car c-crashed and I had n-nowhere to go s-so I c-came h-here" she barely got her words out you could instantly tell she was rich by her accent she defiantly spoke like a lady.

Surprised at myself for pitying her I stepped to the side letting her in. She graciously walked in her heels clicking on the floor and water dripping onto it into small puddles. When I closed the door she literally jumped on me and began, crying? I stiffened and didn't except it graciously at all. Who was this woman?

"Thank You so much I-I was s-so afraid...but thank you so much for your kindness sir I will repay you I-I will work if you want? Or I can offer you money for the night I don't mind just please let me stay" her voice was cracked and she hung on to me for dear life. I have never seen any first class lady do this before.

When I released her and thought for a minute, this is crazy! One minute I'm in my study the next minute I have a random first class woman offering to work for me in order for her to stay. When I sighed she almost reminded me of Rose the way she gladly offered to help. When I looked at her for a long while and saw she had light brown curly hair and green eyes she wore white gloves and a pastel pink dress, she looked stunning even though she was wet.

When I found myself replying "you can stay but I...I can assure you you don't have to work or pay me I sure my house is that big I probably won't notice you so your no bother. But you will have to find your...family eventually"

She nodded "Thank You for your consideration but I would gladly help Mr-"

"Mr Hockley, but you can call me cal" I replied gruffly

She smiled "Miss Everston, but you can call me Lola"

I found myself wondering, who calls their child Lola? It's very unbecoming of a first class lady to have something so common? So I then said "Lola, would you care to take a seat while my maids take care of you"

"I would be more than delighted"

I walked with her into the lounge and she sat on the couch while I sat on the opposite one. I picked up one of my cigars, lighting it and breathing in the sent, hopefully this will blur out the fact all she does is remind me of Rose.

"Why, your home is magnificent it's in the middle of the country as well. I live in the city you see; always so busy and crowded, I love the country it's always so peaceful and tranquil" she looked around mesmerised.

"Thankyou, if you don't mind me asking what is your social status?" I questioned curious, she certainly dressed, walked and talked first class but the things she talked about no lady would ever talk about to a man.

"I'm first class, but most of the time" she lowered her voice "I like to pretend I'm second"

I smiled at this (for the first time, genuinely, in years) the more I began to know her the more she reminded me of Rose she certainly had her free adventures spirit. But it also made my insides scream in agony as I remembered the treacherous things that happened that night and how Rose is deep deep down in that oce-

"Mr Hockley do you have a family?" She looked around as if trying to find evidence to a photo or object of some sort. My insides stung at the question and I took a long puff on my cigar, it was an inappropriate question, almost selfish. But the look on her face and the innocence it held made my stomach sink and a sad smile to form on my lips.

I breathed out the toxins I'd consumed "no...I was engaged once though my fiancé passed away for reasons I do not wish to talk about" I explained

She nodded slowly then looked down as if disappointed, strange, most woman are usually smirking behind my back now that they want me.

"I'm sorry to hear that, I was actually on my way to meet my fiancé to be" she smiled almost too happily "I'm quite glad now that car did crash, at least I won't have to be married." She sighed "it was just me in the car and the driver, mother and father couldn't make it and Daniel is too young, would only be a burden, he stayed with the nanny. The driver said he'd take a walk, wouldn't be long, it wasn't anything disastrous, the crash that is, but enough to scare someone. The driver, he didn't come back after about 4 hours of bitter; cold non stop raining" she explained

"I'm very sorry to hear that miss, I could help you find your car and return to your family? You said your name was Everston? Are you related to the Everstons In England?" I asked hopefully.

She nodded and smiled rather sweetly "Yes, I am in fact in relation to them! My uncle lives there, however, my farther wanted to move to England when him and my mother wed. But thank you so much, Mr Hockley, I live miles away, however, I would like to find them. Anyway, I'm rather glad I'm with your company!"

I wanted to smile back however my mind kept questioning, was she flirting? No, she's too naive to flirt. She wouldn't. She's so enthusiastic though, I wish Rose was like this with me, she only did it with Dawson. Then again, it is rather annoying, maybe that's why she never did it? I sighed that feeling of guilt setting into my mind again.

So much like Rose.

I found myself asking "Why did your farther move from England then? Surely it was more...substantial to stay nearer to his roots?"

She looked taken aback and said rather briskly "My farther wanted a better life. But, it is not there where he earned his fortune"

I found myself confused, the Everstons from England, Oxford to be exact, were very wealthy from what I recall. So I asked "From what I could fathom, the Everstons, were a considerably wealthy family? Your farther did not have fortune before?"

I took another draw on my cigar, nearing the end, whilst I waited for her answer. She took in a sharp breath, her waist went in sharply and it almost looked painful before she let it out and said "My grandfather, owned a considerable amount of mines in the Midlands. He made his own industry, although you probably know this, he was a very rich man and took part in many investments. It was rich land, until the mines eventually made no profit it was barren. However, my Grandfather was still very rich and when he died at 42, my uncle, being the older son, inherited it all leaving my farther and my pother Uncle, who was an infant at the time, completely out of wealth"

I took in a long breath, I could smell the smoke in the air, surely this Uncle of hers would have shared the inheritance? I was an only child so my farther didn't have a choice and he didn't exactly trust my cousin Darius.

"This uncle of yours...surely he split the inheritance between you?" I asked doubtfully.

She pursed her lips, obviously angry at the situation, and said tiredly "Of course not, he took after my Grandfather and greed was a much more valuable option to him. I mean, what would you do if you were given a multi-million pound inheritance?"

I chucked darkly, what would I do? I find myself replying too easily to that question, so I say "Now? I'd probably not even touch it, it would go in my bank and sit there for years upon end whilst I waste it on cigars and the finest whisky. A few years ago? I would have spent it on the finest of party's, my fiancés dresses and our wedding"

She looked up suddenly intrigued at the mention of Rose. Of course she did. Who didn't want to hear about Rose? Everyone wanted to know the mystery of what happened that night, why I had to support Ruth and make sure she carried on with her privileged life, even after what Rose did.

"She sounds like a very beautiful woman. I wish I could have found love" she looks down solemnly.

If only she knew.

"Did you not want to marry?" I asked out of curiosity butting out the leftover stub of my cigar In the marble ashtray.

"Not really no...I've always wanted to find out myself before I go figuring someone els out"

So much like Rose.

She was about to carry on when one of the older maids walked in and said "Miss, your room is ready we have some clothes for you as well"

She smiled and replied "well thankyou so much for your help I won't be requiring your help for the rest of the evening"

What was she doing giving my maids the evening off? Who did she think she was!? "Miss Encore you will assist Lola until she is ready to retreat for the night. You will not listen to anything she says about dismissing, do you understand? Good"

I looked at Lola who's face was muddled her eyes a questioning look and a scowl on her swollen cherry lips when I smiled (it was meant to be smug) and she relaxed and turned around following her maid upstairs. I groaned and sighed loudly thank god for that! She certainly was polite, kind, well mannered but I certainly couldn't handle another rose. Or could I? I really didn't know...if she does anything more however that does disturb me she will be gone by tomorrow. I'm going to find her family as soon as possible.

Why, for gods sake, was she so much like Rose?