Part numero dos! The Snowman of Doom!
Author's Note:
Sorry for the long delay…I meant to have it out by January…of last year…but then winter past so I figured I would wait a year. And now it's March. Oh wells. I hope to have more updates soon, but this story is just a series of one-shots with no real semblance of a plot, just so you all know. But boy are these fun to write! If you guys have any requests on silly scenarios for my unfortunate victi…I mean for the Akatsuki and Sakura to undergo, just let me know and I'll try to make it happen!
Disclaimer: So apparently I do not in fact own Naruto. Well that's news to me. No wonder I am so broke! :(
Sakura was angry. After the snowball fight incident, as Pein so eloquently put it, she was placed under house arrest. She didn't really understand why he was making such a big deal out of it. But then again he was psychotic and mea—
"Sakura… Please stop narrating your life in third person," the aforementioned man started, "And I am not psychotic."
"Never! Sakura declared and she stomped out of the room dramatically," shouted the pinkette as she stomped out of the room…dramatically.
Pein just shook his head, still muttering that he was not psychotic before he decided to go get another piercing. He could fit another one…somewhere…maybe. 'It will only take an hour…' he thought as he teleported to his favorite piercing parlor.
"Sakura then bumped into Kisame," she said as she bumped into Kisame…
"Are you still narrating your life Sakura?" the tall shark like man asked as he steadied her.
"Why yes. Yes I am, Sakura declared," Sakura dec…well you get the idea. She then spun around and frolicked away towards the kitchen. Standing in the doorway was her next victi… I mean someone who might understand her pain…because of Pein. "Oh I crack myself up," Sakura snickered under her breath.
"TOBI!" Sakura screamed. "Pein's being unreasonable! The beautiful girl stated," Sakura whined to the masked man.
Tobi being the good boy he is ran away from the ranting rosette. Luckily his flight went unnoticed as Sakura's eyes landed on the source of all her misfortune.
"Hidan…you got me into this mess!"
"No I didn't…" he quickly denied while he finished eating his Fruit Loops. He was convinced that they where the breakfast cereal of the gods.
"Liar!" Sakura yelled and then stole his beloved cereal, eating the rest before he could even react. Hidan of course then proceeded to tackle the girl and a catfight quickly followed. Itachi, who had been sitting at the table unnoticed, watched with mild amusement before returning his attention to his beloved dango.
"Sakura quickly won the fight seeing as Hidan is a pansy!" Sakura declared rather loudly. Hidan picked his pride off the ground, placed it on a high shelf out of her reach before starting the fight all over again.
"I will avenge the death of those colorful rings!" he cried as the continued to roll around on the floor. Sakura quickly retorted with the fact that they were going to die anyway.
By this time most of the Akatsuki had drifted into the kitchen and most had started to place bets on who would win. Well until Kakuzu placed money on Sakura, then everyone immediately backed out.
"What did he do this time," Deidara muttered to his partner. Sasori pondered this for a moment for it really could be the result of a number of things. Looking at her the wrong way, trying to get her to eat broccoli, being injured with more than a minor cut while it was "that" time of the month; all of which Hidan had found out the hard way.
"I really thought we had another week until 'that' time," Kisame wondered, he always kept track so that he would be gone when dooms-week hit.
"HA! You are terrible, Hidan! Sakura said triumphantly," she said…I am really sick of you taking my job Sakura. It's kind of irritating and confusing.
"Tobi is a good boy," To—
"Tobi declared! Ha! Take that disembodied voice!" Sakura shouted. Ha! Take that girl whose actions I have control over. Sakura gave a wordless cry and slumped to the ground. Itachi slowly stood from his spot and flash stepped the heck away from the volatile girl. "Fine…as much fun as I have had narrating my life I think I'll leave that to the professionals. Disembodied voice you can have your job back!" she said directing it towards the ceiling.
Thank you.
'What the hell?' All of the nearby Akatsuki thought, but had the intelligence to keep it to themselves. Around this time Pein had wandered back from his adventure and was quickly spotted by the pinkette.
"Pein!" she screeched, mainly because she was bored out of her mind. Showing Hidan up was only amusing for so long and then there was the fact that Pein had grounded her. Which makes sense because she is still their prisoner… "But in her mind she feels like he is being an evil dictator."
"Which I am…I thought you were leaving narrating to the 'professionals," Pein said as he waltzed in. "Sakura I do not waltz into rooms. It just does not happen."
"You just did! I saw!" she shouted and pointed accusingly.
"What do you want?"
"To go play in the snow…" seeing the coming 'HELL NO!' Sakura whipped out her secret weapon.
"Oh no…not that," Pein whimpered in fea—"SAKURA!"
"What! You totally did!"
"I am the leader of the fearsome S-class criminal organization known as the Akatsuki, little pink haired girls do not cause me to whimper in fear or otherwise."
"Jerk!"
"And that's not even what I said!" he snapped at the poor pinkette.
"Sakura promptly burst into tears," she whimpered as she burst into tears. Itachi appeared next to her instantaneously to comfort the now sobbing pink-haired girl. The other Akatsuki members glared at their leader promising death for making her cry. Pein rolled his eyes and sighed.
"What happened?" Itachi murmured quietly whilst rubbing her back in comfort. He grimaced as she blubbered into his cloak, turning the famous, and I am pretty sure patented, Uchiha death glare onto Pein.
"Sakura," Pein began, "If you promised to not initiate a snowball fight, I will let you go outside." He sighed; this girl would be the death of his fearsome reputation.
She looked at him, tears still on her face, but it was filled with hope. "Really?" came her small, squeaked out reply.
"Yes, really," Pein let a small smile slip through as she wiped furiously at the tears on her now smiling face. The pinkette looked positively giddy. "But you have to promi-"
"Yes! I promise! Thank you!" Sakura yelled running up to him. "I love you! You're the best!" She hugged him utterly oblivious to the sound of gritted teeth from the watching members. Pein, however, was not. He sent a triumphant smirk over her the top of her head toward his subordinates. His smirk grew as Itachi clenched his fists and let anger and jealousy distort his usually serene, blank face.
But the moment didn't last. Sakura gave another squeeze, and then bolted out the door, grabbing Itachi's hand as she raced out. Her laughter was ringing throughout the base as she threw snow into the air and danced around. It was then, as he looked out the kitchen window at the dancing girl, Pein decided she was going to be his. He glanced at the other Akatsuki members. They would be a problem. Especially Itachi. Said man was smiling softly at the gleeful pinkette. Pein looked out the window again and screamed…in his mind…like a man. Sakura had a snowball in her hand.
"Sakura!" he shouted as he ran outside. She yelped and dropped the offending object.
"Pein! Look what you made me do!" the pinkette whined. "Itachi-kun and I were making a snowman."
"Sorry, I thought…" Pein stopped abruptly. 'Itachi-kun and I? Itachi-kun and I?" He paled at the thought…like a man…of course. "I'll help," he said quickly.
"Okay!" she chirped happily, completely oblivious to his reasoning.
"So will I," the rest of the Akatsuki chimed in at the same time. Sakura squealed and flailed for a moment before making a snowball. And rolled it on the ground. The Akatsuki watched in boredom. 'Why did I offer to do this?' The pinkette rolled past, bent over. 'Oh yeah…that's why.' They all watched for several minutes as she rolled and rolled.
"Kisame help me! Please," she said when the ball got too big for her to move on her own. It reached her waist now, but she wanted bigger.
"Fine," the blue man stated, pulling Sammy off his back. "Itachi, could you put him inside? We don't want Sakura to have another mental break down." Sakura screamed in outrage that she did not have aforementioned break down. The Akatsuki rolled their eyes and Itachi created a clone to send Sammy inside. Kisame walked over to the giant snowball that was beginning to tower over Sakura as she continued to roll it around. He stood next to her and began to push…
Time skip….
"Now to get the middle one on," Sakura huffed. The bottom snowball towered over Kisame and it took all of them to push. The middle one was a little shorter than the fish-man and was only a tiny bit less wide than the bottom. Thusly, they had reached a dilemma.
"How in fucking hell are we supposed to get it up there? Seriously!" Hidan said in his eloquent way.
"Sakura, I am positive that having the words 'Hidan' and eloquent' in the same sentence is a sign of the apocalypse," Itachi said in a bored monotone.
"Yeah, yeah!" Deidara agreed, but his double 'yeahs' caused most of the members to stare at him in confusion.
"Pein!" Sakura shouted, shaking her head to rid it of its prior confusion. "Use the Force!"
"Me! Sakura we're ninja not Jedi."
"What the fuck are Jedi?"
"Tobi is a good boy!"
"No, yeah!" and with that Deidara managed to stop all conversation. Even Sakura was quite for several moments, trying to figure it out. "I meant, Tobi is not a good boy, yeah."
"Ohhh…" everyone said at the same time, causing Sakura to shout 'Jinx!' at the top of her lungs. Pein rolled his eyes and used his Shinra Tensei to lift the middle part upwards.
"See! You are a Jedi!" Sakura crowed while pointing in triumph.
"How do you point in triumph?" Sasori asked as he rolled the head up to the group. Sakura looked at it and smiled at how perfect it looked.
"Use the Force, Pein!" she said dramatically. Said man rolled his eyes, but obliged the pinkette. The perfect head was lifted onto the massive snowman. "Time to decorate it!" Sakura declared.
She quickly gave everyone a job, an item to collect, or something to make. Kisame and Kakazu had to go and steal a giant carrot that had won a prize in a nearby town. Itachi went to find big rocks with Tobi and Zetsu for the eyes and mouth. Hidan went with Deidara to find a giant scarf. While Pein was tasked with finding a giant top hat.
'Where am I supposed to find this?' every man thought as they went about their task.
Another Time skip…because the narrator is lazy.
Shut up Sakura!
"Don't tell me to shut up!" the pinkette yelled at the sky. The Akatsuki looked at her and then each other, shrugged and decided not to question it.
"Is this good, yeah?"
"Tobi is a goo—"
"Shut the fuck up Tobi."
"I'm hungry…Mhmmm. Fish"
"Stop looking at me! I swear I don't taste like fish!"
"This is not true art. It does not—"
"Shut the fuck up Sasori."
"Stop cursing Hidan."
"Shut the fuck up you stupid, fucking money grubber!"
"Hn."
"That is not a real word!" Everyone looked at the pinkette as she managed to completely break the conversation. Pein face-palmed.
"Shut the fuck up Ita—"
"Mangekyou Sharingan."
That's when it happened. As Hidan collapsed his scythe fell into Kisame, who jumped away into Tobi, who flailed into Deidara…and they fell into a heap at the base of the snowman. Pein stood in from of them shaking his head. He stood there holding back his laughter not noticing how the pile jumped ninja-like out of the way. Of what my dear reader? Well apparently when everyone fell into the snowman some of the support slipped. So the snowman began to tremble. Then gravity allied itself with the massive snowman made of compact snow and chunks of ice, against Pein.
"The twisted inanimate object alliance! Hidan! You stupid elastic waistband! You've doomed us all!" (AN: I will give a virtual cookie to anyone who can tell me where I got that from!) The Akatsuki looked at the rosette, then back to the snowman. It began to tip and sway. They then all turned their gaze to the still chuckling Pein.
'How did he not hear her psychotic exclamation?' they all thought, besides Pein and the pinkette who was pointing frantically at the snowman behind him. Pein turned his head and looked up at the quickly approaching snowman.
Crunch!
"Do you think we can just leave him and act like this never happened?" Sakura asked hopefully. The Akatsuki nodded and they all headed inside. Where Itachi handed her a cup of hot chocolate, whose origin still remained a mystery.
Author's Note:
Teehee…silly Pein. Anywhoo I hope you enjoyed! I have the third one written on paper so now I need the inspiration to transfer it to the computer. Just a teaser so that you guys can yell at me to post it already, just one word: Sardines. That creates so many images…all of them acceptable outcomes.
Now to reviews (I am a bad author and haven't replied to any of these…FORGIVE ME!)…Those of you who just want to read the story and really could not care less about the reviews can leave now…(I will shamefully admit that I am one of those people).
KagomeAngel91: I completely and utterly agree with that statement! Though anything with the Akatsuki is automatically the best eva!
The Jackal: I fully place blame of Sammy the sword on my best friend Julia, who insisted that there was more to the sword than meets the eye. I still am not quite sure where Itachi keeps getting the hot chocolate and dango…it's still a mystery…Ooooh…
speedangel: You should probably see a doctor about that…all joking aside I am pleased you got that much enjoyment out of this silly story and LOOK! Another chapter! Woo!
AkatsukiSexToy101: Thank you! I am glad you like it and I have finally made it longer!
Hana-Taisho: I love Crocodile Dundee! That movie is fantastic! I finally made someone's day! WOOO! Time to check that off the list…Hot chocolate sounds good all the time…especially from IHOP…mmmm…*off to IHOP. * Wait no longer my friend the next chapter is here! *dramatic pose* …after I get back from IHOP.
Karatekid-Ninja: Oh lawd…what have I done! Lol. Thank you so much!
Akatsuki Sakura Uchiha: Itachi realized that it needed to be said…Deidara crossed the line by betraying the hot chocolate…lol
Anon: 'Tis true. I do love Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. And that was the inspiration for the story…I'm glad somebody caught it. :)
Hell-fire-sister: Thank you!
Randomizer7: Thank you so much! And I finally did! WOOO!
Narugirl101: That seriously made my day! I am glad that my crazy sense of humor caused that much amusement! Teehee! Thank you!
DragonInuYoukai: Thanks!
AkatsukiGurl4eva: Thank you!1!one! I finally made more! Hopefully the third will be up within the next couple weeks! I hope you enjoyed this one though!
Safireanddiamonds: Why yes…yes he is.
Imyself2121: Thank you! It was very fun to type, I couldn't stop giggling as the mentally images rolled on through as a typed it.