Honoka always had a brief moment of hesitation before knocking on Nozomi's door. It wasn't much more than a second of unnecessary doubt, but it was always a constant. Even though the weekly trips to the apartment were beginning to become the norm, she could never shake the tiny thoughts telling her not to intrude.
She shook her head and took in a sharp breath, trying to ward off all the intrusive and uncharacteristic thoughts before they could take over. It was going to be a cheery Friday night together with two other friends, just like it always was. No more, no less.
It so happened that two of them were dating, and had been happily together for months. So there was always that gnawing suspicion in Honoka's head of being unwelcome. Thoughts of intruding into a space that she didn't have much right to be in, even if her heart always said otherwise. Giving off feelings that even she had a hard time coming to terms with.
After all, loving two separate people was already a difficult enough thing to come out and say, but if those two people were already in a committed relationship, Honoka knew it was best to bury and forget. Even she had enough tact to know when a line needed to be drawn with feelings like these. She cherished her own personal love but had long since recognized that it would never lead to anything.
Another shake of her head and Honoka knocked her knuckles against the door. The sound giving off a gentle echo into the cool spring evening. A few breaths and she was back to her unforced smile and cheer. Despite it all, she was always happy to see them.
The door unlocked, slowly swinging open with a creak.
"Oh, you're already here, Honoka," Eli said, smiling and ushering Honoka inside. "Come on in. Nozomi and I were trying to figure what we should do tonight. You got here in time to help us."
"Thanks for having me." Honoka followed behind Eli, the door closing behind her. She slid her shoes off and pushed them to the side. There was a new sense of familiarity to it, feeling more comfortable each time she visited.
"You're late, Honoka," Nozomi said from her spot on the sofa as soon as Honoka walked into the living room. "You're usually here before it gets this late. I thought that maybe you ditched us tonight."
"I know, I know." Honoka laughed, taking a seat in a chair near the sofa. She sank into the seat cushion with a sigh. "I had a harder time getting away from Kotori and Umi today. They were being even more serious about it then they usually are."
Eli sat down next to Nozomi, gently leaning into her. "Well, have you ever thought that maybe they don't like it when you try and force them to spend time together."
Honoka let her shoulders go slack. This was a conversation that was already worn to death, and it was never a topic she looked forward to. Always coming up during these weekend get togethers since it all started months ago. The scary part was never the topic of her childhood friend's relationship, but how it would often veer too close to feelings that Honoka never wanted to surface around Nozomi and Eli.
"But they're dating now." Honoka righted herself in the chair, voice a few notches higher. "All I'm trying to do is let them have some time alone together. I actually think I'm being pretty considerate of them, don't you?"
It was nothing but the honest truth. As much as Kotori and Umi pestered her about making sure their friendship didn't change, she didn't want them to feel like they had to force anything. What couple wouldn't want to spend a Friday night alone together? Plus, Honoka knew that no matter what happened, their friendship would never change. The idea itself never worth considering.
"Not if they don't want you to leave them alone," Nozomi answered. "We've had this talk a few times already, but you know they probably don't want it to feel like your friendship is any different from before."
"Nozomi's right, Honoka." Eli stared across at Honoka. "They feel like they're changing your friendship, and want to make sure that you know that it won't.
"Plus, it's Umi were talking about here," Nozomi cut in. "You know how formal she can get with stuff like this. I'll bet she tries really hard not to be affectionate with Kotori when you're around"
"Yeah, I know. You should see her when Kotori tries to hold her hand when it's just the three of us, it's pretty funny." Honoka took in a deep breath, letting out through her nose. "But I want to make sure that they can actually do relationship stuff together, and not feel like I need to be around all the time. What couple wouldn't want to spend their Friday nights together?"
Nozomi laughed, a raw and natural laugh that wasn't all too common. Eli even allowed herself a few small giggles.
"That's funny coming from you of all people," Nozomi said
"What's that supposed to mean?" Honoka asked, tilting her head to the side.
"You mean you can't see it?" Nozomi asked, Honoka kept up the same blank look. "You do know that it is a Friday night, and Elicchi and I are dating, but you're still here anyway. In fact, you've been here every Friday since Kotori and Umi started dating, haven't you?"
It wasn't that Honoka wasn't aware of any of that, but when Nozomi spelled it out like that, it all felt more real. Almost like she might have ended up becoming a nuisance. She kept quiet, knowing deep down that it was Nozomi's teasing, but it still hit her harder than anticipated. Hopefully, the questioning wouldn't dig all too deep on her motives.
"Nozomi!" Eli nudged Nozomi's side, her smile dropping. "Quit teasing her."
"I didn't even think about that." Honoka's voice was small, lulling its way back into the conversation. Her eyes focused down on her knees. "If I'm getting in the way you could tell me. I can be a little slow about stuff like this sometimes, so it's best if you're honest with me. I don't mind."
"See what you did," Eli said toward Nozomi, who took on a more serious expression. "Nozomi was kidding, Honoka. If we thought you were getting in the way of anything, we would have told you a long time ago. Both of us really do like having you around."
"Elicchi is right, and I'm sorry." Nozomi's voice lost its playful tone, replaced by some of her trademark comfort. "I do like it when you visit. It's nice having more people over, especially you, and I don't think we would ever grow tired of having you spend time with us. I just wanted to tease you a little bit."
"Thanks you two," Honoka said, looking back up. "It's nice having somewhere to go like this, and I like spending time with you two. Something about it feels so cozy when I'm with you guys."
Honoka stopped herself from continuing. Forcing down any further gushing in hopes that she hadn't let out any more than necessary. The prying eyes bearing down on her made it seem she had given away too much.
"We both feel the same way," Eli said, allowing herself a warm smile.
"Something about having you around feels natural, you know?" Nozomi added.
A beat of silence went by. Honoka was doing anything she could to fight off the intrusive blush on her cheeks. It would be too obvious now, but such sweet words couldn't be ignored. The red on her cheeks crept up, and wouldn't leave.
Honoka always did have a hard time not wearing her feelings on her sleeve.
"You know, now that I think about it." Nozomi leaned forward with a small glimmer in her eye, nudging Eli off her shoulder. "What is it that you like about us so much, Honoka?"
Another gap filled with silence. Honoka's hands fidgeted in her lap, of course, Nozomi had picked up on something. It would have been strange if she hadn't. Honoka couldn't find it in herself to open up with the truth. Thinking that it couldn't lead to anything productive. Bury and forget, it's what she had always told herself.
"Do you really think now is the best time for this, Nozomi?" Eli asked, her voice hushed and filled with worry. "It doesn't look like Honoka's all that comfortable right now."
"We were going to have to ask her at some point," Nozomi answered. "I know now might not the best time, but I feel like we need to ask."
"You're right." Eli sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I wish we could have prepared for this a little better."
Honoka sat and listened. It sounded like they knew something she didn't, feeling like an outsider to a conversation she was involved in. There was unease in the bottom of her stomach. Had they figured it out after all this time? That scared her more than anything, the urge to leave and hide was taking over.
Honoka stood up, the tension in the air spurring on her decision to leave. "I think I should start heading home now." Her words were curt and wholly unnatural.
"Wait a minute." Eli stood up, stopping Honoka with a hand on her shoulder and placating smile. "You can't leave now. We have some things we want to talk about with you."
Honoka forced a smile, her heart began thumping away in her chest. "It's getting pretty late. Wouldn't want to worry Yukiho or my parents, right? I think I do enough of that as it is."
"Why don't you come and sit down. It won't take that long, I promise. If it does, I'll explain it to your family myself," Nozomi said with a sincere grin. She scooted over to the end of the sofa and patted the open cushion next to her.
"It'll be fine Honoka," Eli whispered, giving a squeeze to Honoka's shoulder. "It's just going to be a small talk."
Looking between Eli and Nozomi, Honoka couldn't find it in herself to run away. She let Eli guide her to her spot between the two of them. Fearful of her true feelings being discovered, but she would relish in her new spot in the middle of the two people she came to love. It was a little comfort in an internal sea of doubt.
"What did you guys want to talk about?" Honoka kept her eyes down, again rubbing her hands together.
"You see, Honoka," Eli started, voice gentle and clear. "Nozomi and I have been thinking about some things recently. Things that involve you."
"What kinds of things?" Honoka asked.
"We've been wondering why it is that you only spend time with us?" Nozomi asked with the same comfort and care as Eli. "We love having you around, of course, but we've noticed that it's only us that you spend time like this with. You never go to any of the first years or Nico when you try and set up Kotori and Umi. It's always Elicchi and I. Is there a reason for that?"
Honoka crossed her arms, rubbing her hands up to her shoulders. "It's because I like it here the most, I guess."
"We figured that much out." Eli put a hand on Honoka's back, rubbing calming circles. "But is that the only reason?"
Honoka went stiff, her hands freezing. Sweat threatened to fall from her forehead at any moment. She couldn't find the proper wording to change the subject.
"This might not be very easy to answer Honoka." Nozomi put a hand on Honoka's shoulder, offering whatever care she could. "Do you happen to have feelings for one of us?"
The urge to run was Honoka's initial reaction, but her legs felt like lead weights. There were tears budding in the corner of her eye. She wasn't sure whether they were from the overwhelming fear, or if the sadness of an unrequited love had finally caught up to her.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Honoka could only deflect now.
"It's fine if you do," Eli said, still rubbing at Honoka's back. "You can tell us. We won't get mad, and it won't change any of our relationships."
"We already talked about this before you came over today. So you don't have to worry about holding anything back." Nozomi gave another gentle press. "Everything will be fine if you want to tell us."
She couldn't hide anymore, Honoka knew that. With Eli's hand traveling up and down her back, and Nozomi's offering a gentle touch to her shoulder, Honoka felt some ease. The fear was still there, and the bubbling in the pit of her stomach never left, but these were the two people she loved. If she couldn't be open and honest now, could she even continue to tell herself that?
"You'll think it's weird," Honoka mumbled.
"We won't," they said in unison.
"It's not one of you." Honoka felt the hands on her body freeze. "It's both of you."
"You mean you like both of us?" Eli asked.
Honoka nodded and waited. Hoping that it was going to turn out like they said, and they could go back to the friendship they had.
Nozomi let out a small giggle. "That actually makes this a lot easier than we thought."
The hope came back, and the tension dissipated. Honoka found it in herself to look between the two. "Wh-what does that mean?"
Eli started moving her hand again on Honoka's back. "When we said we talked about this before, we meant it."
"I figured that you loved one of us. I could tell by the way you acted, I just couldn't pin down who it was," Nozomi said, her own hand offering its reassuring pressure to Honoka's shoulder. "We thought of a bunch of different ways to keep the same friendship we had, even with your new feelings."
"What kind of things did you think of?" Honoka asked.
"Well, I wouldn't say that we thought of something," Nozomi continued with the same twinkle in her eye. "Elicchi and I realized that you weren't the only one with new feelings."
"What Nozomi means is that we feel the same way that you do."
It was surreal, hearing something that Honoka had long thought would never become a reality. The tears were now free flowing, not in sadness or fear, but in relief and joy. She sniffled and cried, not able to form a sentence.
"I do hope those are happy tears." Nozomi put a hand to Honoka's cheek, gently wiping away stray tears. "You should really stop.. I've always thought you looked cuter when you smile."
Honoka laughed heartily, even showing some teeth, but the tears wouldn't stop. "I never, ever, thought that you two would feel the same way as me."
"It was a little strange for me at first, too, when Nozomi brought the idea up. I couldn't believe it." Eli followed Nozomi's lead, helping to wipe the tears from Honoka's cheek. "But you know, I've always admired you, and when I thought about it, there wasn't any way I could picture my future without you and Nozomi both in it, and I hope it stays that way."
"I don't know what to say. I'm so happy right now," Honoka sniffled.
Eli pulled her hand away from Honoka's face and leaned into her. "You don't have to say anything."
Nozomi followed suit, smiling as she put her weight into Honoka. "Just know that we love you, just as much as you love us."