Hello.

I have been playing with this thought for quite some time and I needed peace to finish my other stories, so I decided to put it down. It is only a blabber for now, call it a one-shot if you want, but it is likely to be turned into a normal story whenever I have time.

Enjoy!

It's been over a century since I lost the center of my existence. Over a century I am barely able to make myself go through another day. If it wasn't for my family, I would be long gone. But because I cannot be happy, I decided to exist for them. Exist and not live. My life ended when I left Forks that night all those years ago. Even now I can't bring myself to think of her name. Jasper can't take it when we are yards apart and now he is sitting at my side.

I left the love of my life promising never to come back. But as selfish creature as I was, I returned a few months later ready to beg for her forgiveness. With my heart and mind falling apart I realized she was nowhere around. Not at school, not in the shop or library, not at home. I even checked the border line but she wasn't there either. I was too much of a coward to ask Charlie and the only thing other people knew was that she was gone. Even Angela and Jessica didn't know where. I was desperate enough to go to Phoenix, but neither she nor her mother was there. It was as if they had disappeared.

Esme's pleas brought me back to my family. I promised to myself that I will exist on because this was what she wanted for me. Though I felt like burning from pain for years. I used to try convincing myself that this was for the best for her. She could live on and have a normal human life, grow up, marry, have children. A mere thought about somebody else by her side was excruciating, but this was her life… No matter what I kept repeating, my shattered heart craved for her scent, her warmth, her voice, her very being. Every time we came to live to a new place, I would run around and check. Maybe she was there. All I needed was to make sure she was safe and happy. At least I kept telling this to myself. But I wasn't lucky, not even once.

"Did you honestly expect her to wait for you for eternity?!" Rosalie always hit to the sorest point. But it was enough to make me understand how selfish I was. I had a family to look after.

A few decades after I stopped living, we came across a gal. She was attacked by a vampire and bitten beyond our help. I killed the creature and in her eyes became her savior. Carlisle offered her to join us. And since my guardian angel, if I ever had one, was gone for what seemed to be an eternity, she agreed.

Her name was Evelyn. "But please call me Eve." Her sickeningly sweet voice rings in my head whenever I remember that day. It took me forever to remember that name. Quite surprising, because she follows me everywhere and has a terrible crush on me. My family was so happy. They thought I had found somebody to love me and that with time I will bring myself to at least appreciate her. The only problem here was that I felt an incredible urge to roll my eyes every time she tried getting closer to me and I could not stand her by my side. Don't get me wrong, she was beautiful and when she wanted, she could be very friendly, helpful and compassionate. But she was just not my type. She was natural blonde, her hair as well as her mind. She hated reading and could barely stand classical music. Shopping was her favorite pastime activity. She was simply shallow to no ends. To make it even worse, she was all hugs and smiles with my family though truly she only wanted me, and even that was for fun and games. But Esme was certain we made a nice couple… Sometimes I was sure they saw her as a substitute for my true love, but they would never admit that. And she was amazing when it came to pretending. I had never seen anyone who could put their feelings and emotions just in a way they wanted and not how they actually felt. It always fooled Jasper. And Eve quickly realized she didn't have to say anything aloud to me, and that this would trick Alice into knowing nothing. I hate her, I truly do. But the rest of my family likes her, so I stay silent.

We were supposed to start a new school year in Alaska this time. And we did. But the poor excuse for existence slipped, again. And we had to leave after barely moving in. Jasper finally felt proud that he wasn't the weakest link anymore. And I was always the one who had to consult her. The others had mates and I was alone, so I guess it was only natural. Not that it helped…

"That's it. We are moving back to Forks." Rosalie stamped her foot like a spoilt child. But since she cared about no one except for herself, it was understandable. "I love the house, it is always foggy and we don't have to travel for miles to find food. Enough running. Let's go home." Carlisle wanted to postpone it for another decade or so for my sake, but I couldn't be so selfish and I agreed with my beautiful sister.

And here I am. Sitting in a school cafeteria during our lunch break. It is one of those very rare occasions when I felt grateful for Eve's closeness, because it made clear that I was not interested in dating any of the girls in this place. Not that it stopped them from fantasizing and forgetting their boyfriends… My other siblings were kissing their mates whenever they got a chance in order to send the message to the others.

I was sitting with my back to the rest of the student body, picking at my food when an almost familiar scent hit me.

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you think about it and if you liked it or not.