The buzz of downtown at night called me. Crowds of people herding themselves block after block under the bright neon lights. There wasn't one of them that weren't drunk on something if it was Beer, vodka, Tequila, love. All of them were guilty, everyone had their fix. Mine was this, the rush of party goers having a good time, the faint stench of cigarettes and the booming base of clubs and bars on the strip. This was Friday night. This is what I yearned for. Kay had always told me I was too much of a night child, 'it's a dangerous world out there' he would say. But to me the risk was worth it because the adrenalin rush coursing through my veins every Friday at midnight when I shimmied through my dog door and ran down the streets of the suburbs to the train station was what I lived for. Sneaking out into the unknown just to illegally hop a train down to the hub of the city, just to find a fire escape and climb it so I could look down at the flickering glow of my whole world. Sure, it was dangerous. Tip toeing through the maze of back ally's past drug addicts and their dealers, homeless people and the rats that accompany them, the garbage cans reeked but the air fifty feet off the ground smelled like paradise. It smelled like sweat, tears, cheap perfume, smoke and money. It was perfect, the trade of life all right under my nose. It was beautiful and terrible and real and I loved it.

"Indy?" Someone said my name. "Does your mother know where you are?"

I turned around towards the window and smiled. Ricky had become a fast friend over the past few months. I was grateful that he always let me use his fire escape as my throne. His curly head and pointed face were peaking through his kitchen window which was bleeding light into the hazy darkness. I could smell his mother's taco's on the stove, the television rambled in Spanish in the background and the spicy scent of Tabasco sauce singed my nose hairs.

"Do you honestly think my mom would be okay with her 'little girl' on a stranger's fire escape in the big city twenty minutes from home at two in the morning alone?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

Ricky laughed and joined me on the metal balcony. His long legs dangled next to mine. It was a warm June night and a few stars twinkled through the light pollution. No matter how long I sat here night after night the view never got old.

A grunt and anger whispers echoed off the brick walls from the ally below.

"Come on," Ricky grabbed my arm and hoisted me up. "We should probably get inside before we're witnesses of a murder." The two figures struggled on as I followed my friend into his point blank Mexican apartment.

Ricky laced his fingers through mine and pulled me past his mother, drooling asleep on the couch with some soccer game blaring in Spanish. The light causing shadows to dance in between the wrinkles etched on her face.

Ricky took me to his bedroom, a rectangle a little larger than a closet with an old stained mattress resting on the floor. The room smelled half like weed and half like cheap air freshener. Several lighters were scattered on a dirty carpet, one patch obviously cut and hiding something under it. A case of beer sat in the corner half empty, the rest of the cans crumpled up and tossed in the opposite corner.

I plopped down on the mattress, the springs poking into my butt. Ricky took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with one of the lighters from the floor.

"How old are you?" I wondered. Ricky took a very long drag before answering.

"Nineteen. And you?" His coco eyes bore into me as I answered. "Fifteen."

He chuckled. "Why is a little girl like you out here in a dangerous town like this every Friday night?"

"My mom's too strict. This is my only time to be myself." For some reason I wasn't afraid to answer Ricky. Something about that sly smile and gleaming brown eyes made me talk. I couldn't hold back.

He blew out another cloud of smoke, leaning in close to me and whispered "And what's being you?" But before I could even attempt to answer he leaned even closer and laid his smoky lips on mine. I grinned against the kiss. This is why I loved life; you never knew what would happen next.

I leaned into it, running my hands through his hair as he pushed my back against the bed. My nails softly dragged down his back while he crawled on top of me. He slickly put his cigarette in the ash tray on the floor and went back to touching me, his fingers searching under my shirt. They were cold on my bear skin but it felt surprisingly refreshing. His kisses went from sweet to patient quickly. Then moving from my lips to my neck, I gasped from the tingles radiating from his hands fell down to around his waist where he played with his jeans. At the moment I thought he was readjusting, until his pants were being thrown across the tiney room.

I could practically feel my eyes bug out of my head. What did Ricky expect to happen? I was perfectly down to make out but I was a virgin! I didn't want that for a long time. I was only fifteen and hardly knew this man.

"Ricky," I gasped. He had moved to my jeans, fiddling with the button until it snapped and enjoying the echo of the zipper as he dragged it down. I whimpered. "Ricky I don't want to." I reached down to stop him but quick as lightning his right arm pinned both of mine above my head as his left pried my jeans off me. He didn't even have them to my knees before he had begun on my panties. Still pinned, I screamed. He smashed his mouth into mine to shut me up. I fussed as he spread my legs with his knees.

I couldn't even comprehend what was happening. Rape. He stuck it in, hot tears spiked my eyes, and the pain was unimaginable. I tossed and turned, attempting to struggle my way out of his hold. But every time I shook his grasp became tighter. It didn't help that he was fucking me. Back and forth, driving me deeper and deeper into the mattress, as I cried.

"Stop." I sobbed. He covered my mouth with his sweaty hand.

I had to get out of here. I could see anything through the pain and tears. My heartbeat beat through my wrists. Thump-thump thump-thump.

This wasn't a bad dream this was really happening. I squirmed some more as Ricky grunted his filthy pleasure.

Just let it be over I thought to myself. Hot tears soaked my cheeks even as he slowed down to a stop. Sighing, he rolled off me.

I just cried. Lying next to me was a monster, someone who had hurt and betrayed me just to steal something I was saving for love.

I had to get out of here. That's all I could think. I had to get out. But how? Again adrenaline and my desperate, fearful heart pumped to life. I snatched the still smoldering cigarette and lunged it at Ricky's face. He screamed as it burned into his flesh and rolled away from me. I yanked my underwear and pants up, stumbling to the door.

"You bitch!" He shouted, yanking me back by my shirt. He picked me up by my collar, clicking out his switch blade and placing it at my neck. "I let you star gaze on my property for the last three months and ask for one thing in return. Then, you ungrateful little bitch, try and burn my face?"

He presses the knife deeper. I feel blood bubble against the blade. I'm going to die like this; at the hands of someone I thought was a friend. My sobs are silent compared to his enraged breaths.

Surprisingly he pulls the biting blade out of my skin and sets me on the ground. I choke on my tears, startled.

Ricky towers over me with his foot advantage. He curls a finger under my chin and lifts my eyes to his. That sly smile returns to his pointed face. He traces the knife along my face. "You rich folk need to realize what you have," He pushes the point into my cheek and drags the blade down slowly as he says his next words: "and to not take for granted the services of other people."

The pain buds in my face from the cut of the knife as he punches me square in the stomach. I doubled over, gasping. It felt as if a rock dropped in my guy, stretching it down to my feet.

"Appreciate what you have, Indy." He whispered, turning me around and corralling me back through his apartment and out his kitchen window to the fire escape. "And be grateful that I didn't kill you too bad, because if you tell anyone, I'll finish the job."

And with that Ricky turned on his heels and I watched his naked ass disappear back to his bedroom.

For a short time I sat there, not even believing myself. How could I have just been raped? Was I asking for it? Was this my fault? I wiped the blood streaming down my face. It probably didn't help. It most likely just smeared it more.

Before I could stop myself I snatched a cheap old cell phone off Ricky's counter and began climbing down the rickety old fire escape. Tears threatened to come again but I slapped myself. Pull yourself together, you'll get through this. You aren't weak you are strong so act like it. I dropped to the ground in the back ally with an echo. A few rats squeaked and ran at my presence. I flicked my jacket hood up and flipped open the cell phone.

I only knew one number by heart. He should be awake, I thought to myself as I dialed the number. Crossing my fingers the phone rang five times before Kay picked up.

I heard the chatter of happy laughing people and rap music in the background. "Shut up guys someone's calling me!" The music was turned down a little but the voices continued to talk. "Hello?"

"Kay?" I asked, I tried not to let the tears threatening me leak into my voice. "It's Indy."

"Indy! Hey, what's up? Where are you tonight?" Kay chuckled at his own joke.

"Don't worry about that, where are you?" I asked, walking slowly through the labyrinth of alley ways to the main street.

"I'm driving around with some friends. Are you okay? You're acting weird." He knew me too well. Kay had been my best friend for a long time, he knew everything about me. I told him everything. Of course he would notice something's up.

"Who are you with?" I ignored his question.

"Colt, Neil, Ramo and Grant. Why?"

"I need you guys to come pick me up." I broke free of the dark alleys, looking left and right before joining the thick crowds' party hopping. I stuck close to the walls, trying to blend in.

"Well where are you?" Kay asked again.

I glanced around. Lardge flashing neon lights blinked "Infinity" above me, a long line snaking out the front door guarded by a bulky man with a clip board and a rope. The music boomed out of the door every time it opened. Sweat, tears, cheap perfume, smoke and money invaded my nostrils but it didn't smell anything close to paradise anymore. In fact the city environment didn't seem perfect anymore either. They hyped crowds were acting like annoying children, the lights seemed dull and the rush of sneaking into the unknown had disappeared with my virginity. I choked on a sob before answering Kay.

"I'm on the Strip, in front of Infinity." I said.

"Oh, we're only two blocks from there. We'll be there in a few minutes. Colt, go to Infinity!" Kay told the driver as I snapped close the phone. I wiped more blood off with my sleeve and sat down on the curb. Most of it was dry but it was still flowing. I was glad the pain in my stomach had vanished. But as I waited for my friends the traumatic experience set in and my throat began to seal shut as I let out a sob. Tears cut through the blood on my face and I whimpered. No longer mesmerized by the brilliant lights of my world, but now falling into the terrible facts of my reality.

Colt honked the horn as he pulled up. Ramo smiled at me from the passenger seat while Neil and Grant waved at me. Kay got out of the car. "One second guys." He said to his friends. I got to my feet to get in the car but Kay stopped me.

"What happened?" He asked.

I gulped, remembering Ricky's threat. Yet, I always told Kay everything. I trusted him with my life. He was my best friend how could I not tell him? The argument inside of me exploded in a fit of fireworks and I broke out in tears.

Kay wrapped his arms around me in an embrace and I had never been more grateful. I never knew what it was about Kay but his voice, his smell, his face, his texts, his hugs or even just thinking about him made me feel better.

I buried my face in his neck and let the tears tear through my eyes. My throat had sobbed itself raw and as I cried I rattled with pain. I sucked in a deep breath of Kay's cologne. He pulled away and looked into my eyes.

He was my height, very tan for Asian with three inch tall gelled hair. He lowered my hood, examining the cut on my face and the scratch on my neck. I could see the anger set in his jaw as he attempted to wipe blood and tears from my face with his hand.

"Indy," It was clear that he was trying very hard to stay calm. "What the hell happened?"

This is Kay, I could tell him anything, I thought to myself. And right as I was about to talk, Colt honked the horn. Neil peaked his head out of the window.

"Indy, are you okay? Why do you have blood on your face?"

"Come on." Kay laced his fingers through mine and we squeezed into the back seat. Before Kay had even closed the door behind him I was bombarded by questions. Next to me, Neil lifted his hand to the dried blood on my face.

"What happened, Indy?" He asked again, clearly worried. I shied away form his touch. Neil was one of my best friend but I could see the danger in his angry brown eyes. If I told him what had just happened to me he would punch a hole through the car roof.

I smiled politely and laced my fingers through his. I place both their hands in my lap and crossed my legs. "Don't worry about it."

"Indy how the hell are we supposed to not worry about it?" Neil squeezed my hand. "You're fucking covered in blood!"

"Well at least it's mine right?" I said.

"That makes it worse." Kay answered. "We wouldn't judge you if you had murdered someone as long as the reason was logical."

I looked up from my lap. Ramo's bulky body was twisted around to get a look at me. He was so talk his spiky black hair almost grazed the roof of the car. His olive skinned round face was a mix of confusion and worry. Colt's blue eyes studied me through the rearview mirror as he drove us down the freeway. He spent more time fixing his perfect blonde hair in the mirror than he did watching the road. The look on his face was closer to disgust then worry. Grant looked at me, taken aback, from the other side of Neil, his pale skin translucent, wide green eyes not knowing where to look. His brown hair was just as messy as Neil's who had neglected to fix it from stunned concern.

Ramo and I had become friends through Kay. He was like a teddy bear, but did I want him knowing what had just happened?

Grant I had had a secret crush on sense I'd met him. We weren't exactly friends but we talked sometimes. I didn't want him knowing what I had just gone through though.

Colt I defiantly didn't trust. He for some reason thought I was a lesbian and had told Jesse that I'm "weird." He was too perfect, too normal, and too plastic. He was the Barbie doll version of a teenage boy, not real, but living in real life.

Neil, I trusted, but maybe not with this. Yet, he had proved himself trust worthy but how would he handle the information? Knowing Neil, he would want to murder Ricky. I could let that happen. Because Neil would look out for Ricky and beat him to almost death. Neil would be in trouble with the law yet again and then Ricky and his buddies would know I had snitched.

But Kay? He would be worse. He wouldn't just threaten to kill Ricky. He would hunt him down and torture him before murdering him brutally. He wouldn't care about the consequences. He would think it was his duty as my best friend. But how could I not tell Kay? I told him everything and he wouldn't stop asking till I did.

But would he believe me? I wasn't even sure I believed myself. What if he thought it was my fault somehow?

And at that moment I couldn't stop myself as a sob broke through my lips and my body shook with tears. Kay wrapped his arms around me as I fell into his chest. Neil scratched my back softly.

"Indy, please tell us?" Kay pleaded. I just shook my head, burrowing my face deeper into his chest.

"Where are we going?" I heard Colt ask from the drivers seat.

"You, Ramo and Grant are going home." Kay commanded.

"I can't, I told my mom I was sleeping at your house." Grant said.

"We'll all go to my house." Cold said, turning on the blinker and gravitating towards the next exit off the freeway.

It was silent as I drained my eyes into Kay's favorite shirt. His smell calmed me but the tears refused to stop flowing.

As Colt pulled up infront of his house Kay whispered in my ear. "We have to move." I had forgot that the back door on the right side of Kay's car had been jammed for over a month now.

We all filed out of the car. Kay never let go of me, his arm was glued around my waist. I rubbed my eyes and sniffed.

Ramo enveloped me in a bear hug. "Hang in there." He said. He was like a big cuddle monster, one of the sweetest guys I'd ever met. After Ramo pulled away Grant embraced me too. If I wasn't drowning in my own thought the butterflies in my stomach would have done back flips. I smiled politely when he pulled away. He smiled at me too.

As the three of them made their way to Colt's front door colt waved. "See ya." He said. Did he actually just treat me like a real human being?

"Want me to drive?" Neil asked.

Kay nodded and helped me into the back seat. "Drive to my house." He told Neil.

My butt hadn't even touched the cloth of the seat when Kay rushed in with questioning me. "What happened? How did it happen? And who the hell did it?"

I gulped while Neil pulled the car out of Colt's driveway.

"You would never believe me." I said, not knowing what to do, stalling so I could think. Should I tell them? Yes. Could I tell them? No.

"Tell me. Then I'll decide if I believe you or not." Kay said.

I looked him in the eye. He had that glint in his chocolate irises, that same glint that always led to him saying 'I have a plan' then shamelessly flirting with some girl until we got a free ride. That same glint shone when he was talking about something he loved or when he was desperately trying to figure something out. I had always thought that glint was 'adorable.' I had always made fun of him for it, but now that it was staring me in the eyes, studying me, trying to read me like a book I could see it wasn't something to laugh at. It was strong determination bottled p in a loyal sixteen year old Asian boy.

"I can't…" I choked.

He squeezed my hand tighter. "Why not?"

"He said he'd kill me." I whispered.

"Who?" Kay sat up straighter. "Who said they'd kill you?"

I had to tell him, I had to. "Promise me you won't do anything. Both of you." I turned to Neil too.

"I'll try my best." Neil said.

"Maybe." Kay answered.

Good enough?

"Ricky."

"That guy that lets you use his fires escapes?" Kay wondered.

I nodded.

"Well why does he want to kill you?" Neil asked.

A glob of hot saltwater cascaded down my cheek. My raw throat sealed closed as I struggled to free my words, or to even think of something to say. All I could remember was the pain, the stench of cigarette's and the grunts as the sharp springs of the cheap mattress dug into my back. Squeak squeak, back and forth, pain erupting form in between my hips.

Kay's thumb swiped away the tears multiplying in my eyes. "Indy, tell me what Ricky did. What happened?" He asked.

"He…" My voice fought against me. But no, I had to tell Kay. If I didn't it would eat me from the inside. "He…" and then in a rush everything came out in one huge desperate breath. "He forcefully took my virginity. He raped me then cut me and told me not to tell anyone or he'd kill me!"

Neil almost ran into a trash can.

"What?!" Kay screamed. "He did WHAT!?"

"He raped me…" I whispered, opening the gate for a whole new rush of tears. I tried to sniff them back in to no avail.

"Neil, turn the car around. I'm gonna fucking kill him!" Kay raged.

"I'll help!" Neil agreed as he spun the car around with a screech.

"No!" I pleaded. This was exactly what I was afraid of! I didn't want the two most important people in my whole world getting hurt, or in trouble with the law even more then they already were. "Don't! Please don't. He'll know I snitched. He'll kill me! His buddies will kill you guys too and if you do kill Ricky the law will be after you."

"We're already in trouble with the law enough you know that, and him and his buddies won't be able to kill us if we kill him first without a trace." Kay summed up, his brow creased like a valley on his face.

"I don't want to drag you guys into this." I said.

"Indy, you dragged us into this when you became our friend a long time ago." Kay assured me. "Your shit is our shit. We're here to help."

"Then help me by staying out of it. Help by letting me get some rest." I told Kay.

He stared deep into my eyes for a long time. I could see the angry determination set on his face. He was itching to spill Ricky's blood worse than Ricky had spilt mine. Way wore, fatally worse.

"Fine," The word hissed out of his mouth. "Let's go to my house."

Everyone was silent for the rest of the ride. As we pulled into Kay's driveway and Neil flicked off the headlights I flipped up my hood once more and Kay laced his fingers through mine again. He led Neil and I to his side door.

"I'm gonna have to sneak you down to my basement." Kay said. "Neil, you can just distract my sister. I'm gonna go to the bathroom why Indy slips downstairs."

The plan was effective, and before the boys had even come downstairs I had escaped into dreamland, trying desperately to sleep away my problems.