So, after staying up way too late and drinking a lot of mountain dew, this idea came to me in a haze of caffeine-induced delirium. You can say what you want, but me? I blame the mountain dew.
I don't own Left for Dead. Or do I? *Wink wink nudge nudge*
…no, I don't
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The four suriviors were desperately fighting for their lives. Zoey, Francis, Bill, and Louis were trapped at the top of a light house, for some reason.
"Why are we even here!" shouted Zoey
"I told you, there were cookies here!" shouted Francis back.
"Great, you got your goddamn cookies, now we're all going to die!" yelled Louis.
"What am I supposed to be doing again?" asked old grandpa Bill, very confoosed.
"For the last time, shooting zombies!" yelled Zoey.
"And why am I shooting zombies again?"
"Because, the zombies are trying to wipe out mankind, and it's your job to blow their goddamned heads off!"
"…"
"Who are you?" asked Grandpa Bill again.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Zoey.
The hordes of infected just kept cum-er, coming. Several hunters and smokers were mixed in among the hundreds of common infected. Already, trickles of zombies were climbing to the top of the lighthouse. Turning around, Francis blasted off a zombie's head with an auto-shotgun.
"Merry Christmas" he said, making his best bad-ass pose. Louis slowly turned to him.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" he demanded.
"I'm just…practicing my bad-ass one liners, ya know…in case anyone ever watches this" explained Francis.
"That's just stupid Francis! No one will ever see this, let alone have a video game of this, where up to four people can play each one of us, and mow down hordes of infected!" exclaimed Zoey.
"Um…I get the "no one will ever see this" part, but why would you think someone would make a video game out of this?" asked Louis.
"I…don't…know" said Zoey, very confoosed.
"I'm hungry, can we go to Country Kitchen Buffet?" asked Grandpa Bill.
"NO!" shouted Zoey
Turning slightly to the left, Zoey shot a zombie in the head, point-blank range.
"Oh, hellz yeah!" shouted Zoey, pumping her fists in the air.
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Louis, "WHAT DID YOU DO, ZOEY!"
"What!?"
"YOU KILLED CURLY!"
"Who!?"
"CURLY! OF THE THREE STOOGES! DON'T YOU EVER WATCH OLD T.V.!?"
"When?"
"JUST NOW!"
"Where?"
"RIGHT OVER THERE!" yelled Louis, pointing to the dead infected body of Curly.
'Why?" asked Grandpa Bill randomly.
"SHUTTUP GRNADPA BILL!" everyone shouted in unison.
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While the survivors were busy arguing, even moar infected showed up. Pretty much the entire infected population of the U.S. had showed up at the one, lonely lighthouse. Pretty believable, huh?
The survivors were determined to go down fighting, but they knew they were doomed. Firing uselessly at the huge hoard all around them, and as 24 tanks scaled the lighthouse, they calmly waited for death.
Suddenly, a huge force blasted through the ranks of the undead, scattering them! And through the carnage, ran a lone figure. The lone figure was…
"OMFG! CHUCK, FUCKING, NORRIS!" the four survivors shouted.
"That's right, bitches! If you thought Chuck Norris was gonna sit the zombie apocalypse out, you were wrong!"
"YAY! WEAR SAVED!"
With a single roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris vaporized half the common infected in the area. The other half were roundhouse kicked so hard, they were transported back in time, where they were roundhouse kicked again by the past Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris pointed his index finger at one of the tanks, making a gun sign, and said "Bang". The tank's head exploded, and his lifeless body collapsed to the ground. Then, Chuck Norris ran up to one of the tanks, and pointed his chin at his crotch. Before the tank could figure out what he was doing, the fist under Chuck Norris' beard hit it in the crotch, killing it instantly.
A hunter jumped at Chuck Norris, the crazy mofo thought he could actually surprise Chuck! Chuck was expecting it, and when the hunter jumped, he stepped to the side, and grabbed the hunter's ankles. He swung the hunter back around and sent him flying through the air. In the air, the hunter randomly caught fire and exploded.
Chuck then picked up a tank in both hands, and beat all the other tanks to death with them.
All that were left were the smokers, who were too busy looking at the mass genocide of all their zombie brethren to make a move. Turns out they waited too long. Chuck Norris whipped out his nun chucks, and went kung-fu on their asses. Chopping one smoker in half, he wrapped his nun chucks around another ones throat, choking it. At the same time, he kicked another smoker in the balls.
After Chuck Norris was done with all the zombies, he had sex with zoey, ate 3 72oz steaks, and threw a small child into the sun. Needless to say, it was the best day in the 4 survivor's lives.
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Well, hoped you liked it! If not, I don't really care. I just needed to get this idea out there, before it disappeared.
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