It seems to be a weekend for writing!
This one is set during the Fullbring arc (as this is where I am up to in the anime) and focuses on how Ichigo struggles to cope with the loss of his power. Loosely inspired by Ella Henderson's "Ghost", and of course, is IchiRuki.
Thanks for reading, and if you have time, I have another new story "Push" which was uploaded earlier today!
Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, Ichigo would have had his way with Rukia many, many times already.
It's been seventeen months since he gave up his power.
Seventeen months since he lost all contact with a world he didn't even know existed until a few short years ago.
He misses it.
He has no regrets, he chose this powerless life over losing them all, but he never could have imagined just how much it would hurt. He never envisioned that he would miss everything.
He misses the flood of power through his veins, the feel of Zangetsu in his hands and at his back, the steady pulsing of their combined strength in his heart.
He misses helping direct lost souls, misses fighting, protecting those who can't defend themselves.
He misses his friends. He misses his family. He misses his job, his life.
He longs for her.
Her essence keeps him awake until the early hours of every morning, until pure exhaustion sends him in to a broken sleep riddled with memories of her. He wakes to the sound of her voice, to her scent, to her touch on his shoulder. He wonders sometimes if she really is there, watching and waiting for him to see her again.
He tries so damn hard to ignore it all.
When his friends ask if he misses her, he scoffs, acts unaffected. He's lying to them all, and he knows that they know he is too, but he can't bring himself to stop hiding behind false truths.
Every afternoon, he finds himself at the river.
Every blade of grass, every drop of water is permeated with her being, and he indulges himself, spending infinite time stretched out on the riverbank where they've spent so much time, staring out across the water and fingering the combat pass he never would have gained had it not been for her.
Sometimes it helps, sometimes he feels minutely better for being there. Sometimes, it's like no matter how much he tries to convince himself otherwise, it makes everything hurt all the more.
One day, he throws the pass into the river.
He regrets it immediately.
It's the only thing connecting him to his old life, and it's gone.
Then comes Ginjo.
He is introduced to the new and somewhat bizarre concept of Fullbring, and struggles to figure out just how he is meant to fit in with X-cution. It's not until his combat pass is inexplicably returned to him, and with it some of the power he thought he had lost for good that he begins to trust them.
His growth is slow to begin with, the Fullbring's pressure is similar yet completely different to his shinigami powers, and he finds himself comparing it to Zangetsu's power time and time again. It takes countless hours of fighting and training to even begin to understand how to channel and condense his new strength, and he struggles to account for its differences in his fighting style. Hope begins to flare in the back of his mind when he finally attains his complete Fullbring, as he finds his purpose again, realises he can protect again.
And then confusion sets in.
Everyone he has ever trusted turns against him, and he is alone and cornered, struggling to comprehend why everything he does is so wrong. Tsukishima is an enemy, of that he is sure, so why is everyone defending him? Who can he trust?
He hasn't felt this confused and torn since his hollow first took over his body.
He wishes Rukia were here.
It takes Ishida of all people to right his world, help him realise that the person he should have been fighting all along is the one who has been fighting alongside him all this time
Ginjo.
He barely has a moment to register the truth before cold steel is thrust through his chest, piercing his heart and sending blood into his lungs. He can't breathe for pain, and his heart thuds against the cold steel of the blade, his vision blurring with each protest.
There's pure malice in his former allies eyes, a glint of greed and contempt flashing across his face as the blade twists, and his power pulses against the intrusion, before the strength that he has craved for almost two years, that he almost killed himself trying to get, is ripped away from him.
He breaks.
His inner world is flooded, murky and cold and constricting. Despair wraps around his body in the form of thick chains, and he's dragged down into the depths of pain and sorrow and suffering.
He remembers.
The feel of her hands on his as she thrusts Sode no Shirayuki into his chest, the coolness of her reiatsu flooding his veins as he robs her of all of her power. Fighting against Renji, Kenpachi, Byakuya, for her. Protecting, defending.
He wants to be strong again. For his mother, his friends, his sisters, his father.
For Rukia.
He wants his power back. He needs his power back.
Ginjo laughs in his face.
He screams his enemy's name as the bastard turns away, and barely has the chance to give chase before he's impaled by a glowing sword.
Betrayal clogs his throat, and his head spins violently as he registers that he has been, quite literally, stabbed in the back.
But for someone that has just tried to kill his own son, and been branded a traitor, Kurosaki Isshin looks remarkably unperturbed. It takes Ichigo only a second to realise that his misplaced distrust of his own father and Urahara is entirely Ginjo's handiwork, and his father isn't the one holding the sword.
Heat rushes through him as he turns his head further, eyes widening as a feminine figure slowly materialises in front of him.
She's here.
Hope floods through his body, and a small spark ignites in his gut as he takes her in, standing tall (well, as tall as she can) and proud at his back, hands steady on the sheath of the sword and the corners of her mouth lifting as she meets his eyes.
She's back.
Everything moves at warp speed, and he's locked in battle with the man he thought he could trust, trading blow for blow and trying to sift through the mess that is his mind as Ginjo taunts him.
He needs to stop this, he needs to be stronger.
And suddenly, it's there. He can feel it. Zangetsu's power is racing through his body, expanding and billowing around him with every breath. It pulses in time with his heartbeat, pounding against his rib cage, burning his skin with an intensity that is familiar and friendly and feels like home.
It's like it never disappeared.
His breath rattles in his throat as he gathers his power around him like a cloak, and he feels Zangetsu's steady presence at his back as he compresses their strength and thrusts it into his blade.
This is it, this is right.
He can protect again.
"Ban-kai!"
She meets him on the river bank the following evening, after he has had a chance to reconcile with his family and friends, and joins him on the soft grass. They sit in silence for what seems like an age, staring out across the water at the sinking sun. He's sore and stiff and absolutely drained, but her presence seems to somehow take all of that away.
It feels good to be close to her again.
Slim fingers link with his as the sun disappears, and he turns to face her, taking in every line of her silhouetted against the darkening skies. Violet meets amber, and she raises an eyebrow in silent questioning.
He barely inclines his head an inch, and she returns the gesture, shuffling closer and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Stay."
It's a question and a plea and a demand all at once, and she smiles, gripping his chin and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"I never really left, Ichigo."
Well, I hope this was okay! Its been a while since I wrote something on the more depressing end of the spectrum! Please review and let me know what you thought! And don't forget to check out "Push"!
cricketchick1990