Hello!
This is my first fanfic in the Bleach fandom, so I'm not too confident, but this idea has been rolling around in my head for a while now and was proving to be very distracting, so I decided to write it down.
For those who dislike extreme angst…I don't know if my fic would classify into that category, like extreme-extreme, but I do know that it is angsty, so there.
For the rest of you, who don't mind this type of thing, I hope you enjoy this and find it worth your time.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in here except for the maid.
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Coming back to you
I watched as Ukitake taichou and Byakuya nii-sama escorted you through the Senkai gate. I watched as you turned your head toward one last time then I watched as the gate closed, as it disappeared, as it separated you and me for eternity. Even if you were to die in your real world, you would not be able to find me. And I would not be able to find you. We are too far apart, too different in status. I would not expect you to try, after how much I've messed up your life.
Huh. Who was I kidding? Was it me? Was it you? I was a fool not to realise earlier, that a shinigami and a human were never meant to be. Yet, being the fool that I am, I fell for you, the only person I couldn't have. I fell for you hard. I wholeheartedly gave my heart to you and all my love to you. And you foolishly returned everything I gave, with your own affection and protection. Only for us to be torn apart by something we cannot change. It was my entire fault, you didn't know any better. But everything was perfect when we were together.
The last fleeting moments of genuine happiness were the times I spent with you. They were the highlights of my life. If I could promise you one last thing, it would be that I'd never forget you, that I'll always love you, and that you'll always be in my heart. And if I could tell you one last thing, it would be that meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me, and that I'm sorry for pulling you into this emotional mess. Sorry for falling in love with you, and returning your feelings, leading you on. Sorry for messing up your life. Sorry for everything I've done.
I just want you to know. I don't hate you, I don't feel bitter toward you, I don't detest you in any way. I don't feel angry that you left, just sad and confused, because I watched as they led you away. I don't know what you did, and I don't understand why, but I know that there was nothing I could do to keep you here. I don't comprehend why they told you to never come back, to leave, and forget everything about us, but I just want you to know. Even though I'll never see you again, I'll never feel you, hear you, or be able to show you how much I love you physically, my heart is with you, you've taken me with you, and I'll never love anyone else.
Because happiness is with you. Home is with you, and my safe haven is with you.
*****
I watched as the gate opened, and a Hell butterfly appeared to lead me out. I felt the hard grips of Ukitake taichou and Byakuya tighten around my arms, as they forced me to move forward. I turned my head around to look at you one last time, and then the door closed, dividing us, separating us, shutting you in. And shutting me out. I don't know what I'd do without you. I risked everything to save you, I love you. The best moments of my life were spent together. With you.
You resembled everything I held dear, you were my guiding light. I don't know how I fell for you. Heck, I don't even know when, but now, being separated from you like this is tearing my heart to shreds. Like a little demon inside me, taunting, and jeering. Picking up the broken pieces, putting it back together, and breaking it once again. Shredding it, ripping it, piercing it, cutting it, watching the lifeblood flow out of it. And cackling in glee.
You and I. Rukia and Ichigo. We're made for each other, like ying and yang. I know that we were always meant to be together, always meant to love and protect each other. But it seems like fate is in the way, and if it won't move, then I'll have-to move it myself. Even if you can't come to me, I'll come to you. Even if I risk everything. I don't care. I've done it once before, I'll do it once again. Even if I have-to die in this world to be with you in yours.
Soul society kicking me out. I fought for them, I won wars for them, I saved them many times, but then, they kick me out. They refuse to allow a substitute shinigami love a fully fledged one. Why? Because of a law which was recently uncovered, they told me. "Shinigami cannot associate with creature capable of hollowfication, unless they are on a mission which requires exterminating hollows for the greater good." They cannot allow a shinigami/hollow love a shinigami. They cannot break a traditional law. Yet, they've broken so many already, by allowing a substitute to fight for them, to win wars for them, to save them.
I know the captains tried to change his mind. Especially Ukitake-san. He was the one who told me I was not allowed to stay.
"Ichigo Kurosaki, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything to change the mind of my teacher. He would not listen to me. But since I'm here now, I want to take this chance to say that I, as well as many other captains and vice-captains are very grateful for your help. They have asked me to pass on a combined message."
He handed me a slip of paper.
Substitute Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo:
We, the captains and vice-captains of twelve of the Gotei 13 would like to thank you for your support and help in the past. We have tried to keep you access to the places and people within the walls of Seireitei, however Commander Yamamoto has decided to send you back to your world, and forbids us from ever contacting you again, unless we are in the direst of circumstances.
We have realised and accepted that you, even though you aren't dead in your world and therefore will not really be one of us until that happens, are just like us, Soul reapers who care and fight for what they believe and love, just with more…specialties.
We would like to say that we are greatly in your debt, for without your help, many of out comrades would have lost their lives. We thank you once again and wish you the best of luck in the future.
Until the next time we meet.
Yours sincerely;
2nd division: Soifong and Oomaeda,
3rd division: Kira
4th vision: Unohana and Kotetsu
5th division: Hinamori
6th division: Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji
7th division: Komamura and Iba
8th division: Shunsui and Ise Nanoe
9th division: Hisagi Shuuhei
10th division: Hitsugaya and Matsumoto
11th division: Kenpachi and Yachiru
12th division: Kurotsuki Mayuri and Nemu
13th division: Ukitake Jyuushiro
PS. Captain Kenpachi says to brush up on your fighting skills because he's going to challenge you when he sees you next. Vice-captain Abarai says to watch your mouth and quit acting like you've got a pole stuck up your backside.
PPS. Kuchiki Rukia wishes you the best of luck in your future, and 'whatever happens, I'll never forget you.'
That was the only reason why I did not go out kicking and screaming. It comforted my heart to know that there are people in Seireitei who appreciated me.
Rukia. I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, no matter what unfamiliar or familiar force pulls us apart, I'll always find a way to get back to you. Because wherever you are is wherever my happiness lies. Because you are my lifeblood, my home, and you are the one who's holding my heart.
*****
"Kurosaki Ichigo, a long term resident of Karakura town, was found dead in his bedroom on the morning of January 14. There was a small empty bottle which he clutched in his hand, and police think that it used to be filled with a quick acting poison which puts the user to death painlessly. The results of the autopsy results are still to be let out…."
Isshin drained the rest of the news report out as he closed his eyes and contemplated the sudden death of his son. He knew there was a motive behind it; Ichigo was not someone to just go and commit suicide just because he felt like it. In his hand, he held his son's last letter, which was addressed to himself, Yuzu and Karin. He hadn't opened it, fearing what would be written inside, but he felt that he really needed to know the reasons behind it. Fishing in his pocket, he withdrew a pocketknife, and with a flick, he neatly sliced open the top of the envelope. With shaky hands, he unfolded the paper and began reading.
Dad, Yuzu, Karin:
I'm sorry about what I'm going to do. I know this is going to hurt, but please, try to understand.
When you read this, I will most likely be gone from this world, so I'll explain everything from the very beginning.
You remember Rukia, right? Well, she's a shinigami, and so am I, but I'm a substitute and Rukia was fully fledged. Well, Dad should be able to explain the whole Soul Society thing, so I won't bother explaining all that.
Anyhow, you remember when I would spend long bits of time away from home? Saying I was on holiday? Well, I was actually in Soul Society, helping the Shinigami there. They were going through rough times, and they asked me to help.
Somehow, during that time, I fell in love. With Rukia. And somehow, she also fell in love with me. It was all going really well until the Top commander of Soul Society decided that I was not necessary anymore, and that I should have no further contact with anyone living there because there's a newly uncovered law that says that Soul Society has never before asked for help from a creature capable of hollowfication (again, dad should be able to explain.), and should never do so.
When their captain commander discovered this, he decided to kick me out, and send me back. But that doesn't explain why I'm doing this. You may think that even if I killed myself, I would still be able to communicate with my hollow self, so why bother doing this? Well, the second part of the law which Rukia told me even though she wasn't supposed to was that if you are a real and true shinigami, it over-rules that particular law. The only way to become a real shinigami is to be dead on this world.
That doesn't really explain everything though.
When they kicked me out, they also prevented me from contacting Rukia, or having any sort of communication with her. I was going to ask her to marry me, and stuff, but after they kicked me out, I had no chance…so that's why.
I'm so sorry guys, you're right up there in my heart, and you're three of the five most important people in my life,, but it's killing me that I can't see her, or comfort her, and I don't think I can keep going on like this. It's so painful. It's like there's something pulling and clawing at my heart, watching it fall apart, and laughing at it. Over and over again.
After I came home, I realised that my life would be horrible, because she's got my heart in her hands, and I'll never be able to love someone as much as I love her. This month has been torture for me, and it's not because of you, it's because of my heart. I can't, and wouldn't be able to move on, and even if I do get married in the end, I'll never be able to return the affection and love that is given to me because I've already pledged myself to anther.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know how self-centred and selfish this is. I know how much pain I've caused you, and it hurts me that this was the only way left, but please try to understand why. I understand if you feel bitter, I understand if you hate me, I understand if you don't want me as your brother, as your son, as a part of your family, but please, do not be sad when I go.
If you still, by some miracle, accept me, even after knowing all the flaws there are about me, come to mum's grave at nine o'clock on Friday night. I'll meet you there, and if you want, you can beat me up, do whatever you want, because I really want to explain.
I just want you to remember that I love you guys more than anything, yes, even you dad. I've grown to love your crazy ways of expressing affection, even if I don't show it. Yuzu, I've always loved your cooking better than anything I've had outside, and Karin, I've always loved the way you played soccer, and stood up for yourself and the people around you. You've always been the three most important people of my life since after mum died. Rukia's the fourth. Please, don't be sad when you think of me. You can be anything but sad. I don't want to cause you all pain; I've done that too much already. Please remember me as the scowling boy who hated to be teased and loved to play hero.
Thank-you for making these eighteen years the best, I love you all, and goodbye.
Your brother and son,
Kurosaki Ichigo
Folding up the pieces of paper, Isshin whipped his watering eyes with the back of his sleeve. Sliding the letter back into the envelope, he sat silent for a moment. He understood. He understood more than anything, because that's what he did for Masaki. Except it was the opposite way around.
"Karin, Yuzu!" He called. They came running. Yuzu still clutched a photo of her older brother, and Karin was holding one of Ichigo's pens. Silently, he handed them the envelope, and walked out of the living room. If he was going to Masaki's grave, then he would need some time to get ready.
*****
Red-rimmed violet eyes held a far-away look as they stared out the window. The sky is blue. The birds are singing. The roses are blooming. January 14th, that's been a month since Ichigo's been gone. It's my birthday today. She thought absentmindedly tracing the patterns of her yukata. But I don't want to do anything. All I want to do is sit here, and get lost in my own thoughts…
A sharp rap was heard at the door, which jolted her out of her wistful thinking. "Rukia-sama, it's time to get dressed. Kuchiki-sama wants you down in the foyer before the guests start arriving." The sweet voice of her maid servant called from outside. "Would you like me to help you get ready?" Rukia sighed. Of course her brother would want to throw a huge party. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his kindness; it was just that she wasn't in the mood for any type of festivity at all. "No thank-you Hana, I'll be down in a short while." After she heard to the footsteps of her maid leave, she slowly raised from her sitting position on the floor. She might as well show her thanks to her nii-sama.
*****
The party was suffocating her. As she walked through the crowds of nobility, she received many well wishes and congratulations. She could feel the animosity behind some well painted exteriors, while others held genuine happiness for her. She stopped next to her brother. "Byakuya nii-sama, I'm going out into the gardens for some fresh air. If you need me, please go there to find me." After receiving a nod of affirmation, she quietly headed toward the large doors which led to the garden. Finding a bench as far away as possible from the party, she settled herself down on it and enjoyed the peace that the garden brought her.
"Hey, Rukia, come here!"
He head whipped around as she heard a familiar hiss coming from the direction of the trees.
"Whose there? What do you want with me?" she called out.
"Rukia, it's me, just get over here, I'm trying to hide from the abnormally sharp and freaky brother of yours. Try to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible please."
Rukia gasped. No-one had the guts to talk about her brother like that. No-one but….Eyes widening, she slid through the shadows until she reached the place where the voice was coming from.
"Hey, look up."
She did. And when she saw who it was, she felt her heart breaking all over again. "I-I-Ichigo?" she whispered, as if not sure who it was. The man perched precautious in the tree grinned. "The one and only."
She shook her head. "But how? You're not supposed to be here, you're supposed to be at home! You'll die of you get caught here! Why did you come?
What about your family? And Orihime, Chad and Ishida?"
He lifted a hand, effectively stopping the stream of word which seemed to be rushing out all at once.
"Rukia, it's a long story, but I'm back and I'll be staying for good now. Old man Yama and I have sorted this whole thing out. I'm going to be assigned to a squad; he mentioned yours, and I'll be living somewhere close by."
She stared. She couldn't believe it. "You're staying?" He frowned. "Did you not want that?" She hurriedly nodded. "Yes, of course I did, but if you're staying for good, doesn't that mean that you're…?"
Catching on, he nodded. "Yeah. I'm dead." Seeing the disbelief in her eyes, he went on hurriedly to explain. "When I went back, I realised that I couldn't live without you, that my heart belonged to you. It was too hard, so I wrote a letter to my family, and explained everything. And then, I…took some poison, and when I died, I went straight to Yamamoto and fixed the whole thing up."
She could feel tears making her way down her face, and immediately, she felt his jump down and pull her into a hug. "I-I-Ichigo…" she sobbed, unable to contain herself as she gripped the front of his robes so tightly that he thought they were going to tear. "I-I thought that I'd never see you every again, and it hurt…so much, so much. I never thought that you'd come back to me. T-Thank-you. Thank-you." He smiled softly and patted her head. "No problem." He whispered.
*****
6 months later…
"Rukia-chan, thanks heaps for inviting me to you're wedding!" The bubbly voice of Orihime floated across the room as she helped Rukia with the wedding plans.
"Kurosaki, you sure you're making the right decision?" Ishida asked, after pushing up his glasses.
Ichigo scowled. "What do you mean 'are you sure you're making the right decision'? Of course I'm sure!"
Ishida smirked. "Well, I just thought. Considering your level of maturity, I wouldn't really know…"
"Oh yeah?! Well what about you, you retarded four-eyed Quincy!"
"Hey don't call me retarded! And I don't have four eyes! You're the idiot who's always rushing headlong into danger!"
And so on and so on….
On the other side of the room, Rukia and Orihime watched their respective men argue, and sighed. It would take a while to mould them into men who didn't get mad for the silliest of things. But still, they loved them for who they were. Not for whom they could be.
Rukia smiled as she remembered the cheesiest but most romantic line Ichigo had ever said to her, let alone to anyone else. Just last night, as they were watching the stars.
"Rukia," he had whispered, "You know why I came back?"
"Hmm? Why, Ichigo?"
"Because. My happiness is where you are. My home is where you are. My heart belongs to you. And coming back to you is what I always want to do"
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And that was the end of my first Bleach story!
I hope you liked it, I'm pretty sure Ichigo was a bit OC….and so was Rukia….
Tell me what you think in a review, I really like those.
I'm sorry if this comes across rude and probably arrogant, but, for those who like to favourite stuff, while I appreciate that immensely, a review would also be very welcome! ^.^
Thanks for taking the time to read it, and I hope you enjoyed yourself.
-- Bitter-Sweet Teardrops